Rick? Why would he be calling?
Sebastian hit redial and waited, not anxious to have a conversation with his ex-wife’s husband.
“Hey Rick, I got your message. It sounded pretty important.”
“Sebastian. I’m so sorry. I don’t know how to tell you this…”
“Rick… What’s going on?” Was he crying?
Sebastian’s heart constricted.
****
Thunder cracked outside and a flash of lightning filled the room. Paxson realized she needed to get up off the floor sooner rather than later. Sensing something amiss, both KC and Ace timidly ventured out of their usual hiding places and circled her, mewing their concern. Reaching out, she rubbed her hands along their soft fur, pausing every now and then to wipe the tears still cascading down her cheeks. “I can always count on you two to know when I need some affection.”
She didn’t know how much Sebastian meant to her until he walked out the door. In only a few days he’d become fully integrated into her life. How could she let something like that happen? The thought of not seeing him over the next seven days, seven weeks, or even seven months made her heart ache, and now they had the deal at LLS! How awkward would that be after their disagreement this evening?
She made it from the floor to the couch, but as soon as she felt the couch cushion beneath her, she moved to her grandmother’s chair, staring at the couch. Memories of what had happened there only a few minutes earlier filled her mind. Her skin tingled at the remembrance of his touch. Putting her head in her hands, she took several long deep breaths. “Maybe a good soak in the tub will help.” She stood, but a knock at the door stopped her.
Looking through the peephole, she saw that Seb stood drenched from the rainstorm outside. The part of his shirt not covered by his coat was plastered to his chest and rivulets of rain drops still traveled down his face.
She swung the door open. “Seb? What’s wrong? You’re soaking wet… Did your car not start?”
“Pax.” He said her name so softly she could barely hear it.
“Sebastian. You’re scaring me. What’s going on?”
“They’re gone.”
“Who’s gone?” She dragged him into the apartment.
Sebastian answered in a cold monotone. “I had a call from Rick when I got in the car. Melissa and the girls were coming back from dance class tonight. Apparently, a car crossed the median at a high rate of speed and hit them head on. They’re dead. All three of them.”
Paxson pressed her hand to her mouth, then pulled Sebastian into her arms.
“They’re gone Pax. My little girls are gone.”
Chapter Twelve
Pax pulled Seb over to the couch, then ran to the closet to get him a blanket and towels. Pausing at the entrance to the closet, she took a deep breath and returned to the couch, linens in tow. She encouraged him to remove his coat, but he remained still and quiet. Finally, with no assistance from him, she finagled it off of him and draped the blanket around his shoulders. Taking the towel, she gently wiped the rainwater from his face and hair. His face still registered shock as Pax went to the kitchen and set a teapot on to boil. She leaned against the counter, arms trembling.
Dear Lord. Please give me the strength to say and do the right things. I’m not sure why this happened. I know Sebastian is going to be needing You more now than ever, even if he doesn’t know it right now. Please help me show him Your care is everlasting, and give me the courage to be there for him.
Bringing back two cups of tea, she placed them on the coffee table and sat beside Sebastian on the couch. He hadn’t moved since she left him.
“Sebastian. Sweetie, what can I do for you right now? Is there someone I can call? What about Jim? Let me call him for you. Where’s your phone?”
Still non-responsive, Seb didn’t react. She couldn’t see his cell phone or his car keys, so she grabbed her raincoat from the closet and hurried down the steps to his car, throwing the hood over her head to block as much rain as possible. Cupping her eyes, she looked through the window and saw his keys in the ignition. Rain pelted her hands as she tried the front door. Whispering a silent prayer of thanks when it opened, she glanced around the front seat and found his phone lying on the floorboard. Snatching the phone and the keys, she locked the door, waiting for the familiar beep of the alarm system, and ran back up the stairs.
She hung up her coat and returned to the couch beside him. Her fingers, cold from the rain, betrayed her when she tried to scroll through the names in the address book. Finally, she found Seb’s agent’s name and pushed the dial button. Putting a hand on Seb’s shoulder she prayed Jim would pick up the phone.
“Seb? What’s going on bud? It’s late isn’t it?”
Inhaling a deep breath, she answered. “Jim, this is Pax. I, uh, I’m with Seb. He’s at my apartment.” She struggled with her words. “Seb just got some terrible news and you were the first person I could think of to call.” Explaining the situation to Jim, she ended the call and turned toward Seb trying to keep herself together.
“Sebastian, Jim is going to come right over. How about I give Linc a call?”
Taking his silence for approval, Pax found Lincoln’s name in the contact list. Once he answered, she outlined the circumstances of her call.
After hanging up the phone, Paxson leaned back on the couch and rubbed Seb’s arms, trying to provide some comfort as well as warmth to his chilled body.
His whisper broke the silence. “Thank you. I didn’t know what else to do but come back up here. For some reason, I knew you would know what to do.”
She squeezed him in a tight hug. “I’m glad you did. I know my saying I am so sorry doesn’t help anything right now, but I will do whatever I can to help you. Please know that.”
“I know. I… I just need to sit here with you right now if that’s okay.”
“Of course, you can stay here as long as you like. Jim and Lincoln are on their way. Linc said he’d try and reach Rangy too. He’s not sure he’s in town though. We’re going to get you through this.”
For the first time since she pulled him into her apartment, he looked her in the eyes. Seeing the tears running down his face, she tightened her arms around him hoping to take some of his grief from him.
She could not imagine the pain he felt right now. She’d been lucky in her life, having only lost one set of grandparents. They’d been in poor health at the time, and their passing had been more of a blessing than anything. But for someone’s own children taken, and in such a violent way… Pax couldn’t begin to process the sorrow.
Pulling back, Seb joined their hands, then looked up at her.
“The next few days are going to be crazy, and I know that. There’s going to be decisions that need to be made. I know it sounds strange, but I need you to help me. Will you Pax? Will you come to California with me and help me say goodbye to my girls?”
Her heart stopped in shock. This was a private matter. It wouldn’t be proper for her to be there. Clearly, his mind wasn’t dealing with things correctly. Maybe after he took the time to think about it, he would realize what he asked and change his mind. Until then, she would do what he requested, even if she knew it wasn’t the wisest choice at the time. The earlier problems between them seemed to vanish. All that mattered now was helping him through this any way she could.
Chapter Thirteen
Looking out the airplane window at the view of the Rockies below, Seb felt comfort in having Pax seated next to him. The steady and calm way she handled logistics the night his girls died gave him great comfort. He knew he’d put her in a strange place having her come to California with him. If Sebastian believed and prayed to God, he would’ve thanked Him for having Paxson in his life.
He turned to watch her sleep. Her quiet even breaths caressed his neck as she unconsciously curled into his side. He envied her peace. As much as he was thankful to her God for Pax, Seb grew angry. If this God who cared about him existed, then he wouldn’t have t
aken his girls. No good and loving God would cause him such grief. Pax could believe in God if she wanted to, but right now, not him. Sorrow and anger lingered through the long plane ride across country, and not even the breathtaking views below him could ease his mind.
Upon touchdown in California, Seb kept a firm grip on Pax’s hand while they rode in the hired car from the airport. So much planning should be done, but his thoughts were scrambled. Flashes of memories, almost like brief snapshots in time, kept appearing in his head. Images of his daughters smiling and laughing haunted him. Holding onto Pax served as a lifeline of sorts.
“I’ve been keeping track of who’s been doing what. I hope that’s okay. I know you will want to thank everyone when you have the opportunity. I’m trying to remember all my mother did when her parents…” Pax’s words trailed off. “Hopefully, I won’t miss something.”
Squeezing her hand in response, he summoned what he hoped was a smile. “I know you won’t. It’s one of the reasons I’m glad you’re here.”
He turned to look out the window at the passing landscape. “I guess it’s okay we’re going to Rick’s. I didn’t think to go anywhere else.”
“I’m sure it’s fine. Will your parents meet us there?”
“Yes. I’m glad their home isn’t too far away.” Lowering his head he stifled a sob. “I don’t know what to say to them. I don’t know what to say to anyone.”
Pax gripped his hand tightly while rubbing his back and murmuring, “We’ll figure it out. I promise,” in his ear.
****
Rick’s home made her apartment look like a shack. A grand foyer with a massive chandelier gave way to an expansive den filled with people paying their respects. Fighting the urge to shrink back into the shadows, Pax knew Seb’s tight grip on her hand meant he needed her now more than ever. Steeling herself for the onset of questions to come, her silent prayer of fortitude lifted to the heavens.
Pax felt Seb bristle beside her. Standing before them appeared a tall well-built man. Pax guessed him to be in his mid-thirties, although prematurely gray hair gave him an air of being more distinguished. She knew from the quality of material, his suit would cost her a year’s salary alone. He extended a hand of greeting toward Sebastian.
“Seb.”
Seb’s jaw’s tightened and the grip on her hand strengthened. “Rick.”
“I’m so sorry, Seb.”
“I guess there isn’t anything else to say is there?”
Rick dropped his unshaken hand.
She nodded in Rick’s direction attempting to break the tension. “I am very sorry for your loss.”
Seb’s arm encircled her waist when Rick smiled at her.
“Your parents arrived a few minutes ago, Seb. I thought it best they be seated away from the crowds. You can find them in the breakfast room, if you like.”
“Thanks, Rick. I appreciate your kindness toward them.”
“Of course Seb, they were the girls’ grandparents. They loved them very much.”
Seb’s jaw tightened again. “I appreciate it, nonetheless.”
Pax silently thanked God when they made their escape to the back of the house, away from the tension-filled foyer.
“Sebastian! Oh sweetheart!”
Rising from the breakfast room table, a silver haired woman, eyes red with emotion, reached her arms out to Seb. Enveloping him in her embrace, Seb’s body visibly relaxed in her arms.
“Mama...”
“I know, son. I know.” Continuing her ministrations, her eyes lit up when she saw Pax.
Over Seb’s shoulder, she whispered, “Hi Paxson. I’m so glad you could be here for him.”
Nodding in response, Pax looked around the kitchen. She spied an older gentleman to her right in deep conversation with a young woman, both oblivious to their entrance. Pax knew right off he had to be Seb’s father. An older replica of his son, when he turned in her direction, she saw Seb’s blue eyes staring back.
“You must be Paxson. Sebastian has mentioned you frequently in the past few days.” His warm hands encompassed hers.
“It’s good to meet you, Mr. Quinn, although I wish it under different circumstances.”
“Now, now. You call me Alex. Sebastian has never really dealt with loss like this in his life. You being here will give him strength.”
“Thank you, Alex. I hope so.”
His eyes diverted to Sebastian who appeared at Pax’s side, his mother in hand. “Dad.”
“Hello, son.” Their embrace lasted for several minutes. Alex murmured words of comfort into Seb’s ear.
Pulling away from his father, Seb placed his arm around Pax. “Let me formally introduce my parents. Mom, Dad, this is Paxson Taylor. She’s my anchor.”
Blushing at Seb’s description, surprise shook her when his mother pulled her into her arms. “I feel like we already know you, sweetheart. Seb speaks so kindly of you.”
“Thank you Mrs. Quinn. He’s a good man to have around.”
Greetings aside, they joined his parents at the breakfast room table. The bright sunlight pouring in through the window masked the sadness enveloping the room.
“Has Rick given you any details of the arrangements, Seb?”
Rolling the edge of one of the decorative placemats between his fingers, he sighed. “Unbelievably enough, Rick said it’s up to me. He’d prefer a joint service for all three of them, but said he would defer to my wishes. I guess that’s as good an idea as any.”
His mother patted his hand. “I think he’s right, son. They need to be together. And it will be easier on you if you can say goodbye all at once.”
“I know. I guess, I just… I don’t know. I’ll tell him to go ahead and plan it. It doesn’t matter now. Nothing does.”
Chapter Fourteen
By the day of the funeral, Sebastian felt like he was only going through the motions. How did a parent do this? He didn’t know how to endure the next few hours. Shoot, the next few days, weeks and years. He wanted to collapse in grief, not go out and be surrounded by hundreds of people who didn’t know him, who couldn’t understand what he was going through.
Accompanied by his parents, Seb and Pax rode to the funeral home in silence. Upon their arrival, Seb exited the vehicle, waited on Pax to get out, and slammed the door behind her. Seeing the funeral home, he froze. Pax’s hand gently pulled him to the front doors.
Rick and his parents, along with more family members lined the lobby. Unable to bear the thought of sharing his last moments with his girls with strangers, Seb took Rick aside.
“Rick, I need to see them alone, if just for a minute, before everything starts.”
Looking at his watch, Rick grimaced. “Well, okay, Seb. You have a few minutes before the family visitation period starts. I don’t think it will be a problem.”
Steaming, he clenched his fists, bitter thoughts running through his head. A problem? These are my kids. Not yours. I’ll give you a problem. He cleared his throat and exhaled. Just get through this, Seb, and you never have to see him again.
While Pax remained in the company of Seb’s parents, the funeral director led him down the hall to the parlor where the bodies lay in repose. Thanking him for some privacy, he started to enter the room when the thought of seeing his girls in their caskets inundated him. He returned to the lobby, finding Pax in the corner of the room talking to his mother away from the crowd. Taking her by the hand, Seb clung to Pax until she nodded her understanding of his silent pleas. Together, they walked toward the parlor.
****
Pax prayed for strength. Dear Lord, I knew today would be difficult, but I’m beginning to feel overwhelmed. Seb is relying on me for so much right now.
She struggled with her emotions, glad she could be there for him. She knew her feelings for him were only growing. Was it just a few days ago I decided to end things with him? It seems a lifetime ago.
Once they reached the parlor door, Sebastian stopped short of entering. Gripping her hand more tightly,
he closed his eyes. She grabbed his arm with her free hand and squeezed. “You don’t have to do this if it’s too much for you. No one will judge you.”
“That’s just it, Pax. I do have to. For my girls, and for me.”
On entering the room, Pax’s gaze was immediately drawn to the three caskets lined up side by side along the back wall. Vibrant flowers and leafy plants surrounded them. As beautiful as the flowers were, the sweetness of their odor combined with the knots in her stomach caused Pax to bite back feelings of nausea.
Utter sadness encompassed her when Sebastian slowly approached the smallest of the caskets. Reaching in, he caressed his youngest daughter’s face. “Paxson, this is my daughter, Maggie. She is the spitting image of her mother in every way. She has a laugh which lights up the entire room and she loves to ask ‘why’ to anything you tell her.”
Paxson stepped closer to his side.
“My sweet Maggie Grace. This is my special friend, Paxson. I wish you could have known her because she’s a lot of fun. She loves to laugh as much as you do, and I know you would have been great friends.”
Paxson continually wiped away the tears trickling down her face.
Wanting to give Seb time alone with his daughter, Paxson stepped back from the casket her eyes traversing the room, taking in the hundreds of flowers lining the walls. Her eyes stopped at the casket holding Melissa. Seb was right. Maggie, indeed, looked just like her mother with her raven black hair and olive skin. They were beautiful.
Seb reached behind him for Pax’s hand and they walked over to the casket on his left. “Ashlynn was my tomboy. She got my love of athletics. Already on a little league girls’ softball team, she was convinced she’d be good enough to play with the boys. She was right. Better than most of the boys her age.”
Paxson smiled, picturing the young sandy-blonde girl before her in a dirty and torn uniform. As much as Maggie looked like Melissa, Ashlynn was Sebastian made over with her sandy-brown hair. Paxson imagined if she could see her eyes, they would be the same bright blue.
Just a Little Faith Page 8