Being Diane

by Dennis Adkins

  Chapter 19

  I did my exercises and went to sleep and slept like a rock. The next morning I got up at daybreak and loaded up my back pack with my new clothes and books and took off to town. It took about an hour to jog to town. I went by the police department just to kill time and be nosy about what had happened last night. Then I went on over to Ms. Givens house. She answered the door and let me in.

  “Good morning honey. I was surprised that you wanted to go to church with me this morning. Are you missing it.” She said.

  Ah, she called me honey again. “Yes mam.” I said.

  “Well why don't you go get a bath and put on something soft and wash that hair, it has hay in it.” she said. “I am going to make some coffee.”

  I got cleaned up and rolled my hair and dried it with her hair dryer, then I brushed it out like Annie and Sally showed me. I managed to get the same soft curls that they had managed. I was thinking about what to wear when Ms. Givens came in with one of the dresses that I hadn't gotten a chance to wear at her mothers. It was a maroon suit that had a skirt and coat. She had brought in a lovely blouse to go with it. The blouse had lace down the front and pearl buttons. “Do you want me to wear that to church here?” I asked.

  “Yes. Why not. No one knows you and you can't wear your old clothes they are filthy and I have put them in the washer anyway, so here you go.” she said. “Oh the coffee's ready. Would you like some toast?”

  “Yes mam.” I said. I put on the dress and a pair of Mary Jane heels and when I came out I got a wolf whistle from Ms. Givens.

  “Hey honey, how about lets me and you make some whoopee.” she teased. “You look great.” And she went and got her camera and took my picture in various poses.

  She went and got ready for church and I enjoyed a cup of hot coffee and some toast. The telephone rang and Ms. Givens told me to answer it. “Givens residence.” I answered. A male voice on the other end hissed, “I know what you are doing. You don't fool me wearing that dress you fag. I'll get you soon.” and he hung up.

  I was standing there holding the telephone in shock. “Who was it?” asked Ms. Givens. “Diane are you alright?”

  I looked at her, “Some man just called and said he was going to get me and I wasn't fooling him wearing this dress.”

  “Oh my goodness, honey.” she said. I was shaking all over and she held onto me tight. “Don't worry no one is going to hurt you. These types only want to scare you, they are too cowardly to actually try anything.”

  I calmed down and she went back and finished getting dressed. The telephone rang again and she came running out and grabbed it up. This time she gave them an earful. I wasn't aware that she knew words like that and then she slammed the telephone down. She looked at me. “I don't want to ever hear you talk like that.” then she went back and finished up.

  She called me back to the bedroom and told me to pull my hair back away from my ears and I did. She picked up what looked like a pair of pliers and then she pinched my earlobes and then she took the pliers and clamped them on my ear. It hurt for a second and I jumped. Then she did the same on the other ear. I reached up to rub them and found that she had put a stud on both sides. I looked in the mirror and saw a small gold stud in both ear lobes.

  “I thought you needed to have your ears pierced so I did it. Now, what you have to do is keep them clean. Wipe them every day with hydrogen peroxide and don't take them out for about three to six weeks. Do you like them.” she asked.

  “Like no. Love yes. Thank you. Will I be able to wear hoops and dangly ear rings.” I asked.

  “Whatever you want within reason of course.” she said. “So are you ready? Now, you need to put some lipstick on, then you will be ready.”

  I got my purse and put the lipstick on. I had brought my bible that I had liberated from the house. I had also managed to get the shotgun that my Granddaddy had given me and his old revolver and hid them in the barn. Ms. Givens opened the door and was met by the Chief. “Ms. Givens?” he asked and tipped his hat.

  “That's me.” she said. “What's this all about?”

  “May I come in?” he asked.

  “Yes of course.” and she let him in.

  “I got an anonymous tip that you were, shall we say doing things with one of your students that is immoral.” he said.

  “I guess it was a man that called and had a raspy voice.” She said.

  “Yes mam it was. How did you know?” he asked.

  “I have gotten two harassing phone calls this morning from someone who said they would get me.” she said. “Did you see anybody on the street when you came up? I'm sure they are waiting for you to drag me out in handcuffs right now.”

  “No, but I think I will have a look. Wait here.” he said. Then he came back in and said, “I know who it is. He was in the bushes a few doors down and took off. Why would he make such an accusation though. Is there someone else here?”

  Before she could say anything, I stepped out to where he could see me and said. “Hello Chief. I have been here since I left the station this morning.”

  He just stared at me for a minute I guess he was trying to sort all of it out. “Dennis, is that you?”

  “Yes sir, it's me alright and now you know what I really am.” I said.

  “You mean you're a girl? But why do you want to dress like a boy all the time?” he asked.

  “I was born a boy, but I had an accident and now I'm turning into a girl. Ms. Givens discovered it and lets me, be me here. She hasn't touched me or done anything to me except to give me the chance to express myself as I really feel. She has done it so I can function at the level that I am supposed to be at. That's all. So tell me was it Mr. Johnson that you saw in the bushes?” I asked.

  “Yes it was. So do you have boy parts?” he asked. “You know what I mean. Do you have a penis and balls?”

  “I have a very small penis but my testicles were destroyed in a fall and aren't there anymore. As a matter of a fact my penis is only able to let me pee nothing else.” I said.

  “Damn, this is too weird. Wait, why would Johnson want to hurt you two with a phone call?” he asked.

  “The principal caught his wife altering his school record with some false statements and she is on the verge of being terminated. He is a vicious pervert who would take advantage of teenage girls, I was told and it came from one of my students. I know one that he tried it with, but she got away and didn't tell anyone because she was afraid of the stigma attached. I'll bet he's the one that put Jeff up to peeping on me.” said Ms. Givens.

  “Well okay then. I guess I'll let you get on with what you were doing. Dennis I'll see you this afternoon and don't be late my wife is cooking a roast for supper.” he said.

  “Yes sir. I'll be on time.” I said.

  The Chief left shaking his head. I couldn't help it, I burst out laughing. “Did you see the look on his face when he saw me?” I laughed.

  “Yes I did, but I thought he was going to arrest us both. Then he saw reason and let it go. But I guess that I am going to have to keep my shades pulled all the way down now. To keep that pervert from watching me.” she said.

  “You aren't the only one he watches. I know for a fact that he is peeping at two other women in town and if their husbands catch him, they will kill him. They don't know it's him though.” I said.

  “Well let's go or we will be late for church. Go get your coat.” she said.

  At the church we met, the Killibrew's and we all sat together I met her husband and he seemed nice and her brother was really nice. Chrissy had brought her new boyfriend, the football player. He didn't act like a football player though, he was nice and polite. I liked him too. Chrissy's brother, Arthur sat next to me. I was sitting between him and Ms. Givens. I saw him looking at my legs at one point and then he took my hand in his and held it through the sermon. I really didn't know what to do. I didn't want to cause a scene so I just let him hold it. I have to admit it felt kind of nice though. I really needed to talk
to Ted about this I was so confused.

  After church, we went to one of the restaurants that were open on Sunday with the Killibrew’s. Mr. Killibrew started asking all sorts of questions. “Diane, I saw where you have filed to be an emancipated juvenile, is there a problem at home that prompted this?”

  “Yes sir. My Mom won't have anything to do with me. And I have to make a living.” I said somewhat embarrassed.

  “So how are you going to live? Do you have a job?” he persisted

  “I have a part time job that lets me make enough to live on.” I said. “I don't make a lot but I make enough to buy some groceries and dog food for my wonderful dog. He protected me yesterday from some wild dogs. I just love him.”

  “What happened?” asked Mrs. Killibrew more to keep Mr. Killibrew from asking another question than anything else.

  “I was walking back home from my Uncles when three wild dogs attacked us. Smokey ran the biggest one off, who by the way was half again as big as Smokey. I got rid of the two smaller ones, but not until one tore the bottom of my pants leg.” I said.

  “So where do you live if your Mom won't have anything to do with you?” he continued.

  “I live on the farm that my Granddaddy left my Uncle and I.” I said.

  “Do you live in the house with your parents?” He asked.

  “No sir.” I said quietly.

  “So where do you live?”

  “I live in the hayloft of the barn.” I said truly embarrassed.

  “The barn you say. Well I never.” he said. Mrs. Killibrew and Ms. Givens both had a very nervous look on their faces.

  Mrs. Killibrew jumped in then, “Arthur, she is doing the best she can with what she has. She has been abandoned by her parents and is staying alive on nothing. So drop it and let's enjoy the rest of our meal.” she said and smiled at him, but her eyes said “Drop it now!”

  “I apologize Diane. I become obsessed sometimes and don't know when to stop. Chrissy talks about you all the time and she says you are one very special person.” He said and fidgeted with the menu. “I have seen a real change in Chrissy since she has met you. She seems to be more responsible than before. I thank you for that.” He said.

  “You are welcome, but I can't take the credit for that. Ms. Givens is the one that is making that change. She is making both of us into better people. I thank her for that.” I said. Ms. Givens smiled at that but didn’t say anything.

  After lunch, we went to the Killibrew's home and watched TV while the guys played basketball outside. Mr. Killibrew continued his interrogation. He wanted to know if my mother helped me in anyway, I told him no. Then he wanted to know about how she acted after the shooting. I almost cried then. He pretty much wanted to know everything about my life. “Diane based on what you have told me I think that we can get you emancipated. I know that it seemed as though I was being nosy, however this has filled all the gaps in the information. I am sorry about your mother and father, there is nothing I can do about that, but I can fix it to where you will be able to live a relatively normal life on your own.”

  “Thanks. I really need this.” I said.

  I fell asleep on the couch and when I woke up, I found a blanket had been laid over me and Chrissy was next to me. I looked at my watch and jumped up. I had to be at work in thirty minutes. We got our things together and left. I thanked Mrs. Killibrew for the wonderful day. We got back to town and I told Ms. Givens to just drop me off at the station I would have to work in my church clothes. She said she would go home and bring me some more clothes. I thanked her and she left. I walked in and the chief just looked at me.

  “I'm sorry Chief I dozed off and I was almost late. I won't come in like this again.” I said.

  “I would appreciate it if you didn't wear a dress to work. I would rather you wore a pair of pants just in case you have to go into the back. Oh, here are the keys and here is the key to the drawer. The only thing I did today was chase down a peeper. Who got the riot act read to him. That's all. By the way, you look very pretty today. Well I'll see you.” and he left.

  I was so shocked by his behavior. I really thought he would fire me but he didn't. A little information. The drawer didn't have any money in it or evidence. Since I wasn't old, enough to carry a weapon the chief put a .357 magnum revolver in this drawer and locked it up and gave me the key in case I ever needed it. I hoped I never would. I was getting settled in when Annie and Sally came in to see me like they usually did in the evening. Both of them stopped dead in their tracks.

  “Diane, you look hot, girl. Does the chief know you are dressed like that.” she asked.

  “Yes he does. I fell asleep and didn't have time to change. So here I am. What are you doing?”

  “Gil took both of us horseback riding today. Annie kissed Gil and rode on the same horse with him and she almost squeezed him to death.” teased Sally.

  Then of all people, Amy came in. “Hi Sally, I saw you come in here. What's going on?”

  Sally just pointed at me. Amy turned and said, “Hi”, and turned back and started talking to Sally again. “So I thought Dennis was going to be here tonight......Dennis! Is that you?” she exclaimed. “Oh my God it is you. And you look hot. Alright spill it, I want to know what's going on here. And where did you get that absolutely gorgeous dress and I adore the shoes.” She said as she made me turn all the way around. She looked around like she was seeing if anybody was looking and she pulled my skirt up to see if I was wearing panties. I tried to stop her but she did it so fast that I couldn’t, I must have been red as a tomato right then. Then she threw her arms around my neck and hugged me tight.

  “Amy you are choking me.” I choked. “Alright sit down.”

  “Dennis are you okay out there?” said John. And he came out of the back. “Nice dress, you look pretty tonight. So are you okay?”

  “Thanks John I'm fine.” I said.

  “Okay. I'll be in my cell if you need me.” and he turned and went back.

  “Is that Big John?” asked Annie. “My Mom said I need to be real careful around him. She says he has a bad temper.”

  “Only when he is drinking. When he’s sober he's the nicest guy.” I said. “Okay Amy. I am a boy who feels like a girl and I am turning into a girl because of an accident I had a while ago. I normally don't dress like this, but I fell asleep and woke up late so I had to come like this. I hope you understand.”

  “I think I do, but I really think you should use a conditioner on your hair to give it more body. Oh and I love the ear rings. I am trying to get my mom to let me get my ears pierced I am so jealous. Do you like dressing like this? I know I would. So does anybody else know?” asked Amy.

  “More and more people are learning about it, I won't be able to keep it a secret much longer at this rate.” I said. Ms. Givens came in with my corduroy pants and my saddle oxfords. I went into the bathroom and put them on. When I came out the phone rang and it was Sally's Mom.

  “I am looking for my daughter, Sally, I understand that she stops in there to visit in the evening sometimes.”

  “Yes mam she's right here would you like to speak to her?” I said.

  “Yes please.” she said.

  I handed the phone to Sally and she listened for a minute and then she said, “My mom is coming to get me she has something to do and I have to go with her.” Then she turned to me and said, “I liked it better when you had the dress on. We are going to have to figure out how to let you dress that way all the time. You are a totally different person when you are dressed like this.”

  “Thank you, but that will come in time. Let's don't rush things.” I said.

  “Yes let's respect her privacy right now and let her get back to work. Come on I'll give Annie and Amy a ride home and you can wait here for your mother.” said Ms. Givens and she took my dress and shoes and left with Annie and Amy.

  Sally's mom showed up a few minutes later and when she came in, she looked at me and exclaimed. “Dennis I didn't think you were a boy no
t as pretty as you are.” Sally let out a sigh of relief. “What? Did you think I would scream at him or something? Not hardly. I think it takes a lot of courage to do what you are doing. I just wish Sally would bring you over to the house to meet us. I would like it if you came over some afternoon and let us get to know you.”

  “Thank you I would like that.” I said and I felt a tear forming in my eyes.

  “Don't cry.” Sally's mom said.

  “I can't help it I am so happy right now.” I said.

  She wiped the tears away and told me to come to the house some afternoon, then she said they had to go. She took Sally and left. I heard her mother in the car talking to Sally saying that I looked and acted better than she ever would have believed. I waved at Sally and she waved back and winked at me. This had turned out to be a good day. Thank you God.

  Ms. Givens called a little later and told me to come to her house after work, “I called your Uncle and told him you would be staying here tonight and I would get you to school in the morning. I don't want you walking on the road that late at night.”

  “I can get Danny to give me a ride home I don't want to be a burden to you.” I said.

  “No, come to my house and that's final.” she ordered.

  “Yes mam. “I said.

  That night as I was doing some History homework John came out of the back and picked up my English Literature book and started reading. I looked over at him and saw him practically devouring the book. He was a fast reader also. He must have read two or three chapters in about thirty minutes then he put the book down and looked at me. “Can you get me some more books?”

  “Sure, what kind do you like?”

  “Tolstoy, I love Tolstoy.”

  I almost fainted. “You like the classics.”

  “I love them.” He said and had a wistful look. He looked like he was contemplating something in his mind that was deep and painful. “I used to read all the time and I even was a teacher up north at one point, but I got to drinking and this is where I ended up. I still love to read, but now I don’t have access to the books I love. I think that it is funny though, when I am reading I don’t drink.”

  I made it a point to tell the Chief what John had told me and he started finding all sorts of books for him to read. John got a job in the Cotton Compress and as long as there were books, he stayed out of trouble and made a great worker. He finally decided to try to quit drinking and went to AA and got dried out and now he is one of the foremen at the compress.

  I went over to Ms. Givens house that night after work. I walked over there and felt a little self-conscious about the fact that I was still wearing the lacy blouse, hose and my dark blue dress coat, but I didn't have a choice. As I turned one of the corners, I saw a figure standing next to one of the peeper’s victims houses. I moved over to a tree and stood behind it. The figure was watching through a lower window. He was dressed all in black and stood very still. Then he moved away and walked around behind the house. I crept down there just in time to see him pull aside some vines and go through a hedge. I followed and did the same. The vines looked like they formed a barrier but they had been cut to make a door. I saw the figure again, moving through the back yards. Whoever it was had a regular path and moved without difficulty. He wound up at a house with a shed in the back yard. He went in and came out a few minutes later without the black clothes on. It was Mr. Johnson. He went into the back door of his house and I saw the lights go out. I circled back and made it to Ms. Givens house. I told her what had just happened and called the Chief. He asked me to meet him tomorrow afternoon at the station and go with him to show him the path.

  I took a bath and got ready for bed. I put my hair up in rollers and put on my night gown. I checked and made sure that my old clothes were still there. Ms. Givens had washed them and hung them up for me. We sat on the couch and watched a little TV and she made me do some math problems before going to bed. I had already read the paper at the station and looked over the business section. “Ms. Givens, how's it going with Mr. Ross?” I asked.

  She smiled and hugged me close. “Honey I have never been as happy as I am now. He treats me like royalty and he told me the other day that he thinks that he has made a mistake about being gay. He even told me that he has never had gay sex because he believes that sex is for procreation only. That has been a real problem with me all along, but not now.”

  “That's great. So when are you going to see him again?” I asked.

  “Tuesday evening. He is coming down to see me and take us out to dinner after talking to you. So I want you on your best behavior,” and she tweaked my nose.

  I giggled. “So do you think that I'm going to be a bad girl or something? Or do you think I'm going to try to take him away from you?”

  “Don't even try.” she said and laughed. “So little sister it's time to go to bed. Scoot while I turn out the lights.”

  Little sister that was something new. I liked it. The term seemed to define our relationship better than anything else I could think of. I mean we didn't have a sexual relationship even though she held me and kissed me a lot but it was more of a big sister type of hug and kiss. I felt as though she was lonely and I filled a need for her to have family. I was lonely and she filled a spot in my heart for family love. I guess in the beginning I was kind of turned on by her looks and the feel of her against me but that faded fast and was replaced by a nonsexual love that made me feel even better. The love of a sister not a lover. That was it. Julie was now like a sister to me, the sister I never had. Teaching me how to dress and act looking out for me.

  I was in the bed and she came in to tuck me in and I reached up and put my arms around her neck and gave her a kiss on the cheek. “Thanks Sis. I love you very much.”

  She sat down next to me. “Diane, my parents want to adopt you and give you everything that you deserve in life. Would you like that?”

  “I have all that I need right now and I am happy here right now. I can't leave the farm. It's where I get my strength from, however if that changes then I would love to be their daughter and your sister.” I said. “I am finding more and more people that really don't care if I am a boy or a girl. They only want my personality and what is best for me. That's not to say there aren't people who have tried to make my life miserable but I am getting stronger and they don't bother me as much as they did. So I would like to stay here and live.”

  “I understand honey. Go to sleep.” and she turned out the lights and went to bed.