Waiting for Rain

by Susan Mac Nicol

  The figure in the bed made a small sound. I think it was supposed to be a laugh. “You look like your mother. You have the same fine features and that blonde hair. But you have my jawline.” My heart slammed against my chest. I’d been told the same thing when I was a boy.

  For the first time since arriving here I took a good look at the man. He was long-limbed, with gnarled hands resting on the bedclothes, hands that were plugged with various drips and tubes. The face regarding me carefully was white, like greaseproof paper, with the same oily sheen. His eyes were green, like mine, only dulled and unfocused. The skin on his cheeks sunk into his face and he looked like a man near the end. I took a deep breath.

  “Why did you ask to see me after all this time? Do you want closure on it, or is there another reason?” The room was uncommonly warm, and I was sweating beneath my shirt and jersey.

  Vincent Prentiss coughed, his face twisting in pain. I stood up, reaching for the glass of water by the bed. He nodded feebly as I held the back of his frail head and helped him drink. His skull felt like a baby bird’s, no substance, feeling as if with one firm grip of my hand I could crush it in my fingers. He waved a hand to indicate he’d had enough. I sat back down.

  He gave a long, deep sigh. “You’re definitely like your mother, straight to the point. I guess I owe you an explanation.”

  Vincent lay back and closed his eyes, looking exhausted, as I waited for him to speak. His eyes opened, and he stared at me with some of the fire I imagined he might have had when he was a young man.

  “I was a fucking idiot. I landed in prison just before you were born. I knew I wasn’t getting out anytime soon. Your mother had enough of me messing up. She said she was leaving and taking you somewhere else. I wasn’t going to argue.”

  I leaned over, closer to him. “So, you gave us both up, just like that?” I could feel the anger in my soul, directed toward a dying and helpless man. I felt ashamed.

  “It was for the best, Toby.” Hearing my name come out of his cracked lips was a shock. “Did you know that was my father’s name? We’d always wanted to call you Toby. I’m glad she kept that promise, at least. I’m sorry to hear she died. And I’m sorry you didn’t have a proper family.”

  Vincent was so quiet then, I thought he’d gone to sleep or worse. I was about to go out and call the nurse when he spoke again.

  “Neither of you deserved me in your lives. I knew I’d mess up again. After a while, I got so used to it, it didn’t matter anymore. Then I got sick.”

  He coughed and waved a hand as I got to my feet with the water glass again. “I’m fine. Sit yourself down, son.”

  I sat down, the unfamiliar endearment bringing a prickle of tears to my eyes. I tried to wipe them away surreptitiously, but despite his fragility, Vincent noticed.

  “And that’s the reason I stayed out of your life. I didn’t want to be the cause of any heartache. I’m not a religious man, Toby. I’m leaving this earth soon, and I doubt I’ll be going into any afterlife, because I don’t believe in it.”

  The tears were rolling down my cheeks, and I made no effort to stop them. No matter what, this was my father and he was dying.

  “But the one thing I wanted to do is see what I was leaving behind. I guess we all want to think we live on somewhere. And now I can see that in you—you seem to have turned out all right.”

  I wiped away the tears flooding my cheeks with tissue from the box. Vincent smiled at me, a ghost of a smile, but it was there. “I believe you have a boyfriend out there waiting for you?”

  His words sent a shock through my body. “Boyfriend? Why would you say that?”

  He chuckled tiredly. “Toby, the young nurse that was in here earlier told me all about my good-looking son and his very loving boyfriend who was all over him. I know the way the world turns, son. I’ve been in prison most of my life. So, go tell him to come in so I can see the man who’s taking care of my son.” His head leaned back on the pillow, and he closed his eyes. He looked even more exhausted than before.

  My head was spinning, but I did what I was told. I moved out to the corridor and waved to Rain, who was pacing up and down the hallway. He was over like a shot.

  “Toby? Is everything okay?” He wiped a tear off my cheek with his thumb, his face anxious.

  I nodded. “He wants to meet you. Apparently one of the nurses spilled the beans about us anyway.” I pulled him into the ward to face my father. Rain came over and stood beside the bed, compassion for him etched all over his face.

  “Sir, I’m sorry we had to meet under these circumstances.”

  Vincent gestured feebly with his hand. “That’s life. You’re the man looking after my son? What’s your name?”

  “Rain, sir. It’s short for something else. And yes, I love your son. I like to think we take care of each other.” He reached out and took my hand, holding it tight. I stood there, feeling pride in the man at my side and his quiet confidence, and grief that the man in the bed would never get to know either of us properly.

  Vincent nodded. “You look like a good man, and if Toby loves you, then that’s good enough for me.” His eyes were closing now, and he was struggling to speak. I let go of Rain’s hand and reached out to gently touch my father’s forehead. It was warm and feverish. His eyes snapped open at my touch.

  “You take care of each other, you hear me? Don’t be a fool like me.” His voice trailed off, and his eyes glazed over as he fell asleep. Spittle ran down the corner of his mouth, and I wiped it away gently with a tissue. We stood watching him for a while, but it was evident he wasn’t waking up soon. Rain took my hand, leading me out of the room into the brightly lit hallway. He pulled me close, and I buried my face in his neck, smelling his scent as I sobbed in full view of everyone walking past for what seemed like minutes. I could see the nurses and doctor watching me in sympathy. When I was done, Rain pulled me over into the bathroom.

  “I don’t think I’m in the mood, really,” I tried to joke as he bundled me inside.

  My lover laughed. “Don’t get too full of yourself. I want you to wash that face of yours.” One eyebrow rose suggestively. “Does that mean I can maybe get you in the mood?”

  Despite my inner turmoil, I smiled. Rain had this uncanny knack of making me feel better no matter what.

  “No, you arsehole.” I splashed water onto my face to minimize the swollen eyes and tearstained cheeks. I patted my face dry and turned to face him. “More presentable?” I inquired.

  He smiled, a dazzling sight that turned my knees to jelly. “Toby, you are always presentable, honey. Now come on. Let’s say cheerio to the doctors and staff and get back home. You need your bed, and me, in that order.”

  He gave a wicked smile, disappearing into the corridor. I took one last look at the man in the mirror, fair hair, green eyes, with a straight jawline apparently like my father’s. Then I followed my boyfriend out into the hallway.

  Chapter 20

  Rain

  TOBY WAS understandably subdued over the next couple of days. He was quiet and pensive, and I let him be. Tammy tried fussing over him, but it didn’t get her anywhere. Lucas was his usual laconic self, giving Toby the space he needed and not treating him any differently. I was on my own, just outside Lincoln, off-loading yet another small load of timber for a project when a call came in from Tammy.

  “Rain, do you have any idea where Toby might be? He left earlier this morning to go into town, and I haven’t seen him since. And now it’s almost lunchtime.”

  I let go of the load I was trying to maneuver, wincing as my shoulder muscles complained. I sat down on the bed of the truck, glad for the respite. Passersby nodded at me amiably as I sat there, and I nodded back.

  “No, I have no idea. Perhaps he went down to the council to check on all the permits and stuff for the fete? You know how anal he is about getting that all sorted.”

  “No, he hasn’t been there either. I called a friend of mine down there, and she hasn’t seen him. It’s most unli
ke him just to go off like that.”

  I was starting to get worried. “I suppose you’ve tried his mobile?”

  “Yes. It goes straight to voice mail. I’ve left him a message.”

  We were silent. It was indeed very unlike Toby to do something like this. I felt the first prickling of fear along my spine. “Well, I’ll try get hold of him, and you let me know if you hear from him.”

  Tammy sounded a little worried. “I will. Ditto for you. Let me know the minute you hear anything.”

  After we finished, I called Toby’s phone. It went straight to voice mail. I left him a strongly worded message asking him to call me as everyone was worried about him. By the time I’d finished off-loading the van an hour later, there was still no reply from him. I was really worried. I planned on finishing early and going back to my place to see if he was there. It was the only place I could think of that he could be.

  When I got home, it was starting to get dark. The wind was bitter cold, and there was already frost on the ground. There were no lights on in the cottage. The front door wasn’t locked, and I went in and tossed my keys into the basket on the table at the front door. The central heating was on, so the rooms were warm at least.

  “Toby? Are you here?” I wandered through to the bedroom and wrinkled my nose at the foul smell. It smelled like vomit. With some trepidation, I entered the bedroom and the source of the smell. My lover lay across the bed, clad in only his underwear. There was sick everywhere and an empty bottle of tequila next to him. My heart sank as I moved over to him quickly. I could see the rise and fall of his chest as I got closer, and I sighed in relief.

  “Toby, you wanker, what the hell happened to you?” I tried waking him up, but he was out of it. His face was streaked with vomit, his chest hair matted and sticky, and I gagged at the smell. I’d always had a pretty sensitive stomach for this sort of thing, and I was already heaving. I picked him up, slinging him over my shoulder in a fireman’s lift, and made my way to the bathroom. With him still slung over me like a slab of meat, I started the shower. Cold water, I thought grimly. The little bastard deserved to freeze to death. He groaned once or twice, flailing weakly.

  Once the shower was pelting down at full strength, I stepped into the wet room, dropping him to the floor. I was shivering from the soaking cold but determined he was going to see the error of his ways. He squealed like a pig being slaughtered, and I watched in satisfaction as his eyes opened, bloodshot and red-rimmed. He tried to move out of the way of the cold water. I stepped out, closing the shower door, watching as the water hit his body.

  He gasped, slamming his fists on the door. “Fucking let me out of here, Rain, you bastard! What the hell do you think you’re doing?” He weaved slightly, still drunk, his words slurred.

  I shook my head, still shivering. I’d need to go and change. “No way, you need to sober up, you stupid prat. You bloody stink. Then you can tell me what happened.”

  Toby’s face grew dark as he pounded his fists against the glass with such force I thought it would break. “Fuck you, Rain. Let me the hell out of here. I hate you, I fucking hate you….”

  He slid down the back wall, despair coating his features like a wax model slowly melting. My heart broke at his words. I opened the shower and slid down next to him, pulling his cold, shivering body against me as his shoulders shook with the force of yet more sobs. I took no notice of the words he’d just said about hating me. He’d just been lashing out. Toby was one of the strongest men I knew, but this unraveling at the seams made my whole body ache and my eyes tear up. He leaned into me as I stroked his wet hair, his back, anywhere I thought might give him comfort. His lips were muffled against my shoulder when he spoke, and I had to push him away so I could hear.

  “What’s that, honey? I couldn’t hear you.”

  He gazed at me from green eyes fringed with wet black lashes, looking the most vulnerable I’d ever seen him. “He went and died on me, Rain. My father died this morning.”

  I felt his pain and held him tighter as the water cascaded down on our bodies. The last time we’d been in the shower together we’d been making love, and the memory made my heart ache. “I’m so sorry. Shit, you must have been devastated. Why didn’t you call me? You know I would have come home. Instead you drink a bottle of bloody tequila and throw up everywhere.”

  “Half a bottle, Rain. I’d be dead if it was a full one. In fact, it wasn’t even half. More like a quarter….” His drunken ramblings made me smile even as I stroked his shoulders. I made him get up with me, and we stood under the spray. He was a little unsteady, and I had to support him. I slowly slid his wet briefs down his legs and kicked them into the corner, then reached for the shower gel. I soaped up my hands and smeared it all over him, watching his eyes close in bliss at the touch. Both of us were semihard, but I was determined this was not sexual but healing. He moaned softly as I soaped him down, clearing the crusted sick from him until he was sparkling. Then I got him out of the shower, wrapped him in a big, fluffy towel, and made him sit on the lavatory seat until I’d cleaned up the bed. I just hoped he wouldn’t fall off it. I slipped out of my wet clothes, got into a pair of sweatpants, then removed all the covers, sheets, and pillow slips and dragged out the spare ones from the closet. Once the bed was made, I fetched my drowsy lover from the bathroom and tucked him into bed. I sent a quick text to Tammy to tell her Toby had been found, and then I climbed into bed, settling myself behind him, my arms wrapped around his waist.

  “Sleep,” I whispered as he snuggled in, eyes already closed and half-asleep.

  “I’m so sorry I got sick, Rain. I couldn’t help it. Then I got so tired I just passed out.” His abject tone and slurring made me smile. My man was going to have a grandmother of a headache in the morning. I kissed his shoulder softly, and he sighed in pleasure.

  “Just sleep, Toby. We’ll talk in the morning. I love you.”

  “Love you too” was the sleepy rejoinder.

  I lay awake for a while, listening to his breathing getting deeper, then dropped into sleep.

  I awoke to the sound of someone being violently sick. I grinned and glanced at my watch. It was 7:00 a.m. I got out of bed and wandered into the bathroom. Toby was hunched over the toilet bowl, starkers, his face green as he hurled his guts up. I’d thought he might have got rid of most of it last night, but I was obviously wrong. I observed him as he retched and groaned loudly. I admired the sight of his tight, naked backside.

  “You okay there, Toby?” I’d meant it to sound concerned, but it obviously didn’t come out that way as my boyfriend rudely raised his middle finger at me in reply. I had to admit I had sounded a little smug. I waited for him to finish. Then he stood up, tottering a little before picking up his toothbrush and moving to the washbasin.

  I grimaced. “I was going to kiss you good morning, but you can forget that now.” The finger was raised again. I chuckled. “How’s the head? Do you need any painkillers?”

  “Taken them already” was the gargled reply as Toby brushed his teeth. His face was pale, his eyes stark, and he looked washed out. I waited for him to finish rinsing his mouth out. Then as he turned, I pulled him over and hugged him.

  “Good morning.” I nuzzled his neck, smelling the scent of sweat and sheer Toby. He still smelled of watermelon shower gel. “Do you remember much of last night? You were pretty out of it.”

  He scowled as he pressed himself against me, and I felt his morning erection pressing into my stomach. I dutifully ignored it. Hanky-panky could wait.

  “I remember you shoving me in the fucking shower and putting the cold water on full blast,” he growled. “Bloody sadist.”

  I shook my head. “Oh no, my sadism would be much worse than that. The whole slapping thing, remember?”

  He laughed, and I heard the old Toby somewhere inside. “Yeah, you definitely like that idea, Rain. We’ll have to see what we can do about it.” He moved away from me, into the bedroom, and started dressing in his suit. He was obviously
going to work.

  “Toby, do you want to talk about it?” I asked quietly. “Last night—you were hurting, honey. Let me help.”

  He turned to look at me, his eyes sad. “Rain, he died. I knew he was going to. It just—hurt, that’s all. A link to my past just gone. I went a bit off the rails for a minute. But I can’t do anything about it. I need to forget about it and move on.” He kissed my cheek softly as he brushed by me. “I have you. You’re all I need.” He looked down at my sweats, changing the subject. I let him if that’s what he wanted. “Are you going to drive me in or should I get a taxi? I’m going to be late anyway. What are your plans for today?”

  I moved away and pulled on a tee shirt, changing my sweats for jeans. “I’ll drive you in. You’re probably over the limit still. Are you sure you don’t want to stay here, sleep it off?”

  He shook his head. “I’d rather be at work. I’ve loads to do. The work for the hotel for this bloody fair and the extra traffic through town is driving me crazy, and November fifth is only two weeks away.” He glanced at me. “Are you all set up for your dance routine, by the way? How’s it going?” He smiled smugly. “You know we sold all the tickets for your show?”

  I grinned. “Good to hear. I’ll have a wide audience, then. As to my routine—you’ll have to wait and see like everyone else. But I promise you, you’ll like it.”

  He looked suspicious. “Rain, we agreed. Nothing too raunchy. I know it’s a private show, over eighteens only, but there’ll be old ladies there. I don’t want to be managing heart attacks.”

  I leered at him. “Would I do that to you? You know I leave the real sexy stuff till we’re alone.”

  He eyed me, then sighed. “Come on. Hurry up and let’s get off. I have a day job to get to.”

  BOTH TAMMY and Lucas were understanding about Toby’s father’s death and him scaring us all to death. They hugged him, telling him if he needed to talk, they were there. I could see that all Toby wanted to do was forget about it for the moment, so we all played along.