Permission: The Perversion Trilogy, Book Three

by Frazier, T. M.

  “Egan is right. It won’t be safe for you here.”

  I still in his arms. “You’re pushing me away again.”

  “I’m not. But you deserve everything this world has to offer. To learn things. To travel. To experience life. To have fucking fun. Things I can’t give you. Not now, anyway.”

  “We don’t know that Callum is my father yet—”

  “He is. The Chief called this morning. It’s a ninety-nine-point nine percent match.”

  I’m not shocked. I knew in my heart he was my father, but hearing the words changes everything. I realize now that Grim knows Callum is my father he will be that much more set on me leaving. “Besides, fun is a foreign concept,” I say.

  Grim's eyes grow sad, and I realize I’ve said the wrong thing. “That’s just it,” he says. “It shouldn’t be. Not for you.”

  “Don't feel sorry for me.”

  “I'm not feeling sorry for you. But I need you safe. Don’t you want to meet your mother? Find out more about your family?”

  I’m curious about her, and honestly, I have been thinking about her. What she would sound like. Her mannerisms. If she was kind of funny. If she told the same stories over and over. What kind of music she likes. “Yes. No.” I shake my head. “I don’t know.”

  “I talked to her. Your mother.”

  “You what?” I ask, taken aback.

  “Video chat on Callum’s phone.” He pauses, thinking of his words. “You’ll like her. There’s nothing not to like about her. She’s you. Just older.”

  I don’t know what to say. I do want to meet her. There’s no denying it.

  “You should go,” Grim says. “I can’t be looking over my shoulder, wondering if you’re okay while I end this war. And you need to find out who you really are.”

  He’s right. I don’t want to admit it, but Grim is right. I’m not Emma Jean Parish anymore, but I don’t know who Imogen Egan is either. I’m caught between two worlds. I don’t know my place in either of them.

  “I can’t go.” I tell him, my eyes welling up with unshed tears. “I won’t leave you.”

  “You can go. You have to go. If I had a chance to see my mother again, I wouldn’t hesitate. Go. Live. Experience the world. Meet your family.” Grim searches my eyes, and I realize he’s not pushing me away. He’s pushing me toward something.

  I pull him closer. “You’re my family.”

  “I am. Always will be. Distance won’t change that. And when it’s safe, you can choose to come back.”

  He’s saying the words like he’s giving me a choice when I know in the end, he’s already made up his mind.

  “I will come back,” I assure him. “When it’s safe, I’ll come back.”

  “Tricks, you don’t have to. Don’t think of this as a trip with an expiration date. Come back when you truly want to come back, but if you’re happy there.” He looks into my eyes. “Then I want you to stay.”

  “Why would you say that?”

  “Because this isn’t the place for you. Because you deserve more than having to worry about your life. More than what I can give you. Go. Live for fuck’s sake. If not for you, then for me. I won’t be able to live with myself, knowing you’re settling for something when you don’t know what else is waiting for you out there.”

  I choke down a sob. “I’m going to come back,” I argue.

  My heart is breaking.

  I look up at Grim’s watery eyes and realize mine isn’t the only one.

  Fourteen

  Emma Jean

  Grim breaks our kiss and shrugs off his jacket, spreading it open on the grass. He lifts me off my feet, my legs wrapping around his waist as he kneels, setting me down on my back. He resumes his kisses. My lips. My jaw. My neck. I’m writhing underneath of him as he makes his way down my body. His hand slides up my shirt, cupping my breasts as he kneels between my spread legs. My cut-offs are short; with my legs splayed before him every inch of my inner thighs are exposed to him.

  Suddenly, Grim’s weight is gone, and so are his lips.

  I lift my head and am met with dark angry eyes staring between my legs. I clap them shut.

  “What the fuck!” he roars. “Tricks, why didn’t you tell me?” A warning rips from deep within his throat. “I’m gonna gut the fucking bastard from groin to heart.”

  “It wasn’t just him,” I blurt, needing for him to know the truth. As ugly as it was. “He…he let his men…” I close my eyes tight, unable to say the words. To give new life to a nightmare I don’t want to relive.

  Grim tips my chin up. “Look at me,” he demands.

  I comply and am met with the eyes of the devil himself, as dark as the night surrounding us. His stare is as determined as his words. “Then I’ll gut them all.”

  I’ve always known that Grim a dangerous man, but I’ve never felt it in my bones before now. He’s all brutality and loyalty. A murderer and a lifesaver. My heart thumps out a warning in my chest that my brain doesn’t receive because all I’m thinking is how much I love this man. How much I need him. Not despite who he really is but because of who he is. The bruised and battered place between my thighs pulses and aches. He’s so close I can feel his heat on my skin, but not close enough.

  “I was going to tell you,” I say. “I don’t want to keep things from you. But I don’t want this to change things between us, either. I don’t want your pity or your sympathy.”

  Grim’s chest heaves above me. His nostrils flare. “We can’t do this,” he says. Burning me with his words.

  I try and roll out from under him, but he holds me in place, caging me in with his body.

  I push on his chest. “If you don’t want me, then why keep me here?”

  Grim’s brow crinkles with confusion. “No, Tricks. Not because I don’t want you. Never that. I want to fuck you more than you could ever understand. More than I can even understand. I just don’t want to hurt you.”

  “Oh,” I say.

  Grim’s expression softens. “Let me make you feel good. Let me erase some of the hurt.” He pulls me against him for a searing kiss that makes me want nothing more than for him to be inside of me. Injuries be damned.

  His lips release mine all too quickly. The gentle night breeze licks across my wet mouth, cooling my lips.

  Grim continues to my neck, sucking behind my ear.

  I dig my fingernails into his back as he trails his talented tongue down my shoulder then across my chest until he’s staring at my naked breasts. “Perfect, beautiful tits,” he whispers with such awe it almost sounds like a prayer. Sucking my nipple into his warm mouth, he toys with it between his teeth and tongue.

  I kick out my legs, needing more. So much more.

  "Shhhh...I got you, Tricks."

  I groan into the night as he moves to worship my other nipple. I’m ecstatic and frustrated all at the same time.

  He lowers his mouth down my body, trailing his lips across my skin, down past my navel. When he reaches my shorts, he tugs at the button. I lift my hips, to assist him in ridding the barrier of clothing between us.

  “Tell me if I hurt you,” he murmurs. His breath creates a tingling sensation against my already sensitive and swollen clit.

  I can only nod my response because his lips are on me again, silencing my words and consuming my thoughts. He's kissing me passionately in my most intimate place, parting my pussy lips with his tongue and lapping me up like I'm the most delicious morsel he’s ever tasted. He groans against my core.

  I'm holding onto him, for dear life, my fingers splayed in his hair to anchor him to me and me to the ground.

  Grim massages my inner thigh with one hand while he works a thick finger inside of me with the other. Gently, too gently. There is no pain, only Grim and pleasure and everything I want in the world right here between my legs. I tense as he sucks my clit into his mouth. A feeling of pure electric heat sizzles throughout my body. My insides ache as the pressure builds and builds from a spark to a raging fire.

&nbs
p; He lifts away slightly, teasing me by blowing softly across my wet pink folds. I shudder so hard my teeth chatter. Arching my back, I pull on his hair, greedily and shamelessly grinding myself against his perfect face. He must like my reaction, because he groans against me, fucking me with his fingers and licking me over and over again like a crazed animal. As if making me come is all that's important in this world.

  “I’m close,” I tell him, pulling his hair even harder, egging him on.

  He lets out a guttural groan, flattening his tongue against my clit, stroking it up and down and back again.

  The tension I feel within me is borderline pain, twisting me from the inside out. I'm about to burst through my own skin.

  Grim uses his teeth and lightly bites my clit before sucking it hard into his mouth one last time.

  I come apart on a roar of my own, screaming his name into the night. I contract around his tongue, coating it in a flush of wetness I can feel dripping down my ass cheeks. The pleasure smashes into me over and over again, shattering me into pieces like a hammer against glass.

  For the very first time in my life, I’m happy to be broken.

  Grim doesn’t allow me to reciprocate. Instead, he dresses me silently and helps me back to the bike. I think he’s angry or upset, so I allow him his silence.

  When we’re back in the room of the brothel, he closes the door and turns the lock.

  I remove all of my clothes until I’m standing naked in front of the bed. When he turns from the door, his eyes land on me. His lips part as he takes in my naked form.

  I raise my arms out to the side. “I’m bruised and broken. I’m battered and battle-worn. This is who I am. You won’t hurt me. I want you to take me. Just as I am,” I say, a tear trailing down my cheek.

  A growl tears from his throat. He pounces, pushing me back onto the bed. I help him pull off his jacket. He makes quick work of his pants until we’re skin on skin. His lips are everywhere. The heat of his thick cock is against my stomach, throbbing against me with need. Moisture leaking from the tip spreads against my skin, and I moan because it’s all for me. His need. His love.

  I reach down and grab him in my hand, stroking up and down, watching his eyes open and close, his chin tipped up. Knowing I have this much power over such a powerful man makes me drunk with pleasure. I tighten my grip, and he bucks in my hand.

  “Enough,” he growls, pulling from my grip.

  He spreads my legs wide with his knees, and then, he’s inside me, filling me, stretching me wide open. Our eyes lock as he begins to fuck me, and I realize he’s trying to be gentle.

  “You won’t hurt me,” I whisper, running my hands through his hair. “Please, Grim. I need you. All of you.”

  That’s all it takes. He drives in, thrusting hard, pushing me up further against the headboard. He’s relentless as he pounds into me. Pleasure erupts within me, and my stomach tightens with a need for release. He reaches under me and flips me over. He re-enters me with brutal force, lifting my hips to meet his every brutal thrust. It’s still not enough. I push back against him. I’m screaming his name, and he’s screaming mine until it’s all a blur of white light behind my eyes and a full body orgasm that shakes me to my very core, soaking the sheets beneath us.

  As I regain my senses, Grim pushes deep inside of me, my name and a swear tears from his throat as he floods me with his release. “Fuck, Tricks!!!”

  We both collapse to the mattress. He flips me back over and settles himself between my thighs. He pushes my hair from my face. “I love you,” he says softly. Tears prick my eyes.

  “I love you, too.”

  He buries his face in the nape of my neck, breathing me in. His cock, still inside of me, springs to life once more. This time, when he begins to rock his hips, it’s not a wild animalistic need we are both filling. It’s slow, and passionate.

  He lifts his head and stares into my eyes as he makes love to me. Slowly, tenderly, as if for the last time. I come without warning, violently erupting in a shudder of pleasure. I’m both screaming his name and sobbing as he finds his own release.

  When he collapses next to me, I search his face and find that his cheeks are wet. At first, I think it’s my own tears smeared across his skin, but then he blinks and a tear of his own pools at the corner of his eye, dropping onto the pillow.

  He reaches for a jacket. At first, I think he’s already getting dressed, but he pulls something from the pocket and sets the jacket back aside. He lays down beside me once again and lays the cool metal object over my chest and throat.

  “My locket,” I breathe, clasping a hand over it. Grim places one hand over mine, and the other cups my cheek.

  “Why do I feel like this is goodbye?” I whisper, feeling like the breath is being stolen from my lungs little by little. My hearts slows to crawl as if it’s pausing to hear what comes next.

  Grim’s sad golden eyes meet mine. “Because it is.”

  Fifteen

  Emma Jean

  “EJ!” Gabby says with an enthusiastic smile. She’s standing, holding the back of her hospital gown together, one arm tucked behind her back, the other is wrapped in a thick black sling. Sandy is standing on the other side of the bed with a pile of clothes in his arms. He drops it on the bed with a heavy sigh.

  “What’s wrong?” I ask him.

  He looks to Gabby. “You’re about to find out.”

  "Don’t mind him. He’s just being pouty,” Gabby says, sticking her tongue out at Sandy who scrunches his nose in return. I love this playful side of Gabby. A side of her I haven’t seen since we were kids.

  It’s not her playfulness that throws me. It’s the familiarity between her and Sandy. I wonder just how familiar they’ve really become.

  “Did you hear? I’m being released!” Gabby exclaims.

  “Yay,” Sandy mutters under his breath.

  “No, I haven’t heard. That’s amazing.” I sit on the corner of the bed while she gets dressed. She spins her finger in the air. Sandy rolls his eyes and reluctantly turns around.

  “Listen, I have to tell you something,” I say. “Actually, I have to ask you something.”

  “About Ireland?” She jumps up and down then winces, grabbing onto her shoulder.

  “You know?”

  She pulls a black sundress over her head. Sandy turns back around as if he instinctively knows she’s done dressing. I spot a mirror on the wall Sandy was just facing and realize instincts had nothing to do with it. When he spots me looking at the mirror, he flashes me a wink and a sly smile.

  “Yes, I know. Callum came in. He told me all about it. Can you believe we’re going to Ireland? He says he lives in a town will rolling green hills, and they have festivals and schools. Can you believe it, EJ? We could go to school!”

  In all the years I’ve known Gabby, I’ve never seen her so excited before.

  “And you have a family! A mom and a dad! I can’t wrap my brain around this. It’s all so…everything. It’s what we dreamed of, Emma Jean. The day has come when it’s all finally coming true. We’re getting out of this town. We’re going to stop surviving and start actually living.”

  If I was undecided about leaving before stepping into Gabby’s hospital room, I’m not anymore. I can’t deny Gabby her safety, this opportunity, or anything that makes her as excited as she is right now.

  “We are going to be living our dreams,” she repeats, embracing me in a hug.

  I stare over her shoulder at a somber-looking Sandy and hold her tightly. “Yeah, we are, Gabby. We finally are.”

  My words aren’t entirely true. They would be if I were speaking them months ago. Over the past few months, my dreams for Gabby have remained the same, but my own have changed. They no longer only include safety and security or a life outside of Lacking.

  I dream of a man in a black leather hood, bleeding black roses, and an unbroken heart.

  * * *

  “That’s a dirty trick you pulled,” I say, crossing my arms over my ches
t.

  Callum is sitting at the table, typing away at a laptop. When he sees me, he closes it and removes the reading glasses from his nose, tucking them into his coat pocket.

  “I supposed you’ve spoken to Gabriella, then,” he says with an unapologetic smile. “I didn’t get to where I am by playing by the rules, and neither did your beau for that matter.”

  I stand in front of him across the table.

  “Sit,” he says, holding his hand out to a chair.

  “I’d rather stand.” I say, steeling my nerve. “You want me to come to Ireland with you, right?”

  “Aye, you and Gabriella.”

  “Then, I have demands.”

  “Demands?” he asks with a sparkle in his eye.

  “Yes, you’re a businessman. You didn’t get to where you are now without negotiating a time or two.”

  “Is that what this is then? A negotiation?”

  “Yes.”

  “Did Grim send you? I expected him to make some demands of me in exchange for allowing you to come with me, but he hasn’t. The only thing he asked is that if you were to come that your friend Gabriella come as well. Are you here as his ambassador?”

  “No. Grim didn’t make any demands of you because he loves me. He’s not going to negotiate the terms of my release because I’m not his possession. These are my own.”

  He nods and looks pleased. “Sit then. Business conducted standing tells the other person you don’t trust them.”

  “I don’t trust you.”

  “Yes, but you have to give an air of trust to make the other person want to give in to your demands. Without trust, negotiations seldom get far.” He leans back in his chair.

  I round the table and take the seat opposite him. I fold my hands on the table. “Better?” I raise my eyebrows.

  “Much. So, go on then, what are these demands of yours? Shall I make a list?” He picks up a pen from the table and pulls a small note pad from his pocket.

  I shake my head. “No, I don’t need this to be written down. You never know who might see it.”