The Hadra

by Diana Rivers

  We made an odd little procession. Ozzet carried Markla to the meeting house. Pell and Kazouri carried Friana, while Zheran and I rushed ahead to make a pallet for her. Tama followed with the baby. Other women came trailing after us, to help or to look. They stayed hovering in the doorway.

  When we got Friana settled, we tucked the baby in beside her. “Rest now,” I whispered, gently brushing the hair back from her injured face. “I will be back in a while. Time enough to talk of all this later, after you have had some sleep.”

  “No!” she said fiercely, gripping my wrist with surprising strength. “Stay! We must talk now, Tazzil. Later may be too late. I have not come all this way to lose everything for a little sleep. Prop me up so I can talk.” Even as she spoke, she struggled to sit up again. I helped her, and other women quickly brought pillows to support her back. Her voice was raspy and forced. Every word was clearly an effort, but she went on. “The first thing is the children. If anything happens to me, keep them and protect them. He wants them dead, at least the little one. And if Garrell and I both die, then take them to Sierran. She is like a sister to me and will raise them as her own. But not if he is still alive. That would put Sierran and her family in grave danger.”

  She gave a deep sigh and shut her eyes as if she were done. I was going to ease her down, but she opened her eyes again and fastened me with her stare. “Not yet, Tazzil. I am not finished yet. I must say it all and you must listen. This is important. Garrell is a very angry man and his anger grows worse all the time. In his head, many things have gotten mixed up together. He blames all of you, as well as me, for what he sees as his defeat. He feels Zelindar was stolen from our people by Lorren’s trickery and Norn’s treachery. He thinks he could have won the land for good with one more fight because Norn was getting too old to hold on. But Norn and Lorren and the Wanderers and especially the ‘dirty filthy Hadra’ all conspired to cheat him out of his victory, a victory he believes was rightly his. He also thinks the women among his people betrayed him and that I, his wife, led this betrayal. This is what he thinks when he is very drunk on yors. When he is sober, he knows I love him and have stood by him. But now he is drunk and bitter more often than not. His own people are turning against him. There is even talk of choosing a new leader, one who is less warlike, less filled with violence. He takes this as one more sign of betrayal and cannot see his own part in it.

  “He was the one who wanted this new baby. I would have been happy with two. Our lives are still too hard. There is still too much to do and build and plant for us to be able to support many children, but he wanted another son. For him, that would have been a sign of favor from the gods. It would have restored his pride. And he was sure it would have secured his place as leader far into the future.

  “When the baby was a girl, he was furious. He stayed drunk for a week. He did not even want to see her. He refused to hold her, shouting angrily, ‘How do I even know it is mine? I said I wanted a boy and look what you gave me. How do I know you did not lie down with some other man?’ All my assurances were meaningless to him. We have not even had a naming for her. Then he said he wanted to try again right away for a boy-child, that we should make another baby. When I said I could not care for more than three children, he said he could fix that by doing away with the baby. As luck would have it, she was not with me at that moment or he surely would have killed her. I cried and pleaded with him. He got furious, saying I loved this ugly baby more than I loved him. Then he beat me, as you can see. Finally, he threw me down on the floor and left the house, nailing the doors shut to make me his prisoner. As he went he shouted, ‘I am going to find those girls and deal with them now. No man needs two girl-children in his life.’

  “Of course, everyone had heard him, for he was shouting very loudly. They hid the children from his vengeance. Luckily for us, he was too drunk to search for long. When he fell asleep in the street, my sister came to free me. She brought me my children and a horse and sent me on my way. I left Amrald. He will come to no harm from his father, but the other two are in danger. The baby he would surely kill. She represents all his troubles. Even Markla is not safe with him. He has no love for her and has beaten her before for answering him in her own way. I have no doubt that he would kill me, too, if he had the chance, now that I have run away from him and am making myself free of his will. In this mood he is a very dangerous man. Everything serves to fuel his anger. I will not go back. Truly, I would kill myself first. If we cannot stay here, perhaps we could take refuge in some other Kourmairi settlement or perhaps among the Hadra farther up the coast.”

  “Oh, Friana, we would never send you away. We are pledged to your safety. You and the children will find a home among us. That was part of the agreement with the Kourmairi. I always wondered why you did not come sooner, why you stayed so long with that man. It was clear long before this that he was mistreating you.”

  “How can I tell it so you can understand?” She was shaking her head and tears were shining in her eyes. “We were children together. We shared our dreams. He was my first lover and I was his. When his father was killed he became chief. I was so proud of him, but I was afraid for him too. He was so young, too young for all the weight life thrust on his shoulders. Also, he was very bitter and hurt because of his father’s death. I was not just his lover and his wife, I was his best friend as well, the one he trusted with his innermost secrets, with his real self. When he started getting violent, I understood that it was the pressure driving him. And each time he was so sorry and so ashamed. How could I abandon him to his shame?

  “I thought things would be better with peace, but they only got worse. He was so young. He wanted so much to win for his people. Instead, we had to leave, and the despised Hadra got to live where we should have been, here on his father’s land—at least that is how he sees it. He feels he has failed, been made a fool of, because Lorren outtalked him. Now he is a bitter, lost man who has turned his anger on the one person who loved him above all else. And now, of course, I have done as he said; I, too, have betrayed him.” She began coughing and could not go on. Tears were running down her face unheeded. It was very painful to see her weeping for a man who wished to kill her children and would most likely kill her too if he had the chance.

  “Now sleep,” I said, trying to ease her down. “It is time for you to sleep and gain back your strength. Your daughters are safe here with us.” Carefully I brushed away her tears with my sleeve. This time she let herself be lowered down, but before she shut her eyes, she tugged on my hand to draw me close. “Be careful, Tazzil, be very careful. He is an extremely dangerous man and he is sure to come here looking for me.” Then she closed her eyes, her breathing changed, and she was gone from consciousness. When I straightened up, I found myself looking straight into Alyeeta’s eyes. She had witnessed the whole scene and was now watching me with a strange expression on her face. She shook her head at me, then turned away without a word and slipped out of the meeting house.

  Olna settled by the mat with her hand over Friana’s heart, watching while the exhausted woman slept. Shartel and Kazouri guarded the door. Zheran sat with Markla in her lap while Tama ran to get some food for the child. I went to make sure the horse had been cared for and to see about doubling the watch. I also sent messengers to Lorren and to Norn and another messenger to warn the Wanderers and to say we wanted to consult with them.

  That night we called a meeting to explain what had happened, not just a council meeting but a meeting of the whole settlement of Zelindar. Most of the Hadra and all the Kourmairi women among us spoke in favor of offering Friana shelter. Many said they would take turns guarding and helping her. Only Rishka had some angry words to say. “There are more and more draiga every day, wanting to shelter in our city, and this one comes with a whole bag of troubles. I have no doubt that she will cause far more grief than she is worth.”

  With that, Alyeeta stood up and said quietly, “I think we have no choice but to take her in. Nonetheless, we should h
ave some wariness of a woman who lies to us about her man’s violence and who still grieves for him.” Her words were fair and well chosen and, for Alyeeta, very moderate. Even so, they threw a chill of foreboding over the meeting.

  In the next few days, Lorren as well as several other Wanderers came to confer with us. There was tension and wariness all through the settlement. I had no doubt that Friana was right: Garrell was likely a very dangerous man. I also had no doubt that sooner or later he would come to Zelindar to claim her, in spite of our agreements with the Koormir. All of us were watchful in a way we had not been for years. Yet in the end, when he came, it was not to Zelindar but to Wanderer Hill. Perhaps he thought to find more sympathy there.

  Five days after Friana had taken refuge with us, the Wanderer Ormorth came looking for me. He was a big man given to few words. “Garrell is at Wanderer Hill, demanding to be heard. Lorren asked for you to come as quickly as you can.” It would have taken too long to find Dancer. I called out to Pell and Rishka to follow as fast as they could and climbed on behind Ormorth on his large, bony horse. It was like riding on Crusher again. I was glad we were going no farther than Wanderer Hill.

  Already I could hear word going out through the settlement that Garrell had come. Friana was standing in the doorway as we rode by, holding onto the door frame and still looking very frail and shaky. “What is it, Tazzil? I heard all the commotion. Is it Garrell? Is he here?”

  “Yes, it is Garrell, but fortunately he came to Wanderer Hill instead of here. Possibly he thought that Lorren, as a man, could understand, whereas the Hadra would all be against him. You are still very weak. You do not need to come and face him. We can speak for you. Perhaps, if all goes well, you will not need to see him at all.”

  She nodded and gave me a feeble little wave. “Good luck with him, Tazzil. He will not make it easy. Remember what I said. He is a very dangerous man.”

  We went as fast as we could with two people on that big awkward mount. Ormorth offered no comments and I asked no questions, wanting only to be there soon to end the misery of the ride. As I came rushing into the room, I heard Lorren say, “We will not begin until Tazzil is here.” From the tone of his voice, I thought it was probably not the first time he had said those words.

  The huge meeting hall was packed with Wanderers. They must have been gathering for days. Benches lined the back of the hall; in one corner there was a raised platform on which Lorren, Garrell, Yolande, and Bathrani were seated. Except for those last two, I think I was the only woman in the room, but it was hard to tell, for among the Wanderers men and women dress much alike. When Garrell saw me enter, he said hastily, “She is here. Now we can begin.”

  “No,” I answered quickly. “Not until Pell and Rishka are here. I do not want to be the only Hadra present.” There was a strained silence after that until Pell and Rishka rushed into the room, flushed and breathless. Then Lorren nodded and said to Garrell in a strangely formal way, “You may now proceed.”

  Garrell had been seated. With those words he jumped to his feet, looked all around the room, took a commanding pose, and began holding forth as if he had prepared a speech for his followers. “I have come here to speak of my wife, Friana, and to ask you, Lorren, for some help in this matter. This woman has left home, gone from her husband’s side, abandoned one child, stolen the other two, run to hide with the Hadra—and all for no reason. I have no doubt these Hadra women had some hand in it. Perhaps they have been plotting it all this time. They may not be above stealing the children of others. Someone among them may even have been her secret lover and taught her all their filthy tricks. Or perhaps she was lured there by their promises of an easy, lustful life. If they are willing to steal away a man’s wife, they would no doubt stop at nothing, not even—”

  “Not true! None of that is true! Not one word!” I shouted. I was seething with anger and shaken by the terrible injustice of his words.

  “Quiet, Tazzil, wait, you will have your turn. Let the man speak. Let him finish what he has to say.”

  “But…But…” The words were pressing against my lips, wanting to burst out. I could not believe Lorren was silencing me in this way. It seemed as if he were siding with Garrell. I could feel Rishka’s rage on one side of me, ready to boil over. Pell, on the other side, took my arm in a tight grip and said in my ear, “Patience, Tazzi, it will all come round. You must trust Lorren. He has his ways and this is his place. Just wait a little while and see how it turns.”

  Encouraged by my being silenced, Garrell went on, “I have been a good husband, given her children and a home, and now she has repaid me with this ingratitude. I believe she has been schooled by the Hadra, who hate men. They have turned her mind against me. I have come to seek justice here for the harm done to me. That is all I ask for.” He gave a slight nod of his head, as if to indicate that he was done.

  “Lies! All lies!” a voice shouted from the back. “How dare you come before all these people and tell such lies?” Garrell gasped. All heads turned. It was Friana, standing on a bench at the back of the room. Her fists were raised. She was shaking them at Garrell. Made strong and beautiful by the flame of anger, she looked totally different from the wan and feeble woman I had left such a short time before. There were no tears now. It was as if anger had burned all that away. She must have come with Kazouri, who was standing next to her, large and protective.

  Garrell lunged as if to go at Friana, but was restrained by his own men, who had leapt up on the platform. Several Wanderers moved instantly to stand in front of him. Garrell’s face was blotched with anger and his scar was throbbing vividly. “Silence! As your husband, I order you to be quiet. I order you! Who are you to come here and contradict me? I will teach you obedience soon enough.”

  “Garrell, you will sit down. You will order no one to do anything right now,” Lorren said forcefully. “This is Wanderer space and you are a guest here. You have had your say and we have all listened politely. Now it is Friana’s turn to speak and to be heard. If you cannot abide by that, then you may leave now, but you cannot disrupt this gathering with your outbursts.”

  “She is only a woman. Why would you listen to her stories? She will lie if—”

  “Silence!” Ormorth roared.

  “Sit down now or leave,” Lorren added. “There is to be no violence here and no threat of violence.” Garrell’s two companions almost pushed him into a chair. Then they stood on either side of him, each with a hand on his shoulder, as if to prevent him from leaping up again.

  Friana went on as if she had not been interrupted. “I am still weak, trying to recover from the beating you gave me, yet I knew I had to come here to speak for myself. I knew that no one else could do that for me. How can you lie about me that way when I am the one who loved you and stood by you all those years; I am the one who bore your children and suffered your blows. I even lied to other women when they questioned me about my cuts and bruises, because I could not bear to shame you in their eyes. You were my husband; I would have stayed with you all my life. But when you threatened to kill our baby, I knew it was time to leave. I had no other choice.”

  “I did not mean it. I was drunk,” Garrell called out, struggling to rise again against the restraining hands of his companions. “I never would have harmed our child. Never!”

  Lorren said sharply, “I tell you again, man, keep your peace. Later you may have another chance to speak.”

  At the same moment, Friana said, “Not so. Drunken men kill as well as sober ones. A baby is a fragile thing that can easily be broken. It cannot be mended like a beaten wife. ‘Sorry’ will not bring a baby back to life again.” Then she turned her gaze on Lorren. “Now I would like to come forward and face this man and look him in the eye while I speak the truth of my life with him, or at least the truth as I have lived it. This is the only time I will ever tell my story to so many, and these are likely the last words Garrell will hear from me.”

  Lorren nodded. “Find your own place to speak from, Fria
na.”

  Friana walked slowly to the front of the room, with all eyes on her and the way parting before her. Kazouri stayed close by her side. Friana stopped near Garrell, though far enough back so he could not reach her with one leap. At the same time, Bathrani left her seat on the platform and slipped quickly through the crowd to stand on the other side of Friana. Now I could sit back and listen. It was Garrell’s turn to be choking on unspoken words.

  “I want you to be able to see me clearly, Garrell, so that you know I speak my own words and my own truth and am under no compulsion from another. This is not the Hadra who speak through me, nor is it the Wanderers. This is Friana speaking, the woman who was your wife for so many years. Even now, I bear the marks of your fists on my face and on my body. I want you to also see those clearly, so you cannot pretend that beating did not happen. The story I tell is not something I learned from the Hadra or the Witches. It is what I learned from my own life; it is written on my own body.”

  Occasionally stumbling over the words, Friana told her story slowly and thoughtfully, chronicling all those unspoken years of blows and abuse. We listened in silence. Sometimes she faltered. Sometimes she shook so that she could barely stand, but when anyone reached out a hand to steady her, she brushed them away. At the end of it she said, “There, it is finished, it has all been said. It never needs to be said again.” She made a slight nod to us all and added, “Thank you for hearing me. No one has ever heard me before, never in all that time. I told no one.” Then to Garrell she said softly, “I am sorry, Garrell, that it came to this. I wish it could have been different between us. I grieve for your pain. I tried so hard. I really loved you once. All that is over now.” As Friana turned to leave, she stumbled suddenly and would have fallen if Kazouri had not grabbed her arm. Bathrani moved quickly to steady her from the other side. Friana left the room supported between them.