The Choices I've Made

by J. L. Berg

  “Calm down,” she said, placing a gentle hand on my shoulder. “I didn’t mean to freak you out. It was just a random thought.”

  “You know we’re being careful,” I assured her.

  I’d bought a lifetime supply of condoms from Hatteras last time we’d visited, for fear of buying them here since word got around fast.

  “I know,” she replied as she continued to stroke my shoulder.

  I tried not to fixate on her naked body.

  “But you know what they say; nothing is one hundred percent, except—”

  “Don’t you dare say abstinence.”

  “Abstinence.” She laughed.

  “That’s what adults say to keep us from going at it like rabbits in heat.” I smiled.

  She playfully slapped my shoulder. “But, seriously, what would you do? I mean, it’s possible.”

  I rolled my eyes, something that was usually reserved solely for her. “It’s not, but I’ll play along,” I said, caving like usual to her never-ending persistence. “I’d be right here,” I vowed. “Right where I always am…where I always will be.”

  She smiled as I stretched back onto the mattress. She resumed her previous position, snug against me, wrapping a tan leg around my own.

  “And I’d name the baby Mortimer,” I added, making her snort with laughter.

  “You’re evil.”

  “Oh, you have no idea,” I said, pulling her back on top of me, intent on proving again and again just how wicked I could be.

  “We’re all done in here. I’ll help you to a chair in the waiting room and go grab the X-rays.”

  “Okay,” she said as I pulled the lead vest off her body.

  “How does a cardiothoracic surgeon know how to operate a simple X-ray machine?” she asked as I assisted her off the table. “Isn’t that below your pay grade?”

  I chuckled, glad to see she was back in fight mode. We’d always had the best banter between us.

  “You forget that, before I was the amazing man I am today, I was nothing but a little boy living in the shadow of his father.”

  “So, he taught you?”

  We took our time in walking down the hall, and I savored every moment of contact with her.

  Even though I knew I shouldn’t.

  “No.” I laughed. “I used to sneak in here and play around with the equipment.”

  “With the X-ray machine? God, you could be radioactive by now!”

  “I’m not, I assure you, but it wasn’t the smartest thing, I’ll admit.”

  “You’ve been doing a lot of unsmart things today,” she chided.

  “That happens a lot when I’m around you.”

  “Just trying to keep that ego of yours in check.”

  I helped her into a chair, propping her foot on another. The small room was littered with magazines and smelled like a mixture of bleach and mothballs.

  “Well, rest assured, you’re doing a great job. Let me go grab those films. Be right back.”

  The happy smile I had plastered on my face continued as I went through the motions of checking each film for any abnormalities.

  It wasn’t until I saw her name on the computer screen that it wavered.

  Jesus, what was I doing?

  Bantering with my ex? The woman who was now engaged to my former best friend?

  I knew what I was doing—flirting with danger.

  And, if I continued, nothing good would come from my time here. Because there was one thing I was totally certain of.

  I was not over Molly McIntyre. Not even a little.

  “Good news,” I announced as I walked back into the waiting room, finding Molly exact where I’d left her.

  She’d grabbed a magazine, probably decades old and was perusing it with little interest.

  “No broken bones, as I expected, but I do think you have a pretty good sprain on your hands. You need to stay off it for at least today and keep it iced.”

  “No,” she said, making my eyebrows rise.

  “No?” I asked. “To which part?”

  “I’ve said this before, but I don’t have time to sit around. I have things to do.”

  I threw one foot over the other, leaning against the doorframe as I took her in. “Okay, so how do you plan on accomplishing these tasks exactly? Are you going to hop around town? Maybe rent one of those ridiculous scooters the tourists are using these days? Or are you planning on just wiggling your nose like Samantha on Bewitched?”

  “You’re an ass.”

  “Well, you’re being unreasonable. And I’m serious, Molly. No work today. You’ll just end up making it worse, and then you really will have a problem on your hands.”

  “Like you care,” she sneered. “And don’t you have something better to do than harp on me all day?”

  “Actually, yes, but since I don’t believe you’ll actually do anything I just told you to, I guess I’m going to have to reschedule to babysit you.”

  Her eyes widened. “Oh, no. That’s not an option.”

  “Then, can I count on you to do what I said and keep a low profile today?”

  “Yes,” she replied softly.

  “You never were a good liar. I’ll go grab the car. Start thinking of that precious list of things you need done. Looks like I’ll be your wingman today.”

  “What?”

  “If you’re not going to sit on the damn couch and rest, then I guess I’ll have to help you.” She opened her mouth to argue, and I immediately cut her off, “Whether you like it or not.”

  Her infamous eye roll went into full effect as I walked past her, not caring in the least that she was pissed off.

  Because, frankly, so was I.

  “So, what’s on this super important list of yours?” I asked as the car revved to life.

  I’d managed to help her to the car, lock up the office, and start the engine without a single word from her.

  I had a feeling that was about to change.

  “You’re not running my errands.”

  “Well, neither are you.”

  She let out something between a growl and a huff. “You are not in charge here, Jake. I didn’t ask you for help.”

  “No,” I agreed. “You never ask anyone for help. God forbid you admit defeat and call in reinforcements when you happen to be the first one to come to the aid of anyone else.”

  “Don’t pretend like you know me, Jake.”

  “Oh, but I do,” I jeered.

  We were at an impasse. One where she wouldn’t give in, and I wouldn’t give up. Realizing how far down the rabbit hole I’d fallen wouldn’t deter me from making sure she was okay.

  I was still utterly aware of her every move, still completely transfixed by the woman who had once owned my heart.

  But that wouldn’t stop me from keeping her ass firmly planted in place.

  Because, no matter how much I tried to deny it, I did care.

  “Fine,” she finally replied. “But you’re not leaving me home. I don’t trust you that much.”

  I shook my head, taking the final road toward the inn. “Well, that makes two of us. But it doesn’t change the fact that you will rest today even if I have to strap you to that damn couch.”

  “I’ll rest but not on the couch. You can ice my foot and care for me right here.”

  “In the car?” I exclaimed.

  “Sure. Why not? You can grab the ice and a cooler. Maybe a pillow and, presto, a mobile sofa.”

  “You’re impossible.”

  “Ditto.”

  Against my better judgment, I agreed to her foolhardy plan. I knew her well enough to know that she wouldn’t give up.

  Running into the inn, I nodded a hello to Mr. Lovell, who was helping himself to lunch in the kitchen, and then I raced around, grabbing ice packs and pillows. After a few minutes, I had what I needed and headed back toward the car.

  “Pretty sure Mr. Lovell thinks we’re going on a romantic date.”

  “Pretty sure he doesn’t.”

&nb
sp; I chuckled, handing her the paper bag filled with everything she’d requested plus a few things I’d added myself. “Here you go, Your Highness.”

  “Thanks,” she replied flatly, immediately digging into the bag. “What is all this crap?”

  “Pain reliever, a pillow, some snacks and drinks.”

  “Good Lord, are we going on a vacation? Or running errands?”

  “Just say thank you,” I replied, pulling out of the driveway, realizing I had no idea where I was headed.

  “Thank you.”

  “So, where are we going?” I asked.

  She rummaged through the bag, getting herself situated with a granola bar and some water. A pillow I’d stolen from the sitting room went under her foot as she propped it on the dash.

  “Terri’s,” she said simply. “I need produce.”

  “Great,” I said under my breath, realizing the questions I’d have to answer after showing up at Terri’s with my ex.

  “You’re the one who demanded you accompany me.”

  “You’re the stubborn one who demanded to get all this shit done today.”

  She huffed once more, turning her head toward the window.

  Yeah, this was going to be all sorts of fun.

  GOD, THIS MAN INFURIATED ME.

  He was overbearing and way too controlling. Where did he get off, telling me what to do? He was the one who had walked away and vowed to never come back. Why the hell did he care in the first place? Surely, there was some trollop back in Chicago he could bother.

  Of course, the idea of that enraged me even further.

  Jake Jameson had always been my kryptonite. He had a way of pushing my buttons and seeing through any wall I put around myself. He didn’t take shit, and he always knew how to get me off.

  In more ways than one.

  But two could play at this game, and I was just getting started.

  “Can’t you pick up produce another day?” he asked, but still heading toward our destination.

  “No,” I answered simply.

  “Really? Because, last time I checked, I saw an empty inn with no guests to feed.”

  I batted my eyelashes, enjoying his discomfort. He knew, the moment he showed up at Terri’s, he would get an earful. If there was one thing that old woman was good at, besides produce, it was telling the truth as she saw it.

  And Jake Jameson was no exception.

  “No, that’s not true at all. I have three guests. The Lovells and…well, you. And I can hardly let our new resident doctor go unfed, can I?”

  He didn’t bother responding, but I could see plumes of smoke rising from his angry, stupid head.

  Molly: 1

  Jake: 0

  “We’re here, princess,” he grumbled.

  I nearly giggled, loving his misery.

  That was, until I saw the way his eyes averted the house next door.

  The way mine did when I came to this part of the island. Jake’s house had always been here, right next to Terri’s. I knew that. It was a key part of my childhood as a friendship had blossomed into so much more over the years.

  But, since he’d left, it had become a blind spot in my vision. A place I avoided even looking at.

  Because it wasn’t just Jake who had horrible memories of this place.

  “I can’t stay here, Mols. I can’t,” Jake said, his voice full of pain and regret.

  “I know it hurts, Jakey, but we’ll get through it. Together.”

  He took a quick glance toward the bright blue house behind me, and I could see the decision becoming clearer in his eyes.

  “No,” he said firmly. “This place, this house, it will always be where she died. It will be a constant reminder of my father’s failure. Of the poor excuse of a man he’s become.”

  My hand rose to meet his. “Your dad is sick, Jake. He needs help. And he needs you. Now more than ever. You aren’t the only one suffering a loss here. He lost his wife.”

  “He murdered her!” he screamed so loud it echoed through the trees. “He should have seen the warning signs. He should have done something. But he was too drunk and stupid to give her the attention she needed. And now…” His voice faded, as he was too pained to go on. “Come with me,” he begged.

  “To California? What would I do?”

  “Does it matter?” he said with gusto. “We’ll be together. Just like we’ve always planned.”

  “What we’ve always planned is that we’d go to college in state. But you’re making this decision to leave without me. This is your choice.”

  “But I can’t live without you,” he said. “I need you, Molly.”

  My heart broke over his words. Because I knew it wasn’t true.

  If he needed me, he wouldn’t leave.

  If he needed me, he would stay.

  “Go, Jake. Find yourself. Grieve and heal…but do it without me. Because I will not be your constant reminder of everything you lost.”

  He could see the truth in my words. He knew it, too.

  We were over, and there was nothing either of us could do to change that.

  I swallowed down a bit of regret, realizing how difficult it must be for him to be so close to it all. No wonder he’d run back to the inn—the one place that still felt like home.

  “You stay here,” he instructed as he put the car in park on the gravel driveway.

  “Like hell,” I countered, pulling my swollen foot off the dash.

  “You’re supposed to be resting,” he argued, knowing it was no use.

  I was just as stubborn as he was, but the difference was this was my town now.

  My business.

  And I’d be damned if I let him stomp all over my hard work.

  “Well, at least use the damn crutches I grabbed from the clinic for you,” he said as he stepped out of the car, stopping by the trunk to grab the metal sticks of death.

  “I hate those things,” I whined. “I can just hop.”

  He laughed, like it was the most ludicrous idea on the planet. “No. Use them, or stay in the fucking car, Molly.”

  His voice sent chills down my spine as I remembered just how demanding he could be.

  “Fine,” I complied, taking the crutches from him.

  After adjusting them to my height and taking a few practice steps, I had to admit, they did help.

  Of course, I’d never tell him that.

  “So, what do you need from Terri?” he asked as he walked alongside me, making sure I didn’t fall.

  “Just let me do the talking. You…” I paused, turning my head toward him. “You just stand there and look pretty.”

  “And get interrogated by Terri?”

  “Naturally.”

  “Sounds like a blast,” he said sarcastically.

  He let me take my time going up the worn steps and pressed the buzzer. We waited for Terri to arrive.

  “It’s been taking her longer and longer to answer the door lately,” I told him.

  The door pulled open, and Terri appeared. “But I still have ears like an elephant. So, stop talking about me like I’m not here.”

  Jake snorted in amusement next to me, and I shot him a death stare.

  “Come on in,” she insisted, stepping aside to let us through. “Didn’t expect to see you here, Jake. Figured you’d be cozied up with a bottle of bourbon by now.”

  “Oh, he’s already done that,” I said.

  “And what the Sam Hill is wrong with you? Tripped over your own feet, did ya?”

  He didn’t snort this time, but I saw a snide smile spread across his face.

  “What do you have for me today, Terri?” I asked, changing the subject. “Anything good?”

  “Anything good?” she repeated. “All of it is good. Who do you think you’re talking to?”

  “Swallow an extra sassy pill today, Terri?” Jake said, chuckling under his breath.

  “If I’d known you were going to show up at my door, I would have taken three,” she replied, shaking her head.


  She offered us seats at the kitchen table, but Jake took his time, looking around.

  To him, probably not much looked different.

  But, for me, someone who visited this old house two or three times a day, I could see it. The modern step stool she’d bought last year to replace the antique one she’d had for years. The curtains she’d sewn last month to brighten up the dining room.

  We waited in silence as Terri went through her storage cellar, pulling out various things for me to look at—fruits and veggies and several canned goods.

  “I like the curtains,” Jake said, giving me a knowing look.

  Okay, so he did remember the little things.

  “Don’t sweet talk me, Jacob Jameson.”

  “You know that’s not my name.” He laughed.

  “Well, it should have been,” Terri grumbled. “Giving a boy a nickname instead of something proper. No sense in that. No sense indeed. Do you think Terri is my given name?”

  “We both know it’s not,” I answered.

  Jake turned to me.

  “Of course it’s not.” Jake and I mouthed the words along with her, trying not to laugh, “Theresa Victoria Chandler.”

  She caught us and immediately shook her head, mumbling under her breath. She talked mean, but underneath the icy exterior, Terri was nothing but heart. She loved deeply, cared sometimes too much, and was as loyal as they came.

  Watching Jake walk away all those years ago, the boy who’d been the closest thing to a son in her life, had been hard for her. But you wouldn’t have known it, looking at her. The days after he’d left, she’d continued on like any other day.

  But I had seen it.

  The pain and loss. It had been like looking in a mirror.

  Eventually, we’d both moved on.

  Terri had decided to turn her hobby into earnings, converting her small garden into something more substantial.

  And me? Well, I’d kept going.

  What else was there to do?

  “You know, Molly and Dean Sutherland are set to be married this fall?”

  “I didn’t realize they’d set a date,” Jake replied, his eyes set on mine.

  “We haven’t. Terri just thinks a fall wedding is the best kind of wedding.”