The Reluctant Expat: Part Four - Settling Down

by Alan Laycock

  “I assure you they will be,” he said with a simper. “So have you already employed other staff?”

  “Once we’ve taken up your refer–”

  “Yes, four people. I’ll tell you about them,” she said, and she did, despite not having checked his references, which I believe she never got around to doing.

  “They sound quite satisfactory, Angela. I’m sure we’ll be able to assemble a great team and make this venture a super success,” he said, gesticulating with his refined little hands that hadn’t done a real day’s work in their lives.

  She fluttered her eyelashes and might have hugged him had the desk not been in the way. She’d never fluttered her eyelashes at me and I began to suspect that he was the type of man she secretly found attractive – physically feeble, sycophantic and slightly camp – rather than big, no-nonsense macho men like Malcolm and me. As they prattled on about how great and super it was going to be, I found myself wondering what Malcolm would make of Gerardo. He would detest the toadying little prig, of course, and lament his wife’s unwise choice, but as Angela could do no wrong in his eyes, he’d probably try to be nice to him.

  “When will Malcolm be coming?” I managed to ask during a lull.

  They both seemed a bit surprised that I was still there.

  “I’ll go home in a few days, then come out with Malcolm as soon as he’s able.”

  Gerardo smoothed his impeccable charcoal grey trousers and stood up. He patted his cute little quiff and beamed at his new employer.

  “I’m afraid I must go now, as I have to work this afternoon, but I’ll be here at nine tomorrow, if that’s convenient for you, Angela.”

  She stood up. “Oh, Gerardo, you mustn’t tire yourself by doing two jobs at once.”

  He tittered. “It isn’t a problem, Angela. I’m used to hard work and I’m extremely keen on this new project.”

  “Isn’t it a long way to drive from Almansa every day?” she asked.

  “Only fifty minutes, and I’ll find the time useful to run over the tasks of the day.”

  I stood up and was pleased to see a promising little bald patch on the back of his rather large head. On taking Angela’s hand I thought he was going to curtsey, but he gave her a neat little bow instead. When he deigned to offer me his hand I enveloped it in my rough, powerful paw and pressed until I felt the metacarpals shatter into tiny fragments. Well, not quite, but I did give it a good hard squeeze, just to show him the type of guy he was dealing with.

  “Now that you’re on board, Gerardo, Alan will be able to concentrate on supervising the building work.”

  “Yes,” I boomed, towering over the little shrimp of about five foot seven.

  “That’s good. I too will be around to ensure that all the equipment and fittings are installed to our satisfaction,” he said.

  I thought he might have overstepped the mark this time, as this was Angela’s territory, but she just gushed a few more words of gratitude.

  I don’t wish to imply that Angela had lost her head over this Machiavellian little man, as she’s pretty shrewd and must have sensed my antipathy towards him, because as we accompanied him out to his compact BMW she said the following.

  “My greatest interest in the hotel will be the courses I’ve told you about.”

  “They sound wonderful,” he crooned.

  “Yes, and I believe Alan’s going to assist me with them. Isn’t that right, Alan?”

  “Oh yes.”

  “So you’ll be able to concentrate on the running of the hotel. Well, I look forward to seeing you tomorrow.”

  “Yes, bye for now, Angela.”

  “Hasta mañana, Gerardo,” I said.

  “Yes, see you tomorrow,” the little blighter said in English, thus commencing one of the greatest battles for linguistic hegemony in the history of mankind, as I’d be damned if I was going to speak English to him when Angela wasn’t present.

  When he’d driven away Angela reminded me that I was going to have a word with Arturo.

  “Ah, yes, I’ll go and find him.”

  She smiled. “I’ll take a stroll on the new lawns. I hope the joins will… join up before the first guests arrive.”

  I found Arturo upstairs, tiling a bathroom wall alone.

  “Al-an! How’s it going?”

  OK. Listen, I was going to suggest that you work at the hotel, doing maintenance, gardening, driving and whatnot, but Angela’s just taken on a manager who I don’t think you’ll like, so maybe it isn’t a good idea after all,” I babbled.

  “Hey, calm down, man. You’re all stressed.” He patted my arm with his cleaner left hand.

  “Yes, well, what do I tell her? Are you interested?”

  “Tell her I might be, if the wages are good. I reckon Cristóbal will lay me off after this job anyway, unless something big comes up, but there’s no need to tell her that. I’ll check out this new manager guy, and we’ll see what he thinks of me. All right?”

  “Yes.”

  “Take it easy, Alan.”

  “Yes, I will.”

  I suggested at the beginning of this fateful chapter that I wasn’t sure if the appearance of Gerardo was a good thing for me or not, and I was soon able to see the silver lining around this bothersome cloud, so when we drove back to the house my feeling of annoyance was tempered by a growing sense of relief. Gerardo, despite his numerous flaws (in my eyes), appeared to have the expertise to run a little hotel like Angela’s with his eyes closed, so my worries on that score were over. From then on, anything that went wrong would be their fault, not mine, so when Angela, after leaving me to mull things over for a while, said that she suspected I didn’t think as highly of Gerardo as she did, I was able to reply with equanimity.

  “Oh, I admit that he’s not really my cup of tea, but I think he’ll do a good job.”

  “Yes, I think so too. I really think I should stay at the hotel in town from tonight. I’ve imposed myself on you and Inma for quite long enough.”

  Sensing a test, I protested. “Nonsense, you’ll stay with us until you go back. I’ll drive you to the hotel every day and I’ll help out with the building as I was about to do when you arrived.”

  “Make sure Cristóbal pays you then. Malcolm knows that he’s making a packet out of the work, you know.”

  “Does he?”

  “Yes, but he can’t be bothered to haggle over a few thousand. He’s much softer now than he used to be, and he’s pleased that the total cost of the completed hotel will be less than he budgeted for. So, as I said, I hope you’ll help me with the courses when they start.”

  “Yes, I’d like that.”

  “And we’ll leave the running of the hotel to Gerardo.”

  “Yes.”

  “And I’ll make it clear that the courses aren’t his remit, but yours and mine.”

  “Yes.”

  She chuckled. “I hope I’ve put your mind at rest.”

  Yes, I… yes.”

  “Gerardo’s arrival will be all for the best, you’ll see.”

  “Yes, I hope so.”

  As Inma arrived home quite late from the bar, Angela cooked a delicious stew for dinner and went off to her room at her usual early hour. When I happened to pass by her door in order to check the damp patch in the end room, I heard her speaking softly. Feeling a sudden cramp in my left calf, I was forced to remain immobile for a few moments and I soon deduced that she was talking to her husband, extolling the virtues of the Angel of Almansa. My damn cramp just wouldn’t go away.

  “Alan doesn’t like him much and you probably won’t either, but I know his sort from meeting employees of yours and he’s perfect for the job.”

  (Pause while M spoke.)

  “No, I mean that he’s one of those self-serving types who’ll work like hell to get the place up and running, then probably move on to somewhere else. He knows his stuff and I’m going to pick his brains, so by the time he leaves I’ll be more on the ball. I feel pretty clueless now and Alan’s even wors
e than me, so we need this chap to get things going.”

  (Long pause while M spoke.)

  “Yes, I know he seems to have come down in the world. From Madrid to London and then to Preston, of all places, doesn’t make much sense, and I think he must have messed up there and got sacked or something. I could call the hotel where he worked, but I probably won’t bother. So that’s why he needs this job, to get his career back on track, as that place in Almansa sounds like an awful hole from the reviews I’ve read. I think you’ll admire him in some ways, as he’s a wonderful liar, every bit as good as some of your salesmen.” She chuckled. “Anyway, if he’s no good you’ll know and you can give him his marching orders when we come back...”

  By this time I really was in danger of getting cramp, so motionlessly had I stood, so I crept away and Inma and I soon went to bed. As she was tired I just gave her a brief summary of the day’s events.

  She yawned, unfazed by my dramatic finale. “It’s better this way, I think. I mean, you don’t really like responsibility, do you?”

  “Well, not much, apart from my responsibilities to you, dear.”

  I kissed her and she was soon sound asleep.

  14

  The next morning I sprang out of bed and pulled on my overalls, my brain having decided during my slumbers how to approach the next few days. As soon as Angela appeared I served our breakfast items of orange juice, cereals, toast and coffee in rapid succession and by half past eight we were motoring down the lane to town.

  “My, you seem keen today, Alan,” she said with a chuckle.

  “Ah, because I love working with my hands. I can’t wait to get stuck in with the lads,” I enthused.

  “Make sure Cristóbal pays you properly.”

  “Yes, I’ll ask him to pay me by the hour. That way we can come and go when we please.”

  Cristóbal immediately agreed with my suggestion and said that I could mix and/or carry for however long I wanted, in return for which he’d pay me twelve euros an hour, cash in hand. The fact that Angela was standing with her arms folded some five yards away may have had some bearing on his acquiescence, but by the time Gerardo arrived, in a two-piece suit today, I was upstairs with Arturo, waiting for him to finish his fag.

  I beckoned him to the window. “Arturo, he’s here now. Look how he walks, like a constipated cat.”

  “Hmm, but the guy has style.”

  “Has he?”

  “Oh, yes, and I love the shoes. Just watch how I make friends with him.”

  “He might not like gypsies, or half gypsies.”

  “Haven’t I got on fine with all these ignorant workmen?”

  “Yes, you have, even Cristóbal. Come on, let’s finish this wall.”

  I remained upstairs all morning, laying a few vertical tiles like a past master, and when Angela came to find me I was still hard at it.

  “We’ve just interviewed three more people, Alan.”

  “Ah,” I said, making sure that the superbly centred spirit level bubble was within her line of vision, though I don’t think she noticed.

  “Gerardo didn’t like one of them. I’d have taken him on, but I’ll let him decide, as the staff are his responsibility.”

  “Uh-huh,” I murmured absently as I reached for another tile.

  She sniggered softly, before asking Arturo how things were going.

  “Fine, Señora. Alan and I are making good progress here.”

  She asked him if he’d considered my proposal of the previous day.

  “I’m certainly interested, in principle, if the hours are enough and I fit in with the new… team,” he said slowly. “I like it here in the country and I enjoy doing different tasks, so yes, I’m interested.”

  “Can you start on the first of May?”

  “Yes, Señora, if we agree on the wages.”

  “Is the same as what you’re earning now all right?”

  “Yes. And the hours?”

  “Is forty all right?”

  “Perfect,” he said with his most charming smile – sincerely charming, not like Gerardo’s – before whipping off his gloves and tossing them into the sink. “May I kiss your hand to seal our deal, Señora?”

  She laughed. “No, you may not, and please call me Angela.”

  “All right, Angela.”

  “Speak to Gerardo about the paperwork.”

  “Is he the dapper little man who looks so important?” he asked, the cheeky so-and-so.

  “Ha, yes, that’s him. Alan and I are going now, but he’ll be here until about four. Have a word with him later.”

  “I will, thank you.”

  “Er, won’t Gerardo want to… er, interview him or something?” I murmured in English.

  “I’ve told him that Arturo is my appointment,” she said in Spanish. “We three will be independent of Gerardo. Do you both understand that?”

  We said we did.

  In the car she was prodding her phone, so I asked her if she was looking at more job applications.

  “No, at flights. Could you take me to the airport later, please?”

  “Yes, but so soon?”

  “So soon after employing Gerardo, you mean? Yes, I’ll go now and fly back with Malcolm in a week or so.”

  “Do you trust Gerardo with everything?”

  “Yes, I think so, but please keep an eye on him, and ask Arturo to do so too.”

  “I must say I think it was brilliant of you to take on Arturo in that way.”

  “I can be shrewd sometimes, Alan.”

  “Yes.”

  She chuckled. “Cristóbal doesn’t think much of Gerardo, unsurprisingly.”

  “Doesn’t he? I’ve hardly seen either of them this morning.”

  “Yes, I’ve noticed your policy of splendid isolation. I asked Cristóbal to keep an eye on… things too, so I’ll hopefully have three pairs of eyes I can count on, then two after we open.”

  I was almost looking forward to seeing Gerardo the following day and subtly hinting at my special powers.

  “Divide and rule,” I said spontaneously.

  “Yes, Malcolm’s taught me all about that. He’s looking forward to coming out.”

  “I’ll drive the Hymer over one day soon.”

  “Thank you. Please park it opposite the front door, pointing towards it.”

  “I will.”

  “Malcolm likes to keep an eye on things, you see.”

  “Yes.”

  “From the driving seat.”

  “Definitely. I’m looking forward to seeing him.”

  “You know, I think you really are this time, Alan.”

  I laughed and reminded myself never, ever to underestimate people again.

  That Saturday I cycled to Cathy and Bernie’s, from where he drove the Hymer to the hotel while I followed in Letizia. After guiding him into position, about fifteen yards from the front door, I locked up the Hymer and we went inside.

  “Is everything all right, Gerardo?” I asked him in Spanish after entering the little room that was to become his office.

  “Yes, just fine,” he replied in English. “I have four people to interview this morning for the position of chef. I also have appointments with two food suppliers later, so I hope to introduce the successful candidate to them.”

  “That’s good. Angela will be pleased that everything is slowly coming together,” I said in Spanish.

  “Not so slowly,” he replied in English with a loathsome leer. (In fact you can take it as read that Gerardo and I will converse in this absurd bilingual way when we’re alone together, unless I indicate otherwise.)

  Although Bernie was hovering in the doorway, I had no intention of introducing him. For all Gerardo knew, he might be another of Angela’s appointments.

  “Malcolm and Angela will be arriving on Wednesday,” I said.

  “I know.”

  I allowed my lips to twitch. “Malcolm is looking forward to meeting you.”

  “I know, and I too am looking forward to mee
ting him.”

  I glanced at the papers on his desk. “Yes, see you later.” I turned to Bernie. “Come on, I’ll show you round,” I said, still in Spanish.

  “What’s with the language game, Alan?” he said as I led him into the future dining room.

  “Not a game, but a battle. I will not speak English to Spaniards in Spain, unless there’s a good reason for it. It’s a matter of principle, especially with a prick like him.”

  “What’s up with him? He seems all right.”

  “Does he?”

  “Yes, I mean, he’s a bit poncy, but you’re normally more tolerant about folk.”

  “Hmm, maybe I have taken a slightly irrational dislike to him, but it’s a gut feeling I’ve got and I can’t help it. I’ll show you the bedrooms.”

  “Ha, the cunning little git,” Bernie said when I’d told him how Gerardo had used his mother’s death to elicit sympathy in the interview.

  “I think it was out of order, especially if it’s not true.”

  “Well, if it’s not true I suppose it is a bit much, but that’s the way of the world, Alan. If you need a job, you do whatever it takes to get it.”

  “It’s not my way.”

  “No, but then you were never much of a one for jobs, were you?”

  I stiffened. “I’ve had jobs.”

  “Yes, but mostly crap ones that were easy to get. If you really want to get a certain job, you do whatever it takes.”

  “Yes, you said.”

  “It’s dog eat dog in the world of work, Alan, and you have to remember that. Anyway, Angela’s already got him sussed, so it doesn’t matter.”

  “No, I guess not. What do you think of the place?”

  “It’s going to be pretty smart. Come on, let’s get back and I’ll show you my land.”

  After whirring along the back roads for half an hour, enjoying the sunny morning with the roof rolled back, we arrived at the field, where Spartacus stood poised with his old but rust-free plough attached.

  “Wow, you’ve transformed it, Bern,” I said as I surveyed the long stretch of dry, thoroughly ploughed earth.

  He adjusted his not yet battered straw hat. “Yes, I’ve been over it a few times.”