by Shara Azod
Two places had already been set with white and gold china, along with gold goblets decorated with sparkling red and gold gemstones.
“Wow, this is so awesome,” Chrissana said, turning to Audric. “My mother would have loved this.” She sighed, a little smile touching her lips.
“She will see,” Audric said.
“How do you know?”
“She stays around you quite a bit and looks in on you from time to time.”
“Oh Audric, could you arrange a meeting? I just want to know she’s all right.”
He turned her to him, looking deeply into her eyes. “I’m afraid that isn’t my area.”
“But there are spirits here. Why couldn’t she visit?”
He inhaled as he fingered the shoulders of her dress, brushing some loose glitter from them. “It’s not the same, Chrissana. You see, this place has its own rules. Your mother was a good woman, and all I can say is that, even in death, our soul’s mission isn’t yet complete, if it ever is. You never stop learning and growing. You were very good to her. She appreciated that and loved you for it. I cannot account for all souls, but I can tell you that she is fine.”
“I just miss her so much,” Chrissana’s voice broke.
“I know, but she’s with you. She left a piece of her inside of you to keep in your heart. Your memories of her will comfort you, and when you finally allow yourself some closure, you will always feel her presence.”
He pulled out a dining room chair and sat, pulling her onto his lap.
Chrissana snuggled against his shoulder, draping her legs over the arm of the chair. “I felt so bad, Audric,” she said. “I wanted to die because I didn’t want to go on if she wasn’t in my life. She was the only person in the world I could trust and to truly be in my corner. I’ve felt so empty—like there’s nothing left on Earth for me.”
“I understand,” Audric said. “But you have so much to give, Chrissana. You have your painting.”
“But there’s no money in it. I wound up giving my paintings to a thrift store. I had no room to take them with me when I left the house.”
A thought form entered the room and set a plate of food before them.
“Here, you need to eat. It’s chicken piccata with wild rice—your favorite.” Audric picked up a fork and cut into the chicken, lifting some of the rice behind a chunk. “Open.”
Chrissana opened her mouth to receive the food. The meat melted in her mouth, and the wild rice was flavorful and cooked to perfection.
“I will let you in on a little secret,” he said, preparing the fork for another serving. “When I had you order about my thought forms, and told you about being specific in your commands…this trick doesn’t just work with them. It works for all life. You see, life is composed of nothing but energy. Open.”
Chrissana took another bite of food from the fork he offered.
“Life,” Audric continued, “acts pretty much like my thought forms. It responds to the commands you give it and follows your thoughts. So if you’re feeling angry all the time, and you spend your time thinking about how someone slighted you, or how this or that instance makes you angry, then life begins to follow suit and keeps giving you things to be angry about. The same with sadness or stress.”
After Chrissana finished chewing, she said, “Happiness?”
“Just the same. Open. But then, there are those like you who go about their day-to-day doing whatever it is they do, not really thinking about anything. Then life hands them whatever. It goes up; it goes down; and you just take it how it goes. Maybe they believe in God—that there’s a heaven or a hell—maybe they don’t believe in a supreme deity of any kind, but they feel like they haven’t one ounce of control over what happens.”
“Well, we don’t.”
“You do and you don’t, if that makes sense. Open.” Audric gently pushed another helping of food inside Chrissana’s mouth. “There is an overall plan to your life, and when you simply do what you love, accept responsibility for your actions, and be accountable—not to mention, treat others as you wish to be treated—then you start to see life’s magic. If you make a mistake, fix it, no matter how painful and humiliating it may be. Just by doing these few things, life will accommodate you, and it will become easier. Think of being of service to those around you, and you will see how you will enter life’s flow. Of course, you will suffer deaths and loss of material things, but understand that death is just moving to another plane. You’re able to move beyond it. And no matter how horrible a thing that may happen, you will always be handed a gift to help you through it. Your mother would have wanted you to continue on and share your gift of artistic talent with the world in her absence.”
Chrissana sat up. “But then my sister gets away with tricking me. She already makes a lot of money and lives care-free. She doesn’t need to worry about paying bills and such, living in her big house with her successful husband and children. I don’t see that as a gift. My life turned into hell because of her.”
“Is that what you think? That her life is easy and wonderful compared to yours?”
“Well, that’s how it appears,” she said bitterly. “She’s always dressed in her expensive designer clothes, and she sounds like she’s just oh-so-together when she talks down to me. Like I’m one big failure to her.”
“So you are absolutely sure that your sister has an ideal life just by looking at her clothes and where she lives? Open.”
Chrissana accepted the food and exhaled as she was chewing.
“Did you ever think that your sister could have regretted her choice of choosing a career over her family? That maybe she really feels hollow inside and was jealous of the closeness and warmth you shared with your mother? That she hadn’t the slightest idea of how to rectify her loss and allowed her anger and jealousy to cloud her judgment when she wronged you?”
“I didn’t think about it like that, but then she’d never admit she wronged me. Even now she thinks she did me a favor. Honestly, I don’t think she cared what happened to me; she’s that vindictive.”
Audric gave her a half smile. “Besides all that, because of actions she set into motion, you’re here with me now. You weren’t strong enough to hold your own, and it pushed me to get involved instead of watching you in silence. Had it not been for her, I would have never uttered a word to you. Open—last one.”
Chrissana finished chewing, taking in all he had told her. “I don’t like the idea of giving her any kind of credit, Audric.”
“You’re angry, and it’s a natural human response,” he said, wiping her mouth with a napkin. “Enough about her. Let’s talk about your painting. If you say you want to paint for a living, but then you immediately come up with a bunch of excuses as to why you can’t do it, then life will put all of those obstacles in your way. Of course, you must be realistic, but if you say to life I’d like life to show me a way I can paint for a living”—
Chrissana giggled at his speaking in a high-pitched voice—
“Then you get miracles, my dear. Things start to happen. Life comes to your aid, and opportunities show up. You might have to stand still for a moment, where you’ll be a bit in the dark or things feel a bit stagnant, but if you trust,” he said, picking up his goblet so the thought form that appeared could fill it with wine, “be humble, and keep your mind free of any adverse thoughts, you will see pure magic. And most important of all, bless anyone who wrongs you, dear. Those situations are teachings in disguise and will strengthen you. Why? Because life will always have your back and be there to catch you, but you have to trust it. Here, have a drink. I promise after you have this, you will feel much better about all of the things I’ve just said.”
“Aren’t you having any food?” Chrissana asked after drinking from his goblet.
“I supped earlier at the spa. Forgive me,” he said. “I say we go sit by the fire and enjoy all of your holiday decorations.”
Chrissana rose off of his lap and reached for the filled goblet on her
side of the table. The hearty drink she took was awfully refreshing and Audric was right, she did feel much better.
“Audric?” She asked as they walked to the front room.
“Yes?”
“Do you spend a lot of time alone or with people like me?”
“Would both be a suitable answer?”
“I guess so. And you’ve done this for as long as you can remember?”
“I’ve done this a very long time, Chrissana.”
“Don’t you get tired of it?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
He smiled. “Because I love what I do. When I help a soul or spirit find his or her path again, I feel much satisfaction. I’m doing something I love to do and will never tire of it.”
“You’re very fortunate, Audric. Not many people are so lucky.”
“Luck has nothing to do with it, my dear.”
Chrissana found a roaring fire in the fireplace when they arrived. “I don’t know what it is about fires,” she said. “I could stare at them all night long. They’re so captivating.”
“They can be,” Audric said. He moved the two plush sitting chairs in the direction of the fire, pushing them close together. Dinnya appeared, and he tossed a throw pillow down near her, where she promptly hopped up and curled herself upon it.
“I don’t think I’ve thanked you for all of this, Audric.” Chrissana sank down into the chair to the right of him. “I’m really having a nice time, and you’ve given me a lot to think about.”
“And when you return to your life, things will be different?”
“Oh yeah, it will be different. But right now, I feel like I don’t want to leave. How long can I stay here?”
“At midnight on Christmas day, you will return.”
“And when is that?”
“Tomorrow is Christmas eve and the big celebration we have for all of those who attended the spa. Their healing will be complete, as well.”
“I like being here with you. You’re one of the first men that I could really call my friend without them pushing me to have sex. I’m very awed by all of this. I’ve always believed in spirits and angels, but never thought that I’d actually meet one. I guess the idea hasn’t really hit me yet.”
Audric sighed, his goblet hanging loosely from his fingers. “Just don’t fall in love with me.”
Too late. Chrissana turned away so he wouldn’t see her expression. “Have women fallen in love with you?”
“I have to be very discerning about who I choose to reveal myself to. I haven’t done it often. I know a good woman when I see one, Chrissana, and who would benefit from what I have to share.”
“I could see a lot of women never wanting to leave your side. They would pine away for you if they did. No human man could ever compare to you.”
He smiled weakly. “I have to admit that as truth, which is why I do not often reveal myself. Not many people understand what love truly is, Chrissana,” he said. “When one falls in love, then love becomes a thing of need, and a dependency forms, or a codependency in some cases. That need isn’t based on trust, but on fear of losing it. It demands total allegiance and ownership. In these situations you find jealousy and insecurity. Given my work and my life here, I could never satisfy someone who fosters these feelings.”
Chrissana lowered her eyes to stare at her goblet.
“But,” he whispered, leaning closer to her. “When a person trusts and knows that the love we would share is pure and does not need to be tamed in such a way—that it is always there—that you can close your eyes and feel it at any given time...” Audric’s eyes closed and he inhaled slow and deep. A smile then spread across his face as though he was enjoying something extremely pleasurable in his mind. His eyes suddenly popped open and he concluded, “then you understand that there is no need to hold on to it so tightly.”
“I’ve never thought of it like that.” Chrissana looked at him. His face appeared so smooth and his moustache and goatee were barbered so neatly. He almost didn’t seem real as the golden glow from the fire reflected in the dark centers of his eyes; the blue surrounding them appearing more iridescent. She should have reacted to what he had told her about not falling in love, but she felt remarkably calm, as though she’d been given a dose of medicine to keep her so. Her inner voice whispered wait. Was that what true love was like? It didn’t fear or question, but just rolled with the moment. That for whatever big book of rules and instructions the mind sought to enact, the heart just said Shhhhhhh.
His face was only inches from hers, but she wasn’t yet ready. Her mind hadn’t quieted enough to allow her heart to engage in any manner. The moment pressed in on her like a weight on her chest. What if she was wrong in her interpretations? She needed to be sure.
“It’s late,” she said.
“It is,” Audric said, making his voice sound deeper than she was used to.
“I should be tired, but I’m not.”
“But you’re tense.”
“I could just stare at the fire all night,” she said. “That was my original intention.”
“Fires can be quite demanding, but they are best for times when you aren’t clouded by too many thoughts. I have a better idea.”
“Which is?”
“How about a late night ride through the woods and village?”
“But my hair is a mess and my dress is all dirty.”
Audric had already lifted himself out of the chair. “We’ll deal with it later. No one else will see you. Let’s go.”
Chrissana was once again dressed in her hooded cape and muff, and Audric in his mantle and hat. The carriage was waiting for them and Tam and Driel stood patiently.
“It’s so warm,” she exclaimed when she climbed inside.
“Yes, the base of this vehicle is made of ceramic and houses hot coals. It creates warmth at times like these.”
Chrissana wanted to distract herself with looking out the window, but given the darkness of the forest, she was forced to lock eyes with Audric. He was quiet and watched her like a lazy lion, a half-smile frozen on his face. She found herself taking shallow breaths from her chest, which made her rather light-headed. Her body longed to be close to his, but her mind stayed her, like it had chained her arms and legs to her seat.
At last, they reached the outskirts of the town. Snow had now covered its pathways and cobblestone streets. Wreaths and pine garlands were hung on everyone’s doors and decorated the candlelit lamps scattered about. The large Christmas tree in the square was also lit and topped with a huge golden star. Given the late hour, there weren’t very many people about.
“So when does the next group of humans arrive?” Chrissana asked.
“It happens on the days the full moon passes through here, when the veil between the worlds is at its thinnest. This place will then call to the souls who hear and they will come.”
“And you will put out calls as well?”
“Yes.”
Chrissana looked up at the sprawling spa up on the mountain cliff. Every window was lit. “About the carriages, I felt a foreboding to enter them,” she said.
“Did you? What type of foreboding?”
“That there was something else going on…that this healing, for some of these people, would entail some painful things. I didn’t want to go through that. I didn’t think my therapy would be easy, but you’ve been nothing but kind to me.”
“Because you’re hard enough on yourself, Chrissana. You mentally beat yourself up and say negative, harsh things to yourself constantly. Your healing is filled with the best of my love, my compassion, and my gentleness. Sometimes, the greatest battle for a soul is the discernment of what is truly good for it and what isn’t. You have to fight the voices which tell you that I have an underlying motive to try and trick you in some way—to try and take your virtue, or worse, your soul.”
Chrissana looked down at her muff. He was correct, for as much as she was having a good time, she didn’t entirely trust
him.
Audric kept speaking. “That I will reveal myself to be some demon who came to throw you into a pit of hell for daring to experience anything pleasurable and something which makes you happy. That is what I wish to heal. To once again discern people and situations accordingly. Do you want to know God?”
“Everyone does,” she said, looking up at him. “That he’s all around and knows everything.”
“That still connotes a being that is outside of you. If you want to know the Supreme All That Is, then look no further than your own heart. When you tap into that energy, it’s like walking around continually embraced and feeling loved. When you take that love inside of you and spread it out into the world, it comes back to you infinity-fold. However, when you work in conjunction with that force, it will never steer you wrong. You will know immediately if someone or something isn’t good for you or has evil intentions. And you will know when something or someone is for your highest good, even if your mind isn’t sure at first. When you let go, you will be shown the way.”
Chrissana turned her head to look out the window.
“What is it?”
“I think I’m falling in love with you, Audric.”
“I told you not to fall in love with me.”
“I know. And the decorations in your home are complete, the celebration is tomorrow evening, and so my treatment will be done, and I will have to leave.”
He reached over and turned her face back to his. “I decide when your treatment is to be done, Chrissana. Even if you do leave, you’re far from done with me.”
“Well, is there a treatment for falling in love?”
“There is.”
“What?”
“Pick yourself up. Do not fall. I prefer you standing if you are to love me.”
“That makes absolutely no sense.”
“How so?” Audric asked, his eyes taking on that glint as though he knew something she didn’t. He took her hand, pulling it up to kiss the back of it.
“Please, can we just ride?”
“No, you need to attend me.”
He closed in on her, and she looked up at him.
“I want you to be completely honest and tell me what you think of me.”