What a Goddess Wants

by Stephanie Julian

  Those beautiful gray eyes revealed nothing, and Tessa felt a chill begin to spread up her spine.

  Finally he sighed and wrapped his arms around her, drawing her back against his body and tucking her head under his chin. “No. There’s nothing else.”

  Neither of the other men said anything, so Tessa was forced to conclude this was just Cal worrying. And she understood his worry. Really, she did.

  Though it’d been years since she’d seen Charun, she knew him as well as she knew each of the other members of their pantheon. His patience was legendary, as was his capacity for cruelty.

  He was, after all, the Etruscan race’s final judge and jury. He meted out the punishment for those who had lived their lives without regard for others. The killers and psychopaths.

  Charun had to be without emotion. It was who he was. It was a role Tessa had never and would never want. It was one Charun was stuck with. She actually understood his need to get out. She just didn’t want to be the fuel for his escape.

  Charun was ruthless and cruel and had an amazing amount of power… And for the first time, she realized how vulnerable Cal might be. Even though he was Cimmerian, he was still only human.

  What would she do if anything happened to Cal?

  She pulled back to look at him, loving the way his arms tightened around her, as if he wasn’t going to let her go, before he loosened enough so she could tilt her head up to look into his eyes.

  She didn’t know what she expected to see. He hid his feelings so well, she really couldn’t see anything. And that was worse than seeing his fear.

  “Why don’t you drink your hot chocolate before it gets cold.” He nodded toward the table but didn’t release her. “I’m going to need to leave you here for a little while. There’s somewhere I need to go, someone I need to talk to, and I can’t take you.”

  His gaze lifted over her shoulder to where his brother was standing. “Will you stay ’til I get back?”

  X’s answer was immediate. “Of course.”

  Cal nodded. “Then I need to go now.”

  “But… the sun’s up.”

  Cal just shook his head. “Not where I’m going. Sal, I’ll need a little help.”

  The salbinelli nodded as he headed for the front of the house. “No problem, kid.” Then he motioned to X. “Come on, let’s go pretend we’ve got something to do in another room while they say good-bye.”

  X’s deep laughter continued to ring in her ears as he and Salvatorus walked away.

  She caught Cal’s gaze again. “Where are you going?”

  He just shook his head. “I shouldn’t be gone long. Don’t leave the house. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

  “No, wai—”

  His mouth landed hard, his lips parting hers to allow his tongue to plunge between. Lust sparked immediately, the heat of his kiss and his body consuming her.

  No one had ever made her feel this… all-consuming desire before.

  The ever-present lust she felt for him made her sex clench, but something other than lust was making her weak in the knees. The emotion that grabbed her lungs in a tight fist and squeezed had her grabbing onto him and holding tight.

  Cal groaned, low and deep, and her answering moan had her hips arching into his. The hard ridge of his erection pressed against her lower stomach, fire-hot and demanding. They kissed until she had to pull away and suck in a deep breath. And still she refused.

  When he finally pulled back, they both were breathing so hard that she figured Salvatorus and X could hear them wherever they happened to be.

  She opened her eyes to find Cal staring down at her, his gray eyes the color of storm clouds obscuring the sun.

  “Be here when I get back, Tessa. I don’t know how long it’s gonna take, but I need to go.”

  “Where are you going?”

  “Somewhere I can’t take you or I would. Just stay put, and I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

  His lips tightened, as if he would say something more. But he only kissed her one more time and then walked by her, heading for the front room. She considered following him, but the weakness in her knees made her question her ability to do so.

  Instead, she folded into a chair at the table and wrapped her hand around her mug of chocolate. It was no longer steaming, so she used just the tiniest bit of power to warm it up. And felt the rush that accompanied it. A rush that made her tingle from head to toe.

  A miracle?

  She’d lived with magic her entire existence. Miracles were merely the result of the vagaries of power. The power that flowed through the earth and could be controlled by those with the right set of skills. Or those like herself, who were inherently magical.

  Was her relationship with Cal strengthening her powers? If so, what did they do about it? And did she want to do anything about it?

  Staring out the window over the kitchen sink, she let her gaze wander over Salvatorus’s backyard garden.

  Enclosed by a seven-foot white picket fence and shielded from prying eyes from the neighboring buildings by a fifteen-foot oak tree planted dead center in the space, the small garden wouldn’t have been out of place in any courtyard in ancient Etruria.

  Though the tree shaded much of the area, herbs, roses, and vegetables thrived. Salvatorus had a green thumb, and everything he grew had a purpose, either medicinal or culinary.

  Did she still have a purpose?

  “So, Lady Tessa, what shall we do to pass the time until my brother returns?”

  With a quick intake of breath, she looked up to find X standing in the pass-through between the dining room and the kitchen. He wore a warm grin that made him more handsome than he had any right to be.

  And though he might be just the slightest bit more handsome than Cal, X didn’t make her blood race like his brother. He didn’t make her thighs clench or her heart pound. All those overused romance clichés she’d scoffed at previously now made her pause and consider.

  Was what she felt for Cal something more than mere desire? Tinia’s teat, had she actually fallen in love with the man?

  Something of her shock must have shown on her face because X began to frown.

  “Lady Tessa, are you okay?”

  Forcing a smile, she waved to the seat across the table from her. “I’m fine. Please sit, Extasis. I would love to talk with you.”

  “And is there a specific topic you’d like to discuss?” His smile widened as he slipped into the chair across from her.

  Her smile became more natural at X’s teasing tone. “Aren’t you afraid your brother will punish you if you tell me secrets?”

  “I’m not afraid of Cal, and he loves me too much to really hurt me. So what would you like to know about him?”

  Good question. Would “everything” sound too pathetic? She was a goddess, after all. Still, quelling her curiosity had never been her strong suit. She thought quietly for a few moments.

  “Has he always been so guarded?”

  X’s grin turned a bit lopsided. “Well, when you grow up the firstborn son of Diritas, you learn to be… let’s just say you learn to be cautious.” He sighed before continuing. “Dad’s not known for his compassion.”

  “I’ll admit I don’t know much about the Cimmerians, but I was led to believe they’re not a warm fuzzy bunch. Present company excluded, of course.”

  X’s smile returned in a flash. “Thank you. I like to think I take after my mother.”

  “And that would be a bad thing, according to your father.”

  “Yeah, not much room in the Cimmerian world for those who don’t enjoy a good bloody fight.”

  “Sounds harsh.”

  “Well, you either learn to fight or you’re considered not much use in Cimmeria.”

  “And is that why you chose to live here?”

  “Oh, I can fight, Lady.”

  She gave X a rueful smile. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to offend—”

  “No, no. You didn’t. I just never developed the one trait Cimmerians
prize above all others. Their inability to feel. I figure it’s because of my mom. Cal and I are half breeds. Our mother is Etruscan aguane. Did he tell you that?”

  Inability to feel? Feel what? She shook her head, unsure what X was talking about. “Cal told me about your mother, yes, but he never mentioned anything about a lack of feeling.”

  “I don’t mean emotional feelings, Lady. I mean physical sensation. Cimmerians are great warriors because they feel no pain. They can fight until they literally fall over dead because they don’t feel heat or cold or pain.”

  Shock made her blink. How had she never heard about this? “Cal never told me.”

  How could she not have known? Wouldn’t that lack of sensation have shown in his lovemaking? She thought back over their every encounter… and remembered how he stroked her body with those big hands. Was it all for her benefit?

  “What about pleasure? Does he… Do Cimmerians feel pleasure?”

  X’s smile loosened the knot forming in her chest.

  “Yes, they do.” But his smile quickly disappeared. “But… I don’t want to lie to you, Lady. We’re longer-lived than other humans. After decades of feeling no pain, warriors tend to lose their capacity for all emotion.”

  Did Cal feel nothing when he touched her? Nothing at all? “Are you trying to tell me Cal feels nothing for me—”

  “No. No, no, no.” X waved his hands in front of his chest. “I’m not saying anything about Cal. And since I’m spilling all sorts of truths, I gotta say, sometimes I think Cal might feel too much. Emotionally.” X stopped to sigh and run a hand through his short dark hair. “He’s gonna kill me for spilling like this, but my brother can be a stubborn SOB, and there’re things I know he hasn’t told you and probably never will.”

  When X didn’t continue right away, she said, “Like…”

  “Like the beating he took the last time he trusted a deity.”

  Salvatorus’s voice made her realize he’d come up behind X without her noticing. How he managed to walk so silently on a wooden floor with those hooves, she would never understand.

  “What do you mean? Which deity?”

  “Venus.” Salvatorus’s mouth curled in a sneer. “That bitch used Cal to do her dirty work, and Vulcan smashed him to shit. Cal nearly died before X got to him and brought him here for medical help.”

  She shook her head. “Surely Cal knew Venus couldn’t be trusted. Why would he ever go near her?”

  “Because my brother has a soft spot for damsels in distress,” X said, “and Venus laid it on thick. She told him Vulcan was abusing her when what she really wanted was to use Cal as a distraction while she stole Vulcan’s hammer. When that didn’t work out, she said Cal was the one trying to steal the hammer and she threw herself at Vulcan.”

  X stopped but Tessa sensed he had more to say. “Please, X. I know there’s more. Please continue.”

  Though she was still a goddess of the Etruscan pantheon and X, though only half Etruscan, still fell under her jurisdiction, she would not compel him to answer. It just wasn’t in her nature. Never had been.

  Finally X sighed again. “Did he tell you why he left Cimmeria?”

  “No.”

  X looked at Sal, and she swore he waited for Salvatorus to nod before continuing. “Cal was the first half breed born in Cimmeria to a Cimmerian warrior and an aguane. He took a lot of shit growing up. I didn’t come along until years later, so I didn’t put up with half the crap he did. And from what I understand, it was pretty awful. Besides, my dad’s not exactly a bundle of fun. He was hard on Cal. Really fucking hard… Excuse the language, Lady. And then Cal and Juliana were bound.”

  Her eyes narrowed at the surge of jealousy. “Bound how?”

  “To be mated. Cimmerians are matched by their parents, usually after the boys turn twenty. Now, I don’t know everything because I wasn’t there, but I guess Dad was worried none of the other men would allow their daughters to tie themselves to Cal because he was a half breed. And there aren’t that many Cimmerian women born, so competition for them is huge.”

  “Sounds barbaric.”

  X grimaced. “Yeah, but I guess the old way where they fought to the death over a woman was much worse. Anyway, Juliana said she wanted Cal and her father agreed. I’m pretty sure there was money involved, but again, this was before my time and my parents don’t talk about it. From everything I’ve heard, Cal loved her. And when she died, Cal left Cimmeria and vowed he’d never go back.”

  This story was getting worse by the minute. “How did she die?”

  X shook his head, though she didn’t think he was refusing to answer. “The official story? One of Cal’s rivals for Juliana killed her in a jealous, rage so Cal killed him and left, giving up his post as a Watchman. I can count on one hand how many times Cal’s been back to Cimmeria since then.”

  “You say the ‘official story’ like you don’t think that’s what really happened.”

  “Depending on who you talk to, the story changes.” X sighed again and rubbed a hand through his hair. “It came out later that Juliana’s father, who was a member of the Elders Council, had bound her to Cal because he wanted to exploit Cal’s ability to travel though the planes without the use of the gates. Cal refused.

  “The Cimmerians have strict rules against using the gates for personal gain, and Cal was a Watchman. He didn’t break rules, not ever. Since Cal now knew the guy’s plan, Cal was a liability. So Juliana’s father hired a Sentinel to kill Cal.

  “Juliana stepped in front of Cal just as the assassin tried to take him out. No one ever knew if she did it to save his life or if she was an innocent bystander. After he killed the assassin, Cal nearly beat Juliana’s father to death. Cal’s never talked about it. Not ever. Not even to me.”

  Her brain raced, full of scenarios about how that scene would have played out. If Juliana had been the innocent dupe, that would explain Cal’s white-knight syndrome. If she’d been involved in her father’s plans, that would explain why he hadn’t wanted to help her in the first place.

  So many questions. Too few answers.

  And—

  Dear Goddess Thesan, I pray you attend the birth of my child. I ask for your blessing to keep my child safe from harm and to ensure his safe passage into this world.

  The summons whispered through Tessa’s head, its strength a testament to the speaker’s dedication. There was no desperation in the request, only urgency.

  The urgency of a first-time mother about to give birth.

  “Lady Tessa, are you okay?”

  She blinked up at X, who frowned at her from across the table. And when she smiled, his frown turned bemused.

  “I’m fine, X. But we’re going to need to leave immediately.”

  “What! Oh, no—”

  “Aw shit, Tessa.” Salvatorus’s disgruntled growl made her smile widen.

  “—you can’t go anywhere. Cal will kill me if you leave the house.” The look on X’s face wasn’t exactly fear but it wasn’t far off the mark, either. And he looked frozen to the chair.

  Salvatorus, on the other hand, had jumped down and stomped into the front room, grumbling “Cal’s gonna have my ass” under his breath. But he didn’t say no.

  She rose, and X’s expression turned panicked. “Lady, seriously, I’m not as strong as my brother. If you leave the safety of this house, I can’t protect you as well as Cal. Where do you need to go? Isn’t there some way—”

  She laid her hand on his arm. “X, I know what Cal said, and I do realize what I’m asking. But I’ve been summoned and I will not disappoint Flavia.”

  “Summoned?”

  “Yes. One of the duties I still perform as the goddess Thesan is midwife. We need to leave for Hamburg immediately. A gianes at the Hawk Mountain enclave is ready to give birth to twins.”

  Deliberately skirting around X, Tessa headed for the front room, where she knew Sal was getting ready to transport her and X to Hamburg.

  “Come along, X. Flavia’s h
ad a hard pregnancy and I don’t want her to worry.”

  Behind her, she heard X sigh long and hard. “Lady Tessa, I’m begging you to recon—”

  “The Hawk Mountain facility has safeguards of its own.” She refused to back down on this. “I doubt Charun even knows about it, and even if he did, I doubt his minions will be able to breach the security there. I must go.

  “I am still a goddess of the Etruscan pantheon. I may not guide the sun into its position every morning as I once did, but I love my people. And I will not allow Flavia to deliver these babies without my presence.”

  X straightened as if she’d kicked him in the ass, and a look of respect flashed across his expression before a smile curved his lips. He really was a gorgeous man.

  Yet, seeing X’s smile only made her wish Cal was here by her side. She hated breaking the promise she’d made Cal that she wouldn’t leave here without him. And once he learned she’d left, he might refuse to return to her.

  “X, please don’t make me renege on the promise I made her to be there.”

  After several seconds of holding her gaze, X tipped his head back as his eyes closed, and he sighed. “You know I’ll never hear the end of this.”

  Looking down at her again, he bowed slightly, arm across his waist, and then waved his hand for her to continue into the living room.

  “After you, Lady. But when Cal gets back, please put in a good word for me. Maybe he won’t be tempted to tear me limb from limb. Maybe he’ll only take a few fingers.”

  Chapter 8

  Well, shit.

  Cal stomped through the forest surrounding his cabin, heading for the oldest stand of trees on the property. The old oak there would be perfect for what he needed.

  Even though the tree canopy diffused most of the light from the sun inching closer to the center of the sky, he wore jeans, leather gloves, and his lined sweatshirt with the hood shading his face.

  Not ideal for the middle of August. Even though he didn’t feel heat—except for Tessa’s—he had to be careful not to succumb to heatstroke.

  Where he was going, he wouldn’t have to worry about the sun. But until he got there, he couldn’t let any inch of his skin be exposed to its rays. The burn would be a bitch and he didn’t have time for setbacks. He needed to return to Tessa as quickly as possible.