Finding My Forever

by Michelle,Shevawn

  There was only one truth that remained, he loved her. No matter how much she fought against him, or how much he let his pain take over him, he loved her. He thought about the way he left, the things he said. He wanted her to hurt as much as she had hurt him. Her face, tear stained and scared haunted him. He’d meant every word he’d said, but now he was regretting letting it get the best of him. How much damage would that do when it wasn’t his intentions at all? He may have just crushed his chances to fix this. He couldn’t fathom life without her in it. Now it wasn’t just her, but another being that was part of her no matter how it came about. He was an idiot, more so, an idiot without a clue as to what to do now.

  As he boarded the plane, there wasn’t enough words in the English language to describe how he felt. Heartbroken, worried, confused, and angry were only pieces of the chaos ensuing inside of him. He was tired to the point of giving up. The dream of calling her his was slipping away. Now made even more complicated by the situation they found themselves in. Braxton wondered how she got so far off course. How did she wind up making choices that could easily destroy her life? Allie had never had a problem fitting in or making friends and she was usually a good judge of character. Everything had been brand new to her, which was what she was looking for, to spread her wings and see the world on a much grander scale. Instead of soaring, she had managed to tailspin in a whirlwind that had put her in a downward spiral fast. She would have to figure it out, whatever it was she was hoping for, she would have to choose. In the meantime, he would be waiting.

  How long do you wait for someone who obviously doesn’t want you or your help?

  He pondered over the question, but the only true answer came before he had too much time to think about it.

  When you love someone with every ounce of your heart and soul, as long as it takes.

  ∞ Chapter 15 ∞

  The dorms were quiet when he returned, most of the students were still home for the holidays. He unpacked, then took a quick shower. Stretching out across his bed, he flipped through the channels looking for anything that would take his mind off Allie. Something had to give, he’d be no help to her, if she needed it, if he let this destroy him. She’d consumed his every thought the entire flight and drive home. He had a decision to make. Let her go completely, or continue loving her from afar. There wasn’t a single piece of him that wanted to let her go, so it had been an easy choice to make. He would back off, become scarce, yet try his best to keep up with her and how she was. If he could somehow find her friend, Katrina, maybe she would be willing to at least let him know if Allie was okay. For nothing more than to ease his mind.

  He fired up his laptop, pulled up his social media and finally logged in after several attempts at trying to remember his password. He didn’t use it very often, school took up a lot of his time, but he was glad he had a place to start looking. Finding Allie’s page, he noted that she had not posted anything, no update or pictures, since about a month after she started school. That was odd for her. She was usually posting every day, sometimes more than a few times. He scanned her friends list and as luck would have it, there was only one Katrina in her list. He clicked on her name and then sent a friend’s request to her after seeing her profile picture. This was her. Now he would have to wait and see if she accepted or not. It wasn’t even a minute later that the notification came through of her acceptance.

  Braxton opened up his messenger and being to type.

  Braxton: Hey, Katrina. I hope you remember me.

  Katrina: Hello! I remember you, Allie’s friend. What’s up?

  Braxton: Not sure if she’s talked to you, but I just left there yesterday. I went to check on her since she didn’t go home for Christmas. She told me her secret, then asked me to leave.

  Katrina: She told you? She didn’t go home?? She said she was going! Is she okay?

  Braxton: Honestly, I don’t know. I want to help her but she is refusing to let me. I need your help.

  Katrina: What can I do?

  Braxton: Will you please just keep me informed, let me know that she’s okay? If there’s something she needs, let me know and I’ll make sure you get it so she thinks it’s from you?

  Katrina: I can do that. Honey, I don’t know why she keeps pushing you away, but you’re definitely one of the good guys. I’ll be back there in three days. I’ll message you then.

  Braxton: Thanks, I really appreciate your help.

  Katrina: No problem.

  He closed his messenger and shut down his laptop, feeling somewhat more at ease knowing that someone would be looking after Allie. This was a much needed reprieve from the emotional wave he’d been riding for the past couple of months. There had been times he’d fall and felt pulled under, not knowing if he’d be able to get back up and ride again. Now he could breathe. He knew this fight was far from over, but now he felt as though he just might be able to win in the end.

  When classes started back up, Braxton was a little on edge. Katrina had let him know that Allie was presenting herself as okay, but she knew better. She’d informed him that Allie had a prescription that needed filled but was refusing to get it so that it wouldn’t show on her parents’ insurance. She also needed some new clothes since hers were now becoming a little tighter. Braxton didn’t hesitate and wired some money to Katrina. She’d promised to go pick up the prescription and clothes. Although they didn’t talk every day, they were becoming fast friends. Just one more person in his circle he was thankful for.

  Later that night, Katrina said Allie was squared away, so when Connor and Bently invited him to go to the pool hall, he readily agreed to go. He needed some time away doing something other than sitting cooped up in his room thinking. Three games of pool later, Bently disappeared chasing some leggy blonde, leaving Connor and Braxton alone. Connor came around the table and stood next to Braxton.

  “So, what’s been going on?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You’ve been out of it lately, actually for a while now. This has something to do with your friend, doesn’t it?”

  “What are you? Dr. Phil?” Braxton laughed and leaned the cue stick against the table. Connor nodded his head, then took a bow.

  “At your service.”

  “She’s been having it rough lately. Long story.”

  “Well, Bently won’t be back for a while,” hooking his thumb over his shoulder in Bently’s direction, “he’s like a stray animal begging for scraps.”

  Braxton didn’t want to share Allie’s secret, it wasn’t his to tell, so instead he told Connor what he could leaving that part out, going with her original excuse of not being able to adjust well. That seemed to satisfy Connor enough, but Braxton could tell that he may suspect there was more to it. He’d just have to suspect because that was all he was going to get.

  “You need to go to her, tell her how you really feel. Win her over.”

  Putting his arms on the ledge of the pool table he leaned over and took a deep breath.

  “I’ve done that twice, remember? Both times she sent me back with my tail tucked between my legs.”

  “Sorry, man. Maybe third time’s a charm?”

  “I doubt it. Besides, I need to recover from this last trip before I throw myself to the wolves again.”

  “I wish I could be of more help. Another game?”

  “Rack ‘em up.”

  The next few days were much of the same, school, home, then out with his friends. It helped to keep his mind off of Allie constantly. She was always there, but he didn’t drive himself insane or into depression worrying so much. Connor knew he needed a friend, doing everything he could to keep Braxton laughing. He was glad for the distraction. Things were turning a corner, he was seeing things with fresh eyes, making what he needed to do become clearer with each passing day. He found he wasn’t struggling with his classes, those that usually came so easily to him. He’d always been underfoot, shadowing his dad whenever he could, which is where his passion for architecture came f
rom. One thing he’d learned during this time, waiting was for the birds.

  The next three weeks passed by fairly quickly. He’d not heard from Allie, but one time. He was shocked when he received the text from her. Of course, like all the others before this one, all she would tell him is that she was fine. He was beginning to hate that word. He knew most women would use that word even if the floor was falling out from under them with hell’s fire shooting up, licking at their ankles. At least she had contacted him. That had to mean something right? She cared about him enough to let him know she was still breathing. He didn’t want to look too far into it for fear of misinterpreting and then being let down later. He had learned his lesson with that.

  The skies were grey bringing in the storm clouds. Braxton was almost to his truck when his phone pinged in his pocket. He dug it out and swiped the screen to light the screen. It was a message from Katrina. He jogged to his truck as the rain begin to fall. He’d have to wait to see what she’d said. Closing the door, he put the key in the ignition and threw his book bag into the passenger seat. Turning his phone back on, he read her message.

  Katrina: Braxton, Allie needs help. She won’t let me or anyone else help her. I think depression has a hold on her. She’s not eating and I’m worried about her and the baby.

  Braxton: I’m on the next flight out. I’ll text you with the details. Can you meet me at the airport?

  Katrina: Say when and I’ll be there.

  Braxton started the truck and flew out of the parking lot like a maniac. He fishtailed the truck, but quickly got it straightened out. Not stopping at his dorm, he drove straight to the airport. The next flight out was in an hour. He went through security, to his gate and waited nervously, pacing the floor, for his plane to begin boarding. He needed to get to her. He had to save her from herself, if it was the last and only thing he did. This was it, he wasn’t taking no for an answer. He wouldn’t allow her to turn him away. She needed him, even if she didn’t yet realize it herself. It was time to be the hero he said he would be.

  ∞ Chapter 16 ∞

  Landing at LAX, Braxton weaved through the sea of bodies heading for the baggage claim. Pulling out his phone, he messaged Katrina to let her know that he had landed. They were supposed to meet by center carousel, but when he arrived, she still wasn’t there. Texting her again, he leaned against a column and closed his eyes.

  “Braxton!” Katrina yelled, waving her arms so that he could see her.

  Pushing off of the column, he sprinted in her direction, meeting her halfway. Not sure if it was completely proper or not, he hugged her. Over the last month, he’d relied on her for information on Allie and she never disappointed. He knew that she cared for Allie as much as he did and was worried about her.

  “Thanks for meeting me. I didn’t want to have to worry about getting a rental car, or more accurately, I didn’t think about it until now.”

  Her laugh was adorable, a little on the shy side. “It’s not a problem. I’d do anything for Allie. She may not like us too much after this, but she definitely needs an intervention.”

  They walked as they talked, “How long has she been like this? Not eating?”

  “I noticed it a few days ago, but at first, I didn’t realize how bad it was or I would have told you sooner.”

  “Has something changed? I thought she was hanging in there. I know this situation isn’t perfect and Lord knows, she doesn’t have the slightest clue how to deal with it. She has to be scared out of her mind.”

  “Not that I’m aware of. Maybe it just hit her; took its toll on her. Maybe she’s just really lost right now, which is why she needs you.”

  “Let’s just hope this doesn’t backfire on us.”

  Slamming his hand down on the dash, Katrina jumped at his outburst. They were stuck in stop and go traffic on the interstate.

  “It’s not going to help matters if you break my car.”

  “Sorry, I just don’t have the patience for this. We need to get to her.”

  “She’ll be fine until we get there, Braxton. I’d be more worried about her reaction after the fact.”

  Braxton rolled his eyes, but he knew she was right. Unless some miracle fell out of the sky and flashed bright lights in front of Allie, he knew she would be none too happy about him showing up, and even more upset with Katrina for helping him. The way he saw it, she’d just have to get over it. This was happening and unlike last time, he would not be leaving without her, even if that meant he had to turn all caveman and carry her out kicking and screaming. Not that’d he would really do that, but he didn’t want to leave without her. Hopefully, she would cooperate.

  Traffic started flowing again, although slowly, until they passed what was holding up traffic. The remnants of a four car accident cluttered two of the center lanes. Braxton said a prayer for those involved. He felt guilty for his temper-tantrum after seeing the mangled cars. Once passed the accident, Katrina hit the gas, passing cars, weaving in and out of traffic. Braxton held on for dear life.

  She cut her eyes at him, smirking at the terrified look on his face and the tight grip he had on the handle above the door.

  “You’re not scared are you?” she teased.

  “This isn’t the Indy 500, ya know.”

  “You wanted to get there fast, right? So I’m getting us there fast.”

  “I’d also like to get there alive.”

  “And so you will.” Her laughter filled the small space as she continued to maneuver her car through the traffic.

  Twenty minutes later, they were parked in front of the dorm. Suddenly, Braxton felt nervous. A lot of what ifs took residence in his mind, making him question everything he was doing.

  “Not thinking of backing out are you?”

  “No, I’m just trying to figure out the best way to go about this.”

  That wasn’t the complete truth, but close enough.

  “Whether she knows it or not, she needs this. You’re the only one who could make her see reason.”

  “Sometimes, I’m not so sure.”

  “Well, you better get sure. This is important!”

  “I know. Let’s go.”

  Allie wasn’t in her room when they entered. The lights were off, her bed was neatly made and looked like she hadn’t slept in it for a while.

  “She was here when I left.”

  After a quick perusal of the room, Braxton turned to Katrina, “Any idea where she would go?”

  “She likes this café around the corner. It’s usually quiet this time of day.”

  “Lead the way.”

  A bell rang as Braxton opened the door, Katrina behind him. The café was small, set in the design of an L-shape. A petite woman greeted them with a hello and a friendly smile. The pair said a quick hello back and then rounded the counter in search for Allie. Braxton’s eyes were drawn to a booth in the very back corner of the restaurant. His heart hurt at the sight of Allie, hands wrapped around a coffee mug, head hung low, her hair making a makeshift curtain around her face. Katrina placed her hand on his back and he glanced over his shoulder at her.

  “I’ll wait up front.”

  He nodded then turned his attention back to the shell of the girl in front of him. Slowly he walked to her, and slid into the seat across from her. Her head snapped up and her face froze, her mouth formed a perfect ‘o’.

  “Braxton?”

  He didn’t want to get into a heavy discussion here, he only wanted to make sure that she ate. He would wait until they got back to her dorm before he told her why he was here.

  “Have you eaten?”

  She lowered her eyes to the table. “No, I’m not hungry.”

  “Well, I am, so we’re having pancakes and sausage.”

  “I don’t….”

  “Don’t say you don’t want any, because you’re getting them.”

  He waved the waitress over and placed their order. They sat in silence as they waited. He could see the smoke coming from her and he knew she was angry.
Allie sat back against the booth, crossed her arms over her chest and glared at Braxton. That old saying, if looks could kill, with the fire coming from her eyes, he was sure glad that it wasn’t true. He’d be incinerated on the spot if there had been a merit of truth to it. Standing his ground, he was going to fight fire with fire, show her he had just as much, if not more, attitude than she did. He returned her glare, giving her his signature smirk. There was no way he was giving her the upper hand. It seemed to work, her eyes softened just a touch, then she exhaled an audible sigh.

  Their food arrived and Allie once again tried to be defiant.

  Pointing his fork at her plate. “Eat.”

  “I told you I’m not hungry.”

  “I don’t believe that. You look like death warmed over. Your eyes are dull, your cheeks are sunk in, and your face is pale, or have you not noticed? You need to eat, if not for you then for the baby.”

  Giving in, she picked up her fork, stabbed the sausage and took a bite. If she had been trying to make some kind of point, it was quickly forgotten as she scarfed her food down until nothing was left on the plate. She pushed the plate away from her and leaned back, rubbing her hand in small circles over the slight bulge of her tummy. Braxton watched this simple act of a mother’s love toward her child, his heart warmed at the thought of how you could love someone well before you ever met them. This baby may not be his, but it was a part of Allie, and he loved her beyond measure.