by Shara Azod
“What’s wrong? Why are you looking at me like that,” she asked in a groggy, but clipped voice as she swung her legs off of the couch and to the floor. Her hair was mussed and sticking up on one side. Skin wrinkled from how she was laying on the pillow, she looked a sight. Knowing her, she would be mortified if she knew how he saw her right now. To him, she had never looked more beautiful.
Sighing deeply, he tried to school his features so that he wasn’t looking at her in whatever way she had just accused. What the fuck? This was not his Erica. “I’m not looking at you in any kind of way, Erica.”
“Who’s calling you this late at night?” she asked, her eyes were full of accusations. Honestly, he was simply too pissed and too stubborn to even address the issue between them right now. All he wanted to do was fall asleep. In his bed. With his wife. And in the morning, he wanted to open his eyes and see his wife lying in bed next to him. Hear the voice of his son as he played his game system in his bedroom down the hall.
“It’s just work. It was a long night, baby. Let’s go upstairs,” he said with a plea in his voice.
“I thought you were going to be home early tonight. What happened?” he heard the hurt in her voice as she asked her question. Avoiding his gaze, she stretched, her tank top pulling taut across her ample breasts. Fuck, she was the single most beautiful woman in the world to him. Even as she looked at him with anger and hurt in her eyes, she still rocked his world.
“I’m sorry, Erica. I’ll make it up to you,” he said, not moving from his spot just inches in front of her.
Lifting her head to look at him, “You also promised Miles, Todd. He waited for you. Not seeing you is killing him.”
“Is it killing you as well?” he couldn’t help but ask.
“I’m an adult. I don’t get hurt the way a child does. He misses his father,” she responded before lifting both hands to her face for a second as she hid herself from him. After taking a few minutes to gain her composure, she slapped her hands down on her thighs as she began to stand up. Todd swooped down to lift her in his arms, catching her off-guard. “What the hell? What are you doing? Put me down, Todd. I’m too heavy for you to be picking me up.”
“No, you’re not too heavy, so stop saying it. I’ve been lifting you in my arms for over five years. I sure as hell don’t intend to stop now.” Walking through their house, up the stairs, and to their bedroom, his breathing hadn’t even changed. This woman was out of her mind if she thought he couldn’t carry her because she was too heavy. What had gotten into her head lately?
Getting to the edge of their bed, he turned around, setting her down on the mattress as if she were his most prized possession. Which she was. After waiting a few minutes for her to look at him, he noticed her fidgeting. Erica seemed uncomfortable and that bothered him even more. Grabbing one of her hands with his, he stilled her erratic movements, bringing her attention to him.
“Baby, what’s going on with us? I don’t like us being like this,” his impassioned voice whispered into the room. When she kept her head down, he demanded she look at him, “Erica, don’t ignore me.”
Her gaze met his and his world tilted on its axis. Tears had formed in her eyes. Oh God, what had happened? Why was she crying? Kneeling down in front of her, he used his thumbs to wipe away the tears falling from her eyes. “Talk to me, Erica. Why are you crying baby? What’s wrong?” panicked, he couldn’t stop the rapid fire questions even if he’d tried. As her sobs became more intense, her body began shaking as she closed her eyes and the tears continued to flow like an open faucet. He let go of her hands and wrapped his arms around her body, pulling her into his strong embrace. “Please stop crying. Tell me what’s wrong. I’ll fix it. Whatever it is, I’ll fix it,” he said with emotion in his voice. He was desperate. Seeing her like this was killing him. Feeling her hands wrap around his back, her head tucked into the curve of his neck, he felt his own emotions come to the surface. He heard her mumble something that he couldn’t understand.
“Erica, baby, I can’t understand you,” trying to decipher her words, he couldn’t quite make out what she was saying.
Lifting her head, she stared at him. Her tear filled eyes making him hurt more than anything before. Whatever, whomever, had hurt his wife—he swore he would fix it.
“I asked if you wanted a divorce,” her whispered words tore through him like a razor sharp knife. Her voice was warbled, but he’d understood her clearly. Time stood still. Words escaped him. His heart stopped beating for a few seconds.
“Why would you ask me that?” he said in a low voice. Forcing himself to speak, he grabbed onto her arms a little tighter than he wanted to. When she flinched, he quickly released her, but didn’t move from his position in front of her. “Answer me, Erica. Why would you ask me that?”
Breathing deeply, she became eerily calm as she answered, “Because I don’t think you love me anymore.”
“What? Why?” he managed to croak out. “Why would you say such a thing?”
“Todd, I see the way you look at me. You look through me. Not at me. There was a time when the only thing on your mind was me, and Miles, of course. Now, I wonder if I’m even a second thought,” she responded. Her voice was clear and the tears had faded. That’s what scared him the most. He knew, without a doubt, that she believed everything that was coming out of her mouth.
“No, baby. How could you even think…?” he said, swallowing deeply. Taking a moment to gain his composure, he continued, “Listen to me. I don’t know where this is coming from—” he began, but she interrupted.
“It’s coming from our life,” she spat. “It’s coming from the late nights when you can’t seem to come home. It’s coming from the times that you lay beside me in bed and can’t bring yourself to touch me. That’s where it’s coming from.”
Shaking his head, he lifted one hand to her face, “Nothing could be further—” At that moment, their house phone rang. They both jumped at the sound due to the loudness of the harsh ring reverberating throughout their bedroom. Giving him a heated look filled with anger, Erica reached for the phone, answering it before he could ask her to leave it alone and let it ring.
“Hello?” Pause. “Hello?” Pause. “Yes, he’s right here. However, it’s very late. Is this an emergency?” she inquired. Turning her gaze to him as she listened, the fire in his eyes made him pull back, “I’ll let him decide that. Hold one second,” she bit out. Handing him the phone, she stood up and went around him.
“Erica, baby, we’re not finished talking. Where are you going?”
“Answer your call, Todd. It sounds like they really need you.” Walking into their master bathroom, she slammed the door, the sound ricocheting through the entire room. He only hoped that Miles hadn’t woken up due to the sound.
Looking down at the phone, he was furious. Picking up the receiver, he yelled into the phone, “This had better be fucking good! Someone better be bleeding. Better yet, they had better be on the verge of death!” he yelled into the receiver. Hearing the voice on the other end of the phone, his gaze shot to the closed door of the bathroom. Dropping his head to his chest, he knew that he had just been set back by about ten steps. Erica would never understand this and clearly she was not in the mood to discuss it with him.
Something had to change. His wife thought he wanted a divorce, which was not going to happen. Ever. He had fought too hard and too long to get Erica to love him. A stupid misunderstanding was not going to make them into something they weren’t.
Turning his attention back to person on the other end of the call, he listened to them stumble over their words as they explained the reason for the call. “Yeah, I’m here. No, it’s too late to do anything about it now. Let me get to my home office. I’ll call you back.” Hanging up the phone over their protests, he slammed the receiver down and stood up. Walking over to the closed bathroom door, he was met with deafening silence. Knocking lightly, he called out, “Erica. Baby, there’s an emergency on that project we’v
e been working on. I’m going to go downstairs to the office so that I can help them handle it. It should only take me ten minutes. When I come back up, we need to talk.”
No sound was forthcoming, but he knew she was listening. He could feel her there on the other side. “Erica…”
“Go handle your business, Todd. We’ll talk later,” the sadness in her voice could not be mistaken.
He almost said fuck it. His wife was more important than some emergency that was caused by incompetence. But he knew they wouldn’t have called if it wasn’t important. Resting his forehead on the door, he whispered. “I love you, Erica. Nothing has changed that. Nothing will ever change that. Please, baby, just give me few minutes to deal with this issue. I’ll be back.
Todd then left the room and walked downstairs. If he had only stayed a few minutes longer, he would have heard Erica’s response. “If you did, you wouldn’t be running to go do someone else’s bidding when you’re wife’s heart was breaking.”
Chapter Two
Waking up in bed the next morning, Erica rolled over and just laid there for a few minutes. Listening to the sounds of the house, she glanced at Todd’s side of the bed and let out a deep sigh. Disappointment? Resignation? Acceptance? None of those seemed to describe what she was feeling right now. Anger? Frustration? Hurt? Yeah, that was it.
After Todd left the room, she’d exited the bathroom about fifteen minutes later, fully expecting him to be waiting for her. He wasn’t. One hour later, she decided to crawl under the covers and lie down while she waited for him to come upstairs. When she woke up the next morning, Todd’s side of the bed was still made. He’d never come back upstairs.
Making her way down to his office on the first floor, she opened the door to find him asleep on his desk. His head resting on top of his folded arms, still fully clothed. The alarm clock on his telephone was going off, but he hadn’t moved a muscle. She had been primed and ready to yell, cuss, and show her ass when she came downstairs. Now, she just wanted to run her fingers through his hair and soothe away whatever troubles he was going through. Deep inside, she knew there was something going on with Todd that had nothing to do with her. But that doesn’t mean she didn’t feel the effects of his being away from home and the lack of attention he gave to her. He took care of everything and everyone else, except for the two people he claimed to love most in this world. On stockinged feet, she walked silently over to his desk and took in his strong profile. He was still the sexiest man in the world to her. Not one ounce of fat touched his lean form. Making a decision right then and there, she was determined to make sure they were okay again. Erica wanted her husband back.
Standing next to him, she lightly touched his shoulder. “Todd,” she whispered. When he didn’t respond, she tried again, “Todd, wake up,” she said a bit louder. Jerking up from his desk, he looked disoriented at first until he saw her standing next to him.
“Hey, baby. Did I fall asleep?” he asked in a sleep-filled voice.
“Yeah, you must have stopped to rest your eyes, but fell asleep instead,” she said with a slight smile. Rubbing her hands through his hair, she tilted his head up so that he looked at her, “What has my husband up so late, away from his comfortable bed and the arms of his loving wife?”
Wrapping his arms around her waist, he pulled her in tight, resting his head on her stomach. Her heart skipped a beat. It felt good to have him so close to her, his warm body pressed against hers, even if it was for comfort. He hadn’t done this in a long time. She wasn’t too proud to say that she missed this closeness between the two of them. She wanted it back. She wanted her marriage back on track. “Do you have to go in today? Can you stay here and just work from home?” she tried to take the sting out of her voice.
“Later. Maybe. I don’t know. We had a major clusterfuck at the office. One of our junior associates messed up on a client’s work and Bill and me had to clean it up,” he explained as he closed his eyes and yawned.
Okay, well, he had given her the opening. Might as well walk through that bitch with both feet. She knew Bill Douglas quite well, actually. The first time she’d met him had been at Todd’s parents’ house so many years ago. He’d been a royal ass at the time and the relationship between him and Todd had been tense for a while. Once she found out what happened to cause the strain between them, she had worked to get them reconnected.
Bill’s ignorance about black women needed to be handled, not ignored. The things he had said about her wanting Todd to pay her bills and insinuating that simply because she was black, she was less worthy of common sense respect, had been difficult for them get to past. It had taken Todd a minute to even talk to Bill, but eventually he had. And from what she knew, had ripped Bill a new ass, letting him know in no uncertain terms that if it hadn’t been for her, Todd would have cut him out of his life for good.
Since then, she and Bill had come to a friendly truce. Erica had agreed to not bring up how much of an ass he was the first night he’d met her. He admitted he was a dumb jerk and promised to never jump to conclusions again. Things had seemed to work out over the years, so much so, that the two of them had actually become friends. With that said, she knew Bill very well. And it definitely had not been his voice on the phone last night. “Todd, Bill wasn’t the one who called you last night.”
“That was Jennifer,” he said smoothly. She’s a new hire that Steven brought into the firm a few months ago. She’s supposed to be some kind of ace.”
Steven was the Cochran of Cochran, Atkins and Park. “Okay...but why was she calling you. At our home number?” She continued questioning. Last night had been a rough night for them. She had done and said things that she’d never planned to say. At least, not like that. With the morning light came a better understanding. Throwing tantrums and accusing her husband of wanting a divorce was not her way. Cooler heads had to prevail in the harsh light of day.
“I’m sorry, baby. I guess they couldn’t reach me on my cell. I left it down here when we went upstairs. I thought we were good with the fix that was approved by the client, but we had a hiccup with the international arm of the company. So they needed me to help.”
“I thought you were going to be finished in ten minutes,” she said as she heard their son, Miles, moving around upstairs, readying himself for school.
“It took longer than I expected,” was all he said in response. Wanting to push the point a little further, she decided that it was best to let it go for now.
“Alright. Well, Miles is awake and I’m sure he’s looking for you. I’ll make you both some breakfast,” she said in a neutral tone. Pulling back, she grabbed his arms and pulled them apart, stepping out of his embrace.
“Not so fast,” he said as she attempted to put more space between them. “What was that last night?”
“What do you mean?”
“Don’t do that, Erica. Not about this. You asked me if I wanted a divorce, baby. I haven’t forgotten that. Nor will I forget anytime soon,” his voice was clear as he spoke. Shaking his head, his eyes were hooded as he looked at her, “I still can’t believe you even had the audacity to ask me that question. No matter what, I love you. I’m not going anywhere,” standing up from his chair as he said this, he walked over to her and pulled her into his arms. “Do you want a divorce, Erica?”
Hearing the question being asked of her, she realized just how jarred he must have felt last night when she’d sprung it on him. “No,” she whispered, so low he could barely hear her.
“Then don’t ever ask me that again. You’re my wife. You’re the mother of my child. I love you more every day. Don’t ever give up on us, baby. Or on me,” whispering the words in her ears, his lips placed soft kisses on her face and neck as he spoke. Her body began to react to his touch, causing her breath to become more ragged. Yes! She missed this. Feet running down the stairs announced the arrival of their ten-year old son, Miles.
“Dad!” he yelled with excitement. Running into the room, he stopped in front of
Todd. Wrapping his shorter arms around Todd’s waist, their son looked up at him with a huge smile, “You didn’t make it home last night. You said you would.”
Good, Erica thought. Let him explain it to their son why he wasn’t home on time and couldn’t have dinner with them.
“I’m sorry, buddy. I promised you and your mom I would be home for dinner. I didn’t keep that promise and I apologize. A man should always keep his word,” picking him up in his arms for a hug, he squeezed tightly as he continued speaking. “I was just talking to your mom about going in late today or trying to get off early. How about we have breakfast together this morning. Then, I can drive you to school and we can catch-up on how things are going?”
Squirming out of Todd’s arms, he was firmly back on the ground before he spoke again. “Yeah, sure, Dad. Mom, can you make me pancakes?”
Turning toward the kitchen, she called back, “You’re going to turn into a pancake if you keep it up.”
Once they both walked into the kitchenette area behind her, she began pulling down the ingredients for breakfast. “We have to get our Christmas tree this weekend.”
Miles’ face lit up like he’d been plugged into an electrical socket, “Hey, Dad,” their son said excitedly once they were seated at the table, “I have my Christmas list ready. Do you want to hear it?”
“Um, I’m sure you have the newest game or two on there,” Todd laughed. Walking to the refrigerator, he pulled out the orange juice.