by Jillian Neal
“Oh, honey, believe me, it’s all I can do to keep my hands on this steering wheel. I plan to take firm hold and not let go. I just sincerely hope we both don’t drown.”
“You’ll find I’m an outstanding swimmer, and I’m still singing Eminem. I’m not afraid.”
“But you should be.”
Holly rolled her eyes and didn’t care that he saw. She reminded herself that he had no idea that she knew a great deal about addictive behaviors. She’d counseled addicts at the drug centers in Lincoln and Omaha before she completed her Masters. She could help him if he’d let her.
The city lights were slowly fading away as he drove them further South. As he turned towards the golf course at Wilderness Ridge, her curiosity magnified. She wondered what else he did besides play gigs at bars. That certainly wouldn’t pay for lakefront property near the nicest golf course in Lincoln.
“I didn’t know you lived out here. I don’t know anyone who lives out here,” she confessed.
He turned that penetrating stare on her once again as he slowed to take the tighter turns past the ridge.
“I’m going for dual citizenship. It looks better to Immigration Services if you purchase land, or a house, or whatever as long as you can do it in cash. Your banks aren’t terribly forthcoming with loans to foreign nationals. I’m not a huge fan of the pretentious neighborhood, but the water is soothing and you can’t even see my closest neighbor’s house from my decks. In London, everyone lives right on top of one another. There’s more people than the country can contain. It’s suffocating. Drove me mad. When I got here, I’d never seen anything so flat or open. I decided to take advantage of it.”
Holly grinned. If he wanted wide open spaces with no one around for miles, he should see Camden Ranch. “I get that. I’m actually from a massive ranch out in the middle of nowhere. Lincoln gets to me. I can’t breathe for all of the people. Most of the time I’m here I just want to go home.”
“Am I allowed to ask where exactly the middle of nowhere is, love? Or should I wait for tomorrow for anymore reveals.”
“The ranch is about an hour and a half due West if I’m driving. Two hours if someone else is driving.”
“Out in cattle country, I take it.”
“Yep. Told you I was a cowgirl.”
“You also told me in the middle of a song that you didn’t want me to be a cowboy. How does that work?”
“Tomorrow.”
Chapter Fourteen
Dec hated himself for wishing that tomorrow would never come. If he could just extend the darkness of the night, just make this part of the two of them last eternally, explanations would never have to be made. That idea was highly appealing. She’d just put a date on their confessions. He was going to have to tell her more. You couldn’t wish away the sunlight, no matter how much darkness you carried. She was quickly becoming his own personal sun, just like the lyrics in the song he’d written for her. He just had to keep his darkness away and let her light their path.
When he turned down his long driveway, he watched Holly take it all in. Low tree limbs swept over the windshield as they neared the house. He wondered if this might frighten her, being so far away from civilization with a man she’d only known a week. The way she eased forward in her seat to see more said she was more eager than fearful. Apparently nothing much frightened his cowgirl.
Maybe growing up on the ranch as she’d reverently referred to it had better prepared her for life than his father’s sheep farm had readied him. God, he hoped so.
He parked in the left side of the double bay garage. His bike was in the single bay beside it.
“Wow,” was her only comment as he retrieved her bags and guided her up the steps to the kitchen.
She ran her hand along the steely-black granite countertops, the former owner’s choice, not his, before she headed to the home’s best feature — the wall of windows that constructed the back and showed off Waterford Lake in all of its man-made, boulder-encrusted glory.
Dropping her bags on the leather sectional in the living room, he wrapped his arms around her waist, pressing her back to his chest while she gazed out at the moonlit view.
“Does wow mean you approve?”
“Dec, your home is stunning. Dying to ask how a musician without a record label affords this but I suspect the answer will be. . . .”
“Tomorrow.”
She turned in his arms and nuzzled her sweet face against his neck. “Tomorrow’s good.” She traced the v-neck of his t-shirt with her fingertip, taunting him.
“Already on ragged edge, sweetheart. Every time you touch me, I lose a little more control.” He brushed a tender kiss on top of her head.
“Good,” she half moaned as she jerked the shirt upwards. He helped her lift it over his head. She was playing with fire and this time he was certain she knew. Her palms pressed over his pecs as she ran them down his chest, pausing to spin her thumbs over his nipples.
A grunt of appreciation escaped the tight lock of his jaw. His muscles flexed, so anxious for more.
“Am I allowed to ask what the dragon eating his own tail on your necklace means tonight?” She lifted the weighty amulet that hung around his neck.
“Reminds me of exactly what I was doing every single time I got high.”
“Take it off. We’re not getting high tonight. We’re making love.”
“Making love with you will be the highest I’ve ever flown, love. I have no doubt. You are so damned addictive and you have no idea.” He unclasped the leather necklace and tossed it on the couch. He was rewarded with her mouth, and what a reward it was. She nibbled and licked her way across his collarbone. His cock throbbed so fiercely she felt its prod against her midsection.
Her sweet little curves shuddered against him. It was more than he could stand. He peeled the jacket she was wearing off of her and tossed it away. Running his hands up her arms, watching chill bumps scatter under his fingertips, he jerked the sleeves of her blouse down, revealing her naked breasts.
His growl of pleasure echoed around the room. “Very naughty, Miss Camden. I wanted to strip you myself. What shall I do with you showing up uncovered to one of my shows? Makes me want to unload my cock all over your sexy tits, baby. Remind you just who you belong to. I told you I take. It’s all I know, and you volunteered to become mine.”
“So do it,” she dared.
“Also makes me want to turn you over my knee see how many strikes it takes to turn your sweet little bottom as pink as your pussy after I’ve fucked you raw.”
“Oh my God. Yes!” she cried out for him.
Dec almost convinced himself that he was saying these things because he knew that was what she wanted to hear. Almost.
No. He had to stop. This wasn’t going to happen this way. Not with her. Not tonight.
“Holly, shh, come here to me.” Gently he pulled her back into his arms. “We have to talk before this goes any further. I’ve got to get control of myself.”
Disappointment ravaged her eyes, but she allowed him to tuck her to his shoulder and begin to sway. “Listen to me, love. I want this to last all damn night, but we have to talk first.”
“Okay, so talk.”
Impatient little thing. She had so much to learn, and he was her willing instructor in every capacity.
“Have you ever been with a man that had a piercing?”
She shook her head against him and wrapped her arms tighter around his chest. That feeling of her needing him to protect her from the world washed over him once again. He wanted to protect her innocence while simultaneously taking it all for himself. Contentment coursed through his veins. It fought for dominance over the longing to possess her. Both. He needed to be her protector and her possessor.
“It’s fine, love. I won’t wear it if you don’t want me to. I can take it out at any moment, but if you want me to keep it in, I can’t wear a condom. It can tear them. I’m clean, honey, I swear to you. I was tested as soon as my divorce was final, and
I haven’t been with anyone since I moved here. I’d sworn off women for good until I saw you sitting at that table in Duffy’s. You blew my resolve all to hell. You always do.” He brushed another kiss on top of her head.
That earned him a grin as she lifted her head.
“I can pull out or I can take it out and wear a condom. Don’t be afraid to tell me what you want. All I want is to be with you.”
“I’m not afraid, Dec. How many times do you need to hear me say that? And I have an Implanon implant.” She pointed to her arm. “I have no intention of getting pregnant any time soon. I’m clean too. There. . .haven’t been. . .all that many guys. . .and it’s been a while.”
“Good. You’re all for me.” He couldn’t help himself. His demons howled out a victory call. She was his. There would be no others.
“What does it feel like? The piercing, I mean,” she asked.
“For me or for you?”
“For me.”
“Lets me hit all the perfect spots, sweetheart. All those tender places that need to be tended. Lets me love you the way you need to be loved. Make you come harder than you ever have with anyone. We’re gonna take it nice and slow at first. If you don’t like it, I can always take it out.”
“Pretty sure I’m gonna like it.” Her decree was breathless, reckless, desperate. Dec’s blood sang for her. It had been too damn long since anything had wrecked him so thoroughly and it was all her. All Holly. And she was all his.
“I’m pretty sure you are, too.”
“I don’t want you to pull out.” A harsh swallow constricted her throat.
“You sure, baby girl? You sure you want my cum soaking down your sweet pussy? You want my seed dripping down your thighs when I’m done taking you over and over again?”
“God, yes,” she whimpered out her desire.
“Done.” With that, he lifted her up into his arms. Her dress hung off of her oddly as he carried her upstairs to the master bedroom at the end of the hall.
Gently he settled her in his bed. He’d taken care to fix the sheets before leaving to pick her up. He’d wanted everything to be perfect for her. It was a fruitless negotiation he’d gone on with despite its stupidity. Typical addict behavior. The same way he used to keep his guitars absolutely pristine, his vinyl collection perfectly organized, and his motorcycle in top-notch condition while he snorted death into his own body.
He knew he could never be good enough for her. He was tainted and she deserved better, but he’d cleaned his home to show her he would try to be closer to the man she deserved.
“I’ve watched you come for me all week. Most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, but every night I got back here and dreamed about watching you come completely undone, naked in my bed. I want to see all of you, Holly. I want to touch all of you. I’m fucking tired of coming alone in this bed, grinding against this mattress, dreaming of you.”
“Please.” She writhed against his white cotton sheets. “Now, please. Take everything you want. Then take more.”
She had to stop saying that. How did she not understand that he would? He would take everything he wanted and would feel no remorse.
He made quick work of her boots and socks, discarding them before he traced his callused fingertips up her legs, revealing her to his craving eyes. Trembling, she sat up as he lifted the dress off of her, leaving her in nothing but a slight pair of purple lace thong panties. There was a cutout in the fabric exposing her bare mound. She’d waxed that day, if he had to guess. He’d noticed it earlier in her kitchen, but had been too intent on getting his fingers inside of her to comment. Two evenings before he’d brought her with his hands down her jeans. Then she’d been natural. He’d reveled in the wet heat gathered in her curls all for him.
He was once again torn. It was sinfully sexy. Jesus Christ, he wanted to spend hours with his mouth covering every centimeter of her silky flesh that she’d altered just for him, but sex wasn’t about Brazilian wax jobs or scripted moans. It wasn’t an anesthetized act the world copied from some overdramatized television show. And by God, that was something he could give her. He could teach her that sex was about release. It wasn’t a performance and it was never meant to be.
His beautiful cowgirl needed to be freed of any kind of restraint to achieve the sweet release she longed for. She needed to understand the power she wielded simply by letting go. He could rid her of the bounds the world had heaped on female sexuality. She needed to feel raw abandon without the pressure of social mores. He would shatter the chains with the might of his hands, the force of his friction, and the commands of his lips.
He spun his tongue in the cut of fabric, nursing at her mound with the heat of his mouth. “Did you do this for me, sweetheart?”
A quick nod accompanied another roll of her body as he blew cool breath over the skin he’d just suckled.
“And did you do this because it makes you feel as deliciously sexy as you are or did you think you had to do this for me?”
She lifted her head. Irritation twisted her features. “Are we seriously talking about this right now?”
Dec chuckled. “We’re going to talk all night, love. Talking leads to great sex and that is the only kind we’ll be having. Tell me.”
“I did it because I thought you would like it.”
He continued to kiss the tiny patch of skin her panties exposed, dying to work his way up her body. Impatience to have her nipples, the perfect shade of ripened raspberries, in his mouth churned through his veins.
“I do like it, but don’t ever do this again unless it’s all for you. You understand me?”
The furrow of her brow said she didn’t fully understand. Clearly, the few men she had been with were selfish bastards, hell-bent on having her the way they wanted with no worry about her fulfillment. Typical.
If a man couldn’t get his head out of his ass long enough to navigate a woman’s deepest desires, to make her understand her own beauty and the beauty of her sexuality, and make her feel rapturous and worshipped every time they were together, he ought to get the fuck out of the bedroom, not that he’d ever state that to his patients.
He dropped several kisses over the satin fabric of her panties priming her. “You smell so damn good. I can’t wait to taste your sweet little honey pot.”
Her breath caught deliciously as he began his ascent up her body. He spun his tongue over the heart-shaped tattoo of Latin words, intent on uniting each and every side of his cowgirl.
“So fucking beautiful. Your tits drive me wild.” And they did. Petite, with nipples that tipped upwards, beckoning his mouth in undeniable invitation. “All mine, and I want everyone to know who you belong to.” He warned before he left marks from her collarbone to her left breast.
He scooped his hands under the lush cheeks of her backside bringing her to his denim-covered erection as he latched his mouth onto her left nipple.
“Oh, yesssss,” she all but hissed as she began to grind against him to the rhythm he set with his tongue. He gauged her, drawing harder to see her response. Just as he’d suspected, his cowgirl liked it rough. He nipped at her nipple and then eased his draws juxtaposing the sensations. She thrust hard against him. Her fingernails bit into his back. The pain registered instantly as undeniable pleasure.
“You like that, don’t you, sweetheart? But you don’t just feel it here, do you? When I suck your tits you feel it tighten right about here, don’t you?” He eased off of her and spun his index finger back in the opening over her mound as he nipped her again.
“God, yes, mmm,” she panted. “Don’t stop.”
“Had no intention of stopping.” He moved to her right breast, nipping and sucking, unleashing unrelenting devastation there until she was a quivering mass of need.
“Please, Dec, please,” another whimper perforated with desperation.
“Tell me what you want.”
“You know. . . . Just please.”
“Tell me, Holly. Say it.”
“Make me co
me.”
“That’s my girl.” With another few draws, he was certain he could have given her an orgasm like this, but he was fighting his own impatience as well as hers. He dipped his right hand into her panties, groaning over the wet heat coating her fevered, satin skin. “So wet for me. Your beautiful little body already knows how to beg for me, doesn’t it, angel?”
“Yes.” The words came easier now as he slowly deconstructed the barriers surrounding her sexuality. He slicked his fingers with her honey and tempted the hood of her clitoris. Her hips shot upwards off of the bed, spreading her legs wider, making him have to turn to hide his grin.
“Feels so good when I touch right here. I know, love. I always know.”
Several unintelligible and devastatingly sexy noises mewled from her. Oh, hell yeah. He could live on nothing but her bringing her pleasure, but there was still so much to learn. Returning his mouth to her nipple, he suckled softly, adding to the pressure with every rotation of his fingers over her hood. He slipped his ring and middle finger deep within her satin channel and groaned from the sensation, tight and rippling for him.
“Do you feel that? God, do you feel your pussy pulling me in, sweetheart? You’re so hungry for it, aren’t you?”
Another whimpered cry of need was her only answer. Gently he eased his thumb under her hood, revealing that sweet little pink pearl. He desperately wanted to suck her here, but he had to know how sensitive she might be. “That feel good? Does it hurt if I touch you here, baby? Is it too much?”
Her thighs clamped over his forearm as she began to fuck his hand in earnest.
“It feels so good. Please, Dec. Bring me.”
“Spread your legs for me. You don’t get to hide from me. Not in my bed. Never.” He eased her thighs back apart. “Open yourself all for me. Let me see. Let me make it better.” With one more drag of her left nipple and rotation of his thumb she shattered with a frantic cry of his name. He could definitely get used to that.
She came in tensed waves that racked through her body. He wasted no time easing off the bed and ridding her of the panties, exposing her, making her vulnerable to him. Gently, he settled her legs over his shoulders and dragged his tongue up and down her slit, sucking the nectar of her climax into his mouth. Sweetest addiction he’d ever tasted. “I want you to come for me again, on my tongue. Relax and let me get you there. That was only the beginning.”