The Senator's Assignment
Page 26
But an assignment of his choosing.
Every broken chair, kitchen shelf, rotten floorboard and useless beam was dragged out of the old farmhouse, across the grass and hurled onto the fire. Splinters of wood caught his hands but he barely noticed; his clean tunic was soon filthy but he wasn’t aware of that or his tiredness.
Eventually, exhausted by his actions, he stopped. His body sagged as he stared into the flames. His eyes drifted up to the heavens, up to that place of the dead, wherever that was. He didn’t know and he didn’t care. ‘Father!’ He shouted. ‘These things were my childhood. I give them back.’ He paused. ‘I give you back…the…the physical and…and mental pain you inflicted on me—me, your son.’ Picking up a stool he hurled it into the fire.
Sparks flew into the air, hissing, spitting, cracking. The flames grew higher.
The table was next.
‘Father, you can take my bitter disappointment that…I was never good enough for you.’
The basin.
‘Father, I give you back the sting of those…whippings…beatings…’
Chairs, benches, floorboards.
‘Father, you called me a liar…but I never lied… Take it back.’
Vivius was intelligent enough to know that what he was doing was symbolic, yet he was finding in these symbolic actions a sense of freedom. Naming his demons out loud and watching them burn in the fire reminded him of a comment Simon the Jew had made.
Forgiving is all about deciding not to carry bitterness and hatred around with you anymore.
That’s what I’m doing, Vivius thought. I’m getting rid of bitterness and hatred. I’m getting rid of the rot inside me.
And as the moon rose higher into the sky, Vivius continued feeding the fire outside the old farmhouse until there was no more wood to burn and all of his demons had been cremated. Only then did he slump against the wall in exhaustion and stare unblinking into the flames soaring into the night sky.
At what point he noticed Phaedo he wasn’t sure.
‘How long have you been there, Phaedo?’
‘Long enough, young master.’
‘I’m getting rid of the rot, Phaedo.’
‘Aye, it needed getting rid of, especially with a new mistress about to take up residence. We don’t want old ghosts upsetting things, do we?’
There was silence between them, a comfortable silence. There had always been that between them.
‘Fire’s beginning to dwindle down. Would you like me to keep watch on it, master?’
‘No. I’ll do it.’
‘Only if you want to, but seems to me you might need to attend to your guest.’
‘What?’
‘The new mistress, sir.’ Phaedo moved towards the fire and they viewed each other through the flames. ‘She must have seen the flames and come to make sure you’re all right.’
Vivius turned around. Aurelia was standing outside the villa. ‘Well, I am all right.’
‘I know that,’ Phaedo said quietly. ‘I made sure of that, but the little mistress needs to see that for herself.’
Turning his back on the old farmhouse, Vivius made his way over to the villa wondering how in the name of all the gods he was going to explain not only his unkempt appearance—again—but having a fire in the middle of the night.
‘I saw the fire,’ Aurelia said hesitantly.
Vivius nodded. ‘I’ve been fighting a battle,’ he said. It was all he wanted to say. It was all he had the energy to say. And he knew that with Aurelia, it was all he needed to say.
‘Did you win?’ she asked softly.
‘Yes,’ Vivius said quietly. ‘I won.’
Footnote:
Charged with conspiracy against Tiberius, Prefect Lucius Aelius Sejanus was arrested and executed, along with his followers.
The Emperor Tiberius recalled Pontius Pilate to Rome after the murder of the Samaritans, but before he reached Rome, the Emperor Tiberius died.
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