Just a Little Faith

by Amy J. Norris

  Doubts overshadowed her excitement. Standing in the bathroom putting on her mascara, she paused. Staring at herself in the mirror, she knew what needed to happen. After tonight, she needed to find a way to tell Sebastian Quinn “no” the next time he called. With his kind, smiling face always popping up in her thoughts, she didn’t look forward to the conversation.

  Four o’clock arrived, and a tap sounded on her door. Quick to answer at the first knock, she swung it open, heart racing at his appearance. He casually leaned against the door frame, hands in the front pockets of his jeans, a smile on his face. Thankfully, it seemed his reaction to her previous night’s behavior was now a far memory.

  “Hey there. Ready to go?” His eyes traveled down her body, stirring the butterflies in her stomach. “You might want to bring a little bit heavier coat… I think it’s going to be chilly tonight.”

  Not for me. Just being by your side warms me to the core. Could he make this any more difficult to try to cool things off between them?

  Pax slipped off the lightweight jacket she’d originally put on, and grabbed her leather coat from the closet by the door. Feeling his hands take the coat from her, she easily put her arms in the sleeves. Smiling back at him in thanks, she determined to enjoy this evening as much as possible. I can put my doubts aside for a few hours and relish in our last evening together.

  Union Station bubbled with energy. The various shops bustled with people filing in and out, perusing the merchandise displayed within their walls. Pax and Seb spent the first hour walking around, occasionally stopping in one of the stores if something caught their eye, though neither made a purchase.

  Pax’s first real taste of being with a celebrity arrived when they approached the Cardinals Clubhouse store. Fans asked him for his autograph, and he graciously signed everything put in front of him. A bit overwhelmed, Pax shied away to stand inside a store.

  Once they dispersed, she saw him look around for her. Catching her eye, he walked toward her, a sheepish look on his face. She chuckled. “It’s funny how I forget who you are at times. We’ve only known each other a few days, but I feel comfortable enough with you that the celebrity status has worn off, I guess. When the people came rushing over, I initially didn’t understand why. It got a little crazy.”

  He put his arm around her. “I’m glad to know you’d forgotten about the ‘celebrity’ thing for a little while. One day, I hope you’ll feel comfortable even when the crowds rush in.”

  One day. A grumbling noise erupted from Pax’s stomach. Covering her middle with her arms, she grimaced. “Perhaps I didn’t eat enough lunch today.”

  He laughed and whispered close to her ear, “We better take care of that monster in your stomach. Let’s find somewhere to eat.”

  Enjoying a scrumptious steak at the Station Grille, Paxson knew the awkwardness from the previous night slipped away. It didn’t hurt that Seb acted as if nothing changed between them.

  After leaving some cash on the table, he waited while she gathered her purse and coat. Turning to face him, she bit her lip. “I was wondering if you would mind if we stopped by The Fudgery? It’s the one place I remember visiting when I was a little girl. I’m curious to see if it’s still as entertaining and delicious as I remember.”

  “Sure. I haven’t been there in a while myself. We’ll go right now!” Pax’s heart quickened when she felt Seb’s hand slip around hers and it remained ensconced there while they stood and laughed at the cooks preparing the fudge in their unique manner.

  Pax noticed a somewhat familiar man slipping quietly through the crowd to approach them. He tapped Seb on the shoulder, his face breaking out in a large smile. Immediately Seb released her hand and hugged the man. “Paxson,” Seb placed his arm around the other man’s shoulders. “This is one of the guys I have wanted you to meet. Linc, this is Paxson Taylor.”

  Linc. Of course! I knew he looked familiar. It never ceased to amaze her how different they looked out of their baseball uniforms.

  “Hello Linc. It’s great to meet you! I can definitely say I have heard a lot about you.”

  Linc rolled his eyes nudging Seb with his shoulder. “You know to only believe half of what he tells you, don’t you? He and Rangy are the real troublemakers. I’m just there to clean up the mess.”

  Seb shook his head in disbelief as Paxson laughed. “Seb might have mentioned you were the responsible one of the group.”

  “That’s right. It’s my goal in life to try and keep them walking the straight and narrow as much as possible.” Linc leaned over to her. “Sometimes, I feel I’m a miserable failure.”

  She smiled. Pax immediately took a liking to Linc. She could see in the way he spoke, he had Sebastian’s best interest at heart. It pleased her Seb had Linc in his life.

  Seb looked around the crowd. “So… what brings you out here? Where are Traci and the boys?”

  “Traci is looking in one of the shops over there.” He pointed in the direction from where he’d walked earlier. “I told her I thought I saw you. She said she’d be right out. Of course, right out to her and right out to me are quite different lengths of time. But as you know, it’s rare she gets a night away from the Killer Bees.”

  Paxson wrinkled her nose at the descriptive name. “Killer Bees? Seb didn’t mention anyone with that name.”

  Seb laughed. “The Killer Bees are Linc’s twin boys, Brett and Bradley. They are what… four now? Linc and Traci lucked out on getting two for the price of one.”

  “Oh, wow.” Pax couldn’t imagine. “You let that poor woman shop as much as she wants!”

  “I will don’t you worry. I know who the real boss of the family is.” His face brightened. “Well, what do you know, I see her coming, and she doesn’t have forty bags in tow. This is a good night for my wallet.”

  Lincoln waved in the direction of a beautiful petite blonde-haired woman. “Hey sweetie, come over and meet Seb’s girlfriend, Paxson.”

  Paxson swallowed so hard she feared she would choke. Girlfriend? What has Seb been telling his friends?

  Traci gave Seb a hug then stuck out her hand to Pax.

  “Hi Paxson. It’s wonderful to meet you. Lincoln and I have been curious to know who’s been commandeering so much of Seb’s time the last few days. The boys have been asking where Uncle Seb is.”

  Paxson blushed. Glancing at Seb, Traci elbowed him in the side.

  “I can see why you’d want to keep her to yourself. I take it you haven’t introduced her to Rangy yet?”

  Putting his arm around Pax’s waist, he pulled her in close. “I want to keep her around, Traci. Not have her snatched away by our resident Latin Lover.”

  “Well, it’s great to meet you, Paxson. You’re getting a good guy here if he’ll settle down for two minutes. Sometime we’ll have to double. I can share with you the real secrets Seb won’t tell.” Traci’s eyes sparkled with a mischief.

  If Paxson didn’t plan to stop seeing Seb, she knew Traci would be a good friend. Her friendly acceptance made Pax realize she missed having more girlfriends to spend time with.

  They all shared goodbyes, and in passing, Pax heard Seb and Linc talking of getting together later to double sometime. A pang of sadness washed over her. She knew she probably wouldn’t see the couple again, at least not while on a date with Sebastian.

  Seeing a sign for the ladies room, she placed her arm on Seb’s. “Excuse me for a minute. I’ll be right back.”

  Inside the restroom, she looked in the mirror. Tears formed in the corners of her eyes. She blotted at them with a paper towel to keep them from falling down her cheeks. Whispering a silent prayer, she combed out her hair with her fingers, touched up her lipstick and returned to where Seb stood. He smiled, lifting the batch of fudge he had bought in her absence.

  “Someone needs a chocolate fix, I see.” She glanced at her watch. “It’s getting late. I guess we should be getting back.”

  He reached for her hand. She hesitated. Taking his hand would only exacerbate
the difficulty of letting him go. Pushing her sadness aside, she grasped his hand wishing the night would never end so she didn’t have to face the difficult conversation to come.

  “I’m glad you got to meet Linc and Traci. They’re a great couple. We’ll have to get together with them soon.”

  “They were very nice. I’m glad I got the chance to meet them.” Inside, her heart crumbled, and she looked away as she fought off tears.

  Pulling into the parking lot outside her apartment, Pax hesitated on whether to invite him in. Looking at the clock on the dash of his car, she decided it wasn’t too late. She needed to get this over before she chickened out. She had to tell him goodbye.

  Glancing at Seb, she watched him put the car in park. “I was thinking a cup of coffee might be nice. Would you like to come up for one?”

  He reached behind her seat and held up the bag of fudge he’d stashed there. Wriggling his eyebrows he shook the bag in front of her face. “I was hoping you would ask… it would go great with the fudge.” She laughed, glad for a chance to smile.

  Once inside, she set to making the coffee. “Why don’t you see if you can find something good on the radio?”

  Sebastian turned the stereo on and flipped through stations settling on a soft rock channel. Walking into the kitchen, he stood beside her, waiting while she poured the hot coffee into a couple of mugs.

  “You know, I’m going to have to hear you sing again sometime. I hope the hospital wasn’t my last opportunity.”

  “Um, I don’t know. I don’t plan any public or private appearances anytime soon.”

  “I’ll take what I can get, I suppose.” He gently squeezed the back of her neck causing chills go up and down her spine. “Let’s head into the living room.”

  Carrying their steaming mugs, they sat on the couch, enjoying a few bites of fudge while listening to the radio.

  “Since you met Linc and Traci, I need to show you their kids. They’re the spitting image of Linc. Traci says when they get older, girls won’t stand a chance.” Reaching into his wallet, he retrieved a photo to show her. A smile lit up his handsome features when he described some of his outings with Linc’s family.

  “The way you speak of them, it’s like they’re family.”

  Staring at the photo, Seb’s finger ran down the edge. “I guess, in a way, they are. Since I don’t see my girls that much, Linc’s been great to include me in their family gatherings. I’m lucky to have him in my life.”

  “You are. I miss my friends back home. They always invited me to do things with their families since I didn’t have any kids of my own.”

  He started to put the photo back when he paused over an item tucked away in the back pocket of his wallet. He started to pull it out, then stopped.

  “Is that a picture of your girls?”

  Pulling it the rest of the way out of the pocket he sighed. “It’s not a recent one. This was taken right after Maggie was born. Ashlynn couldn’t get enough of her baby sister. Melissa and I were all the time telling her to stop constantly kissing her for fear she’d accidently smother her.”

  He handed the photo to Pax. Studying the faces of his girls, she smiled. “They’re beautiful, Seb. You are certainly blessed to have them.”

  She returned the photo, and they sat in silence until she stood to take the dishes back to the kitchen. A song came on the radio that had been played at one of her friend’s weddings back home only a few months ago. Hearing the familiar tune caused her to smile. When she came back to the living room, a smirk lifted the corners of Seb’s mouth.

  “What?”

  He laughed. “Thanks for the concert. Your voice is as beautiful as I remember.”

  She looked at him then closed her eyes. “I didn’t even know I was singing. Don’t expect it to happen again.”

  She reached over to punch him in the chest when his hand met her halfway. Trying to get him with her other fist, he snatched it. Quickly shifting his grip, both her hands were now encased in one of his. He reached in to tickle her stomach, she was easy prey unable to free herself or put up much of a fight. She laughed gasping for breath.

  Finding herself on her couch, flat on her back and stunned, her giggles subsided. His face lowered to meet hers. She could feel the warmth of his breath on her face. His lips pressed against hers. Her body trembled as a rush of blood poured through her system at a quickened pace. Her heart pounded against his chest. Releasing her, Seb’s hands trailed down her waist. His lips continued their caress. She couldn’t think. Seb kisses moved to her cheek and progressed down her neck and behind her ear. His hand reached over her sweater and lightly feathered her stomach through the fabric. He reached for the edge of her sweater. No! She pushed him away and sat up.

  “I think you need to go home.” She forced the words trying to get herself under control.

  Sitting on the end of the couch, Seb rubbed his face with his hands then stared. “What? Pax. I don’t understand. You’re confusing me.”

  Afraid to look him in the eye, she kept her eyes focused on the area rug beneath her feet.

  “What is it? Tell me what’s going on?” Voice husky with emotion, Seb reached over and pulled her chin up to face him.

  “Sebastian. I have never been kissed or touched like that before. I had to stop you before something happened we would both regret.”

  “Regret?”

  “I won’t be with a man until I’m married.”

  His hand fell. “Um, okay. That was… unexpected.”

  She jerked back like she’d been burned. “Have I ever given you the indication I would be willing to do anything like that with you? If I have, I apologize. I know I have expressed to you how important my faith is. Although we’ve only known each other a short time, surely you can’t imagine I would be the type of girl who would just jump into bed with someone at the drop of the hat?”

  “I guess I never thought about it. I mean, well… I don’t know what I mean.” Standing he paced the floor in front of her, and then stopped. “I like you. A lot. Don’t you like me?”

  She looked at him, afraid her feelings would betray what she needed to say versus what she wanted to say. “That’s the problem, Sebastian. I do like you. Too much in fact.”

  “Too much. What do you mean too much? You aren’t making any sense.”

  “I know. I don’t know how to explain it. When I’m with you Seb…we have a great time together and we laugh. It feels natural.”

  “I know. I feel that way too.”

  “But being with you also terrifies me. I’m not like the other girls you’ve had in your life. I can’t just give you something I have cherished my whole life knowing you aren’t going to commit to me in return.”

  He put his hands up as if to protect himself. “Whoa. Who said anything about commitment?”

  “That’s exactly my point, Seb. What you want, what you desire from me, comes easy for you because, in actuality, it requires nothing from you.”

  Sebastian dropped back on the couch, silent.

  “I am sorry for giving the wrong impression, but I will not apologize for my principles. They are who I am.”

  Seb rose from the couch, towering over her. “You know Pax, I think we have something good going on here. I like you. You like me, and we enjoy each other’s company. But, for some reason, that’s not enough for you. I can’t give you any more than that right now. And you know what? I can’t apologize for who I am, either.”

  Pax closed her eyes, fighting back tears. The slamming door echoed in her ears. Opening her eyes, the empty room screamed at her. She slid off the couch, collapsing on the floor, tears streaming down her face.

  Oh Lord, help me and my breaking heart.

  Chapter Eleven

  Running down the steps of her apartment, Seb couldn’t decide if he was angry, sad, hurt, or all three. He did know he needed to get away from the situation before he said anything he might regret. Pressing the unlock button on his key fob, his car chirped in response
and he jumped in the front seat, slamming the door behind him.

  He started to turn the key in the ignition, but paused. He didn’t understand Pax, but she didn’t deserve to be maligned for her beliefs. But he was upset, too. Angry with her for letting him get close to her. Frustrated with himself for feeling more for her than he planned… Even though he didn’t quite understand it, he was hurt, as well. Hurt because, if he thought about it, he knew she spoke the truth. As much as he tried not to think about it, if she had been any other girl, he would have done just what she said. He would have wooed her, slept with her, and left her, and not once considered loving her. Bile rose in the back of this throat. How could I be so foolish? Pushing those thoughts aside he looked at the clock. Just forget about her, Seb. The night’s still young.

  He wanted to go for a long run to try and clear his head. Sticking his key in the ignition, he noticed the pattering of raindrops on his windshield. If he valued his health, now was probably not the best time to go.

  He reached for his phone where he’d left it in the front console earlier. “I’ll call Rangy. He’s always up for a night on the town.”

  He then remembered Rangy mentioning he had to go out of town to take care of some business. Looking down, he saw a voice mail icon displayed on the screen.

  “Maybe he changed his mind and decided to stay home.”

  Putting in the password for his voice mail, he stared out the window still steamed over the argument with Pax. The rain came down even harder making it more difficult to hear the message, Seb sat up and listened more intently. Lightning flashed in the distance.

  “Seb, it’s Rick. I, uh, need you to call me as soon as you get this message. It’s urgent you return my call, Seb. Please call me. Please.”