by Jillian Neal
If Holly’s cheeks weren’t already ablaze from the heat of the surrounding crowd and being so near the stage lights, they certainly were as soon as he set his guitar down and leapt to her side In a move she’d only ever seen on YouTube videos, he dipped her back and kissed her and then made it back onstage like this was something he did all the time.
She wondered just how close he’d gotten to being a full-fledged rock star before he’d succumbed to the drugs. She hated that his addictions had robbed the world of his music, but just then she was thankful he was hers for the time being.
“He’s smitten, darlin’. I hope you’re wanting to ride as bad as he’s wantin’ to be ridden,” Wyatt elbowed her when the bartender sat down the pitcher of water Dec must’ve had sent to their table while they took a quick break.
“I definitely am,” Holly admitted. “Are you friends with Dec or just Kade?”
“Just met Kade last week. Not even friends with him yet, but I know a good thing when I see it.”
Holly wasn’t certain if Wyatt was referring to Kade or to her and Dec, and she couldn’t shake the feeling that she’d seen him somewhere before. “Hey, where are you from?”
“Little town nobody’s ever heard of.”
“Oh, yeah? Me too. Try me.”
“Gothenburg.”
“Are you serious? I’m from Pleasant Glen. We played Gothenburg in football every year.”
“You mean you beat Gothenburg every year. What did you say your last name was?”
“Camden,” Holly stated cautiously.
“Sweet baby Jesus in a basket, you ain’t Austin’s baby sister, are ya? I tried to break into the rodeo circuit a few years back. Austin helped me out. Ridin’ broncs never really got me anywhere but the emergency room. Bulls didn’t like me much either, but your brother’s a real nice guy. You all own that big ranch on the west end of Lincoln county. You got several older brothers, don’tcha?”
Holly sighed. Yep. She was Austin’s baby sister, and partial owner of the legendary Camden Ranch, and she did have three big brothers. She just wished she could lose that baby part and figure out how exactly to explain all of that to Declan. “Yeah, Austin’s my brother. He won the PBR buckle a couple of years ago.”
“Yeah, I heard he won and then dropped out.”
“He got married. Has two kids now.”
“You don’t say. Tell him Wyatt said hello next time you see him.”
“I will.”
Suddenly a mischievous grin creased Wyatt’s rugged features. “Austin don’t know about you and Dec, does he?”
Holly shook her head. “We really haven’t been together very long.”
“Don’t figure you’ll mention it when you have. I have three little sisters. Guys like him get big brothers all up in arms. We can’t help it, and I don’t know anybody who’d want to take on your big brothers.”
“Yeah. Me either.” The pent up excitement and magic of the evening deflated slightly. At some point she had to tell Declan about her family, her ranch, the fact that she was a psychology student, and that despite all of that she still desperately wanted to prove that there was something between them that she’d never experienced before. There was a plan for them. Something substantial. That sense of permanence settled her. He was and would always be an addict. Nothing about that frightened her. For the first time in a long time she felt a purpose in her quest to become a psychologist. The purpose somehow united the two sides of herself that were almost always at war.
When Dec returned to the stage after their break, her libido shifted into overdrive once again. That was all it took. He set a small cup of water near his mic stand and shrugged his guitar strap back over his shoulder while blowing her another kiss. He was entirely too cool, and she was entirely head over heels for him. Don’t act like some kind of idiotic schoolgirl. If you’re going to date an older man, you should probably at least act your age. She offered him a slight smirk and returned the blown kiss.
Chapter Twelve
Girlfriend. I said the word girlfriend. My God, St. James, are you ever not a selfish bastard? So much for ridding himself of his one hit wonder status. She’d offered him a little. He’d immediately asked for more.
“Come on, let’s see if Doc can really play it or if he’s as full of shit as I know he is,” Andy taunted quietly as the rest of the band returned to the stage.
Dec rolled his eyes. How like Campo to try to start something onstage in front of 897 people. Duffy’s was turning people away at the door. They’d hit the limit for their maximum occupancy. Nothing as cowardly as hiding behind a crowd.
“If he wants to play it, let’s do it.”
Campo needed to learn that Dec never took a gamble he wouldn’t win. He’d learned that decades ago. Even high, getting your ass beaten by your supplier when you decide to blow what you were supposed to sell will teach you something. Surely there were more pleasant ways to learn to keep your word, but that was how Dec had learned. Horrible decisions would occasionally teach you the right things, but it was almost always an extremely painful lesson.
“You seriously think you can play it?” The delight on Campo’s face was ridiculous. If a grown man needed to best some guy he’d been playing in a band with for almost a year, something very serious was wrong.
“I know I can play it. What I can’t figure is why you need me to.”
“Just play,” Campo sneered. With one forceful strum down the strings of his lackluster guitar, he had the crowd’s attention.
Dec turned to check with Garrick who looked a little queasy. “Man, Alex Van Halen strung four basses together for this. I have two,” he pled to Andy.
“You’ll be fine,” Andy scoffed.
Everyone else on stage shook their head. If Andy’s asinine insistence that they do this cost them another gig at Duffy’s, he was out, and he knew it.
Garrick tapped his sticks together, took a gulp of the smoke infused air, and made the sticks fly. He laid it all out on the bass drums he had.
With a nod, Dec played fast and furiously as the lead guitar must do when playing Van Halen’s Hot for Teacher. Andy sang and Dec stole a quick glance at Holly during the solo. Her mouth was hanging open as she watched his fingers fly. Well, maybe Andy wasn’t a total cum-trumpet.
This was easily one of the most difficult songs to play. Dec doubted even Eddie Van Halen played it the same way twice. If it impressed Holly, maybe it was worth it. If he lost all feeling in his fingertips, however, he’d kill Campo twice. Nothing was going to keep him from feeling Holly’s soft, supple skin that night. Not Campo. Not his own selfishness. Tonight he was going to give her everything she was seeking. He would take nothing for himself, nothing but her pleasure. He’d prove his power over his addictive behavior if it was the last thing he ever did.
Gritting his teeth, certain his fingers were going to shatter as they danced frantically along the strings, he managed the end of Hot for Teacher and fell into a bow out of sheer exhaustion.
Holly, and the entire rest of the bar, was screaming his name collectively, jumping up and down, and looking genuinely impressed. Dec decided to only kill Andy once.
The owner of Duffy’s was standing with two of the bouncers. Their look of collective amazement probably meant Dec and Garrick had just scored them a regular spot at Duffy’s Tavern.
Andy, however, looked like the sheep back on St. James’ farm right after a shearing, ornery and misunderstood. Like something was missing, but they didn’t dare look at themselves to figure what.
Dec’s eyes sought Holly. He needed to see her smile at him. Needed to feel her presence in that room with hundreds of people calling his name. And there she was.
“That was amazing,” she mouthed as soon as their gazes locked.
No. That was nothing. She was amazing. He just had to show her that.
If Andy could fuck with the set lists, his set lists, so could he. “We’re playing that one I’ve been working on,” he informed his bandmat
es at large, not caring if anyone heard him. He could play this on his own.
He worked through the first few chords slowly letting Garrick figure out a steady beat and Brett joined him on rhythm as he drawled,
I want to dance in your light
Affect the chemistry of my longest night
Vanquish the darkness in the heat of your sun
Let your touch give me sight
“Oh my gosh,” Holly choked over the rock-like enclosure in her throat, denying her air. She’d never heard this song. Neither had anyone else in the bar. They were swaying along, listening intently, but no one knew it, and no one knew it because he’d never sung it publicly before. Something in the raw tender strain of his voice told her he’d never sung it before because he’d written it for her.
‘You could give hope to thousands of nice guys sitting at home wishing women like you would give them a mere moment to stand in your sunlight.’
“I can’t believe he did this.” She shook her head in disbelief as Dec handed her a piece of his soul in front of what had to be a thousand people. Focusing on the lyrics, memorizing them, understanding that they were nothing but his absolute truth, she knew there were moments in everyone’s life where time was fractured. In one brief second, the person you were before was a distant stranger because a moment occurred that forever altered everything you’d ever known about yourself. This was one of those moments.
The rest of the set was a blend of Aerosmith, Pearl Jam, some current chart toppers, and a few Country hits. They did indeed play I Need You for their final encore, but Holly could barely hear it over the lyrics she repeated in her head over and over. Her lyrics that he’d written. Tim McGraw had nothing on Declan St. James.
“You ready to go, love?” Dec brought her back to reality with the graveled clearing of his throat. Last call had been an hour before. Everyone was clearing out now that the show was over. She shook herself and threw her arms around him.
“That was amazing, Dec. I’m serious. I can’t believe you did all of that.”
His throaty chuckle wrapped tightly around her heart. “Well, I’m glad you enjoyed it.” He nodded his appreciation to one of the bartenders who handed him a steaming mug.
“Is your throat sore?” Holly brushed a kiss along his neck, more than ready to get to the next part of their evening.
Dec downed a long swallow of what must’ve been hot tea. His throat contracted under her lips. She spun her tongue near the hollow of his collarbone, greedy for the tang of his sweat. She longed for his flavors to saturate her every sense.
A low greedy groan sounded in her ear. “You are once again vastly overestimating my ability to remain in control.”
“If I didn’t want you in control, what would we do?” she purred as she nuzzled her head against his chest.
“You really want to know that?”
“I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want to know.” She lifted her head, staring into his darkening eyes. The shades of grey blended into a black storm of pure heat and irresistible desire.
“I’d take you out to my car. . .” He bit off the end of his explanation. Was he really afraid he’d scare her off? Holly almost laughed at that.
“You’d take me out to your car and do what?” She watched his muscles tense and his jaw tighten as she breathed the words over his chest. “Tell me. I want to know.”
He swayed against her, fighting with himself unnecessarily.
“Tell me,” she whispered again. “God, it turns me on so much when you tell me what you’re fantasizing about doing with me.”
The clunk of the mug of tea on the table echoed against the vibrations of her entire body. He wrapped his arms around her tight. His left hand kneaded her ass, jerking her forward until she collided with his potent erection. His right threaded through her hair. “You feel how I have your hair right now?”
Holly managed a nod. His grip on her hair tightened. Every nerve-ending on her scalp responded. More.
“I’d push your head down to my lap, wrap those gorgeous lips around my cock, and make you suck me off. Not let you stop until you swallowed me all. I’d fuck your pretty mouth hard. Fill it full. Watch you swallow me whole. Teach you how to relax and take me deep, let me feel your throat contract around me. But we’re not doing that right now. Not tonight. Tonight is all about you.”
Holly heard the concession in his voice.
“Do something for me,” she commanded.
“Anything.”
“Never assume that having your cock in my mouth wouldn’t be exactly what I want, or that you teaching me things wouldn’t be the thing that turned me on more than anything I’ve ever done with anyone else. Never assume that asking for what you want isn’t exactly what I need.
“By my count, I’m a half-dozen orgasms ahead of you since you’ve brought me in one way or another most every night this week but have refused to even take off your pants. Our love life is never going to be a one-sided venture. You got that, St. James? It’s for both of us. Every single thing we share has to be all me and all you. Never ever just me. What I want more than anything is to explore with you.”
He captured her lips like a man possessed. His fingers pressed into her hips with enough power to leave marks she hoped she could see the next morning. “You want to explore, love? God, you want to know what I want? I’ll sure as hell show you. I’ll teach you anything you want to know. You gonna be a good girl and do as I say?”
Her responsive, “Yes,” was nothing more than a choked breath stolen with his mouth as the hand that had been tangled in her hair gripped her neck and pressed along her throat.
A full minute later, Dec broke the kiss, startling her. He shook himself. His breaths were as quick and shallow as hers. He leaned his forehead against hers. “You want me to tell you what I want?”
“Yes, more than anything.”
“Stand right there, love, until I can walk you out of here without embarrassing myself. Then I’m taking you home. I hope you’re ready, baby. I really do. Because it’s going to be daylight before I’ve had enough of you to even sleep. I’m gonna fuck you raw. Keep you wrapped up in my bed all fucking weekend because you won’t be able to walk without feeling how much of you I owned. You understand that? You understand that’s what you’re asking me for? You understand that’s what I want? I take things I shouldn’t, Holly, things that shouldn’t belong to me, and I just keep wanting more. I try so damn hard not to be that person but that’s who I am.”
“But don’t you see, taking what you want is exactly what I need. I need you, the parts I don’t know yet, the parts I do, whoever you are right now, and whoever you’re going to be tomorrow.”
His jaw worked frantically as he searched her eyes; for what she had no idea. “I don’t deserve that.” His voice was haggard and laced with a piercing regret. Holly doubted it was from singing for the last few hours.
“We deserve that.”
Chapter Thirteen
Dec searched her eyes. She couldn’t actually believe what she’d just said. She couldn’t actually want him to take everything he wanted from her. There was curiosity, hunger, lust, maybe even greed in her gaze, but nothing to indicate she hadn’t meant every word.
She stood solidly on those sinfully sexy boots, staring him down. The heat of her arousal stained her cheeks. Her eyes were bright and fervent with her wants, as if her desire was penned in the pools of emerald ink. Her intoxicating cleavage beckoned him from the low cut of her blouse. He could have her naked in one minute’s time. See her sweet juices sheened on the lips of her pussy. Touch her. Make her quiver with need. See his fingerprints on the curves of her delectable ass. Take what he so desperately wanted. Then take more. Mark her in places no one had ever kissed.
She was right there asking for those very things. She was utterly irresistible. He reached for her hand and decided to turn the red flags warning him off into what they were most commonly used for— a blindfold.
He helped her
step up into his car, intent on giving her exactly what she asked for.
“I have a new favorite song.” She gave a sly grin.
Declan’s heart thundered out its approval. Damn thing refused to quit, apparently. She’d figured out the song was about her, not that he’d had any doubt she would. “Oh yeah?”
“Yeah. It’s beautiful. Way better than I Need You.”
“Well, Cowboy McGraw is pretty good. ‘Least the record labels seem to think so.”
“When did you write it?”
“Started it last Saturday night. I sensed I’d found a new muse, one that wouldn’t kill me.”
“Muse, huh? That sounds very sexy.”
God, what was she doing to him? How did she make everything okay just by sitting there flirting with him? He was all over the place. He had to get it together. His constantly slipping control scared the shit out of him. Control was the key to survival.
“She is very, very sexy.”
“Do you wish you hadn’t quit? Music, I mean.”
“No. Honestly, I don’t. If nothing else, quitting got me here, and for some reason I may never understand I finally feel like I’m right where I need to be.”
“Yeah, I feel that way, too. Pretty sure that’s what freaked me out earlier, actually.”
Dec turned to study her as he drove further outside the heart of Lincoln. “We’ll figure this out, sweetheart. Whatever it is. I just needed to tell you how I work. I want you to walk away now if my personality flaws scare you. God, I don’t ever want to frighten you, love, I just need you to understand that I will fight as hard as I possibly can against my truest nature. I just don’t know if that will be enough. Sometimes it isn’t enough and I push too hard.” There. She wanted the truth. He would do his damnedest to give it.
“I don’t want you to fight it. You can’t push too hard with me. I don’t want you going back to drugs, obviously, but I kind of think you’ve spent a long time fighting the tides. Sometimes the universe gives you a life raft. You just have to take hold of it.”