by Megan Duncan
“You’re an asshole.” I rolled my eyes at him. There was no way around it; I’d have to tell him the truth.
“Tell me what’s really going on before I open that door and tell Xavier to tear your throat out. You know, he’s been dying to get at you since your last visit. I almost sent him to your precious little town just to put you in your place. Did you know that?”
I shook my head, clamping onto the arms of the chair and telling myself I couldn’t tear them off and ram them into his heart like a stake. There wasn’t time to question how he even knew where I was living. I knew he was testing me, again. He was trying to get a rise out of me, and he was doing a damn good job. It was probably easy for him too, pretty impossible not to when you’ve known someone for over two hundred years.
“Someone I…”
“Ah ha!” Ming exclaiming, interrupting me, “Who is it?”
“I care about her,” I pleaded, trying to connect with his softer side; if he even had one.
“Care about her? Care?” His brow wrinkled at my words as if I were speaking another language. Maybe there was no softer side to Ming.
“Yes! And she’s sick, Ming. If anything happens to her…”
“She’s human, isn’t she?” I could only nod. “William? I knew you’d lost your mind, but a human? What are you thinking?”
“I’m thinking that I want to save her! Don’t you have any compassion?”
“Compassion?! They’re humans! Does a cat show compassion to a mouse? Does a wolf show compassion to a lamb? They are food, William. They are servants, and employees. Humans are nothing; they are no one and mean nothing unless they are lucky enough to be turned. One can never truly be until they are vampire!” he proclaimed, sitting up straight and puffing out his chest like the self-righteous asshole that he was. I’d seen him give this speech a thousand times over the years to every batch of newly born vampires. Always the same words and the same bravado…I even believed them myself once.
“She is more than a human to me! Please, Ming! I’ll do anything, anything.” I dropped to my knees off the chair and resorted to begging, having no shame.
“You sicken me,” he spat, flicking the ashes of his cigar in my face. I didn’t flinch as they landed on my cheek, searing into my flesh.
“Please, Ming. In all the long years you’ve know me, have I ever asked you for anything? Even once?”
“You ask me to put up with your escapades, turning a blind eye to your traitorous acts. Acts that have landed us in this very situation, have they not?”
“I didn’t ask you to do those things. I left on my own; it was you who did not allow me my freedom.”
“And what would you have done with that freedom then? Travel the world, pretending you’re human? Playing with your food? What’s the matter with you, William?”
“You know what’s wrong with me!” I growled; losing the hold on the anger I’d restrained for so long. “I am a vampire without a maker. There is a chasm inside me where that bond should be. I had to find purpose. I had to find something to fill that void. I need answers! I need forgiveness!”
“I am your maker. I saved you that night.”
“Yes, you did, and I will forever be in your debt. Please understand, Ming, you know what that bond feels like, you have a maker. A maker that was your parent, your friend, your guide and your mentor. You’re tethered to them across space and time, feeling them like a shadow in your mind; do you not?”
“I do.”
“And though you were all those things to me, I do not feel you,” I said, tapping my head. “There is just an emptiness; a hole, or a wall, as if my true maker has blocked me from bonding to them. My maker didn’t want me, Ming. I was a mistake! I was never meant to exist in this world! I am a poison that does nothing but extinguish the lights of thousands of lives and banish them to an endless void.”
“No vampire is ever a mistake! We were meant to rule this world.”
“Stop it, Ming, just stop it,” I pleaded him. I didn’t want to hear another word about what a perfect species we were.
“For one second, just one second, imagine if I took that away. Imagine if you could never feel them again. Try to visualize what it felt like to be a vampire with no bond. An orphan.”
The hint of a wicked grin twisted his features and he turned away from me, glancing through his office window at the factory below. After a long pause he looked at me as if he were considering it, trying to imagine what damage such a sever could create. I knew no vampire could ever understand. We were truly hypocritical creatures. We were connected through powerful bonds, an unfathomable network of makers and all their offspring. Vampires were social beings that would only socialize with other vampires in their transformation tree, forming clans between the different families. Every vampire was connected, except me. I was alone in every sense of the word. I wasn’t human, but I wasn’t quite fully vampire. I had all the physical characteristics, and hungers that made me vampire, but I couldn’t connect with any of them on a cerebral level. I looked human, but I could never live like one again. I didn’t belong anywhere, yet I yearned for purpose.
“I still don’t see what this has to do with you wanting to help a human,” Ming said, obviously giving up on trying to understand me. A prime example of the absent bond. If we were linked as a true maker and progeny were, he’d know exactly how I felt.
“If you ever truly cared for me as your progeny, please do this one thing for me. I promise I’ll never ask for anything ever again. I’ll leave you alone forever, and you won’t have to worry about me disgracing our clan.”
“No.”
“No?” My heart began to hammer in my chest as panic set in.
“You will never disgrace this clan, or me, again.” I looked away trying to prepare myself for what I knew was coming. He was going to punish me. Ming was going to make an example of me so that no other vampire would ever consider leaving, so that my poisonous mind wouldn’t infect them.
“If I do this for you; you will do something for me.”
“What?” I bounded up from the floor, excitement burning through me. “Anything! I’ll do anything you ask!”
“Good.” He took a long puff of his cigar before dropping it into his ash tray. “You’re going to give this charade up.”
“Charade? What charade?”
“If you want me to save this…human of yours, then you’re going to give up this ridiculous search of yours and live as a vampire should.”
“But…”
“Those are the conditions, William, they cannot be negotiated. You want to save your human; then you’ve got to come back to this clan. Forever. No more looking for purpose. Your purpose is with me. Do you understand?”
All I could do was nod. I knew there was no changing his mind. I had expected him to want me to disappear forever, but I never thought he’d demand I turn toward the one thing I was running away from.
Hadn’t I gotten what I wanted though? Autumn was going to get the help she needed, and I said I’d do anything to make that happen. Sure, I wanted to be with her, but her needs had to come first. It was time I held to my word and followed through. Ming’s doctors would save her life, and then I would leave it. She’d be better off anyway. How long would I really be able to keep up this facade? Eventually she’d notice I wasn’t aging, that I never ate and that sunlight was something I tried to avoid. Autumn deserved to be with someone who could truly enjoy life with her; someone who could have children and grow old with her.
That someone wasn’t me.
~
11
Save Her
Suddenly, time was flying at an overwhelming pace. Ming had asked for a week to get everything prepared. I’d sent over all of Autumn’s medical information to help his team of doctors get caught up on her condition. They appeared confident that they’d be successful, and if everything went smoothly, she’d be back on her feet in a matter of months.
Everything was going according to pl
an, Ming was holding up his end of the bargain; providing the very best staff to care for her, top of the line medicines and even a secured location for the surgery to take place. Yes, Ming had kept his promise, and I would have to keep mine. I wasn’t sure how I’d be able to leave Autumn, and I didn’t know how I was going to tell her.
“I still can’t believe you found a doctor willing to handle my case,” she said, popping a grape into her mouth.
“I told you I wasn’t going to give up.” I smiled at her, strolling around her room doing everything I could to keep my mind off of what was troubling me. No matter what the outcome, Autumn wouldn’t be a part of my life after tomorrow.
“Thank you,” her eyes filled with tears, as she peeled the thick quilt off her legs. She’d been spending most of her time in bed the last week, and I could tell it was hard for her to sit still. She wanted so badly to do all the things she used to, but her body just wouldn’t allow it.
“Let me help you.” I rushed to her side, scooping her up in my arms. In spite of my strength, I couldn’t help but notice how disturbingly light she was. The majority of her weight was attributed to the thick winter clothing she wore. I carried her to the chair in front of her easel, her secret painting covered with a sheet. “So when are you going to let me see it?”
“When it’s done,” she said, poking me in the ribs playfully. I tugged on a strand of her hair, making her giggle wildly. I pushed open her curtains, giving her the warm light of a sunset to work on her artwork. She liked to look out the window while she painted, and on really clear days she could see glimpses of the lake through the trees.
“Alright beautiful, what would you like to do today?” I asked, taking my usual seat across the room. The book I’d been reading was sitting atop a nearby table, a makeshift bookmark jutting out of the middle.
“Well…” She tapped the end of her paintbrush against her bottom lip as she thought about it. “You could take me to your place?” She averted her eyes, an embarrassed shade of pink blossoming on her cheeks as she squirted paint onto her tray.
“My place?” I sat up straight, surprise tweaking my normally deep voice.
“Yeah, I mean, I’ve never seen it before and who knows what will happen tomorrow…”
“You’re going to be fine, Autumn. I promise. Didn’t I tell you I found the best doctors to help you?” She nodded. “Okay then, stop talking like you don’t believe me when you know I’m right.” I clapped my book shut, setting it back on the table as I rested my back against the chair.
“If I promise, then will you take me to your apartment?” she asked, mixing together a blue and green paint.
“I will, but not tonight.” My eyes raked up and down her body, finding she was just as beautiful as always. The idea of having her alone in my apartment drove me wild, setting a tingling of desire burning through me. As if she could feel the heat emanating from me, Autumn winked at me as she brought the brush to her canvas.
I wanted her, and I knew she wanted me, but bringing her to my place would cause both of us great pain. I’d be taking advantage of her, and I couldn’t live with myself if I did that. Plus, it would make the sting of my leaving her, hurt that much more. I didn’t want her to remember me like that. Since I couldn’t stay with her, I wanted her remember me as the man who did everything he could to save her.
“Fine, if you won’t take me to your place then will you at least get me some ice cream?”
“Ice cream?” I asked, laughing. “It’s like, forty degrees outside!”
“So?” She smirked; then bit her lip as she concentrated on her brushstroke.
“Ice cream it is, then. Spumoni, right?”
“Yes,” she replied, pleased that I remembered her favorite flavor. “With chocolate syrup.”
“I’d never forget the chocolate syrup,” I answered, blowing a kiss at her while I made my way to the door. “Anything else?”
“Whipped cream!”
“You got it.” I winked at her before stepping out of the room with an ear to ear grin. I cared for her more than I cared for anyone, ever. And even though I was sad that I’d have to leave her, it filled my heart to know that she would get the help she needed. She’d be healthy, and be able to live the long life that she deserved. I couldn’t ask for more.
I stopped at every grocery store in Denton trying to find Autumn’s favorite flavor of ice cream, but failed miserably. I wanted tonight to be special, so I made the hour drive to a slightly larger town that had a store I knew carried it. I loaded my basket as quickly as I could with a gallon of ice cream, two containers of whipped cream and chocolate syrup. A small floral area within the store caught my attention on the way to the register and I browsed through the flowers until I decided on an assorted bouquet of daisies. With my haul paid for, I walked out the automatic doors and made my way to the SUV. I tossed the grocery bags on the passenger seat, but as I walked around to the driver’s seat I got an idea. The video store was right next to the grocery store, and I recalled a movie Autumn had mentioned she wanted to see. I thought a movie night in would be a nice, relaxing evening for her so I trotted over there knowing I was already running late.
Twenty minutes later I was running out of the video store with the new flick in hand. When I looked at my watch I prayed that Autumn wouldn’t be too upset with me for taking so long, but I’d gotten everything on her list so hopefully that would give me a free pass. I jumped in my SUV tossing the video beside the groceries and was grateful it was still cold otherwise the ice cream would have melted.
Racing down the highway I wove through traffic trying to make up time when a familiar sound caught my attention. A barely audible beep sounded through the hum of the radio. I turned the volume down, waiting to see if I’d hear it again and I did. It was my phone indicating I had a voicemail. I hardly used the thing, and kept it around for emergencies only. There were only two people who knew that number.
Holding onto the steering wheel with one hand, I dug in my coat pockets for my cell. I searched all my pockets twice and still couldn’t find the darn thing until I heard it beep again and then begin to ring. The music sounded like it was right next to me so I shoved my hand between the seat and the center console. The tips of my fingers grazed the edge of the phone just enough to push it fully beneath my seat.
“Dammit!” I cursed aloud, knowing I needed to get my hands on that phone. Scanning ahead for traffic I saw that the roads were pretty clear so I bent down, reaching under my seat as far as I could and finding nothing. The ringing stopped and the beeping grew more incessant indicating I had another voicemail. Flipping the switch on the side of my seat, I allowed it to slide backward giving me more room to maneuver. Bending down again, I reached further under my seat, but I was so focused on the phone I wasn’t paying attention to the road.
The SUV rolled over the rumble strip, shaking the car violently. Car horns blared as I bolted upright, grabbing hold of the wheel as I slid along the guard rail. Despite my superior instincts, I couldn’t gain control of the vehicle before hitting a patch of black ice. I did everything I could to manipulate the slide so I didn’t crash into anything, or anyone. I knew my best option was to go off the road. Waiting until my tail end was going in the right direction I turned into the slide and rolled down the snowy embankment. Slamming into a pile of snow, I came to an abrupt stop.
Not caring about any damage done to my car, I immediately went in search of my phone. What if Ming was calling with news, or changes in Autumn’s surgery? I needed to be on top of any developments. Or, what if Autumn was calling to see where I was? She was probably worried sick. My fingers clasped around the tiny cellphone, snatching it up with a grip tight enough to crush it. The screen came to life like a glowing firefly as I ran my finger across the smooth surface, unlocking the security combination. A message began flashing in the center, screaming that I had several missed calls and just as many voicemails. Without even looking at the phone number, I pressed the button to play them.<
br />
“William,” Autumn’s voice cracked through the phone’s tiny speakers, “where are you?”
I felt guilty for worrying her, and knew I’d have a big apology to make when I got back. I saved the message to my archive, loving the sound of her voice even when she was upset with me and moved on to the next. It was nothing, but muffled noises for about thirty seconds and then the line went dead. Autumn was probably fuming. I needed more than an apology this time. I’d been gone for over two hours on a night I’d promised we’d spend together. I deleted that message and moved onto the last one. It began like the last, several muffled noises until after nearly a minute I heard Autumn’s panicked voice.
“Will…I need you…I don’t feel…something’s wro…”
The line cut off and my heart dropped to my stomach as heavy as a cement brick. The pain in her voice revealed everything she hadn’t been able to say, something was seriously wrong. She was hurting, and I wasn’t there! I pressed for the message to play again while I tried desperately to start the SUV. The engine sputtered, but wouldn’t turn over. I knew that even if I got it to start it would take too long to get out of the embankment. Autumn needed me, and I had only one option. If we’d run out of time I had to get her to Ming as soon as possible.
I jumped out of the car and tried to call Autumn’s room directly but the line was busy. Her cell rang and rang until going to voicemail. I hung up and dialed the reception desk at Shady Willow’s. Maryann was on staff tonight, I’d have her check on Autumn until I got there. When the line went immediately to the facilities voicemail, I screamed in rage. There was only one choice left. I had to run. I was faster than any human, but it would still take time. Time that Autumn might not have. As I ran I dialed Ming’s number, telling him that plans had changed and he needed to head to Shady Willows. I didn’t know what was happening, but I had a feeling deep within me that Autumn needed help now; tomorrow would be too late.