Love and Payne

by Charlie Cochet

  “No, it isn’t,” Austen snapped. “But that’s the way it is. You haven’t fully recovered, Z. I’m not going to risk it. I’m not going to risk you.”

  “Damn it, Austen—”

  “Go,” Austen ordered. “I assume you all brought gear?”

  That’s it? He was out? Zach stood there dumbstruck as everyone continued talking and planning as if he wasn’t there.

  Colin nodded, replying to Austen’s question. “Yeah, it’s locked up in the study.”

  “Suit up. Meet me and Brayden outside in ten minutes.”

  Everyone scattered, and Zach couldn’t believe it. He grabbed Edan’s arm, hating the apologetic look on his brother’s face.

  “I’m sorry, Ozzy. We’re just trying to keep you safe.”

  Edan ran off after their brothers, and Zach was left standing there feeling useless. Alastair turned to Coby and Monroe.

  “What’s going on?” His dad appeared at the top of the stairs, and everyone rushed over. Alastair explained, and Zach kept quiet, too hurt and humiliated to say anything. He was a THIRDS agent just like his brothers. Yes, he’d gotten hurt while on duty, but it wasn’t the first time, and it wouldn’t be the last. It was part of the job. And maybe he wasn’t fully recovered, but he was healed enough to move out with his brothers. Instead he was left behind like a child. He’d expected that kind of treatment from his family, but not from Austen. He thought they were equals. That Austen respected him.

  “Boys, go get the grandparents; tell them what’s going on. Have them bring the kids.” He turned to Finley’s wife, Idelle, and Davonna and Nessa, who were on the stairs behind him. “We need to bring the older kids over. Let’s go, Ozzy.”

  The sound of gunfire erupted, and Zach shook his head. “Dad, I can’t do nothing. Is that what you would do? Hide away, keeping yourself safe while your family and those you cared about risked their lives for you?”

  Gavin put his hand on Zach’s shoulder, giving him a reassuring squeeze. “Son, I know it’s frustrating, but it’s for your safety.”

  “You didn’t answer my question.”

  His father closed his eyes for a moment before opening them and meeting Zach’s gaze. He let out a resigned sigh. “No, Ozzy, I wouldn’t.”

  “And neither can I.” Zach ran off to the study. His brothers were already gone, which he was grateful for. He loved them, but sometimes he wanted to punch them in their loving brotherly faces. He put his thumb into the panel camouflaged into the wall near the bookcases. It opened, the lights turning on to reveal a small armory. Quickly, he slipped into a tac vest and grabbed one of the MP5s and a backup Glock. In record time, he was in the mudroom pulling his black hoodie on, followed by his black coat, boots, gloves, and scarf. He pulled his hood up over his head, covered his mouth with his scarf, and shoved the Glock into his coat pocket before he picked up the MP5 and slung the strap over his shoulder. He left the house, making sure no one spotted him. Some of the lights were out around the property, and he used the shadows to conceal him. The snipers were somewhere in the mountains.

  His breath was hot against his skin from breathing inside the scarf. The cold was biting, the temperature having dropped overnight, but Zach paid no attention to it. He tightened his grip on his MP5 and listened. When he heard the familiar popping sounds of gunfire and spotted the bursts of light, he headed toward it. Running through the snow in his Human form wasn’t nearly as fun as running through it in his Therian form, or as easy. He used the large trees to cover him as he moved farther up the mountain. He could hear shouting, which meant he was getting closer. The forest was pitch-black, but his Therian vision helped him make out colors and shapes in the shadows. Now he had to make sure he didn’t accidently shoot one of his brothers.

  Movement caught his eyes, and he spotted Austen slipping out from behind a tree to stalk an armed man dressed in black. Zach’s attention was focused on Austen and the way he used the shadows to conceal himself. He didn’t make a sound, which in itself wasn’t a big deal—all Felids possessed the innate ability to move without being heard—but the way Austen seemed to almost become one with the darkness around him was incredible. When he was close enough, he pounced, his hand clamping over the man’s mouth, and Zach winced when Austen twisted the guy’s neck. The armed gunman flopped to the snow without a sound. Zach stared at the dead man, and when he moved his gaze up, he cursed under his breath. Austen was gone. Disappeared.

  A twig snapped behind him, and Zach spun around, ducking as a bullet whizzed over his head. He launched himself at the shooter, both of them falling to the snow. Zach was bigger, overpowering the masked man. He grabbed hold of the gun with one hand and punched the guy in the face with the other. Two strikes, and the guy was out.

  “Get up,” someone snarled from behind him, and Zach put his hands up as he slowly stood. He turned to find another gunman, his rifle aimed at Zach, the tiny red light moving over Zach’s heart. A shot went off, and Zach expected to feel the bullet pierce his flesh, but instead of pain and blood, the man before him dropped his gun and fell to his knees in the snow before falling over. Austen marched over, his amber eyes almost black. They were cold and empty, and Zach felt a shiver go through him.

  “What the fuck are you doing out here?” Austen growled before he walked over to the guy Zach had knocked out and shot him in the head, making Zach flinch.

  “Was that necessary?” Zach asked. “He was already down.”

  “I don’t want to hear a word out of your mouth,” Austen snapped as Colin and the rest of his brothers appeared. Austen pointed to the guy he’d shot. “That’s the last of them. Edan, tell Brayden to call it in. Our guys will come clean up the mess and see what they can find out about these assholes. That makes three different sets of Therians. I want to know if these guys are connected to the ones sent to the hospital.” He crouched down and checked one of the dead Therians’ wrists. “No tattoo. Still. I’m willing to bet whoever sent those thugs after Barlow hired the guys at the hospital and now these guys. There’s gotta be something.”

  Edan nodded quietly and headed off. Colin marched over to Zach, his nostrils flaring, his face red from the cold, and his brows drawn together. “Ozzy? What the fuck are you doing out here?”

  Before Zach could protest, Austen grabbed his arm and started ushering them toward the house. “Everyone inside,” Austen snapped. “Bram, find a new room for Zach to sleep in. Nothing with windows.”

  “Sure,” Bram replied, hurrying by. No one else spoke, and Zach couldn’t believe his brothers agreed with Austen. Like he had no place being there. He understood them trying to keep him safe, but he was every bit as capable. Okay, Austen was the exception, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t handle himself. He would have found a way to disarm that guy. It wasn’t like he hadn’t faced off against armed killers before, but he hadn’t even been given a chance.

  Inside, Zach didn’t get to talk to Austen. As soon as Zach removed his outer gear, Austen disappeared.

  Great. Out of the frying pan and into the fire.

  CHAPTER 12

  “WHAT DID I tell you? What did I specifically order you to do, Zach?”

  Zach remained silent as Austen paced the room, his face flushed red from anger. After they’d returned, Austen disappeared to make a phone call, presumably to alert whoever he had to about their uninvited guests and the body count that followed their encounter. Zach assumed he wouldn’t see Austen for a while, that Austen would lock himself in his room and ignore Zach. He hadn’t. Austen had come storming into the small lounge where everyone decided Zach should sleep for now, locked the door, and began furiously pacing.

  “These weren’t some street thugs who were sent to kill you. They were trained professionals! Your being out there put everyone at risk. Why can’t you fucking listen?”

  “I couldn’t sit and do nothing,” Zach said for what seemed like the hundredth time. He refused to back down. “I had every right to be out there.”

  Austen rou
nded him. “No. All you had to do was follow one simple fucking order, but you had to play the tough guy.”

  “Right. I’m sorry. Here I go forgetting my place again.”

  Austen narrowed his eyes. “You got something you want to say?” Zach avoided his gaze, but Austen was having none of it. He marched over and took Zach’s chin between his hands, forcing Zach to look down at him. “No, you don’t get to pull your silent act on me. You almost got yourself killed.”

  “That wouldn’t have happened if you’d just included me.”

  Austen threw up his hands and stepped away. “What part of you’re the target don’t you understand, for fuck’s sake!”

  “I’m also a THIRDS agent.”

  “Which means fuck all to these guys.”

  “Except for my brothers. Them you could send out there.”

  “That’s different,” Austen snarled.

  “You know what? No.”

  Austen’s brows shot up. “What?”

  “I’m tired of everyone treating me like a fucking child! All my life, I’ve been coddled, protected, and made to stand on the sidelines. When my brothers joined the THIRDS, my family was so happy for them. They were proud. When I joined? They lost their damn minds. They only thought about me getting hurt, killed, or worse—not that I could make them proud or be one hell of an agent. No. They saw Ozzy playing dress-up to be like his big brothers. I had to fight for years for them to see me as a THIRDS agent, to have them look at me the way they did my brothers. I thought maybe then they’d stop treating me like the baby of the family, but they didn’t. Not only do they still try to run my life at home, but I have my fucking big brother giving me orders as my Team Leader.”

  Zach shook his head as he paced. “When I met you, I was blown away because here was this guy who didn’t give a shit what people thought of him. He made up his own rules, lived his life how he wanted. I admired that. When I got up the nerve to start talking to you, you didn’t coddle me, didn’t placate me. I thought you were different, but I was wrong. You’re just like them. You think I’m weak.”

  “I never said that,” Austen said, his eyes narrowed.

  Zach crowded him. “No? Any time I’ve tried to help, you remind me how incapable I am. What was it you said to me not long ago? ‘I don’t know what the hell it is you think you can do for me that I can’t do for myself.’ That’s what you said.” Zach jabbed a finger at Austen’s shoulder.

  “Don’t,” Austen warned. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

  “Bullshit. That’s all you fucking do, Austen.”

  Austen flinched like he’d been slapped. The vulnerability that flashed through his amber eyes squeezed at Zach’s heart, and Zach immediately regretted the words.

  “You’re right. That’s all I do. I hurt people. Hurt you.” Austen’s gaze turned hard, and he grabbed Zach’s finger, twisting it until it made Zach cry out. Austen spun, wrenching Zach’s arm behind him before kicking at the back of Zach’s right knee, sending him down onto it. He grabbed a fistful of Zach’s hair and whispered roughly in his ear. “Your family protects you for the same reason I do, asshole. Because they can’t imagine their fucking lives without you.”

  Zach’s eyes widened, his heart nearly stopping in his chest. He was released, and he jumped to his feet, turning only to find Austen gone. Shit. He had to find him. Damn it. He never let his anger get the better of him, but these days he found himself turned upside down and inside out. How could he have been so blind? He’d let his pride get in the way of the truth. He ran through the house, checking every room. His family was spread around the living room and kitchen. Not in the living room. Zach ran into the kitchen. His mom looked at him worriedly.

  “You okay, baby?”

  “Have you seen Austen?”

  “No. If you can’t find him, he’s probably doing a perimeter check. Poor boy hasn’t stopped since you all got back. Why?”

  “We got into a fight, and I got mad and stupid, and I hurt him. I’ve searched everywhere, and I can’t find him.”

  “Of course you can’t,” Iona said gently. She led him over to the counter to sit, and Zach was grateful when everyone left him and his mom alone in the kitchen. “You can’t find him because he doesn’t want you to. He’s a spy, Ozzy.”

  “Right.” Zach dropped down onto one of the chairs with a heavy sigh. “Why do I keep kidding myself? He’s never going to let me in.”

  “Don’t give up on him.”

  “How much longer are we going to keep doing this? Every time I think I’m finally getting through that wall of his, he shuts me out and adds a few more layers. If that’s not bad enough, every time he shuts me out, it hurts worse than the last.”

  Iona put her fingers to his chin and turned his face so she could look into his eyes. “Baby, love is never easy.”

  “I don’t—”

  Iona arched an eyebrow at him, and he promptly closed his mouth. Who the hell was he trying to fool? He’d lost his heart to Austen a long time ago. He couldn’t pinpoint exactly when it had been, but he did a pretty good job of denying it to himself.

  “As I was saying. Love is never easy. It takes work. It means building a foundation so strong that when something comes along to shake it, it remains solid; otherwise what you have will crumble. Now tell me, what did you say to him?”

  Zach reluctantly told his mother the harsh words he’d used against Austen, and Austen’s reply.

  “I’m sorry, baby. That’s our doing.”

  Zach couldn’t bear to see the pain in his mother’s eyes. He quickly took hold of her hand. “No. He was right. You, Dad, Colin, and the others have only done what you thought was best. You were protecting me, always have, because you love me. I was so caught up in my pride that I couldn’t see past my own selfishness. Yeah, sometimes it can get to be a bit much, but I wouldn’t trade how much you guys love me for anything. Austen’s words made me realize how lucky I am and how long I’ve been taking you for granted.” He leaned in and kissed her cheek. “I’m sorry.”

  His mother smiled, her brilliant eyes filled with unshed tears. She placed her palm to his cheek, and he leaned into the touch. “Go find him, baby. He needs you. Needs that big heart of yours filled with so much love. He needs to be protected; he just doesn’t realize it. Go be what that boy needs.”

  Zach nodded and wiped a tear from his eyes. “Thanks, Mom.” He hugged her before going to Austen’s room to wait. If he couldn’t go to Austen, he’d wait for Austen to come to him.

  He’d been in the bathroom drying his hands when he heard Austen’s bedroom door open. He peeked out, his heart dropping when he saw Austen shoving clothes into his bag.

  “Going somewhere?” Zach asked, leaning against the bathroom doorframe. Austen didn’t spare him a glance.

  “I’m leaving.”

  “THAT’S IT? We have a fight, and you decide you’re going to run?” Zach marched over and took hold of Austen’s arm, and Austen hated that he flinched. He expected Zach to yell, to curse him out. Instead, Zach’s voice softened. “I’m not letting you walk away from me. From us.”

  “There is no us! There never will be!” Austen shoved Zach away from him and ran his fingers through his hair as he paced, his heart ready to beat out of him. Why did he have to go and get his fucking heart involved? The more he paced, the angrier he became. Fuck Zach. Fuck him and his good intentions. He doesn’t love you. No one will ever love you! “What the hell is it with you?” Austen turned and shoved at Zach’s chest, letting out a fierce growl when Zach didn’t budge. “Why won’t you go away? Why won’t you just fuck off and leave me alone!”

  “Because you asked me not to,” Zach bellowed.

  Austen stilled. “What?”

  Zach let out a heavy breath, as if the air was rushing out of him. His shoulders slumped, and he deflated, his amber eyes glassy and brimming with unshed tears. What the hell was going on?

  “Don’t you remember?” Zach asked softly. “That night when we first
met. You’d been gathering intel for Sloane and Destructive Delta on members of that vigilante group they’d been chasing, the Coalition. You got too close, and one of them clawed you on the shoulder. Sloane called me to that crappy abandoned building you were hiding out in, and he asked me to look after you, protect you in case any of the Coalition guys showed up.”

  Austen closed his eyes and shook his head. He didn’t want to think about that night.

  “I know you remember that night.” Zach’s words were almost a whisper, a quiet plea. Austen had blocked out most of it. He’d told himself it was because of his carelessness. He hadn’t wanted to remember how stupid he’d been, getting so close he’d left himself exposed, injured, but he’d been so damned determined to help Sloane, to make him happy, that he’d almost fucked everything up. To add insult to injury, Sloane had called in a babysitter. It had been embarrassing. He’d argued against it, but he’d been too weak to fight it.

  Zach was in front of him before Austen realized. He placed his fingers gently under Austen’s chin and lifted his face so their eyes could meet. “We were playing cards, you accused me of being a cardsharpe, and after you talked to Sloane on the phone, it was time for you to take some more antibiotics, but you didn’t want to. We argued, you got pissed off at me, finally took them, and then decided you were going to leave. I tried to stop you, and you stood too quick, got dizzy, and ended up in my lap for the second time that night. You tried to punch me in the face, but I just held on tight. You wore yourself out and fell asleep. Do you remember what happened after that?” Zach cupped Austen’s face, his thumb caressing Austen’s cheek.

  Austen shook his head. He didn’t want to remember. “Please,” he begged. “Don’t make me.” A tear rolled down his cheek, and Zach brushed it away with his thumb.

  “Okay,” Zach said, the heartache in his eyes shattering Austen’s resolve. Even now, he wouldn’t force Austen.

  Austen closed his eyes. He could practically smell the blood and sweat in the small, dank room he’d been hiding out in. A mattress thrown on the filthy floor along with his backpack and the medical supplies Rosa, Destructive Delta’s medic, had brought. Austen had been so pissed off he’d been practically vibrating. Pissed off at himself, he’d taken that anger out on an easy target—Zach.