by Liz Lee
And Grady didn’t even know the worst of it. The disaster he’d made of his career and the woman, the princess, whose death he was responsible for.
“You've got nothing to worry about," Donovan said, and then he turned back to the suitcase, dismissing Grady. "I’ll be out in a minute.”
After his best friend left, Donovan tried to ignore the tinges of anger, but they simmered below the surface, barely hidden, always. Not anger at any one person or thing. The barely contained rage sat waiting, and eventually it would reach out and claw him to death.
Donovan closed the suitcase and grabbed on to an idea he thought might work to chase Kacie Jo away before she got caught in the inferno burning beneath his skin, his heart, his life.
Hopefully, after tonight, Kacie Jo would forget about trying to entice men like him. Hopefully, she wouldn’t hate him forever.
Chapter Two
Grady stalked back into his living room like a man on a mission. A man on a mission headed straight to her.
Too bad the cake was gone. Grady usually forgot all about being bossy if she could get his mind focused on food.
He walked past Eliza with a curt, “Excuse us, Eliza Jane,” and then nodded his head pointedly toward the kitchen. Unspoken message: Get in there, now. We're going to have us a little chat.
Would he ever see her as anything other than five years old? Kacie Jo stood and followed her brother.
Three coolers filled with beers of various sorts sat on the floor, and bags of pretzels, chips and peanuts cluttered the cabinets.
Trying to stall, she looked around and whistled. “Shoot, Grady, if I’d known you boys planned on getting drunk tonight, I’d have waited a few more hours.”
“You knew good and well what was going on over here tonight. And you knew you weren’t invited. But here you are.”
She sighed, making sure he saw her annoyance at his mothering. “Yep, here I am.”
“Kacie Jo, you’ve got to stop.”
Lordy, she was tired of being dictated to. “Stop what, brother dear?” she asked with a wide-eyed pretense of innocence.
“Don’t even go there.” Grady stood nose to nose with her, refusing to give an inch. “You know what I mean. Look at you.”
She laughed. “Hey, I’m smokin’. Every one in that room thinks so.”
“Look, Kacie Jo, I know you’ve had a crush on Donovan for a long time, but Donovan’s not himself right now. He doesn’t need you chasing him like he’s some sort of forbidden dessert.”
Worry hit her hard and fast at Grady's words. “What do you mean, not himself?”
“I don’t know,” Grady said. "He seems different, like he’s barely hanging on and could go off any second. He doesn’t need you following him around like a lovesick intern, and you certainly don’t need to get mixed up with a guy like him.”
Kacie Jo hated the way Grady said those words a guy like him. What was that supposed to mean, anyway? Donovan hadn’t seemed all that different to her. In fact, other than his long hair and the way he’d filled out over the last few years, he seemed like the same person he’d always been.
Until their eyes had met. Now that was something completely different. Surely, if something was wrong she’d have sensed it then.
No. This was just another of her brother’s diversionary techniques. A way to get her to do what he wanted instead of what she wanted. Guilt her away from Donovan because of Donovan’s history with women.
Well, it wasn’t going to work this time, but Grady didn’t have to know that. She grabbed one of the beers and popped the top.
“You're right. I guess I’ll go back out there my demure usual self and pretend I didn’t just flirt outrageously with him, and then everything will be okay.”
She’d said the wrong thing. Grady’s eyes narrowed. “The day you’re demure I’ll close my office and move back in with dad. Just go back out there and give the guy a break. He’s only here a couple days.”
She pretended offense. “Hey, I can be demure.” She flirted her eyelashes and then winked before turning to go back into the living room.
The last words she heard were a combination of warning and brotherly good humor. “Just don’t forget what I said. And if you do, you better believe I’m going to say I told you so.”
She didn’t bother to answer.
For ten minutes, Donovan listened to the game, to the guys and to Eliza Miller, but he couldn’t remember anything said. Not by them and not by him.
For months he'd skidded by, and now he needed to be aware, very aware of what he said and did.
He clutched the box in his hand tighter and waited. Unless Grady’s powers of persuasion had improved over the last few years, Kacie Jo was still going to do whatever the hell she had in mind. Her motto had always been simple: Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead.
As if his thoughts had conjured her, Kacie Jo walked toward him. Whatever Grady’d said had taken some of the sway out of Kacie Jo’s hips, and for that, he was eternally grateful.
“You were saying something about a gift?” She raised her eyebrows with a saucy grin, and he wondered if she was still flirting or if this was just who she’d become over the last few years.
“You haven’t changed all that much have you, Kacie Jo?” He’d meant the words to sound casual and fun. A simple reminder that she’d always been and always would be a kid in his eyes.
Instead they acted as a sort of intimate reminder that they knew each other and always had. The fact that he’d asked the question instead of making the statement made the words inadvertently more personal. Let her know he spent time thinking about her.
Kacie Jo tossed her hair back then she leaned closer with a smile that promised sinful secrets and sensual pleasures. “You wouldn’t believe how wrong you are.”
He gulped silently as the temperature in the room jumped ten degrees in two seconds flat. Well, hell. He was going to have to do it. Damn. He sent a silent prayer to a God he wasn’t even sure existed. Please don’t let her hate me after tonight.
And then he grabbed her left hand with his right, purposefully brushing her palms with his fingers. “I’m sure you could make a believer out of me.”
He almost laughed when she yanked her hand out of his as if his touch blistered her skin. Would have if the heat of the touch hadn’t made him pause. For a few seconds she said nothing, and he let the silence build between them until she finally broke.
“So about that present?”
He forced an easy smile, the smile the cameras loved, and held out the box. “It’s not much, but when I saw it, I thought of you.”
Kacie Jo swallowed the unsettled feeling and forced her hand to remain steady as she grasped the oblong box.
The shiny white covering almost showed her reflection.
Across the top someone had scrawled a word in some foreign language. It looked Middle Eastern, like what she saw on the news she’d watched in hopes of catching a glimpse of him, but she had no idea what it said. She’d ask later.
Slowly, she lifted the top off the box. Under a layer of filmy white gauze sat an incredibly intricate piece of black lace.
She pushed the gauze away and lifted the lace out of the box. The delicate stitches were obviously the work of a master craftsman. The rectangle of material fell across her lap as she ran her fingers over its silky softness.
“I love it.”
He took the lace from her lap with reverent fingers, his eyes never leaving hers. “I’m glad. I had some help picking it out, and I’d hate it if you were disappointed.”
He held the cloth as if it would turn to ashes and fly away if he let go.
“So what is it?”
Donovan smiled at her question. “A veil of sorts. It’s a normal part of the daily clothing for many women where I’ve been.”
Oh. Now that she looked at it closer, she could see that.
“A friend once told me they protected women from the lecherous stares of men like me.”
&nbs
p; He said the words in jest, but Kacie Jo could tell they were serious, and she wondered again what all Donovan had seen and done the last six years.
Reaching out, she took the lace from him and rewrapped it in the gauze. “I could never imagine your gaze being lecherous.”
She meant the words as a sort of balm for whatever was troubling him.
“You really have no idea.” His whispered words took the breath from her, and she tried to recall all the snappy comebacks she’d been practicing.
After a few breathless seconds she remembered her plan and his part in it. Carefully, Kacie Jo lowered the lid on the box and confessed, “I want to know everything about you."
At her words Donovan turned away, and Kacie Jo let her breath out in one long whoosh, relieved until he turned back to her with narrowed, worried eyes.
When he reached out and grabbed her hand, Kacie Jo commanded herself to keep the light, flirty smile on her face even though nothing about this felt light or flirty.
“Let’s go to the kitchen for a second.” He glanced around the room, and Kacie Jo realized they’d become the focal point of the room's attention once again. So much for guys' night.
She nodded then stood and followed him all the while wondering if her dream was finally coming true. Somehow, she’d imagined this differently. She’d wanted him overcome by his feelings for her, something other than his calm gaze around the room.
Who was she fooling? She’d wanted him to look at her and fall instantly in love. Immature, of course. But then this entire dream was immature. The product of a teenage girl’s over-active imagination. Yet somehow here she was, standing in Grady’s kitchen, alone with the man of those dreams.
Oh God.
Donovan leaned against the counter and pulled her hand to his chest and Kacie Jo tried to settle her run-away heartbeat as he spoke.
“You sure grew up, Kacie Jo.”
She tried to smile. To laugh. This was what she wanted. She held her breath as his hand reached up to her face. Her stomach dropped when he let his hand fall without touching her.
When he turned away, she heard his softly whispered words she was sure she wasn’t supposed to hear. “I can’t do this.”
What couldn’t he do? She wanted to ask, but he turned around and smiled down at her with that same smile he’d given when she’d asked him to stay all those years earlier, and the words dried up in her throat.
“You’re quite the temptress tonight. Not at all what I expected.”
Kacie Jo shrugged as she tried to control her conflicting emotions. Why would his words leave her feeling so sad? “I’m not usually like this, Donovan. This is for you. I think you know that.”
He flipped her hand over, then ran his fingers over the lines on her palm as if he were a Gypsy King trying to tell her fortune. Kacie Jo fought to keep from melting right there on the spot.
“I do know, and I appreciate it, Kacie Jo. I’m having a hell of a time standing here, holding your hand and not dragging you closer to see if you kiss as good as you look.”
“So don’t. Don’t fight it. Kiss me and see.” Kacie Jo couldn’t believe the words had slipped from her mouth. This conversation had certainly never been a part of her dream.
He shook his head. “I can’t. If it were some other time, maybe. But I’m thoroughly screwed up here, Kacie Jo. I don’t know when I’m going to get my life straightened out, but right now’s definitely the wrong time.”
“I’m not talking about forever here, Donovan. It’s just, you know…”
He laughed bitterly. “A one night stand? Right.” He shook his head. “I’m going to try to forget you ever even thought about it.”
She cringed at the judgment in his voice.
He turned away again and Kacie Jo waited as he ran his hands through his hair before turning back to her.
“Kacie Jo, God, I wish…” He trailed off. “I wish I could just forget who you are. But I can’t. I planned on walking you back here and showing what a colossal jerk I can be, but I can’t do that either. I look at you, and you’re this light. You have been all these years. And I have to be honest, Kacie Jo. I don’t need a temptress. I don’t need sex from you. That would scramble up the mess in my head in ways you can’t begin to understand. What I need is a friend I can count on. A friend to just listen to me and let me laugh. God, I haven’t laughed in forever.”
Kacie Jo listened to Donovan speak. Half the words weren’t even to her at all, but she was the one there. She was the one listening.
And as she listened, she realized her plans were washed up. How could she seduce a man who said sex with her would mess up his brain? The outfit, the makeup, the cake. All were pretty much wasted effort. Donovan needed a friend.
Didn’t it just figure? She really wished he’d given her a taste of what a jerk he could be.
“Well, honesty is a good thing I guess, Donovan.”
Kacie Jo struggled with her conflicting emotions, and Donovan hoped like hell he’d done the right thing. He truly had planned on showing her how horrible a man with sex and only sex on his mind could be.
But then he’d pulled her close and realized he was out of his league. He wanted to taste her, to hold her, to touch her everywhere.
And he knew in that instant he couldn’t do it. She meant too much to him. The last few years she’d been an anchor of sorts, and he couldn’t blow that. If he gave in to his desires, even for one simple kiss, it wouldn’t stop there.
So he opted for a partial truth. He couldn’t tell her everything. Couldn’t tell anyone how he’d let another best friend down, how war had ended in personal tragedy. How he’d watched as killers lit the fire that sucked the life out of him as surely as it killed its victim.
But he could tell her one truth. He pushed away the emptiness as she gave up on him, but he couldn’t just let her walk away.
“Wait.”
Kacie Jo shook her head. “No, I don’t think I better stay right now, Donovan. I know you need a friend and I’m going to try to be that for you. But right now, I need to go.”
Kacie Jo walked out of the kitchen, picked up his present and her purse and tugged on Eliza’s arm. “Let’s get out of here and leave these guys to their night.”
She had to get out. Now. Before she cried or went back in the kitchen and showed Donovan Nelson just what he was missing.
But she didn’t need to go back in the kitchen because Donovan had followed her. Great. Rejected for the whole world to see.
She took a deep breath and turned to him.
“So it was great seeing you again, Donovan.”
He stood across from her, close enough for her to smell the spicy cologne he still favored. “You, too, Kacie Jo.” His words rumbled over her, and she tried to avoid his eyes. She didn’t want him to say anything else. Didn’t want to think about how an affair with her would hurt him.
Instead, she reached over and gave him a friendly hug. And then she closed the door between her and her childish dreams.
Chapter Three
Kacie Jo walked past the teacher-of-the-year plaque in her entryway and straightened it out of habit. She had plenty to think about, but she wasn’t sure she wanted to put those thoughts to words.
Unfortunately, Eliza wasn’t going to be put off a second longer.
“Kacie Jo, did we or did we not go over to Grady’s so you could have your way with Donovan Nelson?”
She should’ve never said those words to Eliza. Now she’d never live them down. “We did.”
“So?” Her friend’s question packed quite a punch for such a little word.
“So, I’m not sure now is the right time.”
“I seem to remember wondering that myself at some point in the last month. In fact I distinctly remember asking you if you’d completely lost your mind when you spent two hundred dollars on makeup.”
Kacie Jo remembered, too. And she remembered her answer. She’d been in love with Donovan Nelson for as long as she could remember. Y
es, she knew it wasn’t real love. How could you possibly love someone you hadn’t seen in six years? But how could she not love the larger than life, cool under pressure reporter he’d become? How could she not love the boy who’d become a man while she watched? How could she not love someone who sent her presents and made calls from spectacular locations like Bahrain and Egypt and Lebanon?
Okay, it wasn’t love. It was hero worship and lust all rolled into one.
When her friends had tried alcohol and drugs, she’d pushed herself to do better at school and earn scholarships. When they had one fling after another because the Cosmo Astrologer said it was written in their stars, she’d settled for chaste kisses and a few dates here and there.
And it wasn’t because she didn’t want to, as Cosmo put it, find her erogenous zone. She’d just always known she wanted Donovan and no one else could compare. Certainly not the boys her age. And not the men who asked her out now.
If she honestly believed Donovan would ever be the marrying kind, she’d go for that ultimate goal.
But one thing Donovan Nelson would never be was the marrying kind. Actually, that fact added to his mystique. To his charm. To his very sexy, off the charts heat level.
She couldn’t share any of those thoughts with Eliza. Actually, when she really considered her reasons for spending that much money on cosmetics she’d never worn before, they seemed a little ridiculous.
So she answered the only way she could. “I remember, too. And now, I think you’re right.”
Eliza started in obvious surprise. “Don’t be silly. You had him right where you wanted him.”
Kacie Jo shook her head. “I don’t think so. He needs a friend not a lover.”
“You’re crazy.” Eliza pointed to the gift box that now lay on Kacie Jo’s coffee table. “I realize you were lost in your own little world when he gave you that scarf, but he was totally, completely putty in your hands when you picked it up. I don’t care what he said.”