Finding My Forever

by Michelle,Shevawn

  Finding My Forever

  ∞ A Finding Strength Companion Novel ∞

  By

  Shevawn Michelle

  Appreciation from the Author

  First and foremost, my thanks go to God. Without Him, none of this would be possible.

  To my husband, Jason, thank you for your continued support throughout this entire journey. I’m grateful I have you take this walk in life with. I love you.

  My Mom and my Daughter, Sheryl Frye and Kimberli Holloway for always supporting me and helping when I seem to get stuck. I love you both.

  To my son, SPC Joseph Holloway, thank you for always supporting me, encouraging me, I love you.

  To my Dad, Paul Frye, thank you for always cheering me on from the sidelines, even though you’re not a reader. I love you.

  To The Boss and My Twin, A.C. Wilson and Dawn Schulte, you girls rock. There’s no other way to say it. I’m thankful for every day that you have been a part of my life. There’s a lot more to come, the journey has only begun! I love you both.

  To my PA, Chelsi Davis, your friendship means a lot to me. Thank you for always having my back! From our book talks to personal talks, I’ve enjoyed every minute! Much love!

  To Brittney Benfield, thank you so much for all of the help you have given me. Your support and friendship are priceless! Much love to you!

  To my betas, Elizabeth Grubbs, Amy Hicks, Sharon Holland, Robin Mills, Antoinette Hord, Michelle Shealy, and Leann Bozeman, thank you! Without your feedback, I’d be lost!

  To the bloggers, you guys make it possible for our work to be seen. Thank you for the endless hours of hard work you put into the Indie and Published World.

  To the readers, where would we be without you? It’s you that keeps us writing. Thank you for taking time out of your lives to share in the worlds in which we have created on paper.

  Copyright Information

  Thank you for purchasing this book. Finding My Forever remains the copyrighted property of the author, and may not be reproduced, copied and distributed for commercial or non-commercial purposes without written permission of the author.

  If you enjoyed this book, please encourage your friends to purchase their own copy. Thank you for your support.

  This is a work of fiction. All names, characters, places and events are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  ©2016 Shevawn Michelle

  All Rights Reserved.

  Cover Design

  Double J Book Graphics

  ∞ Chapter 1 ∞

  Braxton watched as Allie packed up the last of the boxes and sealed it shut with packing tape. The sound echoed off of the now bare walls of her bedroom. It was as if the tape mocked him, sealing off his dream of one day holding this girl in front of him; of one day claiming her as his own. He hadn’t told her, too scared to let her know just how much he truly loved her. It would surely ruin their friendship and there is no way he could risk losing her.

  Allie Johnson had been Braxton’s best friend ever since he could remember. He’s been her protector for just as long. Now she’s packing up and moving across the country to attend the University of Southern California. No matter how many times Braxton tried to convince her to stay and go to the University of Alabama with him, she refused. Allie needed to experience life away from small town Gardendale, Alabama. According to Allie, she needed a bigger city to spread her wings in. Her dreams were too big to be contained.

  “Can you help me carry these down to my car?”

  “Sure.”

  Braxton slowly walked over to the box sitting on her bed that Allie has just sealed. Something fierce inside of him makes him wrap his arms around her, pulling her into his chest. He took in the scent of her hair, a light strawberry, the softness of her skin as his cheek pressed against her neck, the feel of her slender body, and how it fit perfectly against his own. The gentle beat of her heart thrummed in time with his own. There is nothing he wanted more in that moment than to freeze time, to keep her there in his arms. Braxton knew he had to let go. He reluctantly let his arms fall to his sides but he placed a kiss to Allie’s temple before releasing her completely. As he looked deep into her eyes, he let the truth of his words flow through the sound of his voice, hoping to convey to Allie just how much she really meant to him. Maybe she would see the truth in his eyes. Hoping and praying that if she felt even slightly for him as he felt for her, she would let him know.

  “I’m going to miss you, Allie. I love you.”

  “I’m going to miss you, too. We’ll talk every day. You’re my best friend and you know I love you. I’ll be home for Thanksgiving before you know it. Now, come on and help me get these to my car.” Allie bumped her hip into Braxton’s, then picked up one of the three remaining boxes on her bed. Braxton stacked the other two boxes and followed Allie to her car.

  It wasn’t the response he had been hoping for and his heart seized a little. Disappointment seared his soul, a dreadful reminder that she wasn’t his. If this was all she could offer though, he’d take it, at least for now. Braxton was definitely not one to give up.

  With the car packed, the time had come for Allie to leave. The reality of it sank into Braxton’s mind, and his heart. Braxton was no stranger to goodbyes. He’d had his fair share of them with the loss of his biological father when he was only two, and his mother when he was ten, but there’s something about this goodbye that broke him in a different way. Of course, all he wanted for Allie was for her to be okay, to live her dreams, and to be happy. Even when that meant setting aside what he knew would make him happy to give her that. Besides, Allie was clueless as to how he felt, so he couldn’t expect her to know just how hard it was for him to let her go.

  “Hey, I’ll only be a few states away.”

  “Twenty-nine hours and six states away.”

  “Don’t say it like that. It sounds closer saying a few states away.” Allie smiled up at Braxton trying to ease some of the sadness that surrounded them with humor. It fell a little flat in the still air. “I need to go, it’s going to take me a while to get there as it is. I’ll call you when I stop for the night.”

  “Be safe, drive carefully, and you had better call me.”

  “I promise.” Allie tilted her head to the side and gave Braxton a small, timid grin. “Goodbye, Brax.”

  Braxton moved to stand in front of Allie, he pulled her into him one more time. Allie returned the hug with as much tenacity as Brax had. Both of them tried to draw enough strength from each other to let go.

  “It’s not goodbye, Allie; it’s only see ya later.”

  Allie turned back to the car and lowered herself into the seat. One glance at Braxton revealed the solitary tear that had slipped from her eye. Closing the door, Allie started the car, put it into reverse and backed out of the driveway. Braxton could do nothing more than watch as his best friend left taking his entire heart with her. If only she knew how tight the hold she had on him was. Braxton wished he had the courage to throw caution to the wind and just tell her how his heart longed to be hers, to love, care for, and to cherish. In return, he wanted nothing more than for her heart to belong to him.

  Only him.

  It may have only been a few minutes, but to Braxton, it felt like an eternity since Allie had left. He turned on his heel, the fissure in heart became bigger, deeper with each step he took. There was no easy fix. He would have to lay it all on the line, eventually. Just not today, not now. Braxton knew Allie needed to experience life outside of Gardendale. He knew that she wasn’t one to be contained to small town life. There was so much that she hadn’t seen or done. As much as it hurt to watch her wa
lk away, he knew that this was what she needed.

  Forgoing dinner that night, Braxton sat on his bed surrounded by photos revealing the past. All of the good times he and Allie shared, which was every single important event that had happened in his twenty short years, and all of the not so important things as well. From birthday parties, to dances, to getting his braces off while Allie had just gotten hers put on. Moments spent in the backyard under the big oak tree, and all the little moments in between, stared back at him. Each photo causing his heart to squeeze a little bit tighter. Angry at himself for being a coward, Braxton swept his arm across the bed sending the pictures flying in the air. He watched as they drifted to the floor.

  Rubbing his hands over his face, he tried to get his emotions in check and shake off the burning anger running in his veins. It took a few minutes for him to calm himself. Abruptly standing from the bed, he moved to the floor and began picking up the scattered memories, putting them back into the box he kept them in. One last glance and he put lid back into place.

  With his stomach protesting loudly at the missed meal, Braxton took his cell phone with him as he went to the kitchen to find something to eat. Allie had been on the road for thirteen hours now and he knew she should be stopping for the night soon. He was trying not to worry, but that seemed to be a feat that was nearly impossible. Rummaging through the pantry looking for something simple to make and not seeing anything, he closed the cabinet door and tried the freezer instead. Finding a frozen pizza, he turned the oven on and slid the pizza inside. He sat at the table waiting for the timer, drumming his nails against the grainy wood. Excitement and relief rolled over him when his phone screen lit up displaying Allie’s name.

  “Hello?”

  “Hey, Brax.”

  “How far did you make it?”

  “I’m in a town called San Angelo. Texas is huge. I feel like I am never going to make it out of this state.”

  “There’s always tomorrow. Did you have any problems?”

  The timer went off for Braxton’s pizza and he listened to Allie tell him about her trip so far as he pulled the delicious smelling pie from the oven. He downed two slices before Allie was done telling him about all of the sights she saw. She was so animated and excited to share this with Braxton. It made him feel a little better knowing that she was happy. This was why he wouldn’t tell her, he would never be able to forgive himself if she didn’t get the chance to experience this. Once they said their goodbyes, the heartache he had felt watching her leave came creeping back in. Braxton struggled to hang on to the happiness hearing Allie’s voice gave him. It was of no use, though.

  “You finally got hungry enough to come out of your room, huh?”

  Braxton just nodded his head while Zak took the seat across from him at the table. Zak was Braxton’s step-dad technically, but Braxton never referred to him as that. In every sense, Zak was Braxton’s only dad. He didn’t remember much of his biological father, Jacob, who had been senselessly murdered when Braxton was little. Most of the memories he had of him are through the stories written in the diary his mother left for him before she passed away.

  “Have you talked to Allie?”

  “I just got off the phone with her a few minutes ago. She’s in some town in Texas.”

  “You okay?”

  “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

  “Well, for starters, the girl, who is your best friend, that you are in love with has just left for the next four years.”

  “I’m not in love with her.”

  Braxton tried to deny it, but anyone with a set of eyes would be able to see right through him. He wasn’t sure how Allie hadn’t figured it out yet, but maybe she wasn’t looking hard enough. Then again, maybe she was and didn’t feel the same and to keep from hurting his feelings, pretended she didn’t notice. The thought sent another round of sadness sweeping through him like the wind moves through the trees on a warm summer day.

  “Yes, you are. Don’t try to deny it. You haven’t told her, have you?” Zak questioned, leveling Braxton with a look that dared him to rebuff his assessment.

  “No, I haven’t. I can’t.”

  “You need to. Maybe not now, but when the time is right, don’t waste the chance.”

  “You sound like Mom.”

  “Good. Maybe you’ll remember that later on. I mean it, Son, when you feel something so strong that you feel as if you’ll drown without it…don’t wait.”

  “Thanks, Dad. I just can’t tell her now. She needs this. She needs some freedom away from here, away from me.”

  Zak stood and placed a firm hand on Braxton’s shoulder before leaning down to him, “Sometimes you have to go through a valley to get to the mountain. Live your life for you now. Keep her close, but give her the space she needs. If she loves you in return, she’ll find her way back to you.”

  She was never mine.

  How would she come back to something she didn’t want to begin with?

  Braxton remained at the table for a few more minutes before the sorrow of the day became too much. Dragging himself from the chair, he halfway cleaned the mess from his dinner and slowly trudged to his bed. Not even bothering to change clothes, he kicked his shoes off and fell on top of the comforter. Sleep was slow to come, but eventually the exhaustion won out and his eyes drifted shut.

  ∞ Chapter 2 ∞

  The week slowly passed by. The hands of the clock continued ticking away every second. A constant reminder that no matter how slow it seemed, time marched on. Braxton’s classes were scheduled to start on Monday. This was his last free weekend at home before the semester started. With all of his friends already back on campus, he was left to fend for himself.

  Allie had called him when she made it to USC and since then, they had talked daily. It didn’t lessen the loneliness he felt not having her around, but it did reassure him that she was still very much a part of his life. She hadn’t gone out there and forgot about him; a fear he realized was silly. This was all so new for Braxton. A new path, a new day, and an entirely different life than the one he envisioned for himself. One thing Braxton knew for sure, life didn’t always play fair.

  Braxton didn’t have any plans for the weekend other than to spend time with his dad. He didn’t want to miss a moment that he could spend with Zak. They had been each other’s best friend and confidant, a crutch they could lean on during the darkest time in both their lives. Braxton was lounging on the couch when Zak came in from work.

  “You have anything planned this weekend?”

  “Nothing. Just hanging out here. Why?”

  “Pack a bag. We’re going to the cabin.”

  Zak had purchased a cabin in the woods in the mountains of northern Alabama not long after Anna, Braxton’s birth mother, passed away. He wanted a safe haven, a place that he could take Braxton to that didn’t remind them of Anna everywhere they looked, a place they could start putting the pieces of their lives back together. For a couple of weeks every summer, they would stay at the cabin. The peacefulness that surround the property, the clean air, mountains covered with trees, all painted a picture of pure serenity. It helped calm the soul. It allowed both of them to forget the reality of facing a life without the presence of Anna for those few weeks. It never changed how much they missed her, only lessening the pain of a loss so great. It also had brought Braxton and Zak closer. Zak was the only confidant, other than Allie, that he could bear his soul to without fear of persecution. He knew that Zak would always understand him and give him the advice he needed to hear, even if it wasn’t something Braxton wanted to agree with.

  The drive up was uneventful and only took a couple of hours. Northern Alabama was beautiful at any time of the year, but something about that day brought solace to Braxton. He knew it wasn’t going to be easy not having Allie within arm’s reach every day. It wasn’t something he had ever prepared for, but he now had to face. He would take this weekend to focus on himself. Not that he would forget her, but this was something he wanted
and needed to do. Trying to put the sadness out of his mind for at least these couple of days. Trying to enjoy nature, the company of his dad, and the quietness of the mountains. Braxton took in a lungful of fresh air before helping Zak unload the truck.

  “Get settled in, then we’ll head to town and get some dinner at Maxie’s Place.”

  “Sounds good. I’ll be ready in a few minutes.”

  Braxton unpacked his bag, took a quick shower, and was ready to go in a matter of a few minutes. He loved Maxie’s Place. The owner, Maxie, had taken a liking to him when he was young and always made sure to stop by their table to chat. She had even started bringing toy cars, books, and candy to him after the first couple of years. He knew she had come to expect them at the same time every year and he knew this visit would surprise her since it was not their typical vacation time.

  Zak had nodded off on the couch while waiting for Braxton to get ready.

  Shaking his shoulder, “Hey old man, you ready?”

  “Yeah,” he said through a yawn, standing and stretching. “Let’s go.”

  As Braxton knew she would be, Maxie was surprised, but very delighted that they were there. She showed them to the best table and brought them both a glass of sweet tea and a cup of coffee, then slid into the booth beside Zak.

  “What brings y’all up here at this time of year?”

  “Braxton is going back to school on Monday, so I drug him up here for one last weekend before he left.”

  “You didn’t drag me, Dad. I came willingly. Besides, who can say no to fishing? You did bring the fishing poles, right?”

  “Left them here the last time.”

  “Well, either way, I’m glad to see you both. What can I get you to eat?”

  Maxie pulled her order pad from the pocket of her apron and the pen from behind her ear and wrote as they both spouted out their order.