by Shara Azod
“Yes, but let me tell you all about it,” Miles began as he settled in to talk all about the myriad list of things he wanted this year.
Looking over at Todd, Erica couldn’t help but admire him. Even in the face of their own difficulties, he made sure their son had no idea that something was amiss. She noticed his occasional glances her way, the lifting of his eyebrows, as if to ask if she were okay. Mouthing the word, “later” over to him, she saw him frown, but there was nothing to be done about it now. Miles had to eat breakfast, Todd had to get to work, and Erica had to start buying her gifts for the family. And for that, neither of them could be around, so they needed to eat quickly and leave.
“Mom, what are you doing today?” Miles asked.
Todd looked at her as well, his eyes still somewhat unreadable, “Yeah, baby, what’s on your agenda for today?”
“Not sure. Maybe just run some errands. Actually, it’s none of your beeswax anyway, little man,” shaking the spatula at her son, she gave him a big smile. Looking over at Todd, she purposely didn’t address his question. She loved him, but she was still pissed at him. Sure, she held some blame in this, but then again, so did he. “Alright you two, eat breakfast. You both need to finish getting ready and get going.”
Three hours later, Erica was standing at a display counter at the local mall. Torn about what to get Todd for Christmas, she knew it needed to be something meaningful. Christmas had always been their special day to truly go all out for each other. Todd didn’t know that she’d been doing a few side jobs helping her old boss when he needed someone to fill in on days his new executive assistant was out of the office. It wasn’t a lot, just a bit of typing here and transcribing there. All of her funds earned from this side work had been squirreled away for the holidays. No matter what problems they were going through, she needed to make sure that her gifts for her men were special.
Deciding on exactly what she wanted for Todd, she made her purchase and had it gift-wrapped. Exiting the store, she quickly made her way halfway across the mall to pick up a few of Miles’ gifts, which had been easier than she thought. Stopping for a quick cup of coffee, she thought about her own behavior during the past few months. Maybe she wasn’t giving Todd a fair shake. There were times when he did come home early. And when he was at work, all she had to do was call him and he would pick up. Her husband was a damn good man. Todd loved her, she knew this deep inside her soul. But that knowledge didn’t change how she felt. Maybe it was the cold weather and the transition from fall to winter.
All around her there were signs of the upcoming holiday. Festive music played on the mall speakers, reminding everyone that Santa would be coming to town soon. Maybe he would bring her some of her joy back.
Taking in the crowd of people walking around her, laughter rang out, and smiles could be seen in all directions. The only thing she could think of was how to bring that spark back to her marriage. Her man may be working long hours, but he was still her man. Being married was hard work. She had to work at this every day, with no two days being exactly the same, and this shit was not easy. Living with someone every day of your life could wear a person down. There were days she didn’t even want to live with herself.
But being married was also one of the greatest joys of her life, besides being a mother to her son. Knowing that Todd would be there for her no matter what happened, that his love for her never wavered, even in the face of her questioning his commitment to her, warmed her heart. That man loved her. She could see it in his eyes just how much she had actually hurt him when she’d asked if he wanted a divorce.
That was actually the last thing she wanted in this world. Tears started to form in her eyes and she quickly wiped them away. This feeling sorry for herself bullshit needed to stop. Crying was not going to help keep her husband. Every time she looked at him with accusations in her eyes, she pushed him away. Whenever she questioned why he hadn’t behaved the way she wanted him to, it tore at the fabric of what made them great together. Their years together hadn’t been built on mistrust. Whatever challenges they’d gone through during the past year, they could not allow those challenges to tear at them, their marriage, or the family they’d created.
Jarred out of her misery by the laughter of a child, Erica looked over and saw a little boy of no more than five or six years old, as he swung from the arm of his father. His face held a wide smile and his childish laughter reminded her so much of Miles at that age. The little boy’s father was holding him up with one arm as they walked briskly through the sea of people surrounding them. Suddenly, the man stopped and the little boy looked behind him and she watched a woman, whom she could only assume was his mother, push through the crowd toward them. Grabbing her hand, he leaned down to whisper something in her ear. The bashful look that came over her face hinted at what he had said. Watching as the woman’s husband quickly kissed her, grabbed their son in his arms again, and clasped his hand around hers, the family continued along their way.
Coming to a decision, she gathered her bags and began walking to the mall exit, heading for her vehicle. Sitting there wishing things were better was not going to help her make it so. It was time for a change, but it was Erica who needed to take that first step. Pulling her phone out of her purse, she called her mother-in-law. When she picked up on the other end, Erica pushed full-steam ahead, “Hi, Mom.”
“Hi, Erica, honey. How are you?” Gloria Atkins asked in return.
“I’m good. Actually, I’ve been doing some thinking. How would you like to watch your grandson next weekend?”
“Of course we would. Wait. Do you mean tomorrow? James and I have dinner plans tomorrow night with some friends and won’t be home,” her cheery voice said through the phone.
“Oh no, not tomorrow. A week from tomorrow. I need time to plan something special for Todd and me,” she responded.
“Oh? What are the two of you planning to do? Anything fun?” she asked.
“Actually, that’s the thing, Gloria. Todd doesn’t know about this, but I think we need some time alone. Just for us to reconnect as a couple,” she admitted. His family knew about the challenges she’d gone through after the miscarriage.
For some women, being close to their mother-in-law was the furthest thing from their mind. She’d never had that problem. Since the first day they’d met, the two of them had been close. Gloria and James had never judged her or her son. If anything, they had embraced her simply because Todd had cared for them so much.
“Well, dear, then we would be more than happy to have Miles come hang out at our house. His Grandpa has been itching for an excuse to try out a new fishing rod he picked up the other week. Having Miles over will give him just the excuse he needs. If you’re not careful, he’ll be reaching out to your father, too. The three of them always have a good time together,” her mother-in-law’s voice was filled with laughter.
Stepping outside into the crisp, cold air, she pulled her coat tighter with one hand as she speed-walked toward her car. “Okay, I’ll give you a call later this week. Can we keep this a secret from Todd? I really want to surprise him,” she implored.
“You got it, Erica, honey. Anything you need,” she responded agreeably.
Quickly ending the call, she gathered her coat closer to her and made her way through the covered garage to her vehicle, pleased with how this day was turning out. Feeling better about things, a smile lit her face as she pulled out of the garage. Todd was going to be in for a surprise. She only hoped she could pull it off the way she had planned it out in her head.
****
Bill yelled out Todd’s name just as he got to his office door. Turning in the direction of his long-time friend’s voice, he lifted his head in greeting as he opened his office door and stepped in. Knowing Bill would follow behind him, he didn’t bother closing the door.
“Hey, man, how did the meeting go?” his friend asked while plopping down on the leather chair situated in front of Todd’s desk.
Both of them had
been working on the account from hell. Long hours, late nights, and too much damn stress. Although he would never say it to his partners, he dreaded the day they’d brought this client into their company. If for nothing else, because having them underfoot had not helped the rift that had grown between him and Erica. That call last night had really messed things up. He just wanted this over and done with so that he could get things back to normal with his wife.
“It went like hell, as usual,” he groused. Walking over to his cherry wood cabinet, he opened it and pulled out a decanter of scotch. “Want one?” he asked while raising an empty glass to his friend.
“Hell yeah. After this bitch of a week, I need a few of these,” Bill responded. Standing up, he walked over to the bar, grabbing the glass full of the amber colored liquid that Todd poured him.
“Man, honestly, I just need to sleep,” yawning as he said this, his energy had faded a long time ago. They both went to sit down in their chairs. Releasing deep sighs filled with frustration and the need to relax after a very long and difficult week, they were silent for a few minutes before Bill interrupted.
“Hey, I’m sorry that Jennifer called the house so late last night. We tried to avoid it. But man, we just couldn’t figure that shit out,” Bill said as he took a sip of the drink, resting his head on the back of the chair.
“Erica answered,” Todd said.
Head lifting up quickly, Bill winced. “Aw, man, I’m sorry. Was she pissed?”
“Not at you or Jennifer. I’d promised her and Miles that I would be home at a reasonable time last night. This working late every night, not seeing my family for practically days on end, is for the fucking birds,” he said on a sigh.
“Why not just hire another senior associate? Hell, you brought me in two years ago and it was one of the best decisions you’ve ever made. Well, aside from marrying Erica,” his friend said with a laugh. “But, man, I’m with her on this one. Although, don’t ever tell your wife that I agree with her on something. She likes to think I’m still a bit of a jerk. I can’t ruin my reputation.”
“I don’t know why you still try to get under her skin. I know she’s forgiven you for what happened all those years ago. Just when I think everything is smooth, you say something that gets her riled up,” taking a sip of his drink, he shook his head. Turning his head toward the window, he looked out at the darkening sky. “Man, I need to do something. My kid misses me, my wife is giving me the evil eye, and I’m just fucking tired. The holidays are less than two weeks away. I need to turn this around. Quickly.”
“You need to take a break from this office and treat your woman to a weekend away. Take Miles off to the land of pirates and overgrown mice. I hear Florida is nice and warm during this time of the year. Just let go of this shit for a while. Plus, I’m telling you, you need to hire someone else so you can focus on other stuff,” standing up, he drained his glass in one gulp. Making his way over to the bar, he dropped off his glass. When he got to the door, he paused. “Seriously, dude, whatever the fuck is going on with you being here at all hours of the night, it needs to stop. You have a good woman at home, an amazing son, and they both love you. Probably more than you deserve right now. Go home. Spend time with your family. This shit will be here when you return.”
Watching as his friend exited his office, Todd shook his head as he continued to sip his drink. When the hell did Bill become so smart, especially when it came to women? Looking at his wristwatch, he noted the time. Standing up, he walked to his desk and picked up the phone, dialing his home number. After a few rings, Miles picked up.
“Hey, Dad.”
“Hey, buddy. How was school today?” he asked, releasing a deep breath. Leaning back in his seat, he enjoyed listening to his son telling him about his day. This is what life was really about. His family. Somehow, along the way, he had forgotten this.
“So, can I pick out the Christmas tree tomorrow? Mom said I had to ask you,” Miles said at one of the breaks in their conversation.
“Well, how about we pick it out together? You can make sure it looks good at the bottom and I’ll make sure the top looks good. How does that sound?”
“Yeah, I guess that’s okay. Okay, so do you want to talk with mom?” he must be bored with their conversation now that they’d discussed the important outing for tomorrow.
“Sure, buddy. I’ll see you in a bit.”
“You will? You’ll be home tonight?” his son asked and the words hit him straight in his gut. When did Miles start questioning whether or not he would be coming home?
“Of course, buddy. I’m home every night,” he responded automatically.
“Yeah, I guess. It’s just that I hardly ever see you at night. I know how busy you are at work and everything,” he said in a less enthusiastic tone. The sadness in his son’s voice did more to shame him than anything else could have. What had he done to his family? Could he really have been this blind?
“Miles, listen to me. Work will never be more important to me than you and your mom. I’m sorry I haven’t been coming home earlier like I promised. How about I start making that up to you tonight?” he asked. Somehow, Todd needed to make this right and he had to start somewhere.
“Sure, Dad. It’s okay. I’ll see you when you get home. Here’s mom,” rushing off the phone, rustling noises could be heard as Miles passed the phone to Erica. Todd was sure he was headed back to his game system.
“Hello?” her beautiful came over the phone and he smiled.
“Hi, baby.”
“Hey, Todd,” her voice was warm, but he wasn’t trying to push his luck tonight.
“I’m on my way home, sweetheart. I know I got a late start, but it’s time for me to come home.”
Chapter Three
Settling down on the couch for the night, Erica snuggled deeper into Todd’s arms as the television played, the volume turned low. Strong arms wrapped around her, she molded her soft curves into his hard planes. His scent enveloped and comforted her. Loving Todd was all she’d known for so many years. Holding him close, near to her heart, was the only thing that made sense to her. Knowing that he loved her and their son Miles, allowed Erica to sleep at night. No matter how rocky their road had become, or the ups and downs they went through as a couple. This man right here, the man holding her tight in his arms, was the only man she wanted by her side.
“Are we okay, Erica?” Todd asked in his deep, gravelly voice.
Taking a deep breath, she had to be careful how she responded. Running away from issues was not her style, but she was tired of the arguing. “Yes, we’re fine. It’s just been a tough year, Todd. Losing the baby was hard on me.”
“It was hard on me too, baby,” he whispered, kissing her lightly on the temple.
Turning to her side and looking up into his face, “Todd, something changed in me when that happened,” pausing to gather her thoughts, she tried to help him understand. “I wanted another child so much. I wanted Miles to be a big brother. I wanted us to have more children. Together. I was ready. We were ready. And then the dream was all over.”
“It doesn’t have to end, Erica. That was one time. We can still have that dream. It doesn’t have to stop because of that one incident. We can try again, sweetheart,” he implored, voice thickening with emotion.
Going silent for a minute, she thought carefully about the next words she would say. “I love you, Todd. More than I ever thought I could or would. When we first met that day in the bowling alley, I never would have thought our lives would have taken this path. But you intrigued me, made me laugh, and opened my eyes to the possibilities. Then, when I least expected it, you won over Miles. That was the real kicker, you know. We were a package deal and you accepted that. The whole kit-and-caboodle. You kept me interested in you and what we could become, when my first thought was to run away and hide,” she took a breath. Her words were coming out too fast, and she was sure her nervousness was coming through.
Laughing, he interrupted, “Thank God you did
n’t. I knew you were something special from the first moment I saw you. I was determined to get to know you better. I’m just glad you returned the feeling. Being labeled a stalker would not have been good for business.”
Joining in, she flashed a large smile as he looked down on her. “I sometimes wonder if we had it too easy. If our relationship didn’t go through enough trials and tribulations. Now, five years later, this is our payback.”
Stilling at her words, Todd’s voice took on a hard quality, “What’s that supposed to mean? Because we didn’t go through the same drama other people go through, we’re somehow being punished? Our marriage is being tested? Erica, that doesn’t make any sense,” disbelief filled his voice.
“I never said it made sense. I’m just saying that this is how I’m feeling,” she countered. “Never mind. Forget I said anything,” she mumbled under her breath. Trying not to become annoyed, she sat back with a huff. Her mind whirled with the things she wanted to say in response, but it would do no good. Why was it so hard to argue with Todd? They’d always had healthy discussions before, always making up with some sweet loving. It had been a form of foreplay and they both enjoyed their little games. She sat there uncomfortably and was just about to remove herself from his arms and go upstairs when his voice interrupted her.
“I know I haven’t been doing what I should. The staying at work late, the constant calls from clients,” he admitted. Lifting them both up from the couch, he shifted their bodies so that she was looking at him as he spoke, “You and Miles are the most important people in my life. My behavior lately hasn’t showed you that. I know this. You’ll never know how sorry I am for that and how that’s making you feel. I do understand what you’re saying, baby. Trust me, I do,” rubbing his hands up and down her arms, he swallowed deeply before he continued. “Miles should never wonder if I’m coming home at night, or believe that work is more important than eating dinner with the two of you, or even missing an event at his school. That little boy is my world. And you, Mrs. Atkins, hold every piece of my soul. I love you more than I ever thought possible. That I’ve made you doubt me and our marriage, hurts me more than you know.”