Hawk's Way: Callen & Zach

by Joan Johnston

  He had discovered, quite by accident, of course, that his happiness depended more and more on Rebecca’s state of mind. When she was sad, he felt bad. When she was happy, he felt good.

  He gazed down into Rebecca’s glowing face and grinned.

  At the moment, he felt downright ecstatic.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  THERE WAS NOTHING PHYSICALLY wrong with either of them that should prevent conception. That was the official word from Dr. Bently. But another month had come and gone, and Rebecca wasn’t pregnant. Thank goodness she had a million and one things to do to prepare for Jewel’s arrival at Hawk’s Pride to keep her mind off her troubles.

  She had gone to visit Jewel every day during the month it had taken to qualify as a foster home and be assigned to care for the child. She had brought Zach along several times, arguing that it would help the little girl to adjust to living at Hawk’s Pride if she knew the two of them better before she left the hospital.

  Zach had grumbled, but he had gone.

  And had no trouble at all talking with the little girl. In fact, once the two of them got started, it was hard to get a word in edgewise. When she asked Zach about it later, he grinned and said, “I have lots of experience.”

  Her blank look made him chuckle.

  “You forget I’ve got three nieces. Falcon’s daughter, Susannah, comes every year to spend some time with Mom and Dad, and I see her then. Also, I’ve spent more than a few evenings with Callen and Sam’s twins.”

  Her eyebrows rose.

  “In case you’re wondering, yes, I’ve changed my share of diapers and worn the baby powder to prove it. And ‘Unca Zach’ knows how to play airplane and horsey and motorboat.”

  Rebecca had laughed at the image he conjured. Then the laughter had choked off, and her heart had leapt to her eyes as she met his gaze. She wanted to see powder on his nose from diapering their child. She wanted to hear a tiny voice calling him “Daddy.” She wanted to see him down on his hands and knees in the living room—and be there with him, a giggling child beside them.

  She had torn her eyes away from his, because the look of wistful longing she found there was too painful to endure.

  She had learned something else about Zach in those early visits with Jewel.

  He was mush when Jewel turned those baby brown eyes on him and asked for something. Already the child had gotten him to promise her a pony, and let himself be wrangled into riding with her as soon as she was well enough to do so.

  On one of those visits, Rebecca had realized that she was falling in love with Zach all over again. Or maybe it was for the first time.

  Her feelings for Zach now were different, stronger, more certain than they had been all those years ago. While she had truly believed she loved Zach when she married him, she had never imagined the depth of feeling a woman could have for a man who cherished her with his body. Or the passion she would experience in the arms of an eager and inventive lover. Or the respect she could feel for a man who was kind and considerate and generous with his time and his money.

  But in her wildest dreams, she had never imagined the well of emotion that was tapped when she saw Zach with Jewel. She felt tender and soft, achy and raw. She wanted to give him a child of her body. Her love was a cup that once had been half-full but now was overflowing.

  However, the problems in their relationship loomed large.

  Zach didn’t love her.

  Zach would divorce her if she couldn’t conceive his child.

  If she let herself think about it too much, she would end up crazy. It was better to live in the present and enjoy her life with Zach as much as she could.

  At breakfast this morning, she had reminded Zach to be back by mid-afternoon so they could pick Jewel up at the hospital. She paced the kitchen like a tiger, awaiting his arrival.

  The screen door opened, and he stepped inside. “I’m not late, am I?”

  She glanced at her watch. “No. I guess I’m just a little anxious.”

  “You? Nervous? I’ve watched you face a dozen campers with a grin and a prayer. This is just one little girl.”

  “But she’s going to be ours.”

  Zach’s lips thinned, and his body tensed. “That’s not precisely true. We’re going to be taking care of her. For a little while.”

  Rebecca’s chin came up. “Maybe so. But while she’s in this house, we’ll be standing in the role of parents. That’s what foster parenting is all about. I thought you were committed to having Jewel here at Hawk’s Pride, Zach. If you’re not, maybe it isn’t fair to bring her home with us today.”

  “I like the kid,” Zach confessed. “She’s got a lot of guts for somebody that young. I just don’t want to set up any false hopes in you—or her—that any of this is going to become permanent.”

  “The social service lady already discussed this with Jewel. She understands we’re only bringing her here temporarily, that they’re looking for someone to adopt her.”

  “Poor kid,” Zach muttered.

  Rebecca slipped her arm through Zach’s and leaned her head against his shoulder. “She’s going to be fine, Zach.”

  “We’d better get going. She’ll worry if we’re late.”

  Jewel was sitting on the edge of her hospital bed waiting for them, her hands pressed between bony knees that poked out from beneath a short plaid skirt. Her face lit up when she saw them.

  “’Becca! Zach!”

  She shoved herself off the bed and gamboled toward them like a filly on newborn legs. It wasn’t a graceful trip, because the limp in her right leg gave her an uneven gait. The bone had been broken in so many places that it hadn’t mended perfectly. She was always going to have a slight hitch in her step.

  Jewel gave Rebecca a quick kiss, then launched herself at Zach, who had no choice except to catch her.

  Zach lifted the little girl high enough to make her squeal in mock terror, then settled her on his arm. The scabs were gone from her face now, and only faint pink lines remained. Eventually, even they were supposed to disappear. He couldn’t help wondering what the kid’s parents had been thinking when they named her Jewel. There was no sapphire or topaz or emerald in her eyes. They were a plain mud brown.

  “Ready to go?” he asked.

  “You bet! Can we go riding this afternoon?”

  “Whoa, pardner! We have to get you settled in at the house first.”

  “Then can we go riding?” Jewel asked.

  Zach laughed. “All right, Miss Persistence. We’ll go riding later this afternoon.”

  “Yippee!”

  Rebecca could see why Zach wanted a child so badly. He was a natural-born father. He was completely comfortable with Jewel, and the child responded to his openness by being equally free with him.

  Jewel turned to Rebecca as Zach carried her outside and said, “Do I really have a room with a sliding glass door? Our house didn’t have sliding glass doors.”

  As Rebecca buckled the child into the seat belt in the center of the pickup cab, Jewel said, “I can’t wait to meet your dog with the raggedy ears. We had a dog, but he ran away and got lost. I always wanted a kitty, but my daddy was ’lergic.”

  The patter didn’t stop. It didn’t take Rebecca long to realize that the child was as nervous as she was. In fact, of the three of them, Zach was the least rattled.

  Even he wasn’t as immune to the excitement of the moment as he apparently wanted her to think. She caught him sneaking glances at Jewel when he didn’t think the little girl was looking. He seemed intrigued and entranced by the child’s effervescence. Rebecca couldn’t help feeling a little envious. She would have given her eyeteeth to catch Zach looking at her like that.

  In fact, Zach had been making a mental comparison between Jewel’s stubborn determination and Rebecca’s insistence on marching to the beat of her own drummer. The two of them—the girl and the woman—were remarkably similar in temperament. Perhaps that was what had drawn Rebecca to Jewel in the first place. Certainly, she had
found a kindred spirit.

  Once back at the ranch, they only took time for Jewel to change into jeans and boots before they headed for the barn. Jewel had insisted that the three of them ride together.

  “I have some chores to do in the house,” Rebecca said in an attempt to excuse herself.

  “But you have to come! Pretty please?”

  “Oh, all right.” Rebecca ruffled Jewel’s dishwater curls. “But don’t think you’re always going to get your way just by looking cute.”

  “That’s the pot calling the kettle black,” Zach murmured. He had noted with some amusement that Jewel was as good at wrapping Rebecca around her little finger as Rebecca was at manipulating him.

  What he hadn’t counted on was his inability to say no to the two of them when they ganged up on him.

  “I think we should go down the narrow trail,” Rebecca said as they approached the canyon.

  “Isn’t that a little dangerous? Especially for a first ride?” Zach asked.

  “I’ve been watching Jewel, and she’s an excellent rider,” Rebecca said. “The narrow trail would be more fun.”

  “Can we?” Jewel pleaded. “Pretty please?”

  Zach took one look at the two sets of pleading eyes, one a truly brilliant green, the other an ordinary brown, and gave in. “Just be careful and take it slow. I don’t want to have to haul either one of you out of there.”

  Zach had to admit the narrow, zigzagging trail into the canyon was more fun, and Jewel enjoyed it every bit as much as Rebecca had suggested she would. When they reached the sandy bottom, they set out the simple picnic of ham sandwiches, potato chips and soda that Rebecca had brought along.

  Rebecca watched as Jewel automatically handed Zach her bag of chips to open, then did the same with her can of soda. The little girl expected him to be helpful, to be there for her, and he was. Rebecca had to hide her smile when Jewel reached up with her napkin to wipe a dollop of mustard from Zach’s mouth.

  “Thank you,” he said.

  “You’re welcome,” Jewel replied.

  Of course, when Rebecca got a little mustard on her lip, Zach didn’t do anything as civilized as using a napkin to remove it. He leaned over and thoroughly kissed it off.

  Her face was flushed when he released her at last. She was afraid to look and see Jewel’s reaction.

  To her chagrin, Zach winked at the little girl and said, “Spiciest mustard I ever ate.”

  Jewel laughed, and Rebecca gave up and joined in.

  Jewel became drowsy soon after lunch and settled down on the blanket to nap. As soon as the little girl’s eyes drifted closed, Zach pulled Rebecca into his lap and lazily kissed her. His lips played over hers, nipping her lower lip, then sucking on it, then teasing the edge of her mouth with his tongue. His hand closed over her breast, and his thumb brushed the tip, which instantly pebbled.

  “Zach, what are you doing?” Rebecca asked breathlessly.

  “Can’t a man make love to his wife?”

  “Not with a little girl sleeping three feet away,” Rebecca whispered as she tried to stop his roving hands.

  Zach wouldn’t be deterred. His hand slid down between her legs to cup the heat of her. Rebecca had never seen him in such a playful mood. It was as though a younger, happier man had taken Zach’s place. She wondered what had caused the change, but was afraid to ask for fear of spoiling the moment.

  He nuzzled her ear and whispered, “I knew there was a good reason why I married you.”

  Rebecca looked at him quizzically. “Oh? What was that?”

  “I have the hots for your body.”

  Muffled laughter bubbled from Rebecca’s throat.

  “And you’re going to make an absolutely wonderful mother.”

  The laughter died. She sought out Zach’s eyes. “Do you really think so?”

  “Yeah. Anybody with a heart big enough to care for as many strays as you’ve brought home over the past seven months has to be a good mother.”

  “Zach…what if I don’t get pregnant? What if—”

  His fingertips touched her lips to cut her off. “No worrying allowed. We’re on a picnic.”

  He laid her back on the blanket and slipped his hips into the cradle of hers. He rested his weight on his elbows and cupped her face in his hands. He made love to her mouth with exquisite gentleness, drawing out the pleasure, letting it build slowly, but steadily.

  She bit back the moans that sought voice, because she didn’t want to wake Jewel. Zach teased her and touched her until she was writhing beneath him. He pushed her to higher and higher levels of sensation. She wanted to beg him to stop, because there was no way they could consummate their lovemaking, and they both knew it. But she was enjoying herself too much and, if the hard length pressing against her hip was any indication, so was he.

  When they heard Jewel begin to rouse from her nap, Zach bit her earlobe one last time and whispered, “Tonight.”

  It was an invitation and a promise.

  “Tonight,” she whispered back.

  OF COURSE, NEITHER OF THEM HAD counted on Jewel having an earache.

  They had just put the little girl to bed and slipped under the covers themselves, when they heard a knock on their bedroom door.

  Zach quickly pulled on a pair of jeans, cursing when he got them on backward. He barely had them on straight with a couple of buttons done when Rebecca, who had thrown a robe on to cover her nakedness, yanked the door open.

  Jewel was standing there in a thin cotton nightgown, her head cocked sideways and her shoulder jammed against her left ear.

  “Is something the matter?”

  “My ear hurts.”

  Rebecca dropped down on one knee beside Jewel. She put a hand on the child’s forehead. “I think she has a fever.”

  Zach called Dr. Stephens, the Whitelaw family physician, and got instructions over the phone on what to do to ease Jewel’s discomfort. He relayed his instructions to Rebecca, who had already taken Jewel to her room and tucked her back into bed.

  “Doc Stephens said if the pain doesn’t go away in a couple of hours, or if her fever goes up any more, we need to take her to the emergency room,” Zach explained.

  “I’ll stay with her,” Rebecca said. “You go back to bed.”

  Zach felt awkward leaving Rebecca with the child, but there really wasn’t anything more he could do. “I’ll check on you in a little while,” he promised.

  As he made his way down the hall to their bedroom, he heard Rebecca’s murmurous voice reading Winnie the Pooh.

  Zach lay in bed awake—and alone—with nothing to do but think. The bed smelled of the musky perfume he associated with Rebecca, and his groin tightened in a totally natural, if untimely, response to her feminine scent. He told his unruly body to forget it. There wasn’t much chance it would be satisfied in the near future.

  “I think I’ve just experienced for the first time what it means to be a parent,” he said aloud. He should have resented Jewel’s intrusion, but somehow, he didn’t. It was instinct, he supposed, the need to ensure the propagation of the species, that caused a parent to subjugate his own needs and desires to that of a defenseless child. It surprised him to realize that he had felt that primitive response to help and protect Jewel, even though she wasn’t his own flesh and blood.

  “Mother Nature’s pretty sneaky,” he concluded. He realized he was talking to himself again and shut up.

  But it didn’t stop him from thinking.

  His mind wandered back to the events of the afternoon. He wasn’t sure why he had felt so carefree, but he realized now that he hadn’t thought once of Cynthia the whole day. That was a new record. The pain and humiliation of that failed relationship seemed very far away. Rebecca made life seem so easy to live. And she was so damned easy to love.

  Not that he loved her, of course. Although, it might not be so bad if he did. Except there was a problem that had to be resolved first.

  He had given Rebecca a one-year deadline to get preg
nant. Seven months of that year were already gone, and the lady was as regular as clockwork.

  It wasn’t safe to love her yet. Not if he might have to give her up in five months.

  Are you crazy? Give her up? What the hell for? She’s a great wife!

  But I want a family, kids of my own.

  Hell, kids grow up and leave you. A wife is forever.

  I can get another wife.

  One as giving as Rebecca? One who’ll bring so much marvelous chaos into your life? I doubt it.

  She’s not the only woman in the world.

  Face it. She’s one in a million. And the lady lights your fire.

  That was certainly true. He had enjoyed himself immensely on the picnic, especially toward the end, when he had been able to hold Rebecca in his arms and make love to her—without actually making love. The slow building of pleasure had been tremendously erotic. He had indulged in touching and tasting to his heart’s content. He had felt her shiver of anticipation and known that in the dark privacy of their bedroom later that evening she would finally be his.

  Only it hadn’t exactly turned out that way.

  Zach looked at the clock radio on the bedside table. He had been lying in bed for two hours wide awake. He hadn’t heard anything from the other room in quite a while. He dragged his jeans back on and headed down the hall.

  He pushed the door open carefully, so as not to wake Jewel if she was sleeping. It took him a moment to realize the bed was empty. His eyes quickly searched the room. The two of them were sound asleep in the wooden rocker in the corner, the child snuggled safe in the woman’s arms.

  He tiptoed over to the shadowed corner and stood staring down at them. The lamplight glowed on Rebecca’s flawless skin, and on Jewel’s faint, crisscrossed scars. Jewel’s hair was a mass of short curls surrounding her face—such an ordinary brown to be so pretty, he thought. Rebecca’s sleek black hair drew his hand, but he resisted the urge to touch, fearing to wake her.

  Zach felt a sharp constriction in his chest. His throat closed up, and his nose stung. He couldn’t remember the last time he had shed a tear for anyone or anything. But he felt like crying. Because he wanted what he saw, and he knew he would never have it.