Fury (Tranquility Book 3)

by Krista D. Ball

  Lendra gasped. “Bethany! Gracious, no. How could you even suggest that?”

  “Because I know what it's like to be young and curious.” Bethany laughed. “I'm still curious about a few things yet.”

  Lendra made a face, which made Bethany laugh harder. “I knew it was that skinny bastard delivering those damned flowers.”

  “Don't be mad at him,” Lendra begged.

  “Why? I mean, if he touches you, I'll threaten to murder him, but I won't actually murder him.” Bethany smiled. “Just…go slow. You both have loads of time.”

  “You and Arrago didn't take things slow.”

  “And look at the shit mess that turned into. Learn from my mistakes.”

  “Will you stay with me a bit longer?”

  “There's nowhere I'd rather be.”

  ****

  Kiner’s head protested the impromptu wake the night before. He sat at his desk and tried very hard not to remember that this report would have been Allric’s job. Between the headache and the sadness that permeated Castle Gree, that was unlikely. Still, he tried.

  Bethany and Jovan were already overloaded with work, so Kiner was happy to do a few things to ease their stress. That didn’t take away from the difficulty of the task, as every word he wrote reminded him of conversations with Allric. What would Allric have thought of maintaining a skeletal taskforce in Taftlin? What was Allric’s position on promoting apprentice knights into vacant positions without having completed Council-approved training?

  Kiner consoled himself as best as he could that Allric died doing his duty. If Allric was able to speak across the veil between life and death, no doubt Allric would tell them he was proud he’d died as he lived: in the defense of others. He had to remember that, because it’s what Allric would have wanted.

  Also, if Kiner focused on Allric, as well as Eve, he had less room to think about Sarissa and Apexia. He’d seen Bethany execute dozens of people in her career and kill hundreds on the battlefield. He’d seen her kill her sister once before, but that was so different. When the blood pumped and there was nothing to consider other than staying alive, decisions were easier to make.

  What Bethany did this time was so much harder. That cold decision to slit her sister’s throat broke something in his old friend. He saw it. It might be a while before Bethany felt it herself, but he knew she would need him and Jovan to help hold her up. And of course he would.

  A chill grabbed him. That assumed, of course, that whatever Apexia had done to them hadn’t changed their essence. He knew he’d changed in that there was a perpetual hum in his ears. Bethany said it would fade to the background, and perhaps it was less pronounced than before, but it was still there. A buzzing wraith to remind him how nothing would ever be the same.

  Bethany had not explained what had happened, but surely Sir James, Jackson, and some of the others were asking what had occurred inside that blood-splattered chapel. The soldiers outside saw the lightshow. They asked, but no one answered.

  They’d agreed that silence was the best policy for as long as possible. They needed time to process the death of Apexia. Never mind the physical changes, many of which they had no idea about, since Bethany didn’t know either. She was helping as best she could, but Bethany had spent most of her life hiding from her identity.

  Kiner sighed. He’d spent his whole life living in pious devotion to the Gentle Goddess. All he wanted was to serve Her and Her purpose. How could he do that when she’d made Her purpose his? How could he serve someone who had been the embodiment of evil?

  He had no idea what he was going to do.

  “Kiner?”

  Speaking of having no idea what to do. Kiner drew in a stabilizing breath and forced the cool, detached smile onto his face. Only then did he lift up his head to meet Erem’s gaze. “Good afternoon, Erem. How is your hangover?”

  “If I had to describe it in one word, I’d go with epic.”

  Kiner smiled. “That’s what you get for trying to keep up with Jovan. What can I do for you?”

  Erem stepped into the office and shut the door behind him.

  Kiner’s heart pounded, but he kept his breathing steady. The look on Erem’s face announced that something unpleasant was about to unfold. Kiner began building the walls around his emotions and preparing for the worst.

  “Have I done something to offend you?”

  That was even worse than a confrontation. Kiner put his quill down, and considered his words carefully before speaking. Of course Erem had done nothing to offend him. Kiner was the problem, not Erem.

  “Of course not. You’re an excellent knight. You lack experience in some areas, but that’s easy to remedy.”

  Erem’s voice gained an edge of annoyance. “I didn’t ask your opinion of my skills. I asked if I’ve offended you.”

  The conversation was pushing Kiner’s comfort zone. He picked up his quill and pretended to work on his report, even if all he was doing was scratching his name over and over on the blotter. “If you had offended me, you would know it. Is there anything else? I’m quite busy.” It stung Kiner to be rude to Erem, but it was the only way to protect himself. It was vital that he shielded himself from Erem, now more than ever. Eventually, this would fade and he could attempt to rekindle the friendship later. Later, when Kiner’s feelings had faded, he could look at Erem and smile. But not now. Not when Kiner knew his eyes betrayed his feelings. If one person could notice then anyone could, and Kiner could not take that risk.

  “Are you in love with Lendra?”

  “What? No,” Kiner exclaimed before his brain registered he was speaking. He regained control of himself and said, “Of course not. Lendra is a sweet girl, but she’s absolutely nothing more than my friend’s sister.”

  Erem was quiet for a moment. He licked his lips and asked, “Then, is it me you’re in love with?”

  Kiner’s pen stopped moving and he knew he’d given himself away with that. He exhaled and put his quill down. He stood from his desk and walked around to lean against it, removing the barrier between them. A man should be standing, without a safety blanket, when facing the cold hard truth. The friendship was about to end, perhaps for eternity, and Kiner should be standing when that happened.

  “Would you believe me at this stage if I said no?”

  “Probably not.” Erem shoved his hands into his pockets. “So, it’s true?”

  “Who told you?”

  “Honestly, I guessed. It had to be one or the other. I was rather hoping it was Lendra.” Erem wasn’t smiling.

  Kiner tried to quash the panic building in him. Erem was a full-blooded elf. Kiner was an aberration and an insult against elven blood lines. Erem would be disgusted and offended, and whatever possible future friendship he could ever salvage would be lost.

  Men did not desire men. Full stop. He’d been taught that since he was a child. The elves had never approved of liaisons between men, or between two women. They barely tolerated elves sleeping with non-elves. Erem was raised in Wyllow and Ellentop. He’d had a typically standard elven education. And a part of that was dedicated to not being like Kiner.

  Kiner didn’t know what to say. Both Jovan and Bethany had told him to tell Erem ages ago, but he knew this would happen. He knew it in his bones, because he believed it himself. He was unclean and disgusting. He knew it. He felt it. If he could wash away this stain, he would. He tried so hard to worship Apexia and to show her that he was worthy of her grace and forgiveness, despite this horror upon his soul.

  Had she forgiven him? By giving of her Power, did that mean he was worthy in her eyes after all? Could he finally look in the mirror? Could he even learn to like himself?

  “I don’t know what to say,” Erem said finally.

  A sound too bitter to be a laugh cracked in Kiner’s throat. “Let me help you with that. Start with the part where I disgust you, then quickly move to where you never want me near you again, and finish with hitting me, because you know I won’t hit you back. Then let me get
on with my day.”

  Erem’s expression remained unreadable.

  “Well?” Kiner demanded. “Get it over with.”

  “Kiner, none of that occurred to me.”

  “Sure it hadn’t.” Kiner gripped the table tighter as he leaned against it. He kept his gaze fixed on the floor, just off to the side. “Just leave.”

  “No. I’m not leaving until you tell me why you’re acting like a jackass!”

  “Because I’m in love with you and it is killing me,” Kiner snarled.

  Erem stared at him.

  “I said it. Are you happy now? I love men, and not women. Being up here with you for all these months, working alongside you…” Kiner kicked his desk. “You’re a fucking elf. I know better, but I can’t control it. I wish I could. And when that stupid little girl nearly told you that evening in Jovan’s room…” Kiner squeezed his eyes shut. “I knew I had to protect myself.”

  “Ah. Now I understand. It all started that night when we were playing cards.”

  Kiner hated that night because it changed everything for him. Myra was on her first assignment and she’d gotten cocky. She’d figured out Kiner’s dirty little secret and nearly spilled it in front of Erem. She recovered and said he was using lavender water, but he’d never smelled like lavender in his life.

  “Myra told me later that my eyes gave me away.” Kiner said quietly. “I didn’t want you to know.”

  “So all those rumors about you and Bethany were…what? Just rumors?”

  “Bethany’s idea,” Kiner said. “It was her way to help deflect any questions. There was no one at the Temple for me, which helped. I was born an orphan nobody, so there’s no risk of the Elven Council trying to marry me off to some woman who deserves better. It was enough for years, but…” He sighed. There was no point in keeping it all in now, and it was a relief to say the words out loud, no matter the consequences. “Then you and Lendra…well, I had my answer.”

  Erem blew out a breath. “Kiner. I owe you an apology.”

  “Whatever for?”

  “I used to ask your advice about Lendra.” Erem rubbed his forehead. “I didn’t see it, and it was right in front of me. Bethany’s right. I am an idiot.”

  Kiner stared at him. “I don’t understand.”

  “Well, you know? Here I was asking you what I should do about my feelings for Lendra, and you….had…well.” Erem cleared his throat. “If I’d known you cared, I wouldn’t have burdened you like that.”

  Kiner continued to start at Erem, confused by his reaction. “You aren’t angry?”

  “Why would I be? Ah, I see. You think because both my parents’ ears point in the right direction that I should be just another mindless idiot who can’t think for himself. I thought you knew me better than that.”

  “We were taught this was wrong,” Kiner whispered. “It’s wrong in the eyes of Apexia.”

  “Apexia killed herself and gave you a share of her Power. Seems to me you’ve done nothing wrong in her eyes.”

  Kiner lowered his head.

  “Kiner, over the last year, have I given you any indication whatsoever that I’d treat you poorly or differently?”

  “No.”

  “There you go,” Erem said, spreading out his hands. “I wish I could say that my feelings were mutual, but…”

  “That’s not necessary,” Kiner interjected.

  “I think it is. I don’t…I like women only.”

  Kiner chuckled. “I know.”

  “Why didn’t you stop me from talking about Lendra?”

  “Erem, I’m your friend. I want you to be happy.”

  Erem considered that and nodded. He reached out his hand and Kiner shook it. “I’m starving. Shall we go see what atrocities they’re serving in the dining hall?”

  Kiner smiled. “Sure.”

  CHAPTER 28

  “My darling, Miss Amber, you must calm yourself,” the Dowager Duchess of Arsenia plead.

  Amber held Opal in her arms and stared out of the second-floor window of the great mansion. Down beyond, a court and four travelled at a fast pace toward the main stairs. She’d not heard anything about the war, not since her last letter from Allric. He’d written it in haste, just a few lines telling her he loved her with all of his heart. Her insides knotted and she clutched Opal tighter.

  Blond curls and a voluminous dress caught Amber’s eye as the carriage pulled up to the house. “I think that’s Lendra.”

  The Dowager rushed over to the window, standing on her tip-toe to get a better view. “She is very young.”

  Amber was certain it was Lendra now. What if Allric had died? What if they’d lost the war? What if Arrago was dead, too?

  “My dear, you are going to crush your baby.” The Dowager took Opal from Amber’s arms and passed her to the nurse who waited in the wings. “Take the children to the nursery. Do not return until called for.”

  “Yes, Your Grace.”

  “Miss Amber, you must be calm,” Cassandra, the current Duchess of Arsenia, said.

  “Indeed,” the older woman said. “We will know it all soon enough.”

  Amber couldn’t wait any longer and rushed to the stairs. She ran down the spiral staircase and across the long corridor to the entrance. Just then, Lendra walked in the door.

  “Ambassador Lendra of Wyllow, daughter of Apexia,” the butler announced.

  Behind her, Amber heard the two duchesses stopped their pursuit to bow low. Fabric rustled. Amber didn’t care.

  “Lendra, do you have news?” Amber whispered. Lendra lifted her eyes and Amber’s world fell apart. “Oh, no. Allric?”

  Lendra nodded and said through her tears. “Allric died at the siege of Castle Brook. I’m so sorry, Amber.”

  “Oh, sweet child,” The dowager whispered behind her.

  “Are you sure?” Amber asked. “Are you absolutely sure?”

  Lendra nodded. She held out two letters in her hand. “Bethany asked me to give these to you.”

  Amber looked up sharply. “Bethany is alive?”

  A brief smile twitched on Lendra’s face. “Yes. One of the letters is from her. The other…the other she found on Allric’s desk. There were instructions to deliver it to you in case…” Her voice broke. “In case.”

  Amber’s legs would not move. Once she took those letters, Allric would absolutely be gone. The love of her life would truly be gone. She had to hold on for a little bit longer. He couldn’t be gone. He promised he’d come back. She loved him with all of her heart.

  “How could he leave me here alone?”

  Amber’s legs gave out from underneath her and she collapsed weeping to the floor. Three sets of very strong, feminine arms wrapped around her as Amber wept for the love of her life.

  ****

  It was five days before Bethany made the long trek across Castle Gree to Arrago’s royal suite. He’d not pushed her, leaving her to work and think through her new reality. For that, she was grateful. She knew this would be a long talk, regardless of what happened, and she needed to have both the time and the mental capacity to have that conversation.

  There was so much grief to work through that Bethany was numb more often than not. Soon, she’d collapse for a few weeks and cry until her tears dried out. For now, though, it was too much to grasp. Instead, Bethany focused on the task of organizing their eventual withdrawal back to Wyllow, Ellentop, Orchard Park, and all the small cities and regions they came from.

  She nodded at the various guards posted through the castle’s corridors. Eventually they’d be replaced with trained royal guards. She and Erem—who was still technically Lord Champion—signed off on twenty knights to stay behind to protect Arrago and train his personal guard. Another dozen would stay with Prince Henry for as long as Arrago wished it. She’d have loved to train these northerners to protect Arrago and little Prince Henry. How much fun she’d have.

  Bethany opened the ornate double doors to the royal suites with a little pang of sadness. These had been C
eleste’s rooms just a couple of months before. Bethany regretted the distance she’d kept from Celeste at the end, even if it was necessary for her own well-being.

  She called out Arrago’s name as she stepped into the drawing room. “Are you here?”

  “Out on the balcony,” he replied.

  Bethany walked across the drawing room and out onto the private balcony. Arrago was a handsome man. His hair had grown out long, and the brown locks were tied into a braid. He wore simple clothes, but they were clean and well-made. He smiled at her when she approached. “I was wondering when you’d come.”

  Bethany smiled. “I needed some time to…I needed some time.”

  Arrago went back to looking out at the dark sky. “I know exactly what you mean.”

  Bethany soaked in the salt air. She loved the smell of the sea. Even with the cool air, she felt more at home at Castle Gree than she ever did at the temple. There was something enchanting about the place with its silence and isolation. She loved it.

  This house could be mine.

  It was a thought she’d not considered in all of her deliberations. Material possessions weren’t something she considered in her equations. Bethany led with her heart, jumping wherever her instincts and inclinations took her, no matter how wrong she was. She’d always said it was better to make a wrong decision than none at all.

  But as Bethany leaned her forearms against the balcony’s parapet and folded her hands, she was struck at how some decisions weren’t about rushing into battles, but avoiding them. In a different lifetime, she could have been Arrago’s wife by now. She could have lived a quiet, happy life.

  Happy. She couldn’t imagine ever being truly happy again, though standing here, with the light breeze on her face, she thought, just perhaps, maybe, she could be happy. Maybe.

  Perhaps it was just too much war and fighting. There had been so much of it in the last year. She’d buried too many people to count. She’d killed too many to remember outside of her nightmares. She’d killed her sister and watched her own mother die.

  There was so much fury inside her that stirred whenever she thought about those deaths.