Undaunted Hope

by Jody Hedlund

  He brought his lips to hers decisively as if he’d planned the moment. Even though an alarm in her mind warned her against kissing him back, she was too weakened by relief to pay it attention. Instead she slipped her arms around his neck and pressed against him with a franticness that contained all the worry of the past day, almost as if she needed to test the reality of his presence to know that she wasn’t dreaming.

  His lips found hers, fierce and demanding, taking her breath away. She responded just as strongly. She angled her mouth to fit against his more fully, needing more. But just as fiercely as he started the kiss, he broke it, leaving her breathless, her chest heaving.

  His breath came in bursts too, and his hold on her arm was tight. “I told myself if I made it back alive that the first thing I’d do when I saw you was kiss you.”

  So he’d been thinking about her while he was gone? She threw caution aside and lifted her bare hand to his face and allowed herself to run her fingers over the bristle on his cheek and jaw, relishing the roughness against her skin and knowing that he was here and real and alive.

  “I’ll need help getting Michael inside,” the doctor called above the wind.

  Alex started to rise, but only got halfway up before collapsing, agony rippling across his face.

  Gently Tessa pushed down on his shoulder. “I’ll go help him.” Though she didn’t want to leave Alex, he nodded and released her.

  With Gunnar, the doctor, and herself, they managed to carry Michael inside. They situated him on the sofa that Ingrid had deserted, the commotion having awoken her.

  Tessa set about with rapid efficiency and with Ingrid’s help to fetch blankets and to heat water. By the time she returned to the parlor, the doctor had assisted Alex inside and deposited him on the opposite sofa where he promptly lost consciousness.

  “His joints are numb from frostbite,” the doctor said, leaving Alex’s side and taking his leather medical kit from Gunnar who’d retrieved it from one of the sleds. The doctor slid out of his heavy coat. The snow that had accumulated on it was already melting and dripping onto the floor.

  Tessa began to lower herself at the end of the sofa, reaching for the laces of Alex’s boot, but Dr. Lewis shook his head. “You best be helping me with Michael. He’s suffered the worst and needs doctoring first. Alex made me promise to tend Michael before him.”

  She assisted the doctor in removing Michael’s boots and layers of socks, revealing toes that were hard, white, and waxy.

  “He’s got a severe case of frostbite,” the doctor explained. “We’ll try warming his flesh, but he’s bound to get painful fluid blisters before too long.”

  For some time they worked on Michael, putting his fingers and toes in warm water and wrapping them in heated blankets. Gunnar and Ingrid were eager helpers, warming blankets, keeping the water heated, and fetching whatever the doctor needed.

  When Alex began to stir again, Tessa and Dr. Lewis moved to him and repeated the warming process. As they worked, the doctor explained how he’d been riding home along Sand Dune Road after tending patients over in Phoenix when Bear came bounding up the rocky ledges and intercepted him.

  It had already started snowing at that point, so he was able to follow Bear’s tracks, which led him across the frozen surface of Great Sand Bay. He suspected they were getting close when Bear picked up speed. At the same time, from the cracking along the surface, the doctor knew the ice was thinning and that he would need to turn back before he broke through.

  He was surprised when he came upon Alex dragging Michael across the ice toward him. Alex was barely conscious but had somehow managed to pull the two of them away from the edge. Alex had told him that after the ice had broken up around them yesterday, they’d stayed afloat on their piece of ice like a raft. The biggest challenge had been to keep the ice from moving out to deeper waters. It became difficult to keep their bearings in the fog. Alex had paddled all night with a few pieces of broken wood from their demolished shack and had kept as close to the icy shoreline as he could.

  Once morning had come, a shift in the wind blew away some of the fog, allowing him to see where they were, near Great Sand Bay. They still had a treacherous walk across thin ice to reach land, but by that point Michael had drifted into unconsciousness from the cold. Apparently Alex had inched his brother slowly and painstakingly across the frozen bay before the doctor had found them.

  Tessa tucked another blanket around Alex, then brushed a loose strand of hair off his forehead. Her fingers shook at the thought of how close he’d come to death.

  “Luckily I had two sleds,” the doctor said, finishing his tale. “As it was, I had to leave most of my supplies behind by the dunes.” The doctor looked out the window to the advancing darkness and blowing storm. “Looks like I won’t be getting back to them right away. I’ll need to get home myself before I’m snowed in here for the night.”

  She didn’t want him to leave. She’d rather he stay through the night for Michael and Alex’s sake. As if reading her thoughts, he said, “You’ll do just fine doctoring them. Don’t worry if the skin turns blue and purple. That’s better than black. And there will be painful stinging when the feeling returns to their skin. Their joints and muscles will be in a lot of pain too.” He handed her a bottle of laudanum. “Give this to them as needed.”

  She took it and nodded.

  “If the storm blows over by tomorrow,” the doctor said as he reached for his coat, “I’ll stop by and check on the patients.”

  Gunnar had long since taken care of the dogs and brought them inside to warm and feed them. Tessa was as proud of Gunnar as if he were her own son, especially when he went outside with the doctor to hitch his dogs back up. She didn’t protest when he stayed at his father’s side long after she tucked Ingrid into bed for the night.

  As the night wore on and the men began to awaken in excruciating pain from their thawing flesh, she was grateful for Gunnar’s help. Alex’s feet and hands finally began to soften and turn purplish red with blisters. He thrashed in pain even after a large dose of the laudanum.

  Michael’s skin hadn’t fared as well. Even with continued warming throughout the night, he started to run a fever and some of his toes remained waxy and turned gray.

  Tessa fought to stay awake, finally succumbing to exhaustion in the wee hours of the morning. With Gunnar asleep on the sofa next to Michael, she kneeled beside the sofa where Alex slept fitfully and wrapped her hands around his. She told herself she was only holding his hands to speed the warming, but for a reason she couldn’t explain to herself, she had a deep unquenchable need to be with him and touch him and make sure he was really there.

  And of course, there was that kiss . . .

  She ought to feel mortified for how she’d thrown herself at him and kissed him so brazenly, but the heat in her belly flared more from pleasure than embarrassment. By the dim light of the fire, she watched his sleeping face, the handsome lines, the long lashes resting against his cheeks, and the unshaven stubble that made him look rugged and irresistible.

  Her attention shifted to his lips, and the heat in her middle spilled over into her blood. She may have been branded a loose woman, but the kiss with Alex had been her first. And she could understand now why the boys and girls sneaked away to the mine buildings to kiss. Kissing was entirely too enjoyable, at least it had been with Alex, and she wanted to kiss him again.

  She studied the hard curves of his mouth and leaned closer so that he was only inches away. Surely she could brush her lips against his one more time. No one else needed to know, not even him. Her breath quickened at the thought of touching his lips.

  No! The word clamored in the recesses of her mind. It was all too easy to get carried away. One innocent kiss would lead to another and would never completely satisfy. Instead the kissing would awaken a longing for what was reserved for marriage.

  With a sigh, Tessa closed her weary eyes and laid her head down on the edge of the sofa next to his. As much as she wanted to
kiss him again, she’d only hurt them both if she gave in to the temptation. She told herself that their earlier kiss was born out of desperation. It didn’t mean anything more than that. If he hadn’t been lost and half dead, they never would have kissed. And now she had to make sure they never kissed again.

  Chapter 17

  Alex yelled at Michael for the hundredth time, “Keep moving!”

  Michael didn’t raise his head this time. He’d stopped paddling again.

  Alex dipped his scrap of wood deeper into the water. The more active they were, the better. They’d keep the blood flowing and hopefully stay warmer. Bear was lying on their boots, but even with the dog’s warmth, Alex had lost all sensation in his feet.

  “Paddle!” Alex shouted at his brother.

  Michael sat motionless.

  Alex couldn’t see his brother’s face, yet he could tell that Michael was staring out into the darkness. “Don’t give up yet,” he said, trying to keep the desperation out of his voice.

  Michael’s body tilted stiffly toward the edge of the floating piece of ice.

  “We’ll make it. You’ll see—”

  Before he could finish his sentence, Michael slipped off the ice.

  “No-o-o . . .” Alex’s throat tightened around his scream.

  He jerked awake. Panic coursed through him. He’d spent the past five years pushing Michael away from the edge of the abyss. And now he’d failed. How could he?

  He looked up to see a ceiling where the shadows of dying flames danced. His fingers made contact with the scratchy wool of a blanket. The weight covering his body told him he was buried in mounds of warmth on the sofa. The dull pain in his limbs and digits told him the laudanum was keeping the agony at bay.

  He was home, he told himself. There was nothing to worry about now. They’d made it. Michael was alive. Even though Michael had wanted to give up, Alex hadn’t let him, had forced him to go on, had promised him everything would be okay, just as he always had.

  At a soft sigh next to his cheek, Alex glanced sideways. He sucked in a breath at the most beautiful sight. Tessa’s sleeping face. She was kneeling next to the sofa with her head resting near his. Her face was pale, made even more so by her dark hair that hung loose and flowed in abandon all around her. Her wavy hair highlighted her delicate features, and the soft glow of firelight emphasized each curve.

  During his worst moments over the past two days, the thought of seeing her again had pushed him to hang on. Now here she was. He’d told himself that the moment he saw her, he’d kiss her. He was done with waiting and with keeping a proper distance between them.

  Renewed passion filled him at the memory of the brief but passionate kiss he’d claimed when she arrived at the sled. It didn’t matter if she’d simply been hugging him as a friend, relieved that he’d been found. He hoped he’d made it very clear that he considered her more than a friend.

  She released another sigh and her fingers gripped his harder.

  Tessa was holding his hands. She’d chosen to lie next to him, not Michael. Surely that meant she cared for him more. In all the silly competition over the past couple of months, she’d never singled either one of them out with her attention. In fact, she’d made a point of hinting more than once that they were wasting their efforts if they wanted more than friendship from her.

  He drank in her face, staring more boldly than he would have had she been awake. He’d fulfilled his vow to himself to kiss her the first chance he had, but maybe he needed to do so one more time to make sure she understood his true feelings toward her. He loved her. He wanted to marry her and spend the rest of his life making her smile. He loved that she was strong, witty, and beautiful. More than that, he loved how compassionate she was. She deeply cared for the children and the people of the community, and even if at times her passion for changing them was overzealous, he admired that she wanted to help them.

  He shifted so that his nose almost touched hers. She didn’t wake up. One more kiss, that was all it would take. To make it as clear as a summer day that he was claiming her for his own.

  His lips grazed hers, lighter than a breath of air.

  Still she didn’t stir.

  He brushed her lips again. If his kiss yesterday had been crushing and demanding, this one was the complete opposite. It was as gentle and tentative as a whisper. A whisper of his love for her. He let his lips linger and was rewarded within seconds by a returning pressure that was light, almost teasing.

  Her eyes remained closed, and for a moment he thought she was still enveloped in the sweetness of sleep. But then she breathed his name, slowly, like a prayer. “Alex.”

  His entire being was overcome with a mingling of joy and desire. She hadn’t expected Michael. No, she’d been thinking about him, even in her sleep. That had to mean she loved him too. If only she could admit it to herself.

  He let his lips graze hers for a moment longer before pulling back. Without his touch, her eyes flew open and her lips chased after his. Of course, he gave in all too willingly and let her mouth capture his. She pressed into him with a passion that was almost his undoing. With a strength he hadn’t known he possessed, he kept his own kiss gentle, although his muscles strained with the need to pull her against him hungrily as he had before.

  As if sensing his reserve, she stopped abruptly. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I shouldn’t have . . .”

  “Yes, you should have.” To prove his point, he dropped a kiss onto her forehead.

  “Alex . . .” Her voice was laced with regret.

  He took in the wildness of her hair again, the sleepy droop of her eyes. “You’re beautiful.” He smiled, a smile he hoped would melt her heart.

  The light in her eyes wavered before brightening.

  “I missed you,” he whispered. “From the way you kissed me, I guess you missed me too.”

  “I didn’t mean to kiss you,” she said, glancing at the opposite sofa to Michael and Gunnar. Neither moved. Her attention shifted back to him.

  His grin widened and he arched a brow. “You didn’t mean to kiss me? Twice?”

  “I did it because I was relieved to see you—”

  “You did it because you love me.” While he was smiling, his tone demanded honesty from her. “Admit it. You’re falling in love with me.”

  She pushed away from the sofa before he could stop her. “Apparently the time out on the ice froze your brain.”

  He chuckled. “That’s the one thing that didn’t freeze.” Underneath the blankets his bare feet brushed against the wool, and the sting of the blisters cut off his laugh. As much as his limbs pained him, he was grateful for the sensation. It meant he’d survived intact.

  She sat back on her heels. He caught a glimpse in her expression of the anxiety she’d suffered over the past couple of days. He regretted that she’d had to worry so deeply. He could only imagine that she and the children had believed he and Michael had died.

  “Thank you for staying with Gunnar and Ingrid,” he whispered. “I’m sure it wasn’t an easy time.”

  She visibly swallowed and replied in a thick voice, “It was incredibly hard.”

  He was tempted to tease her about missing him. But when she glanced at Gunnar, he knew she was thinking about what would have happened to the children. Their welfare was no laughing matter. The lake was dangerous. He and Michael had encountered life-threatening situations on more than one occasion. If something ever happened to them, what would happen to Gunnar and Ingrid? He’d never considered the fact that they would be alone here at Eagle Harbor.

  If only they had a mother . . .

  “I’m sure it was even harder for you and Michael,” she said.

  His nightmare came back to haunt him. He’d come so close to losing Michael again.

  Her eyes were upon him and deadly serious. “The doctor told us about the rescue.”

  Alex lifted a silent prayer of gratitude as he had many times since Bear had come back with Dr. Lewis close on his trail. When B
ear had raised his nose, Alex urged the dog to go find help. After Bear trotted off, Alex prayed the dog would find someone. He didn’t know how much longer he’d hold up. After a freezing, sleepless night on the ice, he was losing the little bit of strength he had left. Yet he’d kept his sights focused on the distant tree line, slowly but steadily pulling Michael behind him as he slid toward land, praying with each step they wouldn’t break through the ice again.

  “Thank God, the doctor came when he did,” Alex said, unable to keep the hitch out of his voice. “I don’t know how much longer I could have gone.”

  A gust of wind rattled the window that overlooked the lake. In the darkness of the early morning, he couldn’t see anything. But he knew a storm had blown in. He closed his eyes against the thought of how close he and Michael had come to being trapped in it.

  A low groan rose from the other sofa. Alex tried to push himself up. Excruciating pain shot through his limbs, and he collapsed helplessly. Tessa was already on her feet and rushing to Michael’s side.

  Gunnar had awoken and was sitting up, watching his father, his young face filled with worry. When he saw that Alex was awake, his features softened only a little.

  “Hey, old fella,” Alex said. He cracked a grin at the boy.

  Gunnar didn’t return the smile. “Thanks for rescuing my dad.”

  Alex nodded and even that effort hurt. “That’s what I’m here for.” He tried to make his voice light, but the truth was that he meant every word he spoke. He’d sacrifice his very life for his brother if he had to.

  Tessa pressed Ingrid’s face into her chest and squeezed her hands over the girl’s ears. The moans of agony coming from the parlor were half human, half animal. Ingrid’s heartrending sobs couldn’t drown them out. Tessa wanted to close her own ears against the unbearable anguish, but her first priority was shielding Ingrid from the horror of hearing her father have his fingers and toes amputated.