Take Me As I Am

by JM Dragon

  What am I to do?

  Hearing a sound from the lobby, Thea moved swiftly to the door leading to the lobby and stood behind it, not venturing outside. She really didn’t know what to say to Joanna the past evening, and still couldn’t think of what to say now. Oh, how she had wanted to knock on Joanna’s door and talk to her, but she had feared that she would disturb her and the young man she had taken out of the bar with her.

  Nothing in this life is ever easy.

  From her vantage point, she could discreetly watch Joanna and saw that the woman didn’t look her usual confident self—she looked extremely tired. Then again, it was the first time since Joanna moved into the motel that she’d ventured out of her room before mid-day. She smiled, recalling the day before when Joanna just made it for their breakfast date.

  Thea was about to take her courage in her hands and face the woman when Joanna swiftly left the building. The swinging door was the only evidence that she had been there at all.

  With a heavy heart, Thea went back to her desk and contemplated what would happen next.

  †

  Lucy watched Jo slowly make her way toward the door of the diner. Normally, the woman walked in with a buoyant step but not today. As Jo walked closer to the counter, she turned bleary eyes to Lucy and gave her a tired, defeated look.

  “No need to ask if you’re feeling fine this morning.” Lucy couldn’t help the smile that tugged her lips at the scowl she received at her observation.

  “If you’re so clever, what do you recommend as a cure? I’d pretty much accept anything at this moment if you can stop the queasy feeling in my stomach,” Jo said pathetically.

  “What was your poison?” Lucy pointed to a stool at the counter. “Sit there.”

  “Seems a popular expression around these parts and quite frankly Scotch feels like poison about now.” Jo seated herself at the stool.

  “Hmmm, didn’t your mamma ever tell you to beware the after effects of the hard liquor?” Lucy tried to keep the woman’s interest for her face was turning some rather interesting colors.

  “I always knew better.” Jo gave a wry glance.

  “Yeah, I bet you did. I bet you were a handful for her, too?” Lucy smirked and saw the nod indicating that she was right about that.

  Lucy went into the kitchen and a few minutes later came back with an interesting looking drink and placed it on the counter in front of the woman. “There you go. It’ll have you right in no time. My husband always swore it was the best hangover cure ever.”

  Lucy chuckled as she watched Jo tentatively pick up the glass. When Jo turned up her nose at the smell, Lucy laughed loudly. “Hey, I never said it smelled good, did I?”

  Jo pulled another face before quickly swallowing the mixture, her features contorted in revulsion.

  “Jesus, Lucy, have you ever tried that?” Jo rocked back on the stool. “My stomach is wondering what is hitting it.”

  “Can’t say I have, but it sure took your mind off feeling sick I would say.” Lucy smiled and turned to see who was entering the diner. Most of her regulars had already been and gone. Thea was hesitating at the doorway before going all the way into the diner.

  Lucy looked at the pained expression on the blonde’s face as she looked at Jo’s back. So Daisy was right. There is something between these two. She wondered just how deep it went?

  “Thea, it’s not often you come here this early in a morning.” Lucy smiled, beckoning Thea to the counter.

  Lucy saw Jo stiffen when she said Thea’s name.

  Thea moved closer to the counter. “That’s true but…I…well, I wanted to...” Her eyes flashed toward Jo seated silently at the counter with her back turned the other way.

  Lucy decided that a standoff between the two women just wouldn’t do. “Well, it’s mighty nice to see you this fine morning. Isn’t that so, Jo?”

  The prompting from Lucy made Thea give her a grateful smile as Jo scowled.

  “Sure. It’s a fine morning,” Jo replied finally.

  “Would you mind if I sat next to you,” Thea said in a tentative tone.

  Jo never looked up. “It’s a free seat. Sit where you like.”

  Lucy gave Thea a smile of encouragement. “So, what can I get you two ladies?”

  Thea discreetly looked to her left.

  Jo didn’t look up from her contemplation of the glass that she held.

  “I’ll have bacon, hash browns, and scrambled eggs, please, Lucy,” Thea said.

  Jo shifted in her chair and turn toward Thea. “Toast for me as dry as you can get it and keep the coffee coming.”

  Lucy watched as Thea turned to stare at Jo and their eyes locked. “I’ll be back soon with your orders. Why don’t you two take a table?”

  Lucy went into the kitchen smiling.

  †

  Thea twisted her hands in front of her and Joanna looked back down at the empty glass held securely in her hands.

  “I guess I’ll go and sit at a table.” Thea swallowed hard. “Would you…that is…Joanna, would you care to share a table with me?” There. It was out and it was up to her friend.

  Joanna concentrated on the glass in front of her. “Same as yesterday?”

  Thea’s heart beat again, feeling a deep sense of relief at the rejoinder. Perhaps not all was lost. “Yeah, that would be good.” Thea slipped from the chair and moved toward the table. Everything had been so different between them when they shared the table the day before. Maybe today they could recapture that.

  Jo moved from her position to join Thea at the table. “I’m leaving at the end of the week. Thought you’d want to know for the room,” Jo said.

  “You’re leaving?” Thea repeated the words that brought all her hopes of a renewal of the tentative friendship come crashing in a heap at her feet. Joanna’s voice was so barren that it was hard to associate it with the singer who could make the most implausible song sound wonderful.

  “Yes.”

  “Why?”

  “It’s time to move on.” Joanna shot a look in the direction of the kitchen. “Lucy certainly is taking her time with a simple matter of dry toast.”

  “I thought you liked it here?” Thea’s eyes looked to the averted profile of the beautiful woman. She couldn’t help the desolation in her voice.

  “What does it matter to you? Surely you’ll be far too busy with your future to care if I stay or go. Besides, what makes you think I like this small, backwater town? It’s just like all the others I’ve experienced in the past. Why would this one be any different? It’s a means to an end, Ms. Danvers. Only a means to an end.” Jo’s tone was cold, sarcastic.

  Thea looked away and tried to recover from the pain she felt at the words, especially Jo saying ‘Ms. Danvers’. It was obvious that Joanna really hadn’t cared about her at all. It was just her own loneliness and need reaching out to a figment of her imagination.

  “What a fool I was to think that there was anyone in the world who did care for me other than as a prize,” she mumbled. “Well, I wish you luck and a safe journey, Ms. Lackerly.” Thea scraped back the chair and moved away from the table to escape as fast as possible. Her eyes filling with tears did not help in her navigation to the door. She couldn’t see where she was going.

  Lucy edged out of the kitchen just as Thea made her tearful getaway.

  “No. No. Thea, please, don’t leave.” Joanna shot out of her chair and managed to grasp Thea’s arm as she was about to open the door.

  Thea, eyes brimming with tears gazed at Joanna and saw a warmer expression. “Why? Why shouldn’t I? You don’t want my company.” Her voice broke and she sobbed at the thought.

  “I do. I do. Please, Thea, let’s have breakfast and you can tell me about your new protector. What do you say?”

  Thea’s depression disappeared with lightning speed as she looked into Joanna’s beautiful face. “I really could do with breakfast.”

  “Good, come on then. Let’s sit. Lucy is bringing our breakfast.” Joanna
tugged at Thea’s arm and they went back to the table.

  Lucy breezed from around the counter, placed two large platters in front of them, and smiled. “There you go, girls. Something tells me you need this meal.”

  “Hey, Luc, I didn’t order this.” Joanna said. Her plate was loaded with eggs, bacon, hash browns, and tomatoes.

  “I know you didn’t, but dry toast? Really, Jo, look at you. I doubt that a bitsy piece of toast is going to solve what ails you, my girl. So eat and enjoy.” Lucy laughed and walked away.

  “She’s right, you know,” Thea said softly. Their eyes briefly meet before looking back at the food.

  “Mmm… not so sure I can eat it,” Jo grumbled. She picked up her fork and poked at the bacon.

  Thea watched, realizing that for some reason their roles had reversed. Thea felt very protective of Joanna. It was absurd. “I think it’s dead, Joanna.”

  Joanna looked up and smiled ruefully before nodding. “It’s always best to check,” she said before placing a small forkful into her mouth.

  Thea, finally feeling at ease, placed a more generous portion on her fork and began her meal in earnest.

  Jo was feeling somewhat less queasy as she finally gave up on her breakfast, which she had tried but failed to do justice to, only managing to eat about a third of it. Now, Thea on the other hand, was entirely different. She was even mopping up the juices of the tomatoes with her toast. She had asked Lucy to provide more toast, which the owner had happily brought.

  Bringing her steaming coffee cup to her lips, she sipped at the beverage and watched the younger woman eagerly decimate the final remnants on her plate. It was touch and go that Jo didn’t offer her own wasted meal to Thea. The thought itself brought about a chuckle that she couldn’t suppress.

  Green eyes glanced up shyly and gave her a sheepish shrug. After placing the juice soaked final piece of toast in her mouth, she sat back and placed a satisfied hand on her belly.

  “You obviously enjoyed that?” Jo smiled with indulgent warmth.

  “Oh, yes. Lucy is a good cook and I was hungry. I haven’t eaten much since lunch yesterday.” Thea reached for her coffee cup.

  “How come you never get fat eating all that? You’re such a tiny thing. If I did that on a regular basis I’d never get in my jeans,” Jo mused.

  “I guess it must be my metabolism. I’ve never had a problem with eating whatever food I wanted. You don’t look like you have a problem either.” Thea stared at Jo over her coffee cup before looking away.

  “That’s because I travel around a lot and don’t have the luxury of eating this well most of the time. I confess this month has given me some extra pounds.” Jo looked down at her hands.

  Lucy brought more toast for Thea and gave Jo a disparaging stare after looking at the plate of partially eaten food. “You want me to take that away?”

  “Well, unless Thea here will help me out. I’m not going to eat it, Lucy.”

  “Sorry. I’m all full up right now.” Thea chuckled. “Another time, perhaps.”

  Lucy clucked her disapproval. “Such a waste,” she muttered collecting the plates.

  “So, tell me about your new fiancé?” Jo didn’t particularly want to know, but she did.

  Thea now looked uncomfortable and stared over Joanna’s shoulder and sighed heavily. “I’ve known George forever, I guess. He’s been hoping that I would take up his offer of marriage for some time now. He’s the local banker and has a solid background. I could do worse.” Thea drank heavily from her coffee cup, frowning as she did.

  “I was always under the impression that you married for love and not because someone has a solid background. Correct me if I’m wrong?” Jo couldn’t help the caustic tone that accompanied the words.

  “Is that why you’re not married?”

  “No, no that’s not the reason.” Jo laughed and tapped her fingers impatiently on the table.

  “Do you mind telling me what the reason is?” Thea asked.

  Steel blue eyes flicked across the blonde woman’s features and saw the sincerity in her expression. “No one ever asked me.”

  “Really? I find that astonishing. You are so beautiful and talented. All the men in the town are raving about you. Surely you know that?”

  “Ah, Thea, remember one thing about men, they think with a part of their anatomy that doesn’t see the light of day unless it needs to pee. Lust is about the only way to describe what the men here are generally feeling when they look at me.” Jo had a wry expression when she spoke. “Why are you marrying Andrews?” she asked directly.

  “I know I don’t have to explain myself to you but I want you to know my reasons even if you don’t approve.” Thea sucked in a deep breath. “My father left me heavy debts and the motel is mortgaged to the hilt. The insurance company has refused to pay out on my father’s life insurance policy. I have no choice in the matter.” Thea’s voice was calm and flat.

  “Why not just leave town and start again? Why marry someone you don’t love or even like.”

  Thea looked down at the table and at the toast that was growing cold. “I do not have your talents for singing or anything else other than running a motel. It would appear that I’m not that good at that either.”

  “Perhaps not as a singer, but I’m sure you are talented in other things.” Jo blew out an exasperated breath. “What’s wrong with the way you run the motel? Surely you can get work elsewhere.”

  “No. I can’t, Joanna. I’ve never left this place. It’s the last part of my family heritage.” Thea’s eyes now glistened with tears of frustration at her own choices.

  “Thea, you’re an intelligent woman and don’t need to stoop to this type of life. Who is going to benefit if you stay on at the motel? That asshole banker Andrews? You’re better than that.”

  “Don’t you see? My forefathers founded the town and I owe it to the family line.”

  Jo knew about family heritage. She had been born into a Greek family that believed the Greek gods themselves still had the power to affect their lives. It had annoyed her when she was young. Now, Thea was telling her the same philosophy using different words.

  “I’m leaving early Saturday morning. Come with me?”

  Jo shook her head. Did I really just say that?

  By the look on Thea’s face, she couldn’t believe it either. She wiped a hand across her eyes before staring back at Joanna with a shocked expression.

  “Go with you,” Thea whispered.

  Jo knew she was being stupid and ridiculous, but she didn’t care. From the first moment she met Thea, she knew it was important to protect her and the only way to do that was to take her with her on her travels. “Yes.” Her response was stark and full of so many possibilities, both good and bad.

  Thea slowly got out of her chair, put out a hand, and touched Joanna’s shoulder. “I…I need to go. I’ll see you later.” She moved hastily out of the diner and this time Jo let her.

  Not much later, Lucy came out of the kitchen, went to the table, and looked pointedly at the space that Thea had vacated. “I guess you get the check or is she coming back?” Lucy asked quietly.

  Jo, trying to process what had just happened, looked up and frowned. “No, I don’t think she’ll be back.” Jo moved out of her chair and held onto the back as she felt a wave of nausea overtake her.

  Lucy put an arm around her and led her gently, but swiftly to the bathroom. Jo had known her breakfast wasn’t going to stay around long.

  Chapter Nine

  Thea had walked back to the motel and her office without really knowing how she did so or how long it took to get there. All she remembered were the last words from her friend and protector. Joanna.

  I’m leaving on Saturday morning early, come with me?

  “Go with her? My God, it is like something out of a movie,” she whispered.

  She was certain if she closed her eyes for any length of time the words would disappear and perhaps the woman who had voiced them also.

>   She stared unseeingly out the window onto the colorful flowers that adorned the yard. This garden was her pride and joy. In many senses her escape from dreary reality. She watched the breeze ruffle the leaves of the flowers. The butterflies that frequented her yard were flitting from one flower to another and appeared to sunbathe on the green leaves in the harsh glare of the full sun, their pretty wings held together in defiance of the sun’s rays. All she wanted to do now was sleep, hoping that when she awoke, all would be well with her world. She would be free to make her own choices and have none of the weight of family heritage and debts weighing her down.

  The door to her office opened and Daisy tentatively walked inside, a look of horror on her face. “Thea, Thea, darling, are you all right?” Daisy walked briskly to Thea and wrapped her ample arms around her.

  “I…I don’t know what to do, Daisy. I really don’t know what to do. What should I do?” Thea could feel heartfelt fear heavily weighing down on her as she melted into Daisy’s arms. The woman had been there when she was a baby and had become a mother figure when her own mother abandoned her.

  “Oh, my dear, please, it’s going to be all right. When has your Daisy ever been wrong?” Daisy pulled Thea into her arms tighter in a comforting hug, rocking her gently. Thea wasn’t happy, hadn’t been in a long while, and Daisy thought she deserved happiness.

  “It’s not. It’s not, Daisy. How can she ask me that question, it’s far too late.” Thea let her tears flow.

  Daisy had watched the interaction between Thea who she considered a daughter and the tall stranger, who was nothing like Thea in both background and manners. It was hard to associate the two together. But it was obvious to anyone who cared to notice that their relationship was a strong bond. What type of relationship exactly was developing could be cause for speculation. Whatever it was, it had set in stone and neither one of them looked happy about the events currently taking shape around them.