Cowgirl Education: a Camden Ranch Novel

by Jillian Neal

  The hug broke apart and Holly raced into her daddy’s arms. “I’ve only been gone a week and a half, you know.”

  “I know, but it feels longer to me. I don’t like it when my girls are gone.” He pulled Natalie in for a hug as well. A twinge of despair twisted in Holly’s gut. Her daddy knew as soon as she graduated, she’d get a job in the city if all went according to plan. The ranch wouldn’t be her home after that, not really, and she hated to disappoint her father more than anything in the world. She was daddy’s girl through and through. He’d love nothing more than for her to quit school, move back to the ranch, and start running cattle as soon as possible. Part of her longed to do just that.

  “Yeah, he don’t ever give a damn if we go anywhere though,” Austin teased as he pulled off his deerskin gloves and joined the crowd.

  “You and your brothers caused me more trouble. That’s why I love the girls more.” Everyone laughed at the absurdity of that. He adored all five of his children and everyone knew it.

  “If it ain’t Sister Holly come home to help me out with chores.” Grant joined the crowd, carrying Austin’s oldest son J.J. on his shoulders.

  “Aunt Holl-yee,” rang from her nephew. Holly extended her arms and J.J. leapt off of Grant’s shoulders and into her embrace.

  “You make me sound like a nun, and I ain’t doing your chores for you, Grant Camden,” she informed him just before kissing J.J.’s sweet face.

  “Didn’t Dad try and sign you and Nat up for a convent one time?”

  “Probably.” Holly shot a sly grin at her daddy.

  “You can’t blame a daddy for tryin’,” Ev vowed.

  J.J. started wiggling so Holly set him down, letting him race off across the wide open field towards Luke’s Beagles, Bailey and Bella, who were flanking Luke on his way in from the barn.

  “Thank God.” Luke’s wife, Indie, sighed, rubbing one hand on her lower back and the other over her massive belly. “My back’s killing me. He owes me a massage.”

  “I’m coming,” Luke called. “Knew you’d be fussing.” He winked at her and Holly hid her grin. Some things were meant to be. Luke and Indie were one of them. So are you and Dec. The thought took permanent hold of her mind, her heart, and her soul simultaneously. Now, to convince everyone else of that.

  “Well, it is your fault she’s hurting, son,” Jessie decried.

  “The two of you never let me forget that. You don’t have to take up her flag, Mama.”

  “Yes, she does.” Indie laughed. “She loves me more than you.”

  “Probably true,” Jessie winked to her son.

  “Don’t I know that, too.” Luke managed to get his arms all the way around his very pregnant wife and began massaging her back.

  “How’s Aurora Belle?” Holly hated that Indie was miserable, but that wasn’t why she’d come home.

  “Not much has changed. Still won’t eat and won’t stand up. Maybe she’ll get up for you. I’ve got her on her blankets out in the horse barn. Still got a high fever. I’ve tried everything I can think of. I can get Doc Halverson out here if you want.”

  Luke never seemed to mind that he hadn’t finished his doctorate. He was perfectly happy being a full-time cowboy and a part-time vet. It struck Holly how much she would hate to quit now. Not when she was only a few years away from being able to practice on her own.

  “If you say nothing can be done, I know that’s the case, Luke. Besides, Doc Halverson’s an idiot.”

  “Can’t say I disagree, but it kills me to watch her suffer.”

  “I’ll go sit with her.” Holly turned and headed towards the barn, but Grant looped his finger through the back belt loop of her jeans, halting her progress while everyone else headed back into her parent’s home.

  “Don’t think you would’a made a real good nun, sis,” he huffed quietly enough that her parents couldn’t hear him. He pointed to the hickeys just under the collar of her shirt. “Some shit-licker needin’ my boot up their ass?”

  “Grant, please stop with the typical Camden-men, caveman, cowboy routine. I really can’t take it today, okay? I am a grown woman, and no one did anything to me I didn’t want. And do not get Luke and Austin all riled up about this either, or I will call up Cheyenne and invite her over for the entire weekend.” Holly felt bad for using her best friend, but that was the quickest way to get Grant to can it. He genuinely did not like Cheyenne, though Holly had no real idea why, and she simply couldn’t break Cheyenne’s heart by telling her.

  Grant scowled. “She already follows me all the fuck over town every time I go in for supplies. I’m telling you, Holl, there’s some’um about your friend I can’t stand. My gut’s never wrong.”

  “Well, I have always thought something was wrong with her. I mean, she has a crush on you.” Holly laughed.

  Rolling his eyes, Grant drew a deep breath. “I wish she’d get over it. Ain’t happenin’. Ever. Like I said, my gut’s never wrong. And as long as whoever left those marks is treating you right, I got no issues, but don’t blame your brothers for trying to look after you. It’s our job.”

  “I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself.” Holly gave her standard answer. The same answer she’d given anyone trying to tell her what to do since the ripe old age of four.

  Grant blocked the sun from his eyes as they made their way towards the paddock outside the horse barn and chuckled. “Oh yeah? That mean you don’t want me to come with you to see Aurora Belle so our boy Matt can moon all over you like a heifer in heat?”

  “Oh no.” Holly narrowed her eyes, and sure enough, Matt Cartwright was pacing in front of the barn. Grant and Holly’s cousin Brock had hired Matt as a ranch hand. Ev and Matt’s daddy, Sal were the best of friends.

  Matt had an ongoing crush on Holly for years and seemed to feel that if given enough time and enough of his awkward attention Holly would suddenly fall madly in love with him, want to marry him, and live out their lives on Camden ranch together. The fact that he drove her completely crazy with all of his cowboy-ness and ideas about the world, not to mention the six-year age difference, didn’t seem to matter.

  “Okay, scratch that. I can take care of myself, but since Dad and Brock would like to keep the little shitlet employed, stay with me so I don’t scalp him.”

  “Aww, Junior ain’t that bad,” Grant goaded.

  “Grant, before I left for school, he informed me that I didn’t need to get an education, that he’d take good care of me, and I quote, ‘cause he’s a real man.’ According to little Matthew, I’m a real woman that don’t need nothin’ but a cowboy who’ll look after her.”

  Grant choked back hysterical laughter. “He wants to look after you? I wish the poor sap luck,” he harassed as they swung opened the gate.

  “Uh, hey there, Holly. I figured you’d be coming back home. I tried to tell you, ya don’t need to keep leavin’. I got everything you need right here.” Matt edged closer, cautiously. Holly resisted the urge to deck him.

  “Ease up, Matt. If you ain’t noticed, Holly does what she wants when she wants. Let her see her horse,” Grant commanded.

  “She just needs. . . .”

  “You to leave.” Holly wished she’d taken Dec up on his offer to come with her. She’d pay good money to see the look on Matt’s face when he got a glimpse of Declan.

  Stubborn as a penned bull, Matt followed Holly and Grant into the barn. A heavy weight slipped from Holly’s throat and took up residence in her chest as she settled beside her beloved horse in the hay.

  Aurora Belle gave a soft neigh and lifted her head to lay in Holly’s lap. Tears priced Holly’s eyes and Grant settled beside her. “She loves you, Holl. You know that. She’s lived a good long life.”

  “That doesn’t make it any easier.”

  “I know.” Grant put his arm around her shoulders and handed her a handkerchief from his pocket.

  “I’ve been telling Luke I think he oughta go on and put a bullet through her skull,” Matt said.

>   “Oh my God,” Holly gasped.

  “Dude, what the actual fuck?” Grant bellowed. “Get ‘fore I get after you with a pistol. My God, you really ain’t the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree, are ya?”

  “She ought to know what’s gonna have to happen,” Matt huffed.

  “It ain’t gonna have to happen. This ain’t gonna go on much longer. Go on home, Matt. Try to get your brain outta your lower head ‘fore you come back.”

  Just then Brock, Holly’s cousin, entered the barn. “What’d you say to her this time?” he sighed.

  “I was just saying. . . .”

  “Do not under any circumstances say those words in my presence again, you got that? I ain’t in a good mood and you do not want to flip my cowgirl switch right now.” Holly sneered furiously while keeping her hand gently soothing Aurora Belle’s mane and side.

  “I’ve seen that switch flipped several times in my life, man. You need to get on. It ain’t pretty.” Brock shoved Matt out of the barn.

  When they heard Matt’s ancient Dodge rev, they all relaxed.

  “Kid’s a good hand. Gets everything I need him to done, but I swear he couldn’t find his ass with two hands and a mirror.”

  Grant and Holly’s laughter pierced the shadowed barn. It brought a little light into the situation, which Holly wasn’t entirely certain she wanted. It felt wrong.

  “Hope saw you pull up. She’s putting Nathan down for his nap. I’ll go up and sit with him so she can come love up on you,” Brock explained.

  “Good. I miss her. I need to squeeze baby Nate too, though.”

  “If you can catch him, you can squeeze him all you want. Kid’s on the move constantly. Figured out how to climb out of his crib last night. Woke me up at three this morning by taking a’holt of my foot. I near about shed my own skin.” He studied Holly for a minute. “You pissed about Aurora Belle, Matt, or at the asswipe that left those?” Brock pointed to the hickeys.

  Holly ground her teeth. “As usual – cowboys. Cowboys are inherently annoying.”

  “So we’ve been told,” Grant sighed. “I take it said asswipe ain’t a cowboy, which is why you won’t say nothing about him. You think we’re prejudiced against non-rancher types.”

  “You are prejudiced, and I’m not talking about him because I don’t need to. I’m here for Aurora Belle. You can meet him later.”

  “Do we even get a name?” Brock inquired.

  “Nope.”

  “Must not be too important then,” Grant concluded.

  “He is extremely important.” Holly clenched her teeth to keep from saying more. Dammit, why did they have to do this? Why did she let them goad her in to saying too much?”

  “Who’s extremely important?” Luke asked as he entered the barn followed by Austin.

  Great. All the brothers and the cousin. Maybe the whole damn town could show up in the Camden barn and offer her advice on her love life. Not like they all hadn’t tried in the past. Holly kept her gaze fixed on her horse and ignored Luke’s question.

  “Shit-licker that left those all over Holl’s neck,” Grant explained.

  “Yeah, I seen those. Just figured I’d let you love up on Aurora Belle ‘fore I figured out whose ass to whup,” Austin vowed.

  “Oh, for crying out loud.” Holly rolled her eyes.

  “All right, all of ya, get. Leave Holly be. Brock, Hope’s looking for you. The rest of you go find your wives or some work to do.” Jessie entered the barn and laid down her decree. Holly had never been so pleased to see her mama.

  “I ain’t got a wife,” Grant argued just for the sake of arguing.

  “Well, then maybe you should go out and look for one, Grant Camden. Lord knows I ought not to have to be the only woman in this world that has to put up with you.”

  Holly’s mother unfurled another blanket to cover Aurora Belle and settled on the other side of the horse. “No sense in trying to keep the fever down now. Can’t stand for any of my babies to be miserable.”

  Another round of liquid emotion singed Holly’s eyes. “When Luke told me what she had I didn’t want to believe it. I should have prepared myself.”

  “Oh, honey, you can’t prepare yourself for this. Like getting thrown. You feel it ‘fore it actually happens. You know what’s gonna happen. Still takes your breath away when you hit the ground. Eating dirt still tastes just as bad.”

  “Yeah. I guess so.” Holly didn’t care for her mother’s wisdom. Surely, if she’d taken time to process how sick Aurora Belle was this wouldn’t hurt so badly.

  “Can I ask you something, sweetheart?”

  “Sure, Mama.”

  “You ever plan on telling me and your daddy that you’re actually specializing in sexual psychology or have you really convinced yourself we’d be appalled?”

  Another weight stacked itself in Holly’s leaden gut. “Should’a known you already knew. You always do.”

  “That don’t answer my question.”

  “It’s just. . .it’s a hard thing to say to Daddy. He wanted me to be a nun, remember?”

  Jessie shook her head. “You plan on getting a job talking with people about their sex lives, but you can’t look your daddy in the eye and say the words sex therapist to him? That sound as strange to you as it does to me?”

  “Do I really have to have this lecture right now? I’m kind of in the middle of freaking out about a lot of things, my horse for one.”

  “Holly Suzanne, you have been on the receiving end of enough of my lectures to know that this ain’t one of ‘em. I was just calling you on what I saw. You’ve tried so hard to keep your life here away from your life in Lincoln, sweetheart. Living two lives, that ain’t an easy thing. You ever thought about melding them and just being you?”

  Her mother’s words pricked the blasting cap of emotion Holly was trying desperately to keep locked away. “I’ve been trying for the past six years, Mama. I don’t want to lose being a cowgirl. I don’t want to leave the ranch. It kills me to even think about. But I want to be a psychologist. It fascinates me. When I help someone, counsel them or whatever, when I learn something new that might help people that need to be helped it makes me feel like I’m flying. I feel like that’s what I was put here to do. Same way I feel when I used to ride Aurora Belle out to check the calves or to pull bulls. How can there be two things I was put here to do? How do I make that work out?”

  “We were all put here to do a great many things, sweetheart. What I’m trying to help you realize is that your daddy and I don’t expect you to be everything to this ranch any more than we want you to give up your goals and aspirations to be a doctor. All of the pressure you put on yourself comes from inside of you. It ain’t us. We love you just the way you are. The doctor side. The cowgirl side. You’re our little girl, no matter which role you’re playing. And you know what else?”

  “What?” Holly sighed. Her parents loving both sides didn’t make them any easier to balance.

  “We also love the girl that’s fallen head over heels in love with someone quite unexpectedly. Some man that she won’t tell her brothers about, and we’re all gonna figure out how to love him, too, because we’re a family, Holly. You’ve been trying to get away from us since you were three years old and your daddy finally let you ride by yourself. But, baby, we’ve always been here waiting to catch you if you fall. We’re always here for anything you need help with. We want to be there for every single side of our girl.”

  “How did you. . . ?”

  “A mama always knows.”

  Holly gnawed the inside of her lip as she debated. It wasn’t like her mama hadn’t already figured everything out. Might as well go on with it. “Can I ask you something?”

  “I was hoping you would.”

  Guilt iced the brick of confusion weighting Holly’s soul. “I’m never trying to cut you out, Mama. I just. . .I like to figure things out on my own.”

  “Mm-hmm, I know that, too. Sometimes other people can help you along the way of your
figuring. Might help you get where you’re going a whole lot quicker. ‘Specially if the person you’re asking for help has already been where you’re heading.”

  “What if I don’t know exactly where I’m heading?”

  “Then I’d dare say my little girl’s all grown up. By the time you figure out that life’s a lot like trying to drive a truck uphill in the fog, and that you don’t have any idea what you’re doing, you can actually crank the engine and get on the road, but that ain’t what you wanted to ask me.”

  “Maybe you should get a psych degree,” Holly sighed.

  Her mother’s knowing smirk somehow soothed her. “Honey, I have birthed five children, raised six, been married to a cowboy for most of my life, seen more cattle born and shipped on the ranch than I ever hope to count, have looked after all kinds of ailments, broken bones, skinned knees, snakebites, and more than a few broken hearts. Have buried horses, dogs, bullfrogs, and cats. I even took care of my littlest girl when at barely four years old she up and decided she knew just how to brand the calves all by herself and grabbed the wrong end of the iron. I don’t need a degree. I’m a mama.”

  Holly instinctively turned her right hand over to see the white scar that ran the length of her palm the approximate shape of a branding iron rod. “Can I ask my question now?”

  “You’re the one that keeps hemming and hawing. I’m right here and I’m listening.”

  “Yeah, I know, and I know you’ve always been here, Mama. I’m sorry I’m so stubborn sometimes.”

  “Well, I kinda ‘spect you get that from me so I can’t really complain too much.”

  “You know how Daddy always talks about how when he saw you in your broken down car on the side of the road that he knew he was gonna marry you? He knew you were the one.”

  “I do believe I’ve heard that story more than a few times.” Her mother’s smile said she valued each and every retelling.

  “And you know how Austin swears when he first saw Summer out in Wyoming he knew she was the one. And Luke, too, when he saw Indie the first day of high school or whatever.”

  “And your Granddaddy Camden, and your Great Granddaddy Camden, and your great-great Granddaddy Camden, and Brock and Hope. I’ve heard them all, sweetcheeks. What’s this got to do with my girl, though?”