“We can’t stop yet,” he whispered hoarsely. Sweat glistened on his forehead as he looked at Leisel. “Are you okay?”
Leisel raised her head, her glistening eyes meeting Alex’s. “I’m okay,” she answered, sniffling.
She didn’t sound okay, not even a little okay, yet the fact that she was attempting to be strong given our current situation made me almost smile. Almost.
We traveled without speaking for what seemed like miles, the sound of our footsteps accompanied by the trilling of crickets and the breeze rustling through the top of the trees. My feet were sore, aching with a tiredness that they hadn’t felt in a long time. It was the sort of pain that reminded me of the world before the infection took hold.
Strangely, it felt good.
Good, only because it reminded me that I was finally free.
Chapter Thirteen
Leisel
We walked all through the night and straight into morning, not stopping for anything other than bathroom breaks. We walked until my feet were numb, and my legs and arms were aching with fatigue and strain. And then finally, when I wasn’t sure I could go any farther, when I had begun to sway from exhaustion, growing dizzy with hunger, Alex finally stopped walking. He stopped so abruptly, I almost slammed into the back of him.
“What?” I asked, looking around. I saw nothing, only the heart of the forest we’d been traveling through for miles now. Nothing but trees, a veritable color wheel of leaves, and the dirt beneath my feet.
“We can sleep here,” he said, gesturing with his gun. My eyes followed the barrel of the weapon to a nearby tree.
“Oh,” I said, sighing happily.
The small hunting platform looked quite rickety, obviously unused in some time, and weathered by the elements. The rope ladder hanging from it was tattered and heavily frayed, but I couldn’t have cared less. I was dead on my feet and would have passed out right there on the ground if it would have been safe to do so.
The past couple of days were finally catching up with me. The exertion, the trauma, the heartache, and everything that went along with it all. My body was thoroughly exhausted, hardly a drop of energy left inside me, as was my mind. But it wasn’t safe down here, and we didn’t have the luxury to sleep in shifts. Neither Evelyn nor Alex had slept since leaving Fredericksville, and what little sleep I’d gotten on the road hadn’t been nearly enough. This was the perfect place to catch a few hours of shut-eye without having to worry about any stray infected happening on us.
“I’ll go up first,” Evelyn offered quietly.
I looked over at my friend, searching her dirty, bloodstained face for a reason behind her recent silence. It wasn’t like her to be so quiet, and yet for the past several hours she’d hardly said more than a few words.
“Hey,” I said, reaching for her. Threading my fingers through hers, I pulled her several feet away from Alex, attempting a semblance of privacy. “Did something happen?” I whispered, purposefully brushing a lock of her hair out of her eyes in an attempt to gain her full attention.
Her head raised and she finally looked directly at me, her beautiful and poignant features twisted with pain, her big blue eyes so full of sorrow. Seeing this, seeing her so openly hurting and vulnerable was so unexpected, so unlike Evelyn, that I had to catch myself from taking a startled step backward. She seemed so broken, even worse than before.
“Eve,” I said, my voice cracking. “What did they do to you?”
It hadn’t occurred to me until now that something else, other than being sacrificed to an infected, could have happened to Evelyn.
“Other than having to endure mass at gunpoint and terrible singing?” she joked, attempting a smile. But like her words, her forced happy expression fell flat.
Her false smile fell away and she sighed, giving my hand a squeeze. “I thought you were dead, Lei,” she admitted in a small voice. “And there was nothing I could do. And all of this…” She shrugged and looked away, her eyes scanning the forest. “This would all be for nothing then.”
I felt a prickly sharp sensation in my chest, not unlike pain, but at the same time the feeling went deeper than any sort of physical pain could.
“I’m not your responsibility,” I told her gently, rising emotion causing my eyes to fill. “And you’re not mine. We’re in this together, Eve, because without you, all this would still be for nothing.”
“Seems sturdy enough,” Alex called out, drawing our attention up into the tree. Standing on the platform, Alex peered down at the two of us and kicked at the rope ladder. “Welcome to Hotel de la Zombie.”
My eyes widened with surprise. Had Alex just made a joke? Emotionally spent, half delirious from exhaustion and physical exertion, I couldn’t stifle the giggle that slipped past my lips.
“Ooh,” Evelyn cooed, nudging me with her shoulder. “Mr. Strong, Silent, and Sexy has jokes.”
My eyes widened in her direction, my giggle falling away as my mouth fell open. “Sexy?” I whispered, frowning. “You think Alex is sexy?”
She lifted one shoulder, letting it fall, a halfhearted shrug. “Sure, if you like pretty boys who are constantly brooding and moody.”
I stared after her, wondering how she could go from nearly crying to making jokes so quickly. She grabbed the frayed end of the rope ladder, and I watched as she deftly swung herself up, taking her only moments to climb to the top.
“Mints on the pillows, Lei,” she said in a singsong voice. “Very ritzy!”
Blinking and feeling strangely like crying, I shook my head and took a step forward. Pain shot up through my feet and into my calves, causing me to wince, and I found myself moving faster, despite my pain. After all, the sooner I got myself up there, the sooner I could sleep; and the sooner I slept, the faster I would heal.
As for the rest of it—what I’d done back in Fredericksville, my close encounter with becoming an infected’s dinner, Evelyn’s strange shift in moods, and the human deaths that were quickly piling up at our feet, either by my own hand or because of me. Well, I’d deal with it all later. Or never. Whichever seemed easiest.
• • •
A cold breeze swept over me, waking me and causing a wave of goose bumps to pebble my skin. Along with it came the delicious aroma of cooking meat. Turning on my back, I stretched languidly, wincing as pain in both my wrists and ribs flared to life. My head hurt as well, a dull pounding that only grew, drawing me further out of sleep and into full consciousness.
Opening my eyes, expecting to see a brightly lit forest, I blinked in surprise. The sun was nearly gone, only slivers of the fading light peeking through the heavy canopy of branches and foliage. Alex was seated across from where Evelyn and I lay beside each other, his legs crisscrossed in the small space allotted him. In front of him was what looked to be a large coffee can, and inside it a rather impressive fire was raging.
“Squirrel,” he said, lifting a small dark shape out of the flames. On a stick, the ends whittled to a sharp point, was speared the small body of a skinned and thoroughly cooked squirrel. My stomach growled again, this time louder, catching Alex’s attention and drawing out a smile.
Groaning, I pushed myself upright, trying to ignore my body’s protests. I was sore everywhere, more so than before. Everything that had happened over the last day or so—the beating I’d taken from Lawrence, the stress, the blow to the back of my head, the fight with the infected, our long trek on foot into the middle of nowhere—it had all caught up to me.
To make matters worse, I smelled awful, the most predominant odor being the urine coating my pants. Despite having dried, the urine had developed a bitter stench, as well as left the material stiff. Shifting uncomfortably, I folded my legs beneath me and hoped Alex couldn’t smell me.
“How?” I whispered, so I wouldn’t wake Evelyn.
He shrugged. “Found this can and some snare wire on another platform. Set a few traps and got lucky.”
“Wow,” I breathed out, significantly impressed. Give me a co
ffee can and some wire and I could have possibly potted a plant. Catching squirrels never would have occurred to me.
“Eat up,” he said, holding out the squirrel kabob in offering. “Plenty more where that came from.” He gestured to a small pile of squirrels beside him. I counted three more little bodies, already skinned, and all appearing to have had their necks broken.
“Thank you,” I said, taking the food, my chest near bursting with gratitude toward this man and all of his unexpected kindness. “Thank you for everything.”
Alex’s eyes shifted upward, and he loudly cleared his throat. “There’s a creek nearby,” he said, sounding suddenly uncomfortable. “Decent place to wash up in the morning.”
He was purposely changing the subject, obviously uncomfortable with my gratitude. I didn’t understand it, but neither did I push it. Instead, I blew on my hot meal, simply grateful to have one, grateful that my very best friend was alive and safe and sleeping beside me, and forever grateful to the man seated across from me who’d made all this possible.
We ate in silence, the only sounds from our continuous chewing, the bird calls from the hidden life within the depths of the forest, and Evelyn’s soft and peaceful snoring. Then, when my belly was full and exhaustion once again crept up on me, I lay back down beside Evelyn on the hard and uneven wood planks and closed my eyes. Only this time, before sleep could overtake me, I felt a light touch against my fingertips. Jerking, I opened my eyes to find Alex had moved closer to me, his hand barely touching me.
His eyes on me, he threaded his fingers through my own, his dirt-caked and calloused hand curling around mine. I was uncomfortable for a moment, then a soft, contented sigh escaped my lips and I squeezed back. I wasn’t sure why, maybe to convey the gratitude he didn’t seem to want to hear, maybe to share with him some sense of comfort. Either way, it felt oddly right, and I soon drifted off to sleep.
• • •
The creek was only a short distance from our shelter. Although my body ached fiercely and I felt as though I could have slept for weeks, I was able to manage the quick walk.
The sight of fresh water, clear and clean, was enough to rejuvenate me despite my injuries. Evelyn was the first to undress and I hastily followed her, though unlike her, I remained in my undergarments.
As it was, the moment I was free of my shirt, both Evelyn and Alex averted their eyes and the woods grew suddenly silent. I knew their reactions were because of the sad story my body told. Old scars and fresh bruises riddled the skin on my stomach and back, reminders of the beatings I’d endured at the hands of that bastard. My body was no longer a pretty package, something to be proud of or coveted, but instead a living reminder of the hell I’d lived through. I didn’t hate it, wasn’t ashamed of it, but neither did I like to look at myself for any length of time.
But seeing their faces, the cringes they both tried but failed to hide, caused a wave of humiliation to barrel through me. I didn’t want their pity; I didn’t want anyone’s pity. We’d all lived through our own horrors, and whether they showed on our skin or not, we all bore scars, didn’t we?
Evelyn’s scars were internal, buried down deep. She never spoke of her pain, of the past, of the people she’d loved and lost, but instead concealed them, hiding from them using whatever distraction she could, drawing strength from our nightmare.
And Alex, his scars were there, though shrouded by his silence and his perseverance. I didn’t know his story, the life he’d lived or what he’d endured before he came to live behind the walls of Fredericksville. But whatever it was, it had left a mark.
Wordlessly, I followed Evelyn into the creek, the stark contrast between the warm day and the cool water was glorious against my chafed and broken skin. I sank down quickly, feeling the silt and stones beneath me, and closed my eyes with a happy sigh.
“You know what would be amazing right now?” Evelyn asked.
I cracked an eyelid, squinting through the sunlight to find her perched on a small rock, bringing handfuls of water up to her face.
“Soap?” I suggested. “Clean clothes? Starbucks?”
From a few yards away I heard Alex snort, causing my own smile to form. Evelyn too, having raised her head from her hands, was grinning at me.
“Yes,” she agreed, laughing. “Soap, clean clothes, and Starbucks would all be amazing. But I was thinking more along the lines of a frosty cold one, straight out of the cooler. Getting a nice buzz going and lying naked out in the sun.”
She threw her head back, her face pointed toward the sky, and closed her eyes. Sitting there on that rock unabashedly, the sun beaming down on her, her luxurious hair hanging down her back, her naked and nicely toned body half in the water, half out, she arched her back in such a way that she looked like a mermaid, an ethereal beauty not from this world.
For reasons unknown to me, I found myself glancing over my back to where Alex was, kneeling in the shallow water, expecting I’d find him looking at her as well. The shock of his nudity momentarily startled me, and I found myself looking over every finely honed inch of his suntanned skin. He was a beautiful young man, his dark hair and scruff shining wet and black against his golden body, his dark eyes…
Our eyes met, mine wide with shock and his dark with guilt. He wasn’t looking at Evelyn at all; he was looking at me. And the intensity of that gaze wasn’t just surprising, but somewhat stifling. He looked away quickly and I did as well, only to find Evelyn watching me. She glanced between the two of us, her brow arched knowingly, a smirk on her lips. I stared at her, pleading with her with my eyes to keep her devilish mouth shut and not worsen what had just become an awkward situation.
Her impish grin turned gentle, and with a wink she turned away. Relieved, I set to washing myself as best I could, trying hard to ignore the sudden elephant that had just bumbled its way into my already complicated world.
Why had he been looking at me like that?
Although, I’d be lying if I were to say I wasn’t somewhat pleased to find that he hadn’t been looking at Evelyn.
Chapter Fourteen
Evelyn
Several days passed while we recuperated. We slept, ate, and healed, though some scars would never go away. I felt fractured, as if deep gouges had been ripped through my heart, hurting far more than my physical injuries. It was as if my soul was sad, almost crushed with the gravity of our situation. Was this it? Was this all we had to look forward to now? Meeting crazy people as we struggled to live—to survive each day?
I didn’t for one minute regret my decision to break Leisel out of Fredericksville, but I had hoped that there would be more to offer her out in the world. That perhaps man had been surviving, and we’d been merely locked away from the efforts that were being made to bring us back from near extinction. But I’d been wrong.
There was nothing good left in the world, and I didn’t know how to deal with that. I didn’t know how to make things better. That was my job, after all, who I was at heart. A people pleaser, someone who fixed things, made them work again. But I couldn’t make this better, didn’t know how to make this right. And the more I worried over it, the more I ached because of it, the harder it became to keep everything locked up tight inside me.
Things began to bubble to the surface, emotions and feelings that I’d kept locked up tight for so long now, cracks beginning to appear in my facade. Without Jami here, I didn’t have an outlet to rid myself of all this nervous energy simmering just below my surface. Without Jami, I didn’t know how to rid myself of my own demons, to quash them, rebury them before they started to show. The truth was, I could actually feel myself breaking apart and once I broke, who was going to put me back together?
I looked at Leisel, who was sitting on the forest floor, her back against a thick tree trunk, staring off into the distance again. It was something she’d always done, but she’d been doing it a lot more lately, her mind going elsewhere for hours at a time. Once she came back to us, it was usually with a start, as if she’d forgotten
for a moment where she was. She’d been like this for a while now, ever since Alex had left to check his traps for food, and I couldn’t help but think that if I couldn’t hold it together, it wouldn’t be Leisel who would save me. Not with her being so emotionally wrecked. My gaze dropped to her wrists, noting that they were healing well after her skin had nearly been scraped completely off. Thankfully, scabs were beginning to form, easing my worries that she might develop an infection from the wounds.
As my stomach began to growl, I placed my hand over it and turned away from Leisel, searching out the woods for any sign of Alex. We’d been lucky so far, with plenty of squirrels and snakes as our food source, and even a bush with some edible berries to give us more variety in our diet. In fact, we’d been very lucky, probably luckier than most. Luckier than Jami had been, anyway. That thought made my stomach twist painfully, and I purposely forced all thoughts of him away.
Focusing back on Leisel, I found her looking at me, her eyes wide.
“Did I do it again?” she said, her cheeks flushed.
Nodding, I smiled at her. This was the first time that she’d acknowledged she did that—disappeared into herself. Maybe it was because Alex wasn’t around, and she felt somewhat comfortable to speak of it.
“How are you holding up?” I asked.
Cocking her head to one side, she raised an eyebrow in question.
I shrugged. “I hate to say this, Lei, but you killed a man this week, and that’s a new record for you.” I purposely kept my voice light to show her that I wasn’t judging her. Being a murderer myself, I had no room to judge her or anyone, but more so because I thought what she did—killing Lawrence—was pretty amazing, and she was coping with the aftermath better than I would have expected her to.
“He wasn’t a man,” she said, sucking in a sharp breath. “He was a monster.”
I nodded fervently in agreement. “Can’t argue with that.”
“Real men were people like Thomas and Shawn,” she continued. “And I haven’t seen a man like that…” Her words drifted off, her eyes glossing over, her expression growing sad at the memory of our first husbands, our husbands before everything was destroyed.
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