“Ah, okay. I guess that makes sense.” But then I started to wonder, how many was he thinking? His idea of a small family would no doubt be different than my own.
“So um…” I blushed. “How many kids do you think you want to have… someday?”
His eyes never left my face as he answered, offering me a reassuring grin. “Oh, maybe four or six, something like that.”
Four or six, that’s okay. I thought with a mental sigh of relief. If Levi and I were going to work out for the long run, we needed to be on the same page on important matters like this one. Oh, I had heard of many people waiting to decide on if or when they wanted children till much later on after they were married, but I didn’t see the point. Marriage was hard enough without having another issue to discuss or fight over.
“But it would really depend on the woman I married. If pregnancy were easy on her then that’s great, but if it’s tough on her, there’s no reason to risk her life or the life of the unborn baby. My mom had a rough go at it a few times, and I wouldn’t want that for my wife.” He added quietly.
“That makes sense.” I offered with a small smile that added to my lingering blush at my forward question.
“Your turn.”
“My turn?”
“Yeah, how many little ones do you want?” He continued down the dirt road, glancing at me every few steps with his clear blue eyes.
“Well, honestly, I’m thankful God’s blessed me with two, but if I were to be blessed with more that’d be great. Though I agree with you, six would be my limit.” My face heated again at the words.
“It’s good that we agree on that then.” He nodded. “Abby, I know this is not conventional conversation, but I’d like you to feel comfortable speaking about these things with me. I need to know what’s in your head and heart if I’m going to get to know you. I don’t want you to be embarrassed.” He spoke softly as he paused, turning to face me.
“I know. You’re right, it just seems, I don’t know, forward of me. And I’m not that type of girl.” I gazed up, imploring him to understand.
“If you were, we wouldn’t be here, Abby. Your character is clear. It’s one of the many reasons I’m attracted to you.” His eyes smoldered for a quick moment before he glanced away and began to walk, pausing for me to catch up.
“So.” I cleared my throat. “Tell me about your family.”
“I thought I changed the subject, pretty smoothly I might add.” He teased.
“No escape, spill, again.”
“Okay, I have eight brothers and four sisters. All younger than I and more mischievous.” He winked at me, causing me to laugh.
“My youngest sibling is fourteen and a cute little blondie. She’s in track and took State last year.”
“Wow.”
“We have long legs, a trait that’s prevalent in our family. As a kid I was nicknamed ‘stork’.”
“You were not.” I grinned.
“Oh yes, Abby, I most certainly was. Now, your turn. Tell me something your family would say trying to embarrass you.”
“Oh is that the game we’re playing?”
“Yes, you asked about my family. I spilled, telling you the first thing they’d tease me about if they met you. Now it’s your turn.”
“Well, you met my parents, and they didn’t say a thing—“
“No, na-uh. Parents do not count. Siblings. You have one or two, don’t you?”
“Yeah, Willi.”
“Willi?” Levi eyed me curiously.
“Oh, yeah please call her that, she’ll die.” I joked.
“So her name’s not Willi I take it.”
“No, it’s Wilhelmina Elenore and she hates, hates her name.”
Levi laughed loudly at my declaration, and I loved the way the blue in his eyes twinkled with merriment.
“Seriously, that’s her name. Ask my mom later. It’s actually not a long story, but you’d think so with a name like that. It belonged to my grandmother, and since Willi is the oldest, she got saddled with it. She still hasn’t forgiven me for being born second.” I teased. “She goes by Willow. I’m the only one allowed to call her Willi, which means you should do it just to make her mad.”
“I think I’ll stick with Willow, I don’t want her upset with me. So, what would Willow have to say about you?”
“Well…”
“Yes?”
“She’d tell you that I can’t watch children’s movies without crying. And when I was a teenager, my nose was too big for my face. So, to try and minimize it, I cut bangs.” I took some hair out of my ponytail and drew over my forehead and made a snipping motion with my fingers.
“Go on…”
“Well, I didn’t do it right, and Willi found me and tried to fix it. The result was very short bangs that did not minimize my nose, but rather just took the focus away from it, but not in a good way. What’s worse is that shortly after that my hair stopped growing.”
“What? Why?” Levi’s expression was concerned.
“It turned out it was a vitamin deficiency, but for about a year I had short bangs that refused to grow. I haven’t had bangs since. And Willi has made it her mission to get me over the fear and cut my bangs. I still won’t do it.”
Levi chuckled. “Nice. There wouldn’t happen to be pictures, would there?”
“Nope, burned them all.”
This earned me a belly laugh, and I couldn’t contain my own mirth either.
“I’m sure Willi saved one or two.”
“I’m sure she didn’t.” I added in a threatening tone.
“We’ll see.”
Chapter Thirteen
The bouquet Levi had brought was beside me on the driver’s seat. On the way home, I couldn’t help but glance at it every few seconds and grin. As we pulled into our driveway a sickeningly familiar pickup blocked the way, causing me to park on the side of the road. With a tight chest I called my parents, letting them know that Jack was at my house. No, I didn’t need them there, but if I didn’t text them in an hour to call me. I chose to leave my flowers in the car. I didn’t want to have to answer any of Jack’s questions, so I picked up the boys and walked slowly to the front door. The doorknob twisted at my touch and opened, completely unlocked. Hadn’t I changed the locks? Should I be going in? A moment of indecision was answered when a voice beckoned us to enter.
“Come in, guys!” Jack called. Javan leaped onto the couch next to him. Jack glanced over at his son, and then continued to flip through the channels on the TV.
“Daddy!” Javan buried himself in Jack’s chest and snuggled as close as possible before catching himself and leaning back to stare at his father.
“Why are you here, Daddy?” Javan asked and my heart pinched. My beautiful day was taking a nosedive with suicidal speed.
“Oh buddy, I just need to talk with your mom for a moment. Why don’t you go and play in your room?”
Yeah, don’t spend time with him or anything… My thoughts were bitter, and I hated myself for it.
“He’s walking?” Jack asked, motioning to Chase and sounding faintly interested. The anger burned, but I took a deep breath. I’d need all my wits around me; anger would simply addle them before Jack got a chance.
“Yep, for a week or so.” I spoke as I made my way to the chair across from where Jack sat, fiddling with the remote.
“So?” I asked, leaning back into the chair cushions and crossing my ankles.
“So, well. Abby, I miss you.”
A gentle breeze could have knocked me over. Now? He misses me now? For a moment I just looked at him, trying to discern my feelings and filter them with God’s wisdom. This was a conversation that God needed to be having for me, so a silent prayer later, I spoke.
“Um, okay. Is that why you’re here?” My heart was pounding, not from hope but fear. I wanted whatever God had for my family, but after seeing Levi and getting to know him, the sad truth was that Jack didn’t hold a candle. Though I tried to muster up some warm feeling
s toward him, I was failing. But if this were the path God had for me, then I’d walk it. Love is more than a feeling; it’s a choice as well.
“Yeah, I wanted to see you. And ask you, if well. If maybe you’d take me back.”
Oh God, oh God, what do I do? My heart cried out with loud shouts of panic. Keep him talking, I thought to myself. I had learned that my idea of what Jack meant wasn’t necessarily accurate.
“Meaning… what? What happened to your girlfriend? What happened to everything you had said about me? What brought this on?” The careful control was slipping, and I forced myself to be quiet and wait. The seconds ticked on as I watched him, my gaze unwavering.
“Well, I’m not sure about her, and I don’t know. I miss coming home and having dinner with you and the kids. I miss sleeping in my own bed and having a clean home…” his voice trailed off as he glanced around the room.
So it basically has nothing to do with me, only what I offer… I thought. But that didn’t answer my question.
“Are you saying you want to be married to me again?” I held my breath.
“I don’t know.”
There’s a shock!
“I don’t know, Abby. It’s just not what I thought it would be, the freedom.”
I could have told you that… I barely resisted the urge to roll my eyes. Through a quick prayer, a question popped in my mind, and I asked it before I forgot.
“Are you willing to get help? To work on this?” I gestured between him and me with shaking hands.
“Well, don’t you think we’ll be fine? I mean, I don’t want to go and seek a shrink or anything. Can’t we just fix it on our own?”
“No.” I spoke with conviction. Hadn’t we tried that? Isn’t that what he had requested about six months before he left? “We’ve been down that road, Jack. We’re not going back down it again. I understand that you’re not happy with life right now…” I closed my eyes and said another quick prayer. Let my words be wise…
“But, Jack, unless you are willing to confess that you were wrong to have an affair, unless you’re sorry for what you did, and unless you’re willing to work at marriage to the point of where you’ll make it succeed, or die trying, then we have nothing to discuss. So, you tell me.” I folded my hands in my lap and waited.
Jack stared at me, seeming confused that I would be so outspoken. The words I had spoken were undoubtedly the most forceful I had said to him in a long time.
“No.”
“No…” I waited.
“I can’t say I’m sorry, Abby. And no, I don’t want to get help. If you can’t take me like this then, well, you aren’t being very Christ-like, are you?”
The anger made his eyes flinty and a shiver crept up my spine before wrath replaced it.
“No, you have it all wrong, Jack. Grace is yours, but you have to repent. There’s no forgiveness where there’s no repentance. You’re clearly not sorry, not repentant, and you want me to fix you, and only God can. If you’re not willing to accept that, then we have nothing further to discuss. Please, leave.” I gestured to the door with a peace that covered my soul like a quilted blanket.
“Fine, I knew it was a mistake coming here. But I gave it a shot, that’s more than you can say. At least I tried!” He huffed, stormed out of the house, and slammed the door. A picture swung off the wall and landed, shattering. Chase let out a wail at the loud noise, and I went to pick him up. I buried my face in his soft baby skin and cried. The tears that fell were as much for me as they were for Jack, but most of all, they were tears of release.
After a moment I placed Chase on my hip while I dialed my parents’ cell phone and went to check on Javan. My mom answered on the first ring.
“Baby, are you all right?”
“Yes, Mom…” and I told her everything.
“Well, you did the right thing. I’m so proud of you Abby. You stood up for yourself, but more importantly, you stood up for your babies. Did Jack even ask about them?”
“Not really.”
“Then he doesn’t deserve them.”
“Thanks, Mom, but I’m dead on my feet. I’m going to go and get dinner ready and make an early night of it.”
“Okay, baby, but one thing.”
“Yeah?”
“How did Jack get in?”
“I don’t know Mom. I changed the locks…”
“Did you change the hide-a-key place?”
I closed my eyes as I realized my error. No, I hadn’t changed it. I was afraid if I moved it my grandma would forget where it was, and I needed her to know in case of emergencies. And to be honest, I hadn’t thought I’d be seeing Jack ever again, let alone that he’d use the hide-a-key to get into the house.
“I’ll fix that right now. And then I’m just getting a spare made for you guys and grandma. No more hide-a-key.”
“Good idea. Night, honey. I’m praying for you.”
“Night, Mom. I’m going to need it.”
****
After handing both my parents and grandparents their new spare keys to my home, and removing the hide-a-key, I began making lunch for the boys. Chase was munching happily on pieces of banana and dry cereal while I heated up some soup, when the phone rang.
“Hello?” I answered distractedly while I held the receiver with my shoulder.
“Hi there.”
Levi’s rich baritone that made the butterflies in my tummy flutter.
“Hi there, Levi, how are you?” A clang stole my attention, and I saw Chase throwing cereal at Javan, who was using his plate as a shield.
“Hold on.” I mumbled. “Chase, no, no baby. Don’t throw your food. Javan? Pick up the cereal. No, don’t eat it. Yes, good job. Put it in the garbage. Thank you!”
I picked up the phone and heard Levi chuckling. “Amused, are you?”
“Oh yes. It’s one the perks of calling you. Not only do I get to speak with a beautiful woman, but I get the entertainment of two cute boys as well. It’s great. What was he doing, tossing food?”
The compliment warmed my insides, and I bit my lip and closed my eyes.
“Yes, actually. I assume you know from personal experience?”
“You assume correctly.”
“Your mother should be sainted.”
“I think she already was.”
I laughed deeply at his words. The sensation was wonderful, especially after yesterday’s fiasco.
“So how was the rest of your day yesterday?”
I froze. What did I tell him? How much did I tell him? The truth was the obvious choice, but I struggled with how much information to give.
“Well um. It was eventful…” I began, still uncertain.
“You sound upset. Is something wrong?” Levi asked gently, but there was a steely resolve that hung at the edge of his words.
“Well.” I sighed heavily and closed my eyes. “I came home and Jack was waiting for me.”
“Outside?”
“No.”
The line was silent.
“Abby, I know this is still new to you and I, so if I overstep please forgive me, but please, tell me you’ve changed the locks since then…”
“Well, actually I had changed them a long time ago… I just didn’t change the hide-a-key spot.”
Silence.
“So he…” Levi paused, and I could hear him take a deep breath. “Is everything okay? That’s the important question. Are you and the boys all right?”
My relief at his question was overwhelming.
“Yes, we’re fine. He just wanted to talk, and then I asked him to leave.”
“What did he want?”
Me.
“He wanted to come back.”
The silence on Levi’s end was thick.
“But after he explained his reasons, I asked him to leave. I don’t think he’ll be coming back.”
“Good.”
A faint smile lifted my lips at his quick approval.
“But, Abby, as much as I don’t want to ask th
is, I need to know so that my own conscience is clear as well…”
“Yes?” I bit my lip and tasted blood.
“Why did you ask him to leave? Now don’t get me wrong, I’m thrilled you did. From what Sam and Frank have told me, which isn’t much, mind you, I have no respect for the man, but still. I don’t want to be in the way if God is giving you the chance to reconcile. You were married to him and—“
“Levi?” I interrupted.
“Yes?” He exhaled heavily.
“Before I even spoke to Jack, I was in prayer. He wasn’t sorry for anything he had done Levi. He didn’t want to get help and didn’t even want me, only what I offered in the form of a clean house and decent cooking.” I gave a self-depreciating laugh. “It wasn’t about him asking for grace or forgiveness. It was about him not being happy and wanting me to fix it.”
“I don’t know whether I’m thrilled or just plain angry,” Levi almost growled the words, and I couldn’t hold back a laugh at his protective nature. It was beyond endearing.
“Anger gets you nowhere.”
“I know, but it would sure feel good to beat the man to a pulp.”
“I’m sure it would.” I replied honestly.
“One of these days we need to talk about what happened with you and Jack, but now is not the time. I didn’t want to ask you right away because I wanted you to have time to trust me, get to know me, and see that I wouldn’t judge. But with this taking place, I’d like to talk with you.”
“I understand and thanks, Levi, I appreciate you giving me time. When do you want to meet?”
I switched shoulders with the receiver and took bowls of soup to the boys.
“Well I’m going out of town tomorrow for business, and I’ll be gone three days or so.”
“Do you want to come over for dinner tonight?”
“Are you having chicken soup?” He asked lightly.
I laughed hard and loudly. “Yes.”
“You’re cruel.”
“Better for you to learn that now.”
Pursued Page 7