by Laura Martin
‘Oh, yes. Mother was absolutely ecstatic that two such influential gentlemen will be in attendance. And we have you to thank for it, of course.’
Smiling weakly, she allowed Beatrice to lead her up the stairs to her bedroom, a small but bright room overlooking the gardens to the back of the house. Beatrice seemed in no rush to leave her alone, flopping down on the bed.
‘So do you know which one you’ll accept?’
Caroline rested her forehead against the window pane, enjoying the coolness of the glass. As usual with any mention of James, her heart was thumping in her chest. She longed to see him again, but also wished he would just stay away. It would be much easier to accept Lord Hauxton if James wasn’t there looking on, watching her compromise and accept a man she didn’t love as a husband because he could give her the life she wanted.
‘I’m sure the rumours have been greatly exaggerated,’ Caroline murmured. ‘The Duke is a good friend, nothing more.’
‘And Lord Hauxton?’
‘We have only known each other a few weeks.’
Beatrice looked unconvinced and Caroline wondered how much of the weekend she would spend dodging questions from intrigued guests.
‘Well, I think it is fabulous they’re both going to be here.’ Beatrice gave a little nervous laugh and covered her mouth. ‘You don’t think they’ll come to blows over you?’
Caroline shuddered at the memory of the duel that had almost happened. The worry that James would be hurt still hadn’t left her. She knew he had forgiven Lord West, had set about helping him in his distress over his wife, but she didn’t think she would forget so easily. Lord West had sent a large bouquet of flowers with a note offering a profuse apology for insulting her. That she could forgive, but she would never look at him the same way after his volatility nearly endangered James.
‘No, of course not. The Duke and Lord Hauxton are friends, everything will be completely amicable between them.’
* * *
Caroline stood in the doorway of the drawing room trying not to let her mouth hang open with disbelief. James and Lord Hauxton were sitting in two comfortable armchairs, both laughing at some shared joke. The men looked completely relaxed, completely at ease and silently Caroline cursed them for not feeling one fraction of the turmoil she did.
As she entered the room properly, all eyes turned to her, then flitted backwards and forward between her and the two men. Both got to their feet languidly, waiting for her to walk over to them before greeting her.
‘Miss Yaxley, you are well, I trust?’ Lord Hauxton spoke first, bowing in her direction.
James smiled at her, that secret little smile that always made her heart flutter.
‘Stop it,’ she muttered under her breath, wishing her body wouldn’t be so rebellious whenever she was near.
‘Very well, thank you, Lord Hauxton.’ She turned to James and fixed him with a hard stare. ‘I wasn’t aware you were invited.’
‘I’ve known the Wellingtons for a long time,’ he said serenely, ignoring her stare.
‘Strange you’ve never been to one of their parties before.’
‘The busy life of a duke,’ he said with an infuriating shrug.
Lord Hauxton pulled over a spare chair and waited for Caroline to sit before he followed suit. If he was anything of a gentleman, James would now make his excuses and leave. He sat.
‘I hear Mrs Wellington is putting on games tomorrow morning in the garden.’
‘Archery, I hope,’ Caroline said, imagining chasing James around the garden with her bow and arrow. There would be a certain satisfaction in seeing him run, although knowing him, he would stand there calmly and wait for her to waver.
‘Do you like archery, Miss Yaxley?’ Lord Hauxton raised an eyebrow in surprise as if he couldn’t imagine her with a bow and quiver full of arrows.
Next to her James laughed. It was a warm laugh, one of remembrance.
‘I do, Lord Hauxton. Although I’m not as skilled as I wish I could be.’
‘Cara...’ James hesitated, catching himself. ‘Miss Yaxley once almost shot their butler while practising. Luckily he was a stoical fellow, didn’t even blink as the arrow ruffled his jacket.’
‘You exaggerate.’
‘Fine, perhaps he blinked, but he didn’t drop the jug of lemonade he was carrying.’
‘Tell me, how long have you two known each other now?’ Lord Hauxton’s tone was casual, but Caroline could detect a hint of suspicion in his voice.
Caroline felt her mouth go dry and a nervous fluttering in her stomach. Of course he’d noticed the familiarity between them, the shared experiences, the friendship. It was impossible not to, especially as he was friends with James as well as courting her. His tone was mild as he asked the question, but Caroline wondered if there was a hint of suspicion, a question as to how close they were. He’d never pried into the relationship between her and James. It was one thing of many that she was thankful to him for.
‘Five years.’
Five years, two months and three days.
‘A long time,’ James murmured.
Caroline looked down at her hands, seeing them twisting in the fabric of her skirt, and willed them to be still. She couldn’t let Lord Hauxton see how nervous she was in James’s company, how much he affected her.
Mrs Wellington bustled into the room and looked around, seemingly pleased that all her guests were assembled in one place.
‘Thank you for coming, everyone,’ she said, waiting for the conversations around her to die down before continuing. ‘I am so pleased you all made the journey to our little house party. Of course the highlight will be the masquerade ball tomorrow evening, but we have lots of other festivities planned as well. This afternoon I propose a little stroll into the village so everyone can stretch their legs after the carriage ride. And tomorrow we will have some games in the garden.’
Caroline forced a smile. The Wellingtons were always overeager to organise everyone, filling every last minute of the day with some sort of group activity. The house parties she liked the most were the ones where there wasn’t much structure and everyone could socialise in the way they wanted to. Still, it was a beautifully bright day and she wouldn’t mind a little fresh air before dinner.
‘We shall be leaving in half an hour. The walk is only twenty minutes each way, but I do advise you wear sturdy footwear—sometimes the paths can get a bit muddy.’
Caroline looked down at her dainty satin shoes and grimaced. She would have to change before they left, preferably into a darker-coloured dress as well as a pair of boots—something that would not show the mud so well.
She stood, eager to have the excuse to leave James and Lord Hauxton. ‘Please excuse me, I should change.’
Both gentlemen stood and waited for her to leave before resuming their seats. Caroline was perturbed to see them sitting back down together as she glanced back over her shoulder at the doorway. James was laughing at something Milton was saying and even serious Lord Hauxton had a smile on his face. She would probably prefer it if the two men in her life weren’t quite so friendly.
Chapter Eighteen
James whistled as he stood with a shoulder resting against one of the grand stone pillars by the equally grand front door. He was feeling happier than he had done in a while. The sun shining on his face certainly helped his mood, as did the knowledge that any moment Caroline would be walking out of the front door and he would have her all to himself for at least twenty minutes.
‘Running a little late?’ he asked as she dashed past him, not noticing him until he spoke.
She paused and looked around, frowning when she realised he was the only one there.
‘Where is everyone else?’
‘Gone. They left ten minutes ago.’
‘Everyone?’
‘Everyone.’
S
he glanced around again as if she didn’t quite believe him.
‘Even Lord Hauxton,’ he confirmed.
Caroline scowled at him and he had to suppress a smile. At least she was talking to him and hadn’t demanded he leave her alone. Yet.
‘Perhaps he’s inside...’ She turned and looked back over her shoulder, tapping one foot with nervous energy.
‘There’s no point waiting for him.’
‘There’s every point.’
‘He’s gone.’
‘You’re just saying that. I know he would wait for me.’ The silence stretched out between them for thirty seconds before Caroline looked at him suspiciously again. ‘Unless you told him otherwise.’
James shrugged. ‘I might have told him you’d already left with the first of the group.’
‘Might have?’
‘I did.’
‘Why did you do that?’
‘I wanted you to myself for a few minutes.’
When she turned and looked at him there was an expression of exasperation on her face, but he could see the confusion hidden underneath.
‘James, do you remember when we spoke last?’
‘Half an hour ago.’
‘Before that,’ she said through gritted teeth.
‘Of course.’
‘And can you remember what you agreed?’
‘To leave you alone for a while.’
She stared at him for a moment without blinking. ‘So?’
‘I did. For a number of days.’
‘Six days,’ she murmured.
James stepped closer, catching a hint of her scent, the perfume she wore with lemon and something sweeter he couldn’t identify.
‘Come on, Cara, we see little enough of one another as it is.’
He wanted to reach out, to wrap a strand of hair around his fingers, to trace a pattern on the back of her neck, to pull her closer until he could feel the heat of her body, but he knew he was on perilous ground and any wrong step could destroy their friendship for ever.
Do it, a little voice inside him urged. If he destroyed their friendship, perhaps there would be space for something new, something better, something he’d been dreaming of for the last few weeks.
Caroline hadn’t stepped away, she was standing there as if entranced, looking up at him with her breathing shallow and her eyes wide. If he kissed her, he knew she would react, knew she would melt into him and respond to his caresses.
With a shuddering breath in Caroline took a step back, distancing herself from him, but unable to tear her eyes away.
‘We can walk together to the village,’ she conceded, but held up a hand to stop him from interrupting. ‘But only if you promise to behave yourself.’
‘Behave myself?’
She looked him squarely in the eye, her gaze unwavering. ‘Behave. Yourself. You know exactly what I mean.’
‘I promise to be a gentleman through and through.’ Even as he promised he found himself thinking about the last time they’d kissed and wondering if her lips would taste as sweet again.
After a moment he offered her his arm and enjoyed the familiarity of the sensation as she slipped her hand into the crook of his elbow. He’d always enjoyed their strolls together. Even when he was on his travels around Europe he always looked forward to coming home to Caroline, to the afternoons spent walking together in the park talking about everything they could imagine.
‘Did I tell you about the time in Italy when I decided to walk to the next village and got so lost in the hills I had to be rescued by an old woman two days later?’
Next to him Caroline smiled and for a moment it felt as though everything were right with the world again.
‘You know you haven’t. How did you get so lost?’
‘I was staying in a little village called San Taomino and I’d got talking to some of the local men in a tavern one evening. We were discussing my travels and they suggested I take a trip to the next village, a beautiful little place in the Tuscan hills. They insisted I could walk the distance in a couple of hours with no problem.’ He grimaced, remembering the evening. ‘The wine was flowing freely and my companions drew me a map on an old piece of parchment we found in the tavern.’
‘You didn’t follow it?’
‘The next morning I’d sobered up, but I still wanted to make the trip, so I armed myself with my handdrawn map and started out.’
Caroline was laughing, the sound suffusing him with warmth and making him pause and assess the situation. Here he was, strolling along with his best friend on his arm feeling happy. She made him happy. She made him laugh and smile and enjoy the little things in life.
What was he doing here? After Lady Yaxley had suggested the trip to Suffolk for the house party he hadn’t been able to think of anything else, but not once had he allowed himself to stop and think about what that meant. Surely if he wanted to be with Caroline so much, valued her companionship so dearly, that should tell him something.
Part of him wanted to take her in his arms and kiss her until she agreed to marry him, to make her see that he was serious with his proposal, but still there was a part of him that was hesitant, that wondered if this was truly what he wanted or a reaction to the idea of losing her.
‘I was lost after half an hour, couldn’t even find my way back to San Taomino.’
‘I do wonder how you survive your trips abroad, all the mishaps you’ve had along the way.’
‘The mishaps are the fun part. Take this trip, for example. The old woman who rescued me owned a magnificent vineyard, acres and acres of vines. It was some of the finest wine I’ve ever tasted, and I wouldn’t have even known the vineyard existed if I hadn’t set out walking.’
Caroline sighed wistfully as she often did when he regaled her with tales of his travels. He knew she had a burning desire to travel, to see the sights and wonders he described with her own eyes. More than once he’d imagined taking her along with him to marvel at the beauty of Venice, the sights of Rome and relax in the sun of southern Italy.
‘I brought a couple of bottles back with me, we should share one of an evening.’
‘James...’ Caroline said admonishingly.
‘I can’t suggest sharing a glass of wine with a friend?’
‘You know it can’t be.’
‘Indulge me in the fantasy for a moment. The strike of midnight, two old friends losing track of time over a glass of fine wine and their memories.’
‘It sounds wonderful, but it can’t be.’
‘Perhaps not,’ he said softly, taking her hand from where it rested in the crook of his elbow and raising it to his lips, kissing it gently.
Caroline stopped, waiting for him to turn and face her.
‘What do you want from me, James?’ Her voice was barely more than a whisper.
A friendship, an illicit affair, a marriage. He couldn’t answer. He didn’t know himself.
‘You,’ he said after a long moment. ‘I want you.’
Her lips parted and she exhaled a rush of air. He could tell she didn’t know how to react, didn’t know how to respond to this declaration.
‘No,’ she said slowly, shaking her head, ‘you don’t.’
‘You think you know my mind better than me?’
‘Right now? Yes.’
‘Don’t be absurd, Cara. Feel this.’ He grasped her hand and placed it on his chest, feeling the warmth of her fingers even through his jacket. Underneath her hand his heart was pounding faster than usual. ‘This is how you affect me.’
‘Desire?’ Her voice was tremulous.
‘There’s nothing wrong with desire.’
‘There is. There’s everything wrong with it, especially between me and you.’
‘No—’ he shook his head ‘—you can’t tell me this feels wrong.’ He bent down and ki
ssed her, wrapping his arms around her and half-lifting her up to meet him. She might be arguing with him, but her body reacted instinctively to his kiss, moulding into his, hot with desire.
For one wonderful moment it was as though their bodies had merged and then Caroline pulled away, her eyes filled with recriminations.
‘You don’t get to do that,’ she said quietly. He caught her hand, drawing her to him.
‘Tell me you don’t feel the same way. Tell me you haven’t been dreaming of one more kiss. Tell me you haven’t been wanting one more touch.’ As he spoke he ran his fingers lightly across her shoulders and over the exposed skin of her neck. She shivered at his touch, but didn’t make any attempt to step away. ‘You want it just as much as I do. You want me to kiss you until you’re senseless and then tumble you into a soft bed and make you mine.’
She shook her head, but made no move to step away, instead tilting her neck to give him greater access to the skin underneath her dress.
‘Say the words, make me believe them.’
‘I can’t.’ She spoke so quietly he hardly heard her, but as she raised her eyes to meet his he saw an intense desire in them. ‘I can’t tell you that.’
He kissed her again, pulling her in tight to him, feeling every curve of her body pressed against his. Part of him wanted to pick her up into his arms and run the short distance back to the house, to ignore the inquisitive glances from servants who soon would be gossiping, and carry her up to his bedroom. There they would lock the door and fall into bed and not emerge for at least a day.
James groaned at the thought. It was exactly what he’d been dreaming about the last few weeks and suddenly it seemed within his reach. Quickly, before either of them could catch their breath, he did lift her up into his arms, dropping a kiss on the tip of her nose as he did so.
‘What are you doing?’
Before he could answer, before he could even take another step, he heard a shout from behind them, from the direction of the village.
Slowly he turned, Caroline still in his arms, the skirt of her dress falling in layers beneath her and almost sweeping the ground. Striding towards them was a group of four of the guests. Milton was there at the front, followed closely behind by Caroline’s mother and then hurrying behind them Beatrice and Mrs Wellington.