Graphite

by Anne Leigh

  “You know how stupid I felt when I saw her tonight, declaring her relationship with you to everyone out there?” His face was reddened in anger; SDU had recently replaced the lights in the parking lots, so now I could see his features clearly. His eyes were filled with animosity and there was nothing I could say right now that make him feel better.

  “It’s against the rules. You can’t date an ex-girlfriend of your frat brother. You know how badly it ended with Cord and Lewis, you’re our VP for Chrissake!” He was telling the truth. Every word that came out of his mouth was a jagged piece that tore at me.

  I heard the sobs behind me and I knew Kara had the windows down.

  “I’m sorry.” There wasn’t anything that could make it better but I had to admit it.

  “Sorry?” Rikko’s brows crumpled in annoyance. “You think sorry’s gonna cut it? How about not starting anything with my sister? How about telling me before I came to your game tonight and finding out that she’s with you? How about,” His left pointer finger aimed at me, “having the decency to follow the rules that you set up along with your brothers? How about that?”

  My chest tightened, tension filling my lungs. I had hoped for a better outcome than this but if it came down to it, I wouldn’t hesitate. “I’d quit.”

  “What?” He bellowed, we were the only people in the parking lot so he could yell and scream all he wanted and no one would be there to witness it.

  “I said I’d quit Tau for her.” My voice held a finality. “If it comes down to it, I’ll choose your sister over Tau.”

  He didn’t say anything for a minute and I saw the abrupt change in his demeanor.

  I felt a soft hand press to my side, it was Kara, she’d gotten out of my truck. “You love your brothers, Bishop. Don’t quit them for me. They need you.”

  I pulled my woman’s shoulders to my side and sent Rikko a clear message. “I don’t want to do this. I do love Tau. But if it’s going to cost me Kara, I have no problem stepping down.”

  “I didn’t want you to find out this way but no matter how I slice it, it won’t look good for me or for your sister. She’d broken up with Scott. She didn’t cheat on him. She wanted to be with me and there’s no one I’d rather be with than her,” I stated, knowing that I was making the right choice.

  “Scott’s my best friend,” Rikko said in a low voice, the anger slowly diffusing out of his pores. “How do I defend you and Kara to him and to our frat brothers?”

  “You don’t have to,” I breathed out, encompassing Kara to my warmth, I didn’t have a jacket with me and I felt her supple shoulders getting cold. “I’ll move out of the frat house.”

  Kara’s tears soaked the side of my shirt and I kept trying to soothe her with my hands. We may have hidden our relationship from Scott and Rikko, but it wasn’t enough for us to be ostracized.

  “I’ve never done you wrong. I’ve upheld the code of Tau for as long as I’ve been a brother. I’ve never compromised our frat’s values for anything.” I was beyond defending myself, I was plainly stating the truth. “But if you ask me to choose between Tau or my girlfriend, I’m sorry but Tau won’t even come close to the happiness that I feel with her.”

  I lifted Kara’s chin with my hand, noting the darkened streaks on her face, the mascara she seldom wore creating a mess on her gorgeous features. “I’m not fighting you or Scott. I’m fighting for the chance to be with her.”

  Rikko hadn’t said anything for the longest time, and I wondered if he was just going to leave without another word.

  I held Kara’s hand and slowly guided her back to the truck, “We gotta go. I’d like to remain a Tau for life, you are the brothers I never had. But if you guys decide that what I did was enough to kick me out, then I’ll be ready for it. Just let me know.”

  Rikko eyed me and his sister. His brows were still stuck against each other but I saw a hint of understanding in his eyes. He put his arms around the back of his head and pulled them down just as fast. He was trying to think of what to do.

  “I’m gonna try to talk to Scott…” He said in a resigned voice. “Come here, Kiki.”

  I let Kara go, knowing that this was very hard on her and I watched as Rikko caged his sister in his arms.

  “You guys put me in a tough spot,” he said, his dark head shaking. “I’ve known Scott for forever. He’s been there for me through the best and worst times. I was cool with him dating my sister because he’s a good guy.”

  His words struck me fair and square, right there by my chest, if there was one thing that we could agree on, it was that Scott’s a good guy. “He is.”

  Rikko turned his attention to his sister and asked her, “Are you happy ‘ster?”

  My woman nodded her head without equivocation. “Very.”

  “He treats you good?” It was the question of a brother who loved his sister.

  “Better than anyone else,” Kara answered, the tears still shining across her cheeks. “I love him.”

  Love me?

  Did she just say that she loved me?

  Rikko was still saying something to her, but all I could fixate on was the fact that she just admitted that she loved me.

  Suddenly my hands felt so empty without her, and I knew that tonight was a clusterfuck of events, but nothing could beat the joy that bloomed inside my heart.

  Rikko said his goodbye to her and nodded his head at me, “I’ll let you know… But I’ll fight for you to be a Tau. Scott’s a good man, but you’re also a good man, Bishop. My sister wouldn’t care for you if you weren’t. And I know for sure that she won’t love you if you didn’t treat her well.”

  All I could do was nod back.

  Rikko got into his car and drove off and Kara and I watched his brake lights from a distance, I asked, “You love me, babe?”

  This time, she faced me and the intensity of her emotions were mirrored in her glorious eyes and without qualms, she replied, “With all my heart.”

  I’d given her two orgasms, but I had yet to achieve mine.

  Her body writhed under me and as I pummeled my cock inside of her, I couldn’t get enough.

  Her blonde waves were spread out against the dark blue satin sheets like a fan and I pushed inside of her tightness again.

  Tonight we’d foregone the condom.

  She’d told me that she was on the IUD two weeks ago, but we still kept using a barrier.

  I was clean and so was she.

  “Fuck babe. Your pussy’s so fucking tight.” I felt the sweat in my hair build up and slowly I inched inside of her. I watched her eyes dilate in satisfaction when I pushed in deeper.

  Kara liked to be fucked.

  But she also loved to be made love to.

  I looked down, watching as my cock pulled out of her, glistening in our mixed lust. Her long legs were firmly wrapped against my ass, her ankles digging into me harder whenever I pushed in deeper.

  I could do this forever. Be inside her forever.

  “Fuck me harder, Bishop.” Filthy words came out of her pink lips when she was so aroused to the point where she no longer comprehended what she was saying. “Come on, babe, harder.”

  Her words surged power inside of me and as I dipped inside of her another time, I asked, “You love my cock inside of you?”

  Her blue eyes caught mine and her lips quivered in desire, her pale fingers reaching behind me, pulling my ass, encouraging me to be rougher, deeper, harder.

  “I love you.” Words.

  They were only words.

  But they were words that came out of this girl’s mouth.

  The woman I fantasized about for so long.

  And the reality of being with her surpassed any of the dreams I’d ever had.

  I pushed two of my fingers inside her mouth and she sucked on them the way my cock was rhythmically burying inside of her.

  She’d sucked me off earlier, but I didn’t want to give her all of me yet.

  When my pre-cum dripped against her lips, my cock had thr
eatened to blow so I’d started thinking of gas prices in my head, making my hardness last longer.

  She moaned around my fingers and I felt myself ready to detonate.

  She lifted her hands to her breasts and when she twirled her fingers around her nipples, I couldn’t hold it anymore.

  “Baby, you’re oh, oh, so fucking good.” My pace increased and her feet dug deeper into my ass cheeks.

  “Come inside me, Bishop.” Her blue eyes were glazed with lust, “Please.”

  It was the please that pushed me over the edge, “Arrggghh, fuuccckk.”

  I filled her pussy with my heat and I didn’t remove myself from her right away.

  I lowered my face to hers and kissed her lips and nuzzled her neck, “Always so good.”

  She giggled huskily, “Maybe that’s because you just haven’t had it in a long time.”

  I’d told her that I hadn’t had sex in years and at first, she’d laughed at me, thinking I was joking. Then when she’d looked at me and saw that I was serious, she’d said that she felt honored to be the one to de-virginize me again.

  I placed her head on a pillow, the position a struggle to achieve since I was still inside of her and I didn’t want to leave yet, and I massaged the soft skin on her stomach for a few minutes, making invisible circles around her skin.

  “I love you too, you know.” I’d known since the first time we’d slept together that I loved her. I just couldn’t place the words on that feeling yet at that time.

  She traced my brows with her fingertips and replied softly, “I know.”

  “How do you know?”

  “Because you show me through your actions, genius.” She teased, her pussy clenched and I felt my cock waking up again. No matter how many times I emptied out in her, it would never be enough.

  “Yeah?” My right thumb grazed the tip of her nose, and I basked in the dewy glow of her skin, still flushed from our exertions.

  “You love me enough to concede that the Friedmann equations can explain how life came to be in the entire universe? From the big bang to accelerated expansion death?” I inquired as my fingers trailed her exquisite facial features.

  I heard her tinkling laughter and felt the giggles that followed throughout her body and reverberating to the insides of her pussy. Her cerulean blues crinkled in amusement, “I love you enough to concede that his equations are valid under the assumption that the universe is homogenous in space and isotropic.”

  She was brilliant. She’d told me of her dreams in working at Silicon Valley after she graduated and I knew that they’d be privileged to have her.

  “Babe, you’re turning me on.” My cock was swelling inside of her. Again.

  She laughed again, but she felt me gain size inside of her pussy.

  “You love me enough for a second round?” Technically it was going to be fourth for her but who’s counting?

  Her response was a resolute, “Third. Fourth. Infinite rounds.”

  That’s what my girl wanted.

  So that’s what I gave her.

  Kara

  I grew up in a sheltered environment.

  In a town where Louis Vuitton’s were not as important as Hermès and Dolce and Gabbana were everyday wear.

  I never discussed finances with my parents. It was just assumed that whatever I wanted, I was able to ask for and get it.

  But asking for it meant returning the favor and that’s what my mother had taught me.

  “When you arrive, we’re going to have dinner with the Starks, then in the morning brunch with the Jamesons’.” My mother was speaking on the phone, I listened for the details and tuned out the rest.

  Dinner, brunches, they were all the same.

  Hubbubs of people who dressed as if every day was a fashion show and that they were immune to all the strife in the world.

  I’d learned of infidelity when I saw my friend Allie cry over her parents’ sham of a marriage. Her dad was toppling the nanny and her mom was having an affair with the plumber, but they were together because their names side by side were better on paper.

  I’d accepted that men seldom showed affection and that it was better to be alone than to fight and split up the assets.

  My parents, for all the shortcomings that they had, somewhat loved each other.

  They weren’t affectionate publicly, but my mother didn’t cheat and my father was scared to death of my mother.

  I also acknowledged that while I understood the way the world worked, I wasn’t capable of comprehending it all.

  “I’m coming back right after Thanksgiving, Mom,” I said when I could finally insert myself into the one-sided conversation. “I have a lot of stuff to do after the holidays.”

  I did but before I came back to San Diego, I was stopping by Aspen for two days to be with Bishop and his sister.

  Bishop divulged to me that his sister didn’t want to go back to New York so they were rerouting to Colorado for a few days. He’d invited me to stay the whole time he was there, but as much as I’d love to, I had to show my face to my parents or they’d never forgive me. Thanksgiving at the Chamberlane’s was a big family affair.

  My parents hosted a big dinner for their closest friends and families and everyone had the chance to get caught up in the latest gossip.

  I loved the idea of spending time in my room and watching the snow fall to the ground. I would’ve invited Bishop, but I didn’t want him to meet the firing range of my parents’ inquisitions so maybe next year.

  “Got it, Mom.” I refrained from saying anything more before I said goodbye.

  My brother had texted me that Mom had been calling about Thanksgiving so I was obliged to answer before I stepped inside Coffee Deux, SDU’s popular coffee spot.

  “Espresso con panna, please.” I gave my order to waiting barista, who asked if I wanted to pair it with a bagel.

  “Oh, no thank you.” Bagels would not be good for my non-existent diet. I’d been eating like a pig since Bishop and I got together.

  He had the habit of feeding me and I had the habit of eating.

  The good thing was we both loved to work out after so somehow the calories evened out.

  I stepped to the side to wait for my order when a strong, familiar hand touched my arm.

  “Kara.”

  Scott.

  I glanced up his way and I saw the familiar light green eyes of my ex-boyfriend and the not-so-familiar strain in his features.

  He looked tired, exhausted even.

  “Can we talk?” He asked in an unsure voice.

  I had twenty minutes to spare before my groupmates started hounding my cell so I nodded and walked towards a corner table that could seat four after picking up my coffee from the barista.

  It’d been a week since Bishop’s game and our coming out to the world.

  So far, Bishop hadn’t been kicked out of Tau, and I think it had a lot to do with my brother’s influence. In addition to that, Bishop was VP so that should have counted for something.

  Bishop had been staying at Ian’s apartment at night so I could be with him and I’d been over there a few nights this week. Ian rented a three-bedroom house off-campus and his third roommate had moved out after a family emergency and Ian was still looking for a roommate. We’d talked about Bishop’s living situation and he said he was willing to be the third roomie if he had no place in Tau.

  My man had been quiet about the on goings at his frat.

  I’d asked Cody about it, but Cody said he didn’t know anything. Cody was still a new member of the frat so he might not be privy to what was happening to his seniors, but the fact that Cody was still around me was a testament of Bishop’s place in Tau.

  Scott sat across from me and placed his phone on the table, face down.

  “I miss you.” He didn’t mince his words and I saw the veracity of his statement in his eyes.

  I took a sip of my coffee and gently nodded. At one point in my life, I loved this man. My world rotated on his axis and I gav
e everything that I could to him.

  My shoulders were his to cry on when he had a lousy appointment.

  I’d kissed his lips when he’d argued with his parents.

  I’d listened to him talk about his frustrations in football, football, and more football.

  I knew he loved me too.

  But now I knew the difference between loving someone with all that you could give and loving someone with all of your soul.

  I gave all that I could to Scott.

  And to Bishop, I gave my soul.

  The difference was meteoric, infinitesimal. Unquantifiable.

  “How are you?” I asked, wondering what was going through his head. He hadn’t spoken to Bishop and my brother hadn’t said a word about Scott.

  “Shitty.” He forced a laugh, then followed it up with a loaded gun, “I want you back.”

  He put both of his hands on the glass table, fisting the paper napkin into a crumpled mess, and looking at me with so much weariness and sadness. “I miss you, Kara.”

  My heart was breaking, and my insides were shaking, but my voice held firm, “You have to move on, Scott.”

  “How do I move on from you?” He asked, willing me to answer it for him. “I made a mistake. I should have been more attentive. I should have taken care of you. I should have kept you in the loop. I have all the should-haves whirling around in my head and it’s hard for me to deal with it.”

  “You can’t keep blaming yourself. It’s stressful and I wouldn’t want you to start having seizures again. Scott, It’s not healthy…” I said, feeling the slight burn of the coffee on my tongue. “I broke up with you because of many reasons, but the main reason was that I didn’t feel like we were growing as a couple anymore. I felt like we’d reached our time and it expired. All these years, whenever you asked for space, I gave it to you, sometimes not knowing if you’d come back to me. It was hard and Hanna had nursed me through all of it. I gave everything I had to you, Scott, but somehow it still wasn’t enough.”

  His eyes lowered and he turned his face to the side. “When you broke up with me, I thought you were also coming back… But now, now that you’re with him, I feel like it’s just so final.”