A Cross to Bear

by Julieanne Lynch

  “Being a pledge, you don’t get that option. Remember, I was you a year ago. I know how they work. Ethan will degrade Drake whenever the opportunity arises. And if you don’t like it, you’re asked to leave. It all comes down to how far Drake is willing to allow Ethan to go.”

  That stumped me. Bree was right. She understood Ethan better than any of us, and that left a bad taste in my mouth. I opened the passenger door and let Bree in before running around and jumping in behind the wheel. “It was all a bad idea. I should have listened to you,” I said, and switched on the ignition.

  “Baby, either way, Drake had every intention of wanting to be there. He didn’t need you holding his hand.”

  Bree looked at me with sympathy. She was right, but I was still responsible for propositioning Tommy in the first place.

  “Man, college has way too many politics for my liking,” I grumbled.

  “Politics are enough to drive anyone insane,” Bree said.

  “How about something to eat?” I asked.

  “Really?” She looked at me. “I can think of a few things that can satisfy the appetite.”

  Her words changed my mind fast. She was teasing me, which, in itself, was pretty exciting.

  “Tacos, then a blow job,” I said, winking at her.

  She rolled her eyes at me and hid her face in her hands.

  I liked seeing the shy side of her. It made her more beautiful in my eyes.

  Bree sneaked a glance at me, inhaling deeply before regaining her composure.

  “You okay there?” I couldn’t hide my smile.

  “You caught me off guard,” she replied.

  “Aww, I’m sorry,” I said, feigning a pout. “How about tacos, then a little cunnilingus?”

  Bree laughed and snorted. “I think I’ve found my appetite.”

  It was incredible. This wonderful, sexy, beautiful woman was mine, and I couldn’t wait to devour her. Every time she looked at me seductively, Bree tempted me beyond mercy. When we were alone, the urge not to break down the walls of restraint became so hard to ignore, I thought I’d explode.

  Bree flashed her dazzling smile at me. It wouldn’t be long before we moved on to the next level.

  Sometimes, the idea of being a bad boy made the blood run faster through my veins. I loved it when things made me feel alive.

  Chapter Fourteen

  “Oh my God!” Bree cried, her breath ragged. “That’s it! Keep doing that.”

  Logan was not one to miss a beat. He lapped at her juices, driving her to the point of no return. She trailed fingernails across his scalp as he sucked and flicked his tongue across her swollen clit.

  The windows of the car steamed up, the air thick with the odor of Bree’s musky aroma. Bree didn’t want the moment to end.

  Bree’s head shot to the side. The orgasm began to rise as Logan used his mouth to torment her. She slowly raised her arms over her head, clawing and gripping the headrest as if she were about to fall.

  Logan pressed his fingers into her, fucking her with two of them.

  “Ooooh!”

  She was close to the edge.

  “I’m…coming!” she cried out, throwing her head forward.

  She watched Logan work the waves that pulsed through her as she climaxed.

  He groaned as he lapped and sucked her to keep the momentum of her climax going.

  Several moments later, Bree came down from the dizzy heights. Her breath relaxed, her ass soaking wet.

  “I can’t believe we just did this…here…in the lot!”

  Bree giggled. She couldn’t help herself. She couldn’t get enough of him. No guy had ever gotten under her skin like Logan.

  “Who cares?” Logan replied, wiping his mouth. “No one is around and I told you I was famished. I worked up an appetite in the pool.”

  Logan handed Bree her panties.

  She put them on, her head still reeling from how hard she’d climaxed. They sat in the backseat of the car.

  Bree placed her hand in Logan’s, their fingers intertwining. She lifted her hand to his mouth.

  He kissed the back of it, his eyes boring deep into hers as if he were devouring her soul.

  “Logan,” she said.

  Logan pressed his fingers to her mouth, not allowing her to talk. “You’ve never fallen head over heels in love like this before?” he asked, not once looking away from her.

  Bree shook her head and whispered, “No.”

  “Me neither. I think you’ve stolen my heart,” Logan admitted. A slow, sexy smile crept over his face.

  Bree’s own heartbeat fluttered.

  “Our hearts belong together,” he said.

  The words trailing off his tongue bewitched her. In that stolen moment in the back of Logan’s car, she’d fallen head over heels for the star athlete who didn’t even know his own power.

  “I love you,” she muttered before kissing him hard.

  * * * *

  All week long, Bree found herself lost in the haze of her newfound love. She was on cloud nine, happily going to each class with a smile on her face. In her mind, nothing was going to get in the way of her happiness.

  Not Jack.

  Not Ethan.

  Nothing!

  Logan had renewed something Bree convinced herself was broken. She’d seen herself as damaged goods, and in most cases, she might have been right. Ever since Logan had come into her world, the hope he’d brought with him healed everything. With a new sense of self, Bree found herself more focused. She engaged with the environment that surrounded her, never once afraid to ask the kind of questions she’d previously shied away from.

  “Hey,” Jenny said. “You were up early this morning.”

  “Yeah, I wanted to hit the library before my first class.”

  “You, study?” Jenny laughed.

  “Yup, it’s amazing, isn’t it?”

  Jenny took a moment to assess Bree. She frowned before raising her eyebrows.

  “Oh my God!” Jenny gasped. “I’ve been so blind.”

  “To what?” Bree laughed.

  “You and Logan, it’s serious, isn’t it?”

  Bree couldn’t stop smiling. Her cheeks ached from how much she grinned whenever she thought of Logan, not to mention saying his name.

  “Yes.”

  Jenny linked her arm with Bree’s, resting her head against her shoulder. “Do you love him?”

  “I told him so,” Bree admitted.

  Jenny lifted her head and smiled before she planted a kiss on Bree’s cheek. “Seeing you this happy makes my heart happy. You deserve this.”

  “Thank you,” Bree replied, planting a kiss on Jenny’s head. “You know something? I think everything is finally going my way again.”

  Jenny smiled.

  The two girls went off to class with a spring in their steps. It wasn’t until later that evening that Bree saw the seven missed phone calls from Jack.

  “Ugh,” she complained and threw the phone onto her bed.

  Angry that he refused to get the message, Bree paced the floor of her room. Jack had made his point clear. He wasn’t ready to let go of things, not by a long shot. Bree dreaded to think about what he would do to make sure she met him.

  She grabbed the phone, scrolled to his name, and deleted it before she blocked the number. Although it wouldn’t end there, it lessened her fear of seeing Jack flash across the screen whenever the phone rang.

  Bree sat down at her desk and unpacked two books. She decided on a little study before facing the weekend.

  An hour later, Jenny bounced into the room, full of excitement.

  “Whoa!” Bree laughed, watching Jenny strip out of her jeans and top before sliding into a pretty pink dress. “What’s got you all excited?”

  “A birdie told me that Tommy would begin the pledging process tonight, which means it’ll be an all-nighter for him. So if I want to get laid before midnight, I need to get over there now.”

  “What?” Bree asked, sounding surprised.
“Already?”

  “Yup. Oh, but you didn’t hear that from me.” Jenny realized her mistake. “Shit, please don’t mention this to Logan. The element of surprise and all that jazz.”

  “Yeah, the secret’s safe with me,” Bree mumbled. “What are they going to do?”

  “Well, you know the drill.” Jenny raised her eyebrows before changing the subject. “Okay, how do I look?”

  “Great. Totally fuckable!” Bree replied.

  Jenny grabbed her purse, curtsied before Bree, then raced out of the room.

  The night ahead would bring many firsts for Logan and his friends. A part of her wanted to warn him. Yet, she wouldn’t go against the tradition and everything she stood for. She bit her tongue and picked up the phone to call Logan.

  “Hey!”

  “Hello, you,” Logan replied.

  “How was your day?” she asked, lying down on her bed.

  “Tough,” he said. “Training kicked my ass this evening.”

  “My poor baby!”

  “How was yours?”

  “Oh, you know, full of lectures, study, thoughts.”

  Logan laughed. The sound of his voice excited her.

  “What kind of thoughts?”

  “You…me…doing bad things,” Bree said, sounding a tad sultry.

  “I don’t fancy getting locked up any time soon,” Logan joked.

  “Well, why don’t you come over here tomorrow night and try to stop me from getting into trouble?” Bree twirled her hair around her fingers.

  “Uh-oh, it sounds like I might end up in hot water.”

  “Nah, I wouldn’t be worrying about the heat,” Bree said.

  Bree hadn’t thought things through. Not entirely. Every time she and Logan were alone, things heated up to the point that her willpower began to subside. The idea of him being with her made her insides crumble.

  Logan was so good to her, never once trying to overstep her boundaries. Yes, they engaged in a little fun time, but now the stakes were raised. There was no way of anticipating what would happen once they did make love.

  “Bree,” Logan said, pulling her from her reverie.

  “Yes?”

  “You’re making it really hard for a guy to concentrate on anything other than you.”

  “Good, because I want you to dream of me when you close those gorgeous eyes tonight.”

  Logan laughed once more. “I guess I’ll be practicing my drills with one hell of a boner.”

  “I hope not!” Bree giggled. “You might give some of the boys the wrong impression.”

  The two joked and laughed until it was time to say goodnight.

  After the call ended, Bree took a long bath. Her thoughts often drifted to Logan. He made her happy. There was no other way of looking at it. Most of the house was quiet, except for a few stragglers, who, like herself, were taking advantage of a quiet Friday night in.

  She made her way downstairs with every intention of having a late night snack and saw Jet sitting on the floor of the living room. She looked up at Bree and patted the seat next to her. “Come join me,” she said.

  Bree sat down beside her, resting her back against the sofa. “What are you doing?”

  “A reading,” she replied, shuffling her cards.

  “Ooooooh.”

  “Don’t look so scared. This is for my own benefit, but I can do yours, if you want,” Jet said.

  A part of her wanted Jet to do so. Sometimes, she got to foresee things when Jet read her cards. The side of her soul she didn’t want unlocked frightened her. Facing cold, harsh truths made her feel sick.

  “What’s happening in your world?” Bree asked, knowing how closely guarded Jet was about her life.

  “Nothing much.” She smirked, not looking at Bree. “A few things might be changing, but nothing I’m not prepared for. Besides, my world isn’t as interesting as yours.”

  “Why do you say that?” Bree laughed, her nerves on edge.

  “Oh, nothing,” Jet said, glancing at Bree before placing the cards on the floor in front of them. “You have taken on a little too much this summer, haven’t you?”

  Bree swallowed hard. She didn’t want to risk anyone knowing about Jack. Jet didn’t know, but she had this knack of being able to read her.

  “Summer has been odd,” Bree replied.

  “Nope, this past summer introduced you to something you can’t control.” Jet shook her head. “It’s like you’ve opened Pandora’s box, and you don’t know how to control things.”

  Bree didn’t respond. She watched Jet turn over the cards instead.

  “Whoa!” Jet remarked, and stared at the first card.

  “What is it?”

  Jet’s eyes opened wide. She looked up from the card.

  “The Devil… He represents your past, indicating that the root of your issue lies in a time when pettiness, greed, and base desires were rampant. The Devil in the tarot can be a warning to the selfish and arrogant. Having the Devil in your past symbolizes a time when you may have taken a long, hard look at your darker self, possibly around the time you and Ethan broke up. But if you’ve pushed all that darkness and anger to the side, not truly dealing with it, it will have festered, making all of your choices bad and grotesque. Basically, you’ve lost control.”

  Bree drew her legs up to her chin. Jet had hit the nail on the head and no amount of shame could wash it away.

  Jet turned over the second card. She nodded, sucking her top lip into her mouth.

  “The Four of Cups represents the present and right now. It’s a time of serious emotional recoil and major discontent. We both know you’ve been experiencing this. The man sitting against the tree seems to be closed off to new ideas. In retrospect, you may be focusing on the boredom or the heartache inside you, which is suggested by the three cups at the man’s feet.

  “Something new is being offered to you. You may or may not be turning it down, possibly deciding instead to close yourself off, which we both know you do. Perhaps you need to take advantage of this emotional assessment. Revaluate what’s important to you. Spending too long in this mode can prevent you from moving forward. My guess is that before jumping headfirst into a new relationship, you need to put to rest whatever you’ve left unresolved in the past. Because the way I see, the past has a great way of stepping in and causing a storm or two.”

  Bree’s heart thumped hard. For a moment, she thought it would burst through her chest. Her stomach spun with unease and bile rose to the back of her throat.

  “The last card is your future,” Jet said, turning the third card over. She let out a long breath, briefly looking at Bree before focusing on the card. “The Ace of Wands… Okay, this is good. It’s positive. Basically, the power of will, desire, sexuality, and vitality will be plentiful in your future. You see the leaves bursting forth with such force that they are seen falling from the Wand? That represents your energy, which will bring you many fertile beginnings. Which doesn’t mean babies, I might add.

  “It’s a metaphor for a clean slate where anything is possible. This card symbolizes the healthy, positive outlook that should be held. Great things are shown if you can deal with the demons in your past. Lay them to rest, and the future will be sweet.”

  Bree exhaled. “How come I feel like I just climbed a mountain?” she asked.

  “Because everything I just read is true, and you know it.” Jet didn’t mince her words. “Whatever happened, you need to deal with it. One way or another, loverboy will find out, and it can ultimately tear it all down.”

  “What do I do? There are some things that will never stop haunting me,” Bree whispered, trying not to cry. “I’m such a bad person.”

  Jet took Bree’s hand in hers, squeezing it tight. “You’re not a bad person,” she said. “You might be slightly fucked up, but you’re not bad, Bree. I think you’re lost, but hiding from whatever happened isn’t going to help.”

  “I don’t know how to make it go away.” She cried, wiping the tears fro
m her cheeks.

  “Then let me help you.” Jet’s voice was soft as she spoke.

  Out of everyone she knew, Jet always saw the darkness within Bree, as well as the helplessness that sometimes got her into trouble. It was all a cry for help, but everyone Bree surrounded herself with was deaf and blind. They never heard her pleas.

  “You’ll hate me if I tell you,” Bree said.

  “Try me.”

  Taking a deep breath, Bree revealed just how bad a girl she’d been.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Shortly after midnight, I found myself pulled from my bed and blindfolded. My natural instinct was to lash out and hit the person who twisted my arms and pushed me toward the door.

  In the background, Spence’s groans and complaints matched my own, except his expletives were a little more to the point.

  “Get your fucking hands off me!” he shouted.

  Whoever had blindfolded us wasn’t backing down anytime soon. We were led from our dorm, across the quad in our bare feet, and taken inside the GAP house. The pledge class was forced inside an unknown chamber, where we waited until the other brothers were compelled to bring us out one at a time.

  “Belanger!”

  My name was finally called. Stepping forward, I was escorted from the enclosure and taken elsewhere. I stayed in place, knowing the rest of the brothers surrounded me.

  Tommy spoke. “Logan, to be the shit, you must endure shit. By walking down the same pathway as all others before you, you become a part of something bigger and grander than anything you would have ever envisioned. Tonight, as your pledge master, I hereby give you the name Flipper. Why? Because I can and because we all know what a speedy little fish you are. So go forth, Flipper, get your shuteye, because tomorrow it all begins.”

  I took off my blindfold to find myself standing in the basement in my boxers. The faces of twenty other guys, who were basically my superiors during the pledging process, smirked as I was continuously referred to as Flipper.

  “Nighty night, Flipper,” Ethan said, waving at me as I left the room.