The Girl Who Just Appeared

by Jonathan Harvey

  Smantha looking hurt.

  Sorry. She says all funny. I’m frowning looking this way that way. Staring at the wallpaper. Blowing out me cheeks like bubbles as if I heard nothing.

  You’ve got a big nose. Ma says. Smantha looks gobsmacked. She puts her can down on the table. More like she didn’t know what to do rather than thinking it was a good thing to do.

  Am sorry about that too, but it’s the only nose I’ve got so I can’t do much about it.

  You wanna watch it doesn’t get broken love with a gob on you like that.

  Am going. Smantha goes to the door. By Darren.

  You’ve left your coke love. Ma goes.

  Smantha looks back.

  Oh you can finish it for me. Love.

  And she walks back, picks up the can, then chucks it in Ma’s face.

  Cheeky little bitch!

  But Smantha’s already gone.

  I keep laughing all day about Ma covered in coke stains. Funny.

  And I’ve got a date with Woody. She kept going.

  Has Geoffrey changed his name? I go.

  Geoffrey’s a knob. Woody’s his mate. Proper.

  Then she goes into her room to get changed. For Woody. Ma’s a bitch. I’ve decided.

  Sometimes I wish she weren’t my Ma. Most times I wish she weren’t my Ma. I wish Richie’s Ma was. She’s funny. Giggling on about the gospel she have to proclaim. Makes me giggle.

  Don’t never feel lonely Darren my friend. You have a friend in Jesus.

  Just as well. Goes Ma. Coz you haven’t got any others.

  Today though she crying. Sat on bottom stair crying.

  What’s up Mrs Eustace?

  Police day say Richie had drugs in the house. He didn’t have no drugs in the house. I’da known if he had drugs in my house. He’s in trouble.

  But if they found them. I say.

  Den who put them there. Mm?

  Richie?

  No. Police.

  But. Why?

  Are you colour blind or something Darren?

  No.

  I don’t know what she means.

  There’s something wrong with Ma.

  She lies in bed all day and won’t earn. Tells me to piss off if I go near. She’s not eating. She’ll be sick if she carries on like this.

  Men knock at the door. Where is she?

  I go. She’s sick.

  They say shit.

  I go. You shouldn’t be coming round here.

  Having her here all the time makes it hard to have Lucy round.

  Margy called this morning.

  Where’s your Ma? She says. Why hasn’t she been out all week?

  Margy’s wearing a fair coat. Business must be picking up. I say it to her and laugh only she gives me daggers.

  Margy wanted to see Ma. I go to her room and call. Ma it’s Margy. Come to see you.

  Silence.

  About a minute late I call. Ma.

  Ma spoke. Let her in.

  Margy comes in like she owns the place. Walking like Ma n checking her face in the mirror. Brushes her fair coat then goes in to Ma.

  Eventchally Margy comes out.

  She sick? I go.

  Margy laughs. She’s not sick Darren. She’s pregnant. And by the looks of it she’s got pre natal depression.

  And Margy heads out.

  Not sure what I think about her having a baby. She says it’s his. Woody’s. I said what if it’s someone from the earning. She said she knows. I don’t wanna know. If she has another baby I’ll end up looking after it. She’ll go out earning and I’ll look after it like I look after Robbie. But Ma reckons all that is going to change because Woody wants her to have the baby and give up work and she is going to be something called a kept woman. As far as Ma is concerned this means she will go shopping all the time and meet friends for coffee and then have long baths and go to dinner dances.

  What’s a dinner dance? I go.

  It’s like a dinner. Only you dance as well. She goes.

  In fact, she reckons she’s already given up earning.

  This is gonna be a nightmare. She is never gonna be out now. She lounges round all day smoking and watching telly and listening to her records and putting face packs on and bossing me about saying she can’t do anything coz of the baby. Now don’t get me wrong, she is being half decent to me. But she also keeps going on about moving in with Woody in his big house near Runcorn Shopping City. Though she says dead quick it’s a nice bit by Runcorn Shopping City. Though I have never been to Runcorn Shopping City so fuck knows what Runcorn Shopping City’s like. Ma reckons it’s a magical place of space age shops. But she also admitted she’d not been since I was a toddler. I don’t remember her taking me. Must’ve been when I stayed with Nan.

  I wish Nan was still alive. She thought Ma was common.

  I was sitting in today doing nothing staying in my room when I heard the key go in the door. Ma was already in and I knew it wouldn’t be Rob coz he was at school. I freeze.

  I can tell it’s ____. I hear him raising his voice. I hear him calling Woody for everything. I hear him calling Ma for everything.

  I keep quiet case he realizes I’m here.

  Then I hear him hit something. Sounds like he has hit something against one of the big cushions on the couch. Then I hear the front door slam.

  I stay in my room.

  When I eventchally come out Ma’s in the bath with the radio on.

  Richie knocked today and said him and Lu were going Formby Beach with Smantha and did I wanna tag along. Beats sitting in with Ma moaning on so I jumped at the chance. Don’t usually like going to far from home but it was such a nice day I thought it’d be nice to go the beach and see the sea.

  On the train Smantha was dead quiet. I wondered what was wrong with her. She went the loo at one point and Lu said she was in a mood coz I hadn’t called her.

  I goes. Last time I seen her she threw a can of coke over me Ma.

  I know. Goes Lu. That’s why you should’ve called her.

  Felt a bit of an arlarse then.

  Smantha had sandwiches she’d made in a plastic bag and we went down the sand dunes and sat on the sand. There was a wedge of rock behind us that was red. Smantha starts going on about how it was called the Nicotene trail coz it’s where the old nicotine factry used to pump its waste. Richie said she was full of shit but Lu said they’d done it at school.

  Do you know why the Cazzy’s called the Cazzy? Goes Smantha.

  No. I goes.

  Short for the cast iron shore.

  Is it? Goes Richie.

  The sand on the sea front went red coz of all the iron in it from the rust from the ships n boats they scrapped on the front at the Dingle there.

  Smantha. The fountain of all knowledge. I goes. And she laugh.

  Darren. The more you know. The more you can do with your life.

  Don’t suppose there’s no arguing with that.

  Like. One day I wanna live a broad. She goes. A do. I’d really like to live in Osstralia.

  Why? I goes.

  The whether. The space.

  The kangaroos? I go and we all giggle.

  Lu ast Richie about getting arrested the other week. He swear blind he didn’t do nothing and he says its coz he is black. He says the bizzies just pick on black kids, young men mostly and just nick em for nothing. He says everyone’s had enough but I don’t know weather to believe him. There’s no smoke without fire. But then I think the only bizzie I know is ____ and he isn’t exactly Mr Nice Guy.

  It becomes clear that someone has told Smantha what Ma’s job is.

  She’s like. Darren your mum needs to be careful you know. Coz like prostitutes are in really vunrable positions with men.

  And she starts going on about the bloke in Sheffield or somewhere who has been nicked for nearly 20 women. Killing them. And how she has read in the papers that some of them were earning.

  I’m a bit embarrassed so change the subject.

  Lu says s
he wants to paddle in the water. So her and Smantha head off towards the water.

  Jew fancy Smantha? Asks Richie.

  I nod. Though I don’t know if I do.

  Only Darren lad I wanna do Lu while we’re here so give us some space man yeah?

  I nod.

  You can get nice and private in these dunes, know what am saying Darren lad?

  I nod.

  Tell you truth. He goes. I always thought you was a queg.

  I shake me head.

  When they come back from the sea they’ve got bear feet and have their shoes in their hands.

  I go to Smantha. Jew wanna go for a walk? She like shrugs. Lu practically dives into the dune with Richie as we walk away.

  We end up lying in a dune looking at the sky.

  Baby blue, Smantha says it is. In Osstralia the skies are terqoize.

  I think about that for a bit. Maybe skies are all different colours in all different places. Then she rolls on top of me and starts necking me. I neck her for a bit. Then she stops and giggles quietly.

  What you laughing at Smantha?

  You just make me laugh coz your so funny.

  Am not funny. Am not Russ Abbott.

  I didn’t mean funny like that.

  Jeez. Another one who thinks am weird.

  So I showed her I wasn’t.

  I didn’t enjoy it. But she did.

  Halfway through she goes. Get off at Edge Hill.

  Edge Hill’s the last train station before Lime Street.

  Rob come and sit on me bed today and watched telly in my room coz Ma has taken over the front room.

  After a while he goes. My Dad. His wife found out about me. She hit the roof.

  I have visions of his Dad’s wife getting the ladders out and going on the roof and hitting it. I laugh. Rob tuts. He thinks I’m skitting.

  Am not laughin at you.

  He looks at the telly again.

  It’s ok though. My Dad’s gonna see me in secret.

  Oh.

  Says nothings gonna stop him now.

  Oh. Right. You like your dad then.

  Yeah.

  Good.

  But Rob can tell I’m jellus. He leans over to me.

  Ah Darren don’t be like that. I know it’s dead arlarse on you but I cant help it can I.

  He looks back at the telly.

  I wish. He says.

  Then he shut up.

  What jew wish?

  Rob smiles at me like he smiles at Ma.

  I wish he was your Dad an all.

  Ah. Rob can be dead nice when he wants to be.

  When I went back to the living room its empty. Ma’s sat at the kitchen table drinking something brown. Bottle of whiskey on the side.

  A can’t keep goin on forever. She goes. Thirty five. Crows feet. Weather beaten skin. Out in all sorts. Varicoats veins. Hard skin. More pricks than Ker Plunk. I don’t wanna be like the old whores round here. Seventy years of age on the corner of Huskisson in the pouring rain. Hair scraped in a pineapple to take the skin up and ten years off em. Holes in their leggings. Stinking a bit pissy. Who wants an old whore Darren?

  Have you been drinking Ma?

  Ten years left in me. Fifteen. Twenty.

  How much you had?

  Some just wanna talk. Sit in the car. Tell you about their lives. Wife in an iron lung. Wife doesn’t understand. Can’t get a fucking wife. One likes me to sing. Remembers me from the clubs. Remembers me pregnant with you. Top of the bill. The Coconut Grove.

  Ma you shouldn’t be drinking coz of the baby.

  How the mighty have fallen. May as well fall down the hill. Into Cathedral gardens. Lie on a toom stone and let them get on with it. But the look in his eyes. Him in the car. Despising. All that promise. All that beauty. Where’s it gone? Even if it was only fleeting. Even if it was only smoke n mirrors.

  Not really heard her speak like this before. Maybe I shouldn’t worry coz she’s been nice to me. Anyway I say nothing but I go and put the whiskey back in the cubbard.

  What you doing with that?

  Ma it’s bad for the baby.

  Her eyes are like glass eyes.

  What baby? She goes.

  His baby. Woody’s baby.

  She gets up. She comes to me and opens the cubbard. Gets the bottle out and pours a large one.

  There is no baby.

  And she goes back to the table and sits down and takes a big swig.

  What happened Ma?

  But she doesn’t tell me. Instead she just goes. Not gonna want me now is he?

  And then suddenly she crying.

  I love him Darren. He was gonna change everything.

  And she don’t stop crying. And even though I hate her. And even though she’s usually so vile to me. And even though she’s so horrible to me and hates me so much I can’t help myself. I go and stand by her and put my arms round her and hug her.

  Oh Ma. I goes.

  And she sobs into my arm. And my arm feels warm where she berries her head in it. Ah I think. She is alive. She isn’t a reptile. And I think she’s never gone stop crying.

  I hate it. She goes.

  What jew hate? I goes.

  Everything. She goes. And sighs. An am gonna have to get back out there aren’t I?

  She wipes her eyes now. Not crying so much.

  Were you not pregnant then? Did Margy get it wrong?

  Oh I was pregnant. But I lost it.

  And she takes another swig of the drink. And it seems to warmer. And I know. Al probly lose her to the drink for the rest of the day. But for now she’s being all right. I suddenly get an urge to tell her something.

  Ma?

  What?

  You know ____?

  She nods.

  Well.

  But I can’t say it.

  She’s like. What Darren?

  And I’m like. He just sometimes comes round here. Snothing.

  She doesn’t look so sure. So I say it again.

  Snothing.

  He’s a nasty piece of work. She goes. Like I don’t know. He’s too powerful with us girls. The amount he earns off us.

  Jew have to sleep with him? I goes.

  She shakes her head. Thank fuck.

  Is he your pimp? I goes.

  She shakes her head. But if we don’t pay him. We get hassle from the bizzies. Bastard.

  Yeah. I go. Bastard.

  If only she knew how much.

  Ma’s back earning.

  She’d only been out a few hours when she come back.

  Its all kicking off out there. She goes. Bizzie nicked a black lad on Selborne Street and it’s all kicking off. I don’t like it. Don’t go out.

  We got no milk.

  I don’t care. Your not going out. Where’s Robert?

  Bed.

  All I can think of is it must be serious coz she said black lad and not some slag off word.

  Later on we hear Richie and his Ma screamin at each other. Doors banging. Mum stamps the floor and yells at them to pack it in.

  Didn’t call them black people then.

  All day we here the door going downstairs. People coming in and out of Richie’s flat.

  Was going on down there? I go.

  I dunno Darren. On account of the fact I can’t see through floorboards.

  All day long we hear slam slam slam.

  I don’t want either of yous going out. Ma goes. So we stay in. Suddenly there’s a knock at the door.

  Who is it? Goes Ma.

  Me. Goes Richie’s Ma. So she opens it. Richie’s Ma stands there and burs out crying.

  Am really worried bout Richie. She goes.

  Mum’s like. Your his mother. Mothers jobs to worry.

  Like all she does about us is worry. Rob looks at her like she has said the weirdest thing in the whole wide world. Like she has said the world is made entirely of cheese.

  And then Richie’s Ma throws herself at Ma and cries. Ma gides her in and sits her on the couch.

&nb
sp; Get her a whiskey Darren.

  So I do. And she has it. And she talks.

  Richie says there not taking any more shit. They stood up to the police and they saying enough is enough. The police they call for more of them. Reinforcements they come but the lads stoned them. Stoned them like something out of bible. Is gonna get worse today and tonight – they making petrol bombs.

  Ma dint like the sound of that. She looks to me an Rob.

  Yous two are staying in again.

  During Summertime Special Ma said she had to go out earning. She’d been gone five minutes when the bangin started. Me and Rob look at each other.

  I wanna go out. He goes.

  I wanna go out. I go. But we’ll have to leave it a bit case Mum sees.

  So we wait.

  She might come back. I go.

  She might. He agrees.

  And if we’re out? I go.

  Rob laughs. Was she gonna do? Stop being so nice to us?

  And that make us both laugh. Loads. So we think fuck it less just go.

  Come out of the terrace an look down Hope Street see if Ma’s still there but she’s not. Bingo.

  Voice from above goes. Typical. I look up. Fatty Arbuckle is hanging out of her window. Surprise the bloody building don’t capsize. We heads off.

  Nothing round by our way, but further up by Park Road and Windsor Street suddenly there’s loads and loads of people. Fellas. The noise of the shouting does your ears in. Shouting Thatche’rs Basterds at the bizzies. Big line of bizzies with plastic shields. As far back as Parly Street. An then suddenly the bizzies start beating their trunchons on their shields. An the noise from that is terrifying.

  I don like this. I goes.

  Me nider. Rob goes.

  So we legged it back down the entry and headed to ours.

  Sunday and Rob makes up a cock n bull story bout going the Wirral to see a mate of his from school. Ma doesn’t want him to go coz she reckons it’s all gonna kick off again tonight. She doesn’t wannim coming home late and getting caught up in it which I thinks fair enough but he doesn’t coz I know he is lying and really he is going to see his dad coz his dads wife has gone to Portsmouth to see her sister who has got the cancer.

  But Rob goes. No no no I can stay overnight and get a lift to school in morning.

  And Ma seems made up like she’s getting him evacuated during the war and this mate from school is saving his life. Not stopping to think why the fuck would a lad from the Wirral be going school in Wavertree or Allerton or wherever it is. So Rob packs a bag and goes.