Give Me Hope

by Zoey Derrick

  On his back are a massive pair of pure-white, feathered wings in full extension. The wingspan alone has to be eight feet, if not more. The right-hand side of his chest and his right shoulder and arm are covered in an intricate black tribal tattoo, similar to the one I saw previously.

  I stumble backwards as I realize it’s not a window. It’s a full-length mirror, and the winged, tattooed man is me. I watch my reflection try to regain its balance. The weight of the wings on my back finally registers, and I’m briefly knocked around as I try to stabilize.

  “Easy there, angel. You’re alright.” This beautiful voice coming from behind me can only belong to one person. I feel my knees buckle again. This time, I’m a little more prepared for it and I don’t lose my balance.

  “What’s happening to me?” I ask, but she doesn’t answer.

  I flex my shoulders and the wings shift. I try, for curiosity’s sake, to pinpoint the muscles in my back where the wings are. I find them, push them downward, and instantly the wings follow suit. They’ve gone down enough that I can see Vivienne standing behind me. Instinctively I shrug, and the wings come back up, taking her out of my line of sight. She giggles behind me and I smile. Repeating the same motions as before, I lower them again and pull inward, and the wings fold in. Vivienne is looking at me appraisingly for the work I’ve managed to accomplish. I smile at her.

  Her face lights up and I start to turn toward her, but she stops me by saying, “No, no. Keep facing the mirror. Keep practicing.”

  My heart sinks. I want to hold her, to touch her, but instead I do as she’s asked and turn back toward the mirror. I push the wings back out, marveling at the fluid motion and at the force of air that comes from them.

  “Can I fly?” I ask her.

  “Yes, in time.” Her voice is soft, approving, and much closer than before.

  Then it happens – so fast that I’m not entirely sure what’s happened – but my wings shiver, sending a rapid pulse of pleasure through my body. “Ahh!” I moan. And the sensation comes again. My wings go limp, and through hooded eyes, I see Vivienne standing behind me. She is smiling, happy.

  She strokes my wing again. I don’t know how much I can hold back and I moan again. She moves away - I feel the air shift in her wake - and I’m lost and empty without her touch. I close my eyes.

  A warm, soft finger trails along my jaw. I lift my chin. Her touch has left a searing desire in its path.

  “Keep them closed,” she says softly.

  “But I need to see you,” I say, hoping the need in my voice conveys the feelings running through me. Each emotion, every sensation, is heightened beyond anything I’ve ever felt before.

  I feel a whoosh of air go past me. My wings? But they’re in the same position, still unmoving.

  “Open your eyes, Mikah.” Her voice is sweet and warm. I attempt to obey, but I can’t seem to bring my eyes to open.

  “Mikah.” I feel a nudge at my shoulder. “Come on, Mikah, wake up.”

  Still I can’t open my eyes. “Mikah.” A deeper tone.

  Twenty-Seven

  My eyes fly open to see Red standing over me, and I jump and slide away from him. Sweat rolls off my forehead.

  “It’s alright, lad, it’s just me.”

  I plop back down onto my pillow. “You really need to stop waking me up,” I grumble.

  He laughs. “Interrupting a good dream?”

  “Yes.” I groan.

  I want to shout at him, but it seems that this dream is going to continue until it draws to its conclusion, so eventually, when I close my eyes again, with any luck it will come back.

  “Sorry. Dr. Alston will be here in a couple of minutes. You’ve been sleeping like the dead, it’s nearly ten in the morning.” Holy shit. I can’t believe I’ve been asleep for nearly twelve hours. “They’ve already taken Vivienne for a CT and some additional tests and brought her back again. The doctor will be here soon to talk to you.”

  “Shit.” I climb out of bed quickly, looking in Vivienne’s direction as I stumble to the bathroom.

  When I come out a few minutes later after having freshened up as best I could with cold water from the sink, Red has made up the cot, so I take a seat on the end of Vivienne’s bed.

  Red hands me a travel mug and I take a sip.

  “Thanks for the coffee.”

  “Any change?” Red asks, gesturing toward Vivienne.

  “Not that I’m aware of. They didn’t wake me, so I’m assuming no.” I take another sip of coffee. “What time did you get here?”

  “Around seven. I figured you wouldn’t have slept much last night and that you would be awake. It was a few minutes after that they came for Vivienne and took her for tests. I stayed because I figured if you woke up you’d likely panic, and I didn’t want you freaking out the staff. They only brought her back about thirty minutes ago.”

  I let out a soundless chuckle and bob my head. “You do know me well, don’t you.”

  My back buzzes quickly and calms just as fast, just like it did yesterday when Dr. Alston was coming. Let’s see if it is the same as before.

  After a few heartbeats the door clicks open, followed by the clacking of heels on the linoleum floor.

  “Good morning, Mikah. Red.” She is wearing a black dress, black nylons and black heels.

  I cock an eyebrow at her.

  “I had a private appointment this morning and haven’t changed.” She laughs a bit.

  I smirk at her and she smiles a little wider.

  “So what’s the verdict, Doc?”

  “Well, the swelling in her brain has completely diminished, which is beyond what we thought would happen. Also, her lung and her shoulder look great. I’m a little perplexed about her wrist, though.”

  I raise my eyebrows at her. “How so?”

  “Well, there seems to be very little sign of swelling underneath the brace she’s in. It’s not normal.” She shrugs like it’s no big deal.

  “Maybe she’s a fast healer.”

  She snorts. “Maybe, but this is beyond fast healing.” She just shrugs again, and I make a mental note to ask Seraphina about Dr. Alston.

  “Ask me what?” It’s not Dr. Alston speaking now.

  Where’d you come from?

  “I’ve been here the whole time. I came in sometime around the time Red showed up.”

  How’d you not hear my question then?

  She sighs. “Because I wasn’t paying attention.”

  Alright then, give me a minute.

  “So what now, Doctor?”

  “Well, we are going to pull back on her sedation and bring her out of the coma slowly. We will keep her on the ventilator until all the sedation medicine has stopped, which will take a couple of hours.”

  “Why so long?”

  “We want to make sure that she doesn’t come out of it too fast, it can cause undue harm or stress to her and her body. Doing it slowly allows her a better chance to come out of it on her own. When she’s ready.”

  I nod slowly at her, trying to process all of this. “So now what do we do?”

  “I’m going to go push a few buttons, and we wait,” she says with some hope in her voice.

  “What are the risks of bringing her out now instead of waiting a little longer?” I’m not sure I want to know the answer to this, but I have to ask.

  “Minimal. But there is still a chance she might not come out of the coma for a couple of days, and...there is still a very small chance that she may never come out of it at all.”

  Twenty-Eight

  My heart starts racing and my palms start sweating.

  “Relax, Mikah.” Dr. Alston and Seraphina say in unison. It’s rather obnoxious and I have the sudden urge to yell jinx.

  Seraphina laughs.

  “I’m trying.” I take a few deep breaths as Dr. Alston goes to work pushing buttons.

  “I’m going to have Amanda come in with some new fluids and take some vitals in about twenty minutes, then about every thirty minu
tes or so after that. We will also be monitoring for signs of discomfort. If she is in pain we may see her heart rate spike, and as she becomes more conscious, we’ll see little things like finger twitches or a furrowing of her brow. If you see this, press the call button and we’ll come in. Okay?”

  “Okay,” I say breathily.

  “I have complete faith that she’ll be alright. If I didn’t, I would not be doing this now.”

  “Alright.”

  She grabs my shoulder as she passes and squeezes.

  “You alright, sir?” Red chimes in. Jeez, I forgot he was here.

  I turn to look at him. “Yeah, I think so. Listen. The other apartment downstairs, the one Celeste isn’t using?”

  “Yeah, the one across from me?”

  “Right. Look, get in touch with Rusty and get them in that apartment. Make sure that everything is working properly, get the water turned on...you know the drill. She’ll need a place to stay when she leaves the hospital and I’m no longer giving her a choice. Once we have a better idea of when she’ll be released, we’ll get it stocked up. Oh, and one last thing. Send Celeste on a shopping spree. Vivienne is going to need some new clothes, towels, linens, etcetera.”

  He nods. “Alright, we can handle that.”

  “Perfect. Thank you, Red. For everything.”

  “My pleasure, lad, you know that.”

  I nod and he leaves the room.

  Are you still there?

  I feel the fullness return once again. How does she do that?

  “I’m here. I do that by becoming one with your angel self. Something you too will learn how to do eventually. I was here the whole time, just distantly communicating with you.”

  “See, and here I thought my head was my own when you weren’t around.”

  She laughs. “Nope, I’m always connected. It’s just a matter of whether or not I want to listen to you.”

  “Hardy-har. Alright. Dr. Alston. Is she familiar with all this angel, otherworldly stuff?”

  “Not that I’m aware of. I can check. There are only a few common people that know – or at least think they know – that we exist. So it’s unlikely that she does, but I will ask.”

  “No, it’s alright. She was just a little too cool about fast healing. Did you have anything to do with Vivienne’s healing?”

  “Nuh-uh. Nope. That’s all you.”

  “How me?”

  “Your presence is enough. Your kindness, warm nature, your nurturing...and the fact that you’re an angel of course helps, too.”

  “Huh?” I guess it is something else to add to my list of learning.

  “Not really. I’m not entirely sure there is anything to learn. Her healing is a combination of just you being here supporting her and the natural aura of healing you possess as an angel.” She sounds almost chipper. It’s rather odd, given the circumstances.

  Not wanting to discuss this any further because I’m not sure how much more of this I can handle right now, I slide off of the bed and head toward my bag.

  I’m going to shower. Any chance you can scram?

  She laughs and vacates. Her absence sends a chill through me. I look back to Vivienne, who is still unconscious.

  Please let her wake up okay, I pray, and then add, But not before I get back into her room.

  Twenty-Nine

  After my shower, I start to pace, impatiently waiting for Vivienne to wake up. Around noon, Red brings me lunch from a restaurant near the house that I enjoy, but my nervous energy makes it hard for me to want to eat anything.

  Finally I decide to distract myself with work. Not long after I’ve picked up my laptop and replied to a couple of emails, Sydney jumps on my case about working. I let out a nervous chuckle at her response and move onto the emails Jack has been sending me over the last twenty-four hours.

  Information about Riley’s background, Elton’s background, some Riley sightings and a new batch of evidence on where he’s possibly hiding. Jack is a real genius at tracking people. I have no doubt that at least half of the information he obtains is illegal, which is why we have to be careful about what we send on to Detective Stevens.

  One of the emails catches my attention.

  It’s encrypted - for my eyes only. Unfortunately, I’m not equipped at the moment to open it, as I’m not sure of the level of security I have on the hospital’s network. If he is sending this to me, it means he’s found something important in relation to Riley or Elton. Which is good, but it could be pretty bad too.

  After the voicemail from Elton yesterday, combined with Sydney’s email, I begin to wonder, idly, what Elton is up to and how he plans to go about ‘destroying me’, as he so eloquently put it. Huh? I wonder if that’s what Jack’s email is about?

  I try to push it from my mind entirely, and in doing so, it registers once again that all the humming is gone. Okay, maybe it’s not gone, because I can still feel it slightly as I flex my back and shoulders. For now I’m going to take this as a positive sign that there is little to be concerned about right now.

  Just as I think this, a prickling spreads across my skin. It’s not painful, but rather it’s pleasurable. Instinctively my eyes drift to Vivienne lying on the bed, and in the instant that I look at her, I see the corner of her mouth twitch slightly.

  My heart swells to see some life in her face. Though her eyes are still closed, that twitch is more than I’ve seen from her in the last day, and I become hopeful that she is going to be alright.

  I quickly close the laptop, set it aside and lean forward toward the bed.

  “Vivienne.” I gently place one hand on her upper arm and my other hand on her gorgeous red hair, stroking lightly. “Vivienne. Vivienne, can you open your eyes?” I pause a moment, waiting for a reaction.

  There isn’t one.

  “Vivienne,” I whisper.

  Still no response.

  I stay where I am, playing with her hair, until Dr. Alston comes in to check on her again.

  Before I can tell her about the mouth twitch, Dr. Alston pulls up the blankets at the foot of the bed.

  “What are you doing?” I ask a little defensively.

  She doesn’t flinch at my tone. “I’m looking for reflexes. To see if she has any reaction.”

  She takes a pen from her jacket and runs the top of the pen from heel to toe on one of Vivienne’s feet.

  We both watch intently.

  After a heartbeat, Vivienne’s toes curl in slightly.

  I can’t help the smile that spreads across my face.

  Dr. Alston checks the other foot, and the end result is the same.

  “What does this mean?”

  She tries the first foot again and then the other before answering. “Right now it means that her brain is registering sensations.”

  “Is the delay in the reaction normal?”

  “For now, yes. It really doesn’t mean anything, only that she is still under the medication. Which is okay. As it wears off, that reaction should get a little faster.”

  I nod.

  “Have you seen any movement?” she asks.

  “A little while ago, I thought I saw her mouth twitch.”

  “It’s not impossible. About another hour and the sedative should stop working altogether. Once we reach that point, I will be sending Amanda in here to keep a close watch on her vitals.”

  She moves around the bed, pulls the tape out from the fetal monitor and begins to look over it.

  The action sends a shiver of excitement through me, and I’m not really sure why.

  “What kind of plans have you made for her once she is released?” Dr. Alston peers at me out of the corner of her eye. “You know she can’t go back to that apartment,” she states matter-of-factly.

  “I’m aware, but her will and determination are going to make it quite the battle.”

  She smiles at me. “But you’re just the right person to argue with her.”

  I let out a breathy laugh. “You’re right, I am. I have an additional co
ndo in my building that’s not being used. If I can’t convince her to stay with me, she can live there until either she is back on her feet again or this whole mess is taken care of.” As I say this, a sharp warning zing lights up my back, and I get the sudden impression that getting to the bottom of this mess is not going to be an easy task.

  “Well, once she is fully recovered, I don’t see any reason that she can’t find a way to take care of herself. Whatever you do, don’t stifle her. You might be able to get her to stay with you or to take that apartment, but whatever you do, make sure that she has the freedom to do things on her own. I could be wrong, of course, but she is very independent, and I don’t see her changing that. So if you can help her while letting her make her own choices, she will be much better off.” She puts down the tape and looks at me. “She needs help, counseling - especially that. I can take care of her physical medical needs, but you need to make sure that she sees a psychiatrist.”

  I nod, contemplating. “I wish I could just take it all away from her. All the memories, all the hardship she’s endured. She deserves so much better than that.”

  “You’re absolutely right, but we cannot change the things that have happened to her, we can only help her move forward.”

  She unwraps the stethoscope from her neck and holds it to Vivienne’s chest.

  I wonder idly if, when she’s ready, I can convince Vivienne to work for MSBE.

  I watch Dr. Alston move the stethoscope around, listening. When she is done, she pulls up the blanket to look at the incision on Vivienne’s ribs. She pulls back the gauze.

  “What the hell?” she says.

  Thirty

  “What’s the matter?” A pulsing radiates throughout my entire body. It’s the same sensation that came yesterday when I got really excited. Oh, no.

  “Her incision.”

  I panic slightly. Fighting the sensations across my back, I stand up. “What’s wrong with it?”

  “Nothing.”

  I scowl at her.

  “I mean, well, nothing is wrong except for the fact that it’s...” She pauses and I lean over to look. “Come around, you can see better.”