Catalyst

by Shelly Crane

  The driver stumbled out and Merrick jumped on him in his stunned stupor. He never stood a chance. As the lightning rang out, I ran. But Daniel blurred to the other side, beating me to her. He ripped the door open and lifted Lillian's body from the back seat. I almost fell to my knees. She was so bloody and burned everywhere. Her pants and shirt were charred and almost non-existent. I went straight to him.

  "Give her to me you bastard." I meant to growl, but it just came out desperate. "I think you've done enough."

  "She's alive," he said and handed her to me gently but quickly and I was surprised there would be no fight from him.

  "You won't be for long," I told him, expecting him to run or say something about my not caring enough about her.

  But then he said, "We must get her home to your little Lily."

  I looked down at Lillian and heard them talking around me.

  "Lily?" Merrick asked and came forward. "What for?"

  "She's a healer. She saved my life. Your Sherry didn’t tell you?"

  "No, my Sherry didn’t tell me and don’t pretend to know more about my girls than I do."

  "We must get her to Lily, now," he begged. Lillian's cheek was black and dirty. Her arm on my chest was so messed up; burned beyond repair. I almost broke down right there, but I thanked God that she was unconscious. At least she wasn't feeling this.

  Without a word I went and climbed into the Jeep with her in my lap. She was beyond help, I knew that and I was almost ashamed because I was so calm instead of rip-roaring the place down. I just held her. She brought me out of my funk, she made me feel real love - the kind that you use the actual words for - and now, she killed herself for me.

  It was sad, but I couldn't even remember being this devastated when my parents died. This wasn't the first time that she'd saved me either. But she was alive, like Daniel - that bastard - had said. But I didn’t see how and it couldn't be for much longer.

  We were moving. I glanced up to see everyone else was in the Jeep too. Merrick drove as Jeff sat in the back with me. He had Lillian's feet in his lap and he patted them when he saw me looking, as if to say, 'We all care and we're here for you.' I nodded my gratitude to him and then looked back to her face.

  I smoothed her hair, taking the familiar trail behind her ear. Her eyes opened and at first, I thought I was hallucinating. Then she smiled at me.

  "Either I’m in Heaven or the plan worked," she croaked.

  "Do I look like a frigging angel?" I joked in a hoarse reply.

  "Abso-frigging-lutely."

  I laughed and then stopped because the shaking might hurt her.

  "What did you do?" I asked in a groan and shook my head.

  "We borrowed a bomb a few matches."

  A bomb….ah. Those stupid water balloon acid things that Miguel had come up with. I stared at her, looking deep.

  I said everything I couldn’t say out loud with my stare. That I was so angry at her, that she was a stubborn woman who needed a good spanking and not of the kinky variety, that the fact that she used Daniel and not me in her plan - even though it would never have worked that way - cut deep, that her plan did work and she saved a lot of people, that I loved her so much I didn’t know how to act and if she died, the big guy might as well take me too because I'd be useless here without her.

  She nodded and started to cry. "I know," she said. "I'm so sorry. But I had to save you."

  "Baby, " I told her as sternly as I could, "you are not cursed. Stop trying to make up for something that you didn't do or cause."

  "I know."

  "Do you? Because it sure looked like you were playing hero again to me. But you're gonna make it. You're gonna be fine," I told myself more than her.

  She just smiled, barely, and hooked her hand around my neck. She brought my head down to rest against her forehead and then…she started to rub my head and scalp. She was comforting me, though she was burned and in pain and I wasn't even sure if she'd make it, she was trying to soothe me. I choked up, and I mean big time. I let her do it, because I knew she needed to. For some reason the girl needed it. So I let her and felt wet drops on my arm. I looked down. Those were mine.

  When her hand started to quiver and strain with the motions, I knew I was about to lose her. She could barely hold her hand up and when I lifted my head again, her eyes were fighting her lids.

  I grabbed her hand gently and kissed her knuckles, leaving them pressed against my mouth and cried. I couldn't remember the last time I'd cried, really I couldn't. But with Lillian drifting away in my arms, I cried for all the things I should have cried for before. My parents, my youth, my fiancé's betrayal, all the heartache we'd had since the Lighters took over. And I cried the hardest for the love I was losing right there in that Jeep. I rocked her and felt the last squeeze of her fingers before she was limp; completely, utterly still. I rocked her harder and as I let myself go and sobbed silently into her hair, I hummed to her that song that she loved so much. The song that I'd played and afterwards she'd told me it was her favorite. Collective Soul's 'Run'.

  I held on and didn't let go. My brain was under the notion that as long as I held her she was still with me. I had almost forgotten that I wasn't alone until I heard a quiet, almost secret, sorry in my mind. I peeked up and saw Jeff. I couldn't think though. I turned my gaze back to L and ran my fingers across her eyebrows, something I'd never done before and wished I had. If I had the chance, I'd explore every part of her, just so I could say that I knew her completely. I'd ask her every question I ever wondered about.

  Someone tried to take her. I looked up and saw that we were parked at the back of the store. I held her tight and growled to warn them off. She was mine.

  "Ok, ok," Merrick said. "Let me help you out."

  I let him and then I carried her inside the bunker and down the stairs. Everyone watched and parted a way, covering their mouths and whimpering, but I ignored them and took her right to the couch. I thought about taking her to our room, but I wanted them all to see her sacrifice. She did this for them.

  When I placed her down, I kept my hand on her and refused to let go. I felt a hand on my shoulder and then arms around me from behind. I knew it was Sherry without even turning.

  Before we'd left, Sherry had said in my ear, "She's been waiting for you. Waiting for someone who was worthy of sacrificing for. She loves you, and I can imagine what's going on in her head right now. That life would be worthless without you."

  "Funny, I feel the same way about her," I'd said.

  "Exactly," she'd answered back.

  Then she'd gone inside and I'd gone to get my girl. Now I had her, and her hand that was usually warm and smooth, was getting colder by the minute.

  "Get Miguel," someone behind me said. It should have pissed me off that everyone was standing around and I was crying like a baby, but it just didn't matter.

  "It's too late," Jeff murmured and when I looked up at him, he blanched. "I'm sorry, man." He turned back to whoever it was. "Go on and get him.

  "No, you're right," I said, my voice a cruel, gruff copy of my former self. "It's too late."

  "Too late for what?" Lily said as she was suddenly beside me.

  "Lily, come here," Merrick said and held his hand out but she didn't go.

  "But Aunt L doesn't want to go yet," she answered and we all gawked at her. What in the…

  "Lily," Sherry said softly, coming to my side. "Can you do what you did earlier, with Daniel? Can you do that to Lillian?"

  Mine and Merrick's eyes snapped to Daniel. He was still burned badly and though I hated his guts with a passion that belied my calmness, he nodded once to convey that it was the truth.

  Lily didn't answer Sherry, she just went up to Lillian and put a small hand on her cheek. "She's still in there," she whispered and smiled at me. "Uncle Cain, she's dweaming about you." I almost lost it again with the frigging tears, but held fast.

  "What are you doing, Lily bug?" I asked softly and then gasped, as did we all, as Lillian buc
ked, then her skin started to change. Her charred complexion smoothed over and her color came back to the peach that I knew. Her clothes were still tattered, but underneath the shreds and burned cloth her skin was healed and beautiful again. I watched her face, knowing what was going to happen, but unable to believe until I saw it for myself. When her eyes opened, it was with a flutter.

  She didn't waste a second of precious time as she glanced over to me. She bolted up and grabbed onto me around my neck and I was too stunned to do anything but squat there. When I felt her first breath of relief against my neck, I let my arms touch her. She was real, alive, warm. She was here. I squeezed her to me and cried some more like the big baby that I was apparently becoming.

  She leaned back and touched my cheek. She looked at the wetness like it was alien, and I guess for me it probably was.

  "I'm sorry," she said in a groan. "I'm so sorry."

  "It's over," I said and kissed her forehead. If I kissed her lips now, I wouldn't be able to stop, so that would have to wait until later. I ran my fingers over her eyebrows and smiled. One down, a million more places to go.

  "I was dreaming…that we were on a boat and you were singing. I could've sworn... There was an older lady there. She was talking to…" She glanced over at Lily.

  We all sat back and looked at Lily. Everyone had mixed expressions and I saw it then, the reason no one had said anything about Lily's gift was because people would be scared of her.

  Lily asked Daniel if he wanted to be healed again.

  "No, young Lily. I deserve these wounds," Daniel said looking at Lillian, only at Lillian.

  "I asked you to," she said quietly and gulped.

  "But your Cain was right. You can't just give people everything they want. That's not what love is." I tightened my fist at his use of that word, but he turned to go. "I'd like very much to lie down."

  He went to the hall, people parted the way for him to go, and he went to his room I assumed. Good, I thought. His beat-down that was coming as sure as I knew the sun would come out tomorrow needed to be later anyway. More important things right now.

  I hugged Lily to me. I didn't say anything, because I didn't think I could. Lillian hugged her too and then everyone just stood there. Lily looked around and when no one else said anything else she said cheerfully, "You're welcome!" And then she skipped away to Merrick, who was in the back.

  I looked back to Lillian and asked the first thing that came to my head. "Do you need anything?"

  "I'm starving," she said quietly, tucking her hair behind her ear. "I know that's so stupid after everything that just happened, but I really am hungry."

  "It's not stupid."

  "I'll get you something," Sherry said and smiled as she squeezed my shoulder. I'd forgotten she was still at my back. She got up and took Lily with her to the kitchen with Merrick following.

  I realized I was still holding Lillian in my death grip and loosened up a bit. She stopped me.

  "Don't ever let me go again," she said and nestled into my chest.

  "You can bet on that, gorgeous."

  "Did all that really just happen?"

  "Yeah," I breathed. I thought about something. "Hold one a sec, ok?"

  I ran to catch up with Sherry. I tapped her on the shoulder and told her I'd take whatever she made. She smirked and handed me a bowl of noodles.

  I took them and hastily made my way, grabbed L's hand and gently guided her to our room. I wasn't spending another second sharing her. She was mine tonight.

  Beauty From Ashes

  Chapter 35 - Lillian

  Cain barely let me eat my noodles before he was pulling me to him. I had thought there was a night full of caresses and kisses in my future, but he just removed my shoes and socks. Then pulled me to him and held me tucked under his chin. His hands roamed in a protective and relief filled manner.

  He exhaled several times only to squeeze me when he did. I didn't really know what to say to him. I felt guilty yet happy, safe yet scared, horrified yet honored all wrapped into a messy package. If I hadn't done what I did, we'd all be dead, I had no doubt. There was no way we'd have gotten the drop on the Taker like that. And he knew of Calvin's fire hands, because of the old Taker's memories. He never would have let him get close enough.

  But I still felt wretched for putting Cain through it.

  I reached up to rub his head, but he stopped my hand only to kiss my fingers and hug it to his chest.

  "I'm soothing you tonight," he said finally. "I'm taking care of you. You risked everything for us."

  "For you," I told him. He bent to see my face. "I still would want to have done it if you weren't here, but I'm not sure I would have had the courage to. But with you…I did it without hesitation." I pulled him to me to lean against my head. "I don't think I'm cursed anymore."

  He jolted at that and smiled a little in surprise before saying, "It's about time. Why not?"

  "Because, there's no way that you could be associated with a punishment. You're my Keeper," I kept going though he sighed raggedly, "and I know now, after everything that happened with Lily and…this is where I'm supposed to be. Everything I've ever done or been through took me to this moment."

  He sighed again and pulled me back to him. I was starting to see if there was going to be any action, I'd have to instigate. He was in a strange mood, with good reason.

  I kissed his neck, right on his Adam's apple, before leaning back and kissing him on his lips. I thought he'd fight me or pull a you-need-to-rest move, but he didn't. He let me lead him. He didn't push or pull, he just let me do what I wanted. His hands never left the sides of my neck and face, though mine wandered quite a bit.

  I pulled him over me and that was when he finally spoke.

  "L, I want to. Gah, do I ever want to, but I won't do this in response to you almost dying. Especially since you took off with Daniel to do it."

  His voice had been steady, not angry. He was more hurt by my actions than mad.

  "I used him," I said quietly.

  "What?"

  "I knew he'd help me because of the crush he has on me." I swallowed as the devious deed sunk into me. "I used him."

  "He used you too. He wanted to show you that he was better than me. He thought that by letting you do it, that you'd think he treated you better and didn't try to control you." He grunted. "Like me."

  "He kissed me," I confessed in a whisper and waited for the yelling or slamming door. I knew I probably just ruined our night together, but it felt wrong to keep it from him for another second. I felt my hands start to shake on his collar as he stayed silent. I licked my lips and said, "I'm sorry. I told him that he couldn't ever do that again-"

  He kissed me hard and ardently, his lips twisting and demanding as he lifted up on his knees to be closer to me. He wasn't angry? I couldn’t take it, even though the assault was delicious, I pulled back. "You're not angry?"

  "Oh, I'm furious," he said, his breath splaying across my face. "But I'll deal with Lighter boy tomorrow. Dead men aren't my concern right now."

  He tried to come at me again, but I pushed a little and he stopped immediately. One more difference between him and Daniel; Cain stopped and headed my requests. Daniel took what he wanted and headed the requests that suited him, not me.

  "You're not mad at me?"

  "You told me," he said steadily. "You could have never said a word and I'd probably never have known about it."

  "Yeah," I agreed, "but that wouldn't have been right."

  "And that is why I am in love with you," he growled, a strained and guttural noise that if you'd heard it, you wouldn't have understood based on the words he was saying. But I felt his chest rumble, I felt his fingers sweeping my hair, his lips claiming tiny expanses of my skin…one peck at a time.

  That girl who broke his heart - I could think of no good words for her - but she had made him leery of relationships. Because though he said he didn't love her, the fact that she had cheated on him after accepting his promise, sho
wed that words were useless. You had to put action behind them.

  So I let him kiss and press me until I was flushed every color of rouge. Then he leaned back on his knees and asked if I needed anything? Was I hungry still? Thirsty? Comfortable? Did I want to sleep?

  "I just want you," I said and tugged on his lip ring, now that I knew he loved it so much. His answering groan almost made me laugh. And now, as I lorded my guile over him, I felt beautiful and gorgeous and amazing, like he always said I was. Even with my charred clothes.

  He asked if I wanted to get out of my clothes and….oh boy, what a question. He laughed and shook his head before saying, "I'll close my eyes."

  I took off my shirt and what was left of my jeans. One whole leg was almost gone anyway. Without looking, he took his shirt off over his head and helped me pull it on. When the collar went over my face I almost groaned aloud at the smell. It was the best mixture of wicked and angelic I'd ever come across. And though angelic wasn't a word I'd associate with Cain, he was angelic with me. Careful, considerate, calculating.

  When he pushed me back to our pallet gently and once again tucked me in the cage of his now bare arms, I felt like a million bucks. A million bucks that had been through a washing machine cycle filled with rocks, but a million bucks nonetheless.

  Cain was all the wealth I needed, right here is this concrete room. He was the catalyst in my life, just as Daniel had been a catalyst for our war, just as Lily had been a catalyst for the balance of life and death that was no longer clear cut, just as Piper had been a catalyst in her own right for more than one reason.

  The scales tipped and we answered it. We wouldn't go down without a fight, no matter how bleak, no matter how hopeless. Cain had said once that he always went out swinging no matter the situation or circumstances. That was a good motto.

  But I didn't swing when Cain inched towards my lips once more, as if asking if I still awake. I grabbed on and didn't let go for the rest of the night as he held me like I mattered, treated me with utter respect and reverence, and his fingers crawled over almost every inch of my skin in an exploration that was long overdue.