"I want more, Colin."
"Are you certain?"
"Aye. Of course. Please. How many times must I ask?"
"No more." He bestowed a deep, ravishing kiss on her such as he'd not yet given her.
His hands behind her bent knees, he dragged her to the edge of the table, spreading her legs wider. She heard the rustle of his clothing and sporran.
"You can tell me to stop, if you wish it."
"Nay."
"I must warn you, it might be painful the first time."
"I ken it. Anna told me."
"If you will relax and be patient, the pleasure will come after that."
She could scarce breathe for the mixture of trepidation and anticipation. "I'm ready." She wanted to get the hard part over with.
Something gently touched her tender flesh, which he had licked and teased beyond endurance. He stroked through the moisture and prodded against her. She ached with the heated arousal.
"Aye," she breathed, fisting her hands in his hair.
Before she could worry more about the pain, he dragged her hips toward him and surged forward, breaching her like a battering-ram. The stabbing pain shocked her and she cried out. He covered her mouth with his and held still.
"Kristina? I'm sorry. I would never want to hurt you," he breathed against her mouth. "Are you well?"
"Aye." She was, wasn't she? Or at least she would be once the painful part was over. She could endure it; she'd endured far worse pain in the past.
"Try to relax, love," he rasped as if barely able to control himself.
"I am. And I'm ready for the pleasure." She wanted this passion with him, for she might never experience it again.
"I will endeavor to give you every ounce of pleasure possible." The smile was evident in his voice. "But you must be patient."
She nodded.
He withdrew and pressed forward again, into her. During the stabbing pain, she forced herself to remain silent, biting her lip, hoping the stinging would diminish. She was surprised when he placed his hands beneath her hips, lifted her into his arms and drove deeper. Then paused again.
"That's it, mo chridhe. Relax."
Suddenly, she realized the pleasure was increasing, while the pain was decreasing. "Aye, more."
He kissed her lips, sliding his tongue into her mouth. His movements quickened, and with each thrust, the pleasure climbed.
"Oh, Colin." Her breath caught. She had never imagined this feeling. Fulfilled aching pleasure, rising higher with each moment. Sliding, plunging deeper. "Aye."
He growled a curse. The profound passion latched onto her again, and she felt as if her mind flew toward the moon. Colin shook against her, grinding himself deeper, and heat flooded her.
Her face pressed to his, they gasped for breath. Good heavens! What an astounding sensation. It did not seem real or possible.
Withdrawing, he kissed her cheek. "Did I hurt you?"
"Nay. No more than I asked for, at any rate. 'Twas amazing!"
"So you are hurt?" He adjusted her clothing back into place.
"Only a wee bit tender." She smiled, for the pleasure had blotted out the pain.
Loud revelers passed the door outside, making Kristina jump. Thankfully, they did not try to enter the room, and their talk and laughter faded. Though the music and dancing from the great hall was still boisterous.
"I'd best take you up the back stairs to your chamber," Colin said.
"Aye."
After opening the door and checking the hallway, he returned and picked her up. "The steps are uneven. Hold on and I'll carry you."
She nodded, slipping her arms around his shoulders.
His hands at her back and under her knees, he moved quickly up the stairs. His thighs must indeed be strong. She hoped they didn't meet any servants or clan members. She did not want to be the gossip of the castle.
In the upper corridor, he quickly but quietly walked along, carrying her.
"What are you about, Colin Cameron?" asked a deep voice to their left.
Kristina's heart felt as if it vaulted into her throat.
Chapter Thirteen
At the sound of the voice, Colin spun around, Kristina still cradled in his arms, to find Fraser MacKenzie lounging curiously against the wall near a sconce, a smirk upon his lips.
"Fraser. I didn't see you there. Lady Kristina grew tired, and I'm carrying her to her chamber."
Fraser pushed away from the wall and stepped forward. "Is this true, m'lady? Or is this rogue set on defiling you?" he asked in a droll tone.
Kristina bit her lip, but a wee grin peeked out. And even in the low light, Colin could see her blush. "Stop your teasing, Fraser!"
He snickered.
"You're but jealous because she's impervious to your charm," Colin jested to cover his own discomfort.
Fraser snorted. "Nonsense. No lass is impervious to my charm."
Ignoring him, Colin set her to her feet and opened the door to her chamber. "Here you are, Lady Kristina. I'll send in a maid to help you. Can you manage on your own until then?"
"Aye, I've learned my way around the room. I thank you for the help."
Colin closed the door and turned to Fraser. Blast the man and his interruption. "Come, let's find a maid."
"I saw the look on her face." Devilment gleamed in his blue eyes.
Hell, Colin hoped she didn't look like a woman who had been well pleasured. Mayhap he meant the blush. "You embarrassed her."
"Not that. The other expression. I'm certain you saw it for yourself."
Colin gave him a blank look, hoping he didn't betray their secret. "I know not of what you speak."
"The lass is in love with you."
That brought Colin up short, for 'twas his fondest wish. "Do you honestly think so?"
Fraser chuckled. "Of course. Do you not see it?"
Colin frowned. "If I did, we wouldn't be having this conversation."
He knew he was falling for her, but was Kristina truly in love with him? If so, 'haps she would accept if he proposed to her. Now that he'd given in to his desires, he not only wanted to ask her to marry him, he needed to. Mayhap that was why he'd let his desires overwhelm him, so he would have no other choice but to ask her to be his wife. 'Twas what he wanted most in the world. So… now, regardless of his fears of rejection, he must propose as soon as possible, this night—once Fraser was elsewhere so he could slip back and speak with her.
"Mayhap you should go help her disrobe," Fraser suggested. "I'm certain she would like your help more than a maid's."
Well, of course, he would love to do that, but since he had an audience, he certainly wouldn't. "I think not. What are you doing, lurking about up here?"
Fraser shrugged. "I but went to my guest chamber for a… sip of my favorite whisky."
"This is the ladies' corridor."
A sneeze sounded farther along.
"Who's down there?" Colin whispered.
Fraser's eyes widened in exaggerated surprise. "'Haps 'tis a maid."
Colin hastened toward the alcove, Fraser following, and did indeed find a pretty young maid hiding there. 'Twas no accident both she and Fraser were here. "Is this knave taking advantage of you?" Colin asked.
Her face darkening in the lantern light, the maid shook her head.
"Lady Kristina could use your help," Colin said.
"Aye, sir." She curtsied and hastened to Kristina's chamber.
"Bastard," Fraser hissed drily.
Colin snorted with laughter.
"That lass was trying to seduce me," Fraser said.
"I'm certain," he said doubtfully.
"I'll make a bargain with you. When she comes out, look the other way while the maid drags me to my chamber, and neither of us will watch you walk into Lady Kristina's chamber."
"I had no intention of going in there," Colin said, hating to lie, but he needed to protect Kristina's reputation.
"But you would like to. And now that I've mentioned it, you
can think of naught else."
Colin lifted a brow, glaring at the younger man. He was not like Fraser, was he? Chasing the skirts of any lass who gave him a long glance? Nay, 'twas Kristina, only, who turned his head. He could not deny he was fascinated by her. And now that they'd shared the greatest of intimacies, he had every intention of keeping her in his life.
"As long as that maid kens well what she's getting herself into, and is in agreement with it, I'll say naught," Colin said.
"And I'll not mention I saw you carrying Lady Kristina." Fraser stuck his hand out for a shake, but Colin ignored it.
"I have carried her before," he said defensively.
"But not up here." Fraser raised a brow in challenge. "You're besotted with her. 'Tis no secret. Everyone kens of it."
"What?" How could everyone know that?
"Aye, the way you look at her as if she's the sweetest angel."
Colin rolled his eyes. He'd had no idea his face was so expressive. He would have to guard against that from now on.
The maid exited Kristina's room. "Her ladyship said she did not need my help." She curtsied and hastened up the stairs.
Colin frowned, while Fraser eagerly chased after the maid.
Surprised, Colin glanced around, seeing that the corridor was empty. Listening for a long moment, he heard no one about. He then crept to Kristina's door and knocked lightly.
"Who is it?" she asked.
"Me. Colin."
"Enter."
He eased open the door and stepped inside, finding a low hearth fire lighting the room to a dim glow.
"Why did you send the maid away?" he asked.
"I was afraid she might see… um, you know." Kristina pressed her lips closed tightly.
Damnation. He'd forgotten there would be blood. He was not accustomed to deflowering virgins.
"I'll help you."
"Are you certain? Surely 'tis unusual for a man to help a woman in this way."
"I don't mind. In fact, I want to assist you in any way I can. I hope you can trust me."
"Of course I do."
He was honored and humbled that she did. After barring the door, he poured cool water from the pitcher into the basin.
"Anna told me… a woman would bleed the first time," she whispered.
He took her hand and drew her closer to the basin. "'Tis true, and I'm sorry I caused you injury."
"Nay, don't be. 'Tis what I wanted—to be a full-grown woman. Never regret it. I realize now that I could've simply told the maid 'twas my monthly courses. But I panicked and was not thinking clearly."
He smiled, loving Kristina's forthrightness. He doubted any other woman would've spoken about such feminine issues to him. "I'm glad you sent her away, because I wanted to help you. Now, I must remove your clothes."
She nodded.
Trying his best to tamp down his arousal, he slowly and gently removed each article of clothing from her body.
Once she was nude and standing before him boldly, without trying to hide, he took in the stunning beauty of her slim curves. "You are exquisitely lovely, mo ghraidh."
She shook her head and covered her red cheeks. "You have need of spectacles, I'm thinking."
"Ha." He had a difficult time taking his eyes off her in order to squeeze out the cloth. Once he did, he knelt before her. Despite his best efforts, need tightened his body yet again. "Spread your legs a wee bit so I can wash between."
"I can bathe myself." She held out her hand.
"I want to." He also wanted to make sure she had not bled excessively and that it had stopped. "If you will allow me." He placed her hand upon the tall bedpost for balance.
"Aye." She moved her bare feet farther apart.
When he stroked the cool cloth up her inner thigh, she sucked in a surprised gasp. "'Tis cold."
"That should be soothing." He rinsed the cloth in the cold water and applied it again.
"It does feel good," she confessed.
"Is the pain gone?"
"Aye," she breathed and closed her eyes, her lips parting.
"You are so beautiful," he whispered. Against his will, powerful arousal surged through him. Her innate sensuality and her trust in him were like an aphrodisiac.
He dropped the cloth into the basin, then pressed a kiss to her hip bone and one to her lower abdomen. Damnation, how he wanted her in every way.
Drawing in a deep and surprised breath, she tangled her fingers in his hair. "You're a remarkable man, Colin."
"And you're an astonishing woman." It took all his willpower to draw away from her.
After turning down the covers, he lifted her and placed her into bed. He then covered her up and gave her a quick kiss. A longer one would destroy his resolve to leave her be for now.
Some of his logic returning, he realized he should not leave her naked. "Where is your clean smock?"
"I have no need of it. Come, remove your clothes."
"What?" He gritted his teeth against the powerful surge of arousal.
"Shh. Someone might hear you," she whispered. "I would like it if you would join me."
"Saints," he hissed. "You do tempt me. But much as I would love to take you again, I cannot this soon. You're too sore, and you must recover."
"I feel fine."
"Nay. I refuse to." Glancing around, he saw a folded white linen smock lying on a nearby trunk. After retrieving it, he said, "Here, sit on the edge of the bed." He drew her into a sitting position.
"Why?"
"So I can dress you."
Once he had pulled the smock over her head and placed her arms into the sleeves, he pulled it down. Realizing this was the perfect time for the most important thing he wanted to ask her, he knelt before her and grasped her hands in his. He kissed the backs of them, wishing she could know how much he cherished her.
She smiled sweetly. "You are such a gentleman, Colin. And a treasure."
If she truly felt that way, mayhap she wouldn't reject him.
Once he was on the precipice of asking, his throat closed off and his tongue felt like a leaden weight in his mouth, unable to move. He cleared his throat and inhaled deeply, as if drawing in courage.
"Lady Kristina, would you do me the honor of… becoming my bride?"
Her mouth dropped open and she was silent for a long moment. "What?" Her unseeing eyes were wide and startled. Before he could respond, she shook her head, tears glistening on her lashes. "Nay."
Her answer had come so quickly it shocked him. "Why not? I thought you…" Nay, he could not finish that sentence. Devastation locked the rest of the words in his throat, near suffocating him. 'Twas just as he'd feared it would be.
"Colin, you do not have to marry me just because we… you know. I've already told you, I would never wish to burden you or any man with my affliction." She wiped the tears from her cheeks.
Though he understood what she was trying to tell him, he shook his head. Did she not understand? "You would never be a burden to me." As he saw it now, she was the only woman for him. He pulled in a deep breath to dispel the constricting disappointment. He had to convince her to change her mind. "'Tis not because we shared a bed, so to speak, that I want to marry you. 'Tis because I love you."
"Oh, Colin," she whispered. "I love you, too."
He scowled in confusion. "Then why will you not marry me?"
"'Tis impossible for me to be a suitable and able-bodied wife. Surely you know that."
"That may be what you believe, but 'tis not true. You are a remarkable, strong and resourceful woman who can do many things on your own. How could you possibly think you're not suitable?"
"Many reasons." Tears dripped from her eyes, each one like a knife blade to his soul. "You do not even know if your clan or your father would approve of me and accept me. Being blind, I cannot oversee a castle. I have no wealth or alliances to bring to your clan. They would see no benefit in it."
"I don't care what they think," he growled.
"Well, I do," she said stubbo
rnly. "You don't know what it's like to not be accepted. To have people laugh at you or make rude comments about a scar on your face. People must think I'm deaf, too, for they say whatever they're thinking, no matter how mean and bitter. I do not want to make your life miserable or cause you to be ridiculed. I love you and I wish you to have a wonderful life."
Her words were so ridiculous, fury inundated him. "The only way I can possibly have a wonderful life is if you agree to be my wife," he snapped. "And if you truly loved me you would not be rejecting my suit right now."
She buried her face in her hands and sobbed.
Regret gutted him. He arose, sat on the bed beside her and pulled her against him. He placed a kiss on top of her head, her silken hair tickling his lips. "Damnation, lass. I'm sorry," he whispered.
"I'm sorry, too, Colin. How I wish things could be different. How I wish I had my sight back."
His heart ached for her. "You are perfect just as you are."
Shaking her head, she pressed her eyes closed, more tears trailing downward.
He wiped them away with his thumbs. "Why will you not listen to me? Why will you not be reasonable?"
"Why will you not?"
He blew out a frustrated breath.
"'Tis my fondest wish to be a good wife for you, Colin, but I cannot. I have too many limitations. I will not have you carry me everywhere I go in unfamiliar places. I will not have you be the laughingstock of your people for having a disfigured and blind wife who cannot be of any service to you or your clan."
He did not expect her to be of service. He but wanted to cherish her, take care of her and protect her all of his days.
"Kristina—"
She put her hand up and shook her head.
Damnation, what could he say or do to convince her that she was good enough? She was exceptional in every way. Why couldn't she understand this?
"If I get the approval of my father and my clan, will you agree to marry me then?"
"That will not bring back my sight, Colin," she whispered. "That will not dissolve the scar from my face."
"The scar doesn't matter. Most people have scars of one sort or another. As for your sight, 'tis not necessary. We have plenty of servants and a housekeeper to oversee the castle."
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