Just Here for the Pain

by K. A. Merikan

  Sid stopped pushing right at the edge of the bed and watched Asher with a serious expression. “We both know why I gave it all a shot, but that’s not how I feel anymore. I want all of you. I love spending time with you. Even when you make me go for a run or eat my greens. But I do need the things we do in the dungeon. They’re important to me. They make me feel closer to you every time.”

  Asher felt a stinging in his dried, aching eyes and blinked the dampness away before it could gather. There was a warmth in his chest, so intense he found it hard to speak and at first just gave Sid a firm hug. “Will you…take care of me too? I’m always trying to be strong for you, for everyone, but sometimes it’s so fucking hard.”

  “Fuck yeah, I will. But I can’t cook for shit, hope you know that? We’ll look out for each other.” Sid leaned in for another kiss as he pushed Asher down to the bed.

  Asher had his thighs around Sid’s narrow hips before he could think. Stroking the wiry, surprisingly strong arms. He whimpered into Sid’s mouth, intoxicated by the rawness of this connection.

  “I wish we could just stay here together,” he whispered, gently cupping Sid’s face.

  “We could do a few days. But the guys would have to stay too. At least the place is big, right?” Sid gave Asher a chaste kiss, never breaking eye contact.

  “Yes. They can stay. I’m so sorry I just left. I lost it, Sid, can’t fucking explain it, but I just had this doomed feeling when you didn’t want to be seen with me. And I just want to matter to you,” he babbled, stroking Sid’s chest.

  “Never do that again. Please? It felt like being left all alone after an intense scene. I couldn’t piece myself together. I broke down in front of the guys, that’s why they’re all here. It was pathetic.”

  Asher wanted to laugh. But he kept his mouth shut and pulled Sid close, both with his arms and legs. “They’re good friends. Bet they’re gonna give me hell now, too.”

  “Maybe a little. But I’ll keep them in check.” Sid sighed and kissed Asher’s neck. “Dusk and Lolly can be easily pacified with food.”

  “I’ll treat them all to the best place in town then. And I will go there holding your hand, so that everyone knows that this one’s taken,” Asher whispered, tapping Sid’s chest as emotion once more toppled over him. “I’ve never had anyone before you. You are so important to me, Sid.”

  Sid tightened his grip around Asher’s waist. “Can I fuck you now?”

  Asher’s blood might have turned into honey. Out of breath, he nodded frantically and dragged his feet up Sid’s long legs, settling them on his hips. He stretched out one arm toward the bedside table, indicating where the lube was.

  Sid smiled in a teasing way, his body language so different from when they were playing. “Someone’s eager.” But he was already reaching for the drawer himself.

  “Because it’s been a while, and I need to have you in me,” Asher whispered, rolling with Sid to make it easier on him. His mouth was on Sid’s neck within moments, kissing the warm skin as they rolled back.

  Sid laughed despite his eyes appearing red. “Might not be my usual preference, but I still wanna feel you’re mine that way.” He reached for the lube and dropped it by Asher’s head to pull back and start undressing quickly.

  Asher let out an ecstatic laugh and sat up, reaching to the front of Sid’s pants. Never looking away from his lover’s eyes, he opened the zipper and lowered Sid’s jeans, lapping at the exposed skin above the base of his cock. The trimmed pubic hair tickled his lips, but he breathed in its scent and rubbed his chin against the hardening prick.

  “Yes.”

  Sid groaned and stilled with a smirk. “Unless you wanna give this a go first.”

  Heat flooded Asher’s lungs, and he tugged down Sid’s underwear too, teasing its tender skin with his lips. “You know I do. I love sucking your dick.”

  Sid scratched the shaved side of Asher’s head gently and the affection in his eyes was so honest Asher could melt in its warmth. Maybe they needed all this drama to air all their grievances and come out the other side much lighter?

  “Go on then,” Sid whispered, already half-hard.

  The taste of Sid’s cock was so familiar that it felt almost sweet on his tongue, the cockhead trailing into Asher’s throat like the most welcome guest. As if this was where it belonged. He whimpered when a flash of electricity jolted from his palate all the way to his toes. Gently squeezing Sid’s balls, Asher hollowed his cheeks, teased the length with his tongue and met Sid’s gaze.

  Half-lidded, filled with lazy pleasure different from the dazed, ecstatic look Sid gave him during scenes, its sight was just as satisfying. In the soothing yellow light, hidden away in the warmth of the large bed filled with pillows, they could reconnect in a new way, even if Asher was already thinking of using the four posters of the bed tomorrow for more intense play.

  He tasted Sid’s pre-cum on his tongue, the cock pulsing with need, and he already imagined it spending inside him.

  His mind produced a sensation around his anus, a phantom dick teasing his entrance and then pushing deep inside him right away. He whined his pleasure, slobbering and sucking around Sid’s cock until the flush on Sid’s pale face became much darker, the desire in his gaze more intense.

  Asher opened his mouth wide and withdrew slowly, until only the head of Sid’s cock rested on the tip of his tongue. Breathless with heat, he unzipped his own pants and clumsily pushed them down.

  “I want you on your stomach,” Sid whispered, gently pushing Asher off his cock but still giving his head that sweet petting he so craved. Asher realized he hadn’t even noticed when they’d grown so close, but they haven’t been keeping things strictly business for quite a while now. Sid always had these little tender gestures for him at home. A kiss in passing, a little stroke to his back. They made Asher feel wanted. Real.

  He grinned at him, so completely elated he briefly knelt to give Sid a kiss before playfully flopping over to his stomach. Leaning his weight on his elbows, he pulled up the front of his body and looked over his shoulder, at Sid’s hard yet lean form looming behind him with that hard cock ready to enter him.

  But unlike the harsh and cruel way in which Sid liked to be fucked himself, Sid took his time with lube and kisses to Asher’s back. This wasn’t just about how much Asher wanted his cock, and how much Sid wanted to fuck him. There was an unspoken message of love and care woven into the erotic teasing of Sid’s fingers.

  Asher groaned when Sid again rubbed his prostate, gentle yet so insistent their motion had him curling his toes and arching to meet Sid’s lips between the shoulder blades. His insides were becoming so hot he found it hard to think, so he squeezed his sphincter around Sid and rolled his hips back to take more of the digits.

  He was rarely this comfortable with a partner, rarely confident someone wouldn’t judge him for being pliant, but with Sid, after the emotional turmoil of their separation, he no longer cared, willing to let emotion take him for a ride.

  “Fuck me, please.”

  “I remember the last time you’ve said that,” Sid whispered and licked all the way up to Asher’s nape, his cock already slippery and pushing at Asher’s hole.

  The last time Asher had said that, he’d been eighteen and oh-so-eager to lose his virginity while Sid took his time making it tender and pain free.

  Now, with so many years of experience under his belt, Asher still shook and whimpered at the sensation of his ass expanding to accommodate Sid’s dick. Once the head popped in, the rest of the length slid in easily, so very welcome inside Asher that he couldn’t stop gasping for air, his body shocked by the intense pleasure of being filled again.

  “Sid…”

  “Mm?” Sid laid his whole weight on top of Asher, hugging him close and rolling his hips with his cock inside. “Does it feel good? Feels like home to me.” Sid teased Asher’s ear with his teeth, and Asher could just imagine the smile on his face.

  Sid wasn’t going anywhere. He would stay w
ith Asher and wanted it to be known. With Sid’s pubes rubbing against his buttocks, he let out a sigh of relief and leaned back his head, pressing his cheek to Sid’s, breathless and so aroused the tiniest touch to his cock felt like hard tugs. It was as if his body had been waiting for this moment for years, and his life had reached full circle.

  “We fit so well…”

  “We do,” Sid murmured, making languid, rounded movements with his hips, pulling out just slightly, just to press his cock in again. He left tender kisses on the back of Asher’s head.

  They moved into a slow, intense rhythm, gliding together like a perfectly-tuned machine. Asher twisted his head back, briefly meeting Sid’s gaze before a stab of ecstasy sent him face-first into the sheets. Sid sped up his thrusts, still gentle but holding on tighter to Asher’s arms each time. Thrusts came in an endless sequence, delivered along with hugs and the wonderful friction between their bodies. Asher pushed his heels into Sid’s ass, trying to get him in deeper, harder.

  The way Sid obliged made Asher groan each time the thrusts came, melting his insides and making the fur under his body rub so perfectly against his cock. Sid’s hands slid to Asher’s chest, petting it up and down as he whispered all things sweet and dirty into Asher’s ear.

  Heat cascaded down Asher’s skin whenever he pushed his hips back, meeting Sid with as much force as possible. His back was against Sid’s chest, and the breath dancing over his nape was the sweetest thing he’d ever felt. Pleasure built up fast, and all of a sudden he was coming. Shaking in Sid’s arms, he curled his shoulders, crying out into the sheets.

  Sid groaned and squeezed him harder. The rhythm of the fucking became merciless for several glorious moments before the last few thrusts and a groan from Sid told Asher his lover had come as well. His ass burned from the harsh motion in the best possible way.

  “So good, so nice and tight,” Sid murmured, kissing his neck.

  Helpless in his pleasure, Asher grabbed Sid’s hand and entwined their fingers, kissing each of Sid’s without thinking. “You’re welcome...”

  “Thank you.” Sid laughed hoarsely, still panting, still holding Asher tight with his other arm. He was lean, but not weak, and being touched by him made Asher feel safe in every conceivable way.

  Asher swallowed hard and looked back at his lover which was so full of bliss he didn’t want to disturb that moment of peace just yet. But his mouth moved before he could think.

  “I never want anyone else.”

  “Then you need to buy that collar,” Sid whispered with a soft expression on his flushed face.

  Asher smiled back, kissing Sid’s hand once more. “It will have my name on it.”

  Epilogue

  Sid crooked his hips and exhaled when the movement made his sore buttocks rub against the car seat, creating a heat that reminded him pointedly of the rough spanking he’d received two hours ago with the very belt Asher was wearing.

  A chuckle came from the driver’s seat, and when he glanced Asher’s way, he spotted a self-satisfied smirk on his face.

  Sid shook his head. “What’s so funny?”

  “Nothing.”

  Abra leaned in between their seats and grabbed Sid’s shoulder. “You’re fidgeting.”

  Asher laughed a bit louder and briefly squeezed Sid’s thigh. “He just can’t wait for the turkey, that’s all.”

  Abra, who wore the silliest of ugly Christmas sweaters, in defiance of the harsh rules of her former home, grinned widely and gave Sid a hug. “It’s so exciting.”

  “We’re almost there.” Sid pointed to a turn and soon after, they could already see all the cars parked way beyond the driveway. “The Hills love a big Christmas. I’ve been spending it here for the past four years and it’s always great fun.”

  The house was located at the end of a long driveway, within the farmland owned by Dawn and Dusk’s family. Converted from an old barn, the building was a beacon, with fake snow on the roof and an amount of light that effectively transformed it into a giant gingerbread house. Asher carefully stopped his vehicle next to a reindeer family occupying the front lawn, so that he wouldn’t accidentally knock anything over.

  Dusk opened the door and stepped out with a big grin on his handsome face before they even got out of the vehicle.

  “You made it! Finally!” He slapped the roof of the car. “Love the new look, Abra.”

  She smiled stiffly, but her face went up in flames. She’d seemed to have developed a crush on Dusk, and Sid wasn’t really sure what to advise her about that, since she knew Dusk was glued to his boyfriend as if they’d been stuck together with icing.

  “Merry Christmas!” Sid said with a smile and gave Dusk a quick hug, but their host was already herding Abra to the house, eager to introduce her to everyone else.

  That left Asher and Sid alone, and for all the merry music, and lights shining through the windows, it felt necessary to share a moment together before the evening really started. Sid let out a whine when Asher’s hand purposefully rubbed his sore buttock before squeezing the flesh hard.

  “Need a soft pillow for your chair?”

  Sid groaned and leaned into him for a kiss. “You forget I like the pain.”

  Warm fingers moved up his neck and took hold of the simple metal collar Asher had put there several weeks ago. It was plain, smooth, and only the two of them knew that it had their initials engraved inside. All day it reminded Sid of Asher’s presence in his life, even when they were apart.

  “I shall remember that later.”

  “Fuck.” Sid groaned and stole a kiss. “Stop turning me on before a party. Dusk and Dawn’s parents are there, and their friends too. Are you ready? They can be a bit wild. Last year most of them got high around midnight and trawled the garden for the perfect carrot.”

  Asher gave the most brilliant laugh and nipped on Sid’s lips, holding him still by the collar. “Is that a tradition? Will we get high too?”

  Sid grinned. “I sure fucking hope so. You ready? There are stealthy mistletoes all over the place, so be very aware of your surroundings.”

  “Why, you jealous?” Asher whispered, pulling Sid by the collar toward the open doors that spilled jolly Christmas songs and bits of conversation from inside the house.

  “Always. Maybe I should get you a collar too?”

  But they both knew it could only be a joke. Asher was the dominant, steady presence of Sid’s dreams, always ready to keep Sid in line and indulge in cruelty whenever they wished for it.

  The moment they entered the house, Christmas assaulted them from each direction, screaming carols and showing off all its golds, greens, and reds. The house was full of people, and the air was all meat, cranberries, spices, and pine. Well, maybe with a hint of weed.

  Dawn, who hovered in the middle of the hall under a large bunch of mistletoe, waved at them since his mouth was too full for him to speak. Lolly was right behind him, approaching slowly and gesturing for them to stay silent. He stalked up to Dawn in a hairband with pink antlers, and as soon as he was close enough, he pounced, kissing Dawn on the crumble-stained lips.

  Dawn yelped and backed into the wall. It was all fun and games until he started choking on the cake he’d been eating and his mom had to intervene, repeatedly slapping his back. Lolly wouldn’t stop apologizing, but Dusk was there soon enough, laughing that his brother shouldn’t have stood under the mistletoe if he didn’t want to be kissed.

  In the end, Dawn was fine once Mage offered him a cup of pumpkin spice hot chocolate in a comforting gesture. Even when Mrs. Hill was sure her youngest wasn’t dying and turned her attention to Asher and Sid, Mage lingered, massaging Dawn’s back gently and watching for any signs of discomfort.

  “Is this the boyfriend I’ve been hearing so much about?” Mrs. Hill asked Sid as if she was his aunt. She kind of was.

  “Yes. His name’s Asher. And this is my sister, Abra,” Sid nudged her a bit closer, and she exchanged greetings with Mrs. Hill.

  Their host was a
slim, energetic lady with lively eyes and a sweet face that always reminded Sid of Dawn’s. She moved around like a spinning top, as if she couldn’t sit still for half a second. Tonight, she wore a tight sweater dress inspired by Santa’s elves, along with a matching hat.

  “Oh yes, she is a lovely young lady. It was so sweet of you to take her away from that horrible place,” she twittered, but even as she spoke to Sid, her arms were already around Asher. “And look at that! What a handsome young man you have, Sid! We bought two copies of Noise to lend one to friends. Everyone will have questions for you two.”

  Asher grinned and hugged her back, even if his body language remained a bit stiff. Not used to this kind of atmosphere, Asher was likely feeling a bit overwhelmed by all the festivity, so Sid stroked his back in reassurance.

  Lolly approached with a big smile. He was sucking on a candy cane instead of a lollipop. “I loved the passive-aggressive dig at Crash Landing in that interview. Well played, Sid.”

  Sid snorted, feeling that bit taller. “Bitches had it coming.”

  “Sid!” Mrs. Hill put a finger to her mouth. “You know I hate that word.”

  “Sorry, Mrs. Hill.”

  When Asher seemed confused, Sid leaned in, licking his ear. “Misogynistic language is a no. Swear words are fine.”

  Asher smirked and put his arm around Sid. He had pulled on some strings and made sure Noise did a long interview with Sid, accompanied by a hot industrial-themed photoshoot and the whole shebang. The reactions from their fan base had again been overwhelmingly positive, and at this point he couldn’t even tell what had stopped him from being open about his and Asher’s relationship earlier on.

  Before he could think of anything else to say, Asher dragged him under the mistletoe and wiggled his brows.