“Where do you go?” I asked in an attempt to change the subject. “When you zone out?” Picking up a twig, I began breaking it into small pieces, tossing each one aside.
“To the past,” she said without hesitation. “I go back to the past.”
I shook my head, unsure of what to say to that. I never thought of it—the past. Once a day, I would close my eyes and try to envision Shawn’s face, only so that I didn’t forget him, but I refused to think back to the happy times, to birthdays and barbeques, to Christmases and vacations. Thinking about better days just made reality that much harder to live through.
“What?” she asked, looking surprised. “You don’t? Not ever?”
“Why torture yourself?” I retorted, hearing the annoyance in my tone, and then wincing in regret.
“Because.” Averting her eyes from me, she looked at the ground. “I don’t know…”
“It’s okay,” I said hurriedly. “We don’t have to talk about it.”
Mostly because I didn’t want to talk about it, couldn’t actually bring myself to talk about it. And I couldn’t fathom any reason why she would want to talk about it either. It was far too much pain for any one person to have to think on. How much pain could one person live through? But to purposely dredge up the past, knowing full well you were never going to have that life back? No, I couldn’t. It would break me completely, drive me insane with sadness. I couldn’t think of those days, those lost lives, because I wouldn’t want to come back from those beautiful memories. Not ever.
“No, no, it’s okay,” she said. “I want to. Actually, I think I need to.” Her eyes flitted to mine and I found her smiling, the smile distorted among the many bruises still visible on her pretty face. “If that’s okay?”
I shrugged noncommittally, silently hoping she wouldn’t force me back there. “Sure, if you think you’re up to it.”
Leisel’s smile grew wider, her eyes lighting up from within. “I think about it all the time. Things like the first Christmas we all shared together. You and Shawn came over, you brought me that awful chocolate cake—your first attempt at baking, remember?”
She started to laugh and it was such a foreign sound, an infectious one. Despite myself, despite now vividly recalling the memory of that very Christmas that had just forced itself out of the dark recesses of my mind, I found myself chuckling with her.
“It was disgusting,” I said, still laughing. “Why would you think about that?”
“Because it makes me smile, and because it was that day that I knew we’d be friends forever.” Her words were spoken with so much conviction that tears suddenly sprang to my eyes.
Biting down on my bottom lip as a dull pain sprang to life inside my chest, I shook my head. “A shitty chocolate cake makes you think the weirdest of things, Lei. Maybe you’re just being overly emotional—you’re probably about to get your period or something.”
I tried to laugh then, only to remember that Leisel hadn’t gotten her period in nearly two years, not since recovering from the beating that had nearly killed her. “Shit,” I mumbled as my own tears slipped free of my lashes. “Shit, I’m a fucking idiot. I’m sorry.”
Unfazed by my tactless comment, Leisel edged closer to me, taking my hand in hers. “Remember when I told you how much I hated fruitcake, that all I’d ever wanted as a kid was a damn chocolate cake at Christmas, but my mom continued making fruitcake? Remember, Eve? We were drinking tequila in your backyard, and for some reason I told you my Christmas cake sob story, and then six months later you made me that chocolate cake—albeit a shitty one—and gave it to me for Christmas.”
My chin trembled, my heart stuttering in my chest. “Don’t,” I pleaded, more tears building in my eyes and threatening to break free. Tears that I’d long refused. Tears that I’d always been able to resist in the past. “Please don’t do this, Lei.”
Raising our joined hands, Leisel pressed a kiss to my knuckles. “When you gave me that awful cake, I knew what I meant to you, how much you cared for me. I knew from that day on that I would always be able to depend on you.” Leisel stared into my face, her eyes glistening with love. “And in return, I swore to myself that you would always be able to depend on me.”
I swallowed and looked away, choking back my tears. Her hand found the bottom of my chin, and she tilted my face back to hers.
“You made me so happy that day, Eve, and every day since. I love you, and I am grateful every single day that you married my husband’s best friend, that you became my best friend. You make the days worthwhile. You make everything worthwhile.”
My first sob broke free. It was loud and tragic, and made my gut twist painfully. Fat, salty tears trailed down my cheeks as I continued to shake my head, wishing she would stop. But I couldn’t find my voice, couldn’t tell her to hush because my throat felt too tight, and I was too busy sucking down air, trying desperately to breathe.
As I sobbed again, louder this time, Leisel tried to pull me into her arms. I resisted at first, pushing back against her, but she refused to let me go, refused to loosen her grip on me. Eventually my dam broke, my barriers came crashing down, and I found myself clinging to her as I sobbed, my pain finally finding purchase in the world. Memories flooded in; there was no hiding from them any longer.
The tears were never ending, a tsunami of emotion that threatened to swallow me whole, over and over again dragging me into the abyss of pain that I’d been hiding from for years. And all the while, Leisel held me tightly, humming softly and sweetly, keeping me tethered to her and refusing to allow my pain to consume me.
• • •
I must have dozed off, because when I woke my face was dry of tears, but I was still in Leisel’s arms.
“I still remember how you looked when Thomas introduced us,” I said, my voice hoarse and my throat sore from crying. “You were scared shitless.”
“You were intimidating, Eve!” she said with a laugh.
Sitting up, I wiped the remaining tears still clinging to my lashes. “I overheard you talking to Tom that day, you know?”
Leisel’s brow furrowed with confusion.
“At the table,” I explained. “I think a waiter had just brought you a fresh drink. You were never much of a drinker, so in your defense you were probably a little drunk when you said it…”
Leisel shook her head. “Said what?”
“That you hoped you weren’t going to have to spend too much time with me. That I’d been a whore in high school, and you hoped I was just another one of Shawn’s flings, and that we wouldn’t last. That he could do a lot better than me.”
Her eyes wide, Leisel reached for me. “I’m so sorry, Eve, I didn’t mean it!”
“Yes, you did,” I said, and grinned. “And you were right. Shawn did deserve better than me, so I set out to be better for him and to prove you wrong. To show you I wasn’t a total loser.”
“I don’t even remember that,” she said, sounding guilty.
“I told you, you can’t drink for shit. But it doesn’t matter. All I wanted you to know was that you’d been right. Hearing you say that, it made me want to be better for him, and what started out as me trying to prove you wrong, turned into me falling in love with Shawn. You didn’t know it, but you saved me. I was heading down a path that eventually there was going to be no coming back from. You saved me from that, you and Shawn.”
“But you only had two years together.” Leisel’s face crumpled. “You both deserved more.”
“Two years with a man I loved,” I said, nudging her. “And you gave me that. No one could have known what was going to happen, Lei. And having two years with a man like Shawn was worth it. It’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all, right?” Turning toward her, I tossed my arms around her neck and squeezed her to me. “Thank you for giving me those two years with him.”
We were both crying now, crying and hugging each other, but beneath the tears I was smiling. “Do you remember when you crashed Tom�
��s car into the back of Mr. Reilly’s truck?”
“And you flashed your boobs at him so he didn’t report the accident!” Leisel added, laughing.
“And we told Tom that he didn’t call the police because he was just being a good neighbor!”
We were both hysterical now, laughing so hard that we were crying again. I couldn’t say that it had been better to remember, to let it all out. The pent-up emotions were still there, and there were a million more memories that were yet to be freed, a million more tears yet to be shed, but it had been good to let some of it go, to not have to be the resilient one for just a little while. The air smelled cleaner than it did before, my head seemed a little less crowded, and my body a bit more rejuvenated.
A noise in the forest drew our attention to where Alex was standing beside a large oak tree, holding two dead rabbits in his hand. “Is it safe?” he asked, raising his brow.
Nodding at him, I rolled my eyes as Leisel beckoned him forward.
“I found a small cabin about a mile north,” he said, stepping forward. “I staked the place out, waited for about an hour to see if anyone showed up, but no one did. We need to scout out the area first, but I think we should check it out.”
He paused, his gaze landing on Leisel. He looked concerned for her, but more than that there was a possessiveness in his expression that I’d never noticed before. He’d always stared at her, but never with such intensity. I supposed that now we were all finally free of Fredericksville, none of us felt compelled to hide our true feelings any longer. We were all finally free.
“Let’s eat first,” I said, “and then go check it out.”
Chapter Fifteen
Leisel
The cabin was just as Alex had said, not too far off and yes, very small. But it didn’t look abandoned, not in the way everything else seemed to look. It was run-down, the burnished red paint in need of a touch-up, and the windows were boarded up. Yet, from our vantage point hidden amongst the trees—and everything else considered—the tiny cabin looked pretty good.
“I don’t know about this,” I whispered. The town of Covey had looked even worse than this lone cabin, and after what had happened there… Well, I didn’t want to put anything to chance.
“We need clean clothes, Lei,” Evelyn whispered back. “At the very least, something to bandage your wrists.”
“I’ll go first,” Alex said. “If it’s safe, I’ll whistle once. If not, twice, and you two…run.”
“We’re not leaving you,” I blurted out, instantly feeling ridiculous. Who was I kidding? It had been Alex who’d saved me, twice now. If anyone was going to be doing any saving, it certainly wouldn’t be me. Still, I meant what I’d said. I wouldn’t leave him, not for anything. I owed him; Evelyn and I both did.
“We’re not leaving you,” Evelyn agreed, then smirked. “Who will catch our dinner?”
Alex grunted. “Good to know what I’m worth.”
Despite myself, I smiled. The past few days of peace and quiet had been a soothing balm to my aching heart. The time that Evelyn and I had spent talking about life before the infection had been the most freeing moment I’d experienced in quite some time. Of course, it had helped that that we were now actually free.
Be careful, I mouthed to Alex.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw his arm move, his hand lift, and even though I was still staring up at his face, in my peripheral vision I watched as his hand continued to rise toward its destination. My cheek.
Unlike last time, back in Covey when he’d nearly touched me yet didn’t, this time his large, warm hand made contact, gently cupping my cheek. The unexpected intimate touch sent a shiver of something foreign slithering through me. Not good, not bad…just odd.
And there was something else, something in his eyes not unlike the way he’d been looking at me back at the creek. It was every bit as intense, but even more so. Stronger, and infinitely more private.
Suddenly nothing made sense, the shared looks and the hand holding, all seemingly simple gestures and usually meaningless, but they no longer seemed simple or meaningless anymore. I didn’t know what this new revelation meant, or if it meant anything at all. All I did know was that it frightened me, curdled my insides like old milk, and sent my heart aflutter in a fitful cadence of beats that pounded their way up to my throat.
“Listen for my whistle,” Alex said as he dropped his hand, breaking our connection and scattering my thoughts. Slightly dazed, I watched as he crossed the small distance of forest and stepped out into the clearing.
His body taut with aggression, one hand gripping his handgun, the other a blade, he walked slowly yet with purpose toward the cabin. I studied him intently, something I’d never bothered doing until this very moment. I took in the pride in his stance, the predatory way he walked, and his overall masculinity, and I felt a swell of appreciation burst to life deep down within my belly. Even though he was five years younger than my twenty-nine years, he both looked and acted much older. Maybe that was due to his life before the infection, or maybe it stemmed from whatever horrors he’d endured after. Or maybe he’d just always been an old soul.
I continued to watch him, thinking that maybe his dark, fierce features weren’t quite so intimidating anymore; that maybe, just maybe, they were part of his charm. For several seconds my thoughts continued to wage a war with one another in relation to Alex, agreeing and then disagreeing, finding plausible reasons for my strange line of thinking, and then more excuses for why I should put a stop to it. It wasn’t until he turned the corner, out of sight, that my mind finally freed me from its babbling.
“I don’t like this,” I whispered nervously, sensing my anxiety rising. Several more seconds had passed silently, and yet no whistle had sounded. What-ifs began racing through my thoughts, the endless possibilities of what awful things could be happening behind that cabin, and me unable to help.
The sound of crunching leaves echoed in the stillness as Evelyn inched her way closer to me. Her hand slipped into mine and together, like we always had, we gripped each other tightly.
“You know how he saved you, don’t you?” she whispered. “Back in Covey, from those freaks?”
Turning to look at her, I shook my head slowly. “No,” I said. “I didn’t really think about it.” I paused as a memory struck me. Alex and the dead man he’d been dragging into the room, the one with the human bone jutting from his eye socket.
“I asked him,” Evelyn said. “He was locked in a room just like you were, chained up and given to an infected. He used his chains to strangle the thing, and ripped its head clear off. Then he tore open the body, dug out a leg bone, snapped it off, and waited until someone came looking.”
I gasped at the image that intruded on my thoughts, the ugly memory of that moment pushing forward.
“Are you listening to me, Lei?” she continued. “That man took the head off an infected and used its bones to kill an armed guard. And he did this all while still chained up.”
I stared at her, not blinking, a little light-headed at the thought of it all.
“My point is, Lei, you don’t need to worry about him,” she said matter-of-factly.
Feeling both bewildered and proud, I turned away from her and back to the cabin. No, I really didn’t have to worry about him, did I? At least, not when it came to protecting himself.
In the distance, a low piercing whistle sounded and my breath caught. I waited to hear another, two whistles to signify that danger was afoot and it was time to flee or fight. But it never came. Instead, I watched as Alex appeared from around the side of the cabin, looking entirely well.
With a sigh of relief, I dropped Evelyn’s hand, got to my feet, and together we started for the clearing.
• • •
According to Alex, all the windows were still intact, yet had been boarded over on the outside as well as the inside, something that would require making a mess and a whole lot of noise if we tried to enter that way. In the end, it was the f
ront door that seemed to be the safest and most logical way inside, but first we’d have to get past the two large padlocks sealing us out.
“This is a good thing,” Alex murmured, using his knife to fiddle with the top lock. “Means ten to one there’s something useful inside, and most likely no nasty surprises.”
I still wasn’t convinced that we were safe here. Something about this place felt off to me. Unlike everywhere else we’d seen, it didn’t seem dead; in fact, it was teeming with life. Of course, that could have been all the burgeoning forest surrounding me, the animals and insects within, all who’d been untouched by the infection. Still, my worry didn’t lessen, and I found myself constantly scanning the tree line for any sign of movement.
“Got it,” Alex said, releasing the first lock from its loop and pocketing it. As he started on the second, Evelyn grinned at me, excitedly shifting from foot to foot as she eagerly waited to see what was inside. She reminded me of the old Evelyn, before the infection, always eager to do and try new things, clapping excitedly when she was happy, bouncing around like a ten-year-old girl who’d just gotten the thing she’d always wanted for her birthday.
With a happy smile on my face, I turned away, again scanning the tree line for any sign of threats. There was nothing, just the various shades of greens and browns of a forest, the low hum of insects, and turned leaves dropping from their branches and fluttering slowly to the ground. I followed one leaf in particular as it snagged on the breeze, turning in a circle to watch as it floated and spun through the clearing. I followed it on its happy journey, until I had nearly turned in a complete circle when something caught my eye and I froze in place.
“Eve!” I whispered, reaching out blindly for her. “Alex!”
A man stood at the edge of the clearing, not yet breaching the tree line but still discernible to the naked eye. He was dirty and bloody, his long hair disheveled and his clothes torn. His eyes were wild, and in his arms…
Thicker than Blood Page 11