ROCKED BY THE WAVES

by Alisa Grey

  I kissed him on the cheek and he relaxed. But it was clear that he would keep an eye on Jackson Turner.

  The days flew by. We used to talk for hours. We had projects to make and things to think about. We didn’t really want to have a social life, by then.

  «Do you think your mother’s going to like me?»

  I was hugging him and I laid my head against his chest. He caressed my hair.

  «Of course she will. She’ll love you. You’re so nice and sweet... and kind. You’re the perfect wife».

  I felt much better. I was really in love with him.

  «Don’t you fear I won’t have much spare time anymore?»

  He caressed my cheek. «I know you’re passionate about helping others. I won’t stop you. I know you have your path and I’ll stand by you. You’re the woman I love. And I love you because of that. I don’t want you to change».

  I hugged him and cried.

  «Thank you.»

  I was happy and speechless. I was always stuck, when he told me such things. I saw myself through his eyes and I could see us spending the rest of our lives together.

  «Claire, I want a white house. On top of a hill, near the sea. I want a garden, and a beach, and woods surrounding us. And I want many children. I like children, Claire. But I don’t want any of this, unless you want it too.»

  I could picture our house and our children. «I like children too. Even if I like you more.»

  I turned red and hugged him. He hugged me back.

  «I think we’ll have to meet John McLeod. He’s Scottish, I believe, and he is the governor. He’ll help us out».

  We used to dream a lot. It was a lovely way to spend the time, daydreaming. I knew we would sort it all out somehow.

  It was day number eight on the boat and I woke up feeling really sick. I was cold and couldn’t stand up. I did it anyway and got to the bathroom. I threw up and looked at my reflection in the mirror. I was pale and didn’t look good. I saw my belly. I then looked at my breasts. They seemed bigger. I didn’t really take notice of that. It had been raining for days, so I might have been sick because of that. I had barely eaten, on the night before. I went back to our bed.

  Yes, I was seasick. It must have been that. Sam was still sleeping. He was perfect.

  I was stuck to see him like that. He had long legs and muscled shoulders. He had a great body. I wanted to be with him forever and couldn’t even think of parting from him. What if Alex found us somehow? I didn’t want to go back to London, nor to be a property. I liked my new relationship and I liked being part of a real couple.

  I could barely breathe. It was all so different from anything I had experienced before. I reached out and touched his skin. His back was smooth. I kissed it but I felt a strange pain all over my body. I had a headache and felt like I was going to be sick once again. Sam opened his blue eyes and asked me: «Are you alright?»

  He sat and looked at me. I felt sick and hurried into the bathroom.

  «What’s wrong?»

  He was worried. He was on the doorway.

  «I’m seasick, I believe. I’m fine».

  He looked at me.

  «I’ll come back to sleep, Sam. Don’t worry».

  He came to me and sat on the bathroom’s floor next to me.

  «Oh, Sam, don’t...»

  «Do you want to drink something?»

  «I’d like some bread».

  He stood up and got dressed. «I’ll be back». He kissed me on the forehead and left.

  I felt lonely and awkward.

  I opened the trunk and picked something to wear. I felt someone knocking on the door. Sam must have hurried. He must have been worried. I opened the door and smiled.

  It was Oscar. He looked at me. I was barely naked.

  I wore my jacket and tried to shut the door, but he was quick: he came in. I wanted to do something, but didn’t know how to act. I wasn’t feeling comfortable. He came to me and my back hit the wall. He opened my jacket and touched my breasts. He undid his pants and took off his trousers.

  «Now you’ll shut up. You’ll like it, you know you will. Don’t you think I can’t hear you as you’re fucking with your husband... you’ll enjoy it, you know...»

  He was holding me still. He was sweating and his breath smelt bad. He was too close to me, I felt bad. He tried to open my legs, but I kicked and kicked. I hit him and as he was lying on the floor, I run to the door and opened it.

  «Go away! Or I’ll tell your wife, Sam and the captain. Go away!»

  I was angry and I felt like he had humiliated me. I felt like killing him, but I need him to go away, because Sam would be back any moment and I didn’t want them to fight. My husband was my one true love and I wanted to be with him. I was feeling sick.

  Oscar left and I shut the door. I stood still, barely naked and shocked. I started crying and shaking. I needed to take a bath, so I went to the bathroom and washed my face.

  When Sam came back, some ten minutes later, he was holding croissants, bread and much stuff.

  «I’m sorry it took so long, dear. I brought something...»

  I smiled. I was still in the bath, trying to relax. The water was warm, but I was shaking anyway.

  «Are you feeling any better? Do you want me to help you?»

  «I just want you to stay here, please», I cried.

  He looked at me. «Of course I’ll stay here with you. Are you okay?»

  He touched my forehead to check on my temperature.

  «I think you have a fever. Let’s get dressed and go to bed. Come on, Claire. I’ll take care of everything».

  He took some warm clothes.

  «I’ll help you».

  I got up and let him dry my body. He dressed me up and took me to bed. Then he fed me, just like a baby.

  «Do you want me to call for some tea?»

  No, I just needed him to hug me. I grabbed his arm and tried to remain calm. «Yes, but you must stay here. Don’t go away».

  «What are you talking about? What’s scaring you? I won’t leave you. You know I won’t. You’re my everything, Claire... talk to me».

  I smiled at him. I didn’t want him to know about Oscar.

  «I’ll be in a much better shape tomorrow. It’s just the fever...»

  I stayed in bed the whole day. Sam hugged me and never left me.

  «I’m so in love with you... But I can’t lay next to you, not now. I want you so bad... I have to sit here and wait for you to feel better».

  «Oh, please Sam... just lay next to me. Please... massage my back».

  I undid my shirt and waited for him to touch me. «Please...»

  I looked at him in the most innocent way.

  He undid his shirt and laid next to me.

  «Will you take my shirt off? So that you can massage my back...»

  I was feeling determined and strong. I was in love and didn’t want anything to ruin my relationship with Sam.

  On the morning after, I was still feeling sick. I threw up for days, and then I understood. I sat on the bathroom’s floor and stood still.

  «What’s wrong, Claire?»

  I looked him in the eyes and told him.

  «I think I’m pregnant».

  He was shocked. He didn’t expect anything of that sort. I was crying and, as Sam looked at me, he understood why. «It’s Alex...»

  I shook my head and cried. I cried and cried.

  He was pale.

  «Don’t you worry, Claire. We’re going to raise him as if he were ours».

  I hugged him and kissed him again and again.

  I looked at me. «I was just... shocked. I didn’t expect this to happen. But we will keep him. And I’m happy. It’s your son and I will love him as I love you. It’s going to be our son».

  Oscar and his wife ignored us for the rest of the journey. I was glad of that.

  «Do you think they hate us or something?», Sam asked me. «But... why?»

  I tried to sound nonchalant.

  �
�I don’t know. Maybe he’s just found more suitable people to spend time with...»

  He didn’t seem too convinced.

  «Are you hiding something from me?»

  I turned pale.

  «No».

  He stared at me then he shook his head.

  When we got to Halifax, I was glad.

  ~ ~~ ~ ~~ ~ ~~ ~ ~~ ~ ~~

  London, September the 30th, 1893

  «Angus, do you have any news?»

  «I’m afraid, no. Claire disappeared. We’re looking for her...»

  «How can she disappear?»

  «We’re looking for her, Alexander. Just be patient... and please go out once in a while. Being shut in here won’t do you any good».

  «She’s my wife, Angus. Where’s Sam anyway?»

  «He’s in Scotland. He needed to see his mother, I think... he’ll be back soon.»

  «Maybe he’ll be able to help us. He found her when she was in France, right?»

  «Yes, he’ll help us».

  CHAPTER 9

  ALBA NUADH

  Alba Nuadh was the Gaelic Scottish word to say Nova Scotia. Scottish people were extremely important in that part of North America, for both the politics and the economy.

  Legend said that in 1000 a.C., a Viking prince named Thorfinn Karlsefni, had sent two of his slaves to Nova Scotia. He wanted to land there, but was unsure whether it was a suitable place or not. The slaves told him it was a fine land, so they got there and stayed for three years.

  In Nova Scotia, people were tall, muscled and determined. In 1700 a.C., the Highlanders fought against the English army. It was a bloody war and at the end of it many people moved to Nova Scotia.

  Halifax, the main city, was a harbor surrounded by hills. It was a land full of lakes and rivers, beaches, islands and woods. The sea seemed to be almost everywhere and you could smell it in the air.

  It was early morning when our boat approached the coast. It was not as foggy as I’d have expected. I was stuck to see how colourful that land was: I liked the blue ocean, the golden beaches, the green meadows.

  Most of the houses were red. Yellow ones, blue and white buildings could be spotted once in a while, though. They all surrounded the harbor and the place was packed with ships and cargos. Sailors and pirates had turned Halifax into an adventure book, or at least so it looked to me.

  It took us a while to get off our boat. We took our luggage with us and we headed to the customhouse. It was quite messy, because carriages and horses were almost everywhere; seagulls played in the water and occasionally flew upon our heads. We got to Prince Street, the main street of the city. Parks and offices follow one another. It was windy.

  It was an assault to the senses. The smell, the air, the colors. Halifax hosted two universities, but it had been a place of piracy for many years. It was a city of contradictions.

  We turned left and so did the two boys who were bringing our luggage.

  «What guesthouse will we be staying at?»

  «It’s a small hotel. I was told it’s a good one».

  «Told by who? Scottish friends?»

  «You’ll like it. It’s next to the park».

  After a while, we turned right and there it was. Our hotel. It was nice and romantic. Its walls were pink and the whole building was enclosed by a wall. The park, as Sam had promised, was just in front of it.

  We entered the hall and found ourselves in a long corridor. It was full of doors, armchairs, paintings and mirrors. At the end of it stood a wooden stair leading upstairs.

  Two red-haired women came to us. They smiled and I noticed that their eyes were incredibly green.

  «Madainn mhath dhuibh!», one of them said.

  «Mòran taing!», Sam replied. «They said we are welcome. My wife doesn’t speak Scottish Gaelic».

  Both women smiled at me. Were they sisters, I asked myself. «We’re sorry. We thought you were Scottish».

  Sam smiled back and said: «Do you have any vacancy? We’d love to stay here for a few days. I was told this hotel is really good».

  The women told a boy to come help us with our luggage.

  «I have the perfect room for a young couple. Follow me», one of them said.

  We walked through the corridor and went upstairs. We entered a very big room. The bed wasy huge and covered in green linen. I liked the chimney much. The window let much light come in. I noticed that the white curtains matched perfectly with the rest of the furniture: they had green flowers all over them. The bathroom was ample and comfortable.

  Sam shook his head and said we loved the room.

  «We’ll get some breakfast for you, if you like».

  Yes, we did like. I was hungry and so was Sam.

  «We’ll be downstairs in a few minutes».

  They both left and I looked at Sam. «How come you speak so many languages?»

  We changed our outfits and got to the breakfast room. The tables looked lovely. There were even fresh flowers on each of them.

  The chimney was big and the fire was on. It was cold, even if we were in October.

  We sat and waited. I was feeling tired.

  A nice young woman brought us a big plate with our English breakfast. Scrambled eggs, sausages, bread and beans. That was exactly what we needed.

  The sisters came back to us. «Is everything fine with your breakfast? Do you like the room? My name is Rose Dawson, and this is my sister Mary. We have had this hotel for ten years. We’re from Scotland».

  Sam smiled at them.

  «Did you enjoy your journey? This is a savange land, you know. A boat sinks every so often and people talk about that for months. Have you heard of Sable Island? Five hundred wrecks are supposed to be hidden in the depths of those waters».

  I was ravished. How old was she? Both sisters were not young, but they surely were elegant and polite. Sam didn’t seem to be willing to chat with them. I could see why: it was dangerous. We couldn’t let people find out about us.

  «Thank you for your kindness, Miss Dawson. Maybe you could help us... we’re looking for a monastic order. It should be based nearby».

  She stared at us. She didn’t expect us to ask such a thing.

  «You have to reach the city centre. Then you will have to ask someone. It’s not a nice neighbourhood, though. It’s full of prostitues and drunk sailors. Don’t take your wife with you, Sir».

  We were too tired to do anything, anyway. I had been feeling sick for the past few days and we needed to rest.

  We got back to our room and found out that the fire had been lit. Our window offered a great view of the park. We could even see the lake. It was full of statues, flowers and trees. It looked like Hyde Park, so I felt home.

  Sam was standing behind me. I turned to him and hugged him. He hugged me back and kissed me. He caressed my face, each and every inch of it. Then, he caressed my eyes.

  «You’re so strong and so fragile. I don’t think I can do much to help you with your pregnancy, but I’d love to make you feel better».

  He kissed me passionately and I knew he wanted me. I wanted him too. I opened his shirt and he took my dress off. I undid his trousers and he took me to the bed. He laid on top of me. The light in the room weakened. It was getting cloudy outside and it looked like it was going to rain. I felt safe, being there with Sam. It was warm and I felt loved.

  We looked each other in the eyes and kissed. We caressed each other’s body and my heart began beating fast. Sam looked at me.

  «I love you, but I’m afraid I might hurt you...»

  I kissed him.

  «You won’t».

  He kissed me once again and entered my body. He was moving slowly and smoothly. Then it all became more passionate and I felt his body over mine, moving faster and faster. He took my arms and blocked them over my head.

  He stood still on top of me for a long time. When he opened his eyes and started kissing my neck I felt happy. He then kissed my mouth. I loved his lips. We made love again and again.

&
nbsp; He was sweating when we both came. We hugged for a long time. His skin tasted like honey.

  «I’m so sorry, Claire. Did I hurt you? I’m so sorry...»

  I was stuck.

  «What are you talking about? It felt so good...»

  He laid next to me and caressed my face. Then he touched my breasts and my belly... he blocked.

  «I should be more delicate, I believe. I love you too much... I want to get lost inside of you».

  «Are you telling me you want to have sex with me once again?»

  He turned red and lowered his blue eyes. His hand was still on my belly.

  «Let’s say that’s a possibility», he whispered. «I’ll kill Alexander if he finds you. Or any other man that might harm you».

  The thought of Oscar came to my mind all of a sudden.

  «Claire, please, don’t be scared. I’m jealous. I know you are a faithful woman... I want you to be happy. You’re a wonderful person, Claire. I love you so much...»

  I caressed him and kissed his lips. He was my other half.

  «I’m jealous too, you know. I know how it feels like. I’ll never love anyone else except for you». I took a deep breath and asked him what I had been thinking about for days. «Have you ever killed anyone?»

  It somehow felt like he had.

  «Yes».

  I turned pale.

  «It was long ago. You were walking in the street. You had been to a friend’s house and were willing to home. You didn’t notice that, but two men were following you. They...», but he didn’t complete the sentence.

  «How long ago did this happen?»

  «It was two years ago».

  Two years... that was a lot of time. I had known Sam for three months.

  «Sam...»

  «Claire, please. I was already in love with you and wanted to protect you. I love you. It goes beyond the sex... I love you for who you are, for who you want to become. You’re the one I can always talk to. I want us to be sincere with each other. I’ll tell you everything. Always. Just hug me, Claire. I need to know that you still love me».

  I hugged him.

  «I’ll always love you, no matter what. Trust me».

  We hugged for a long time. We were happy and I felt safer than ever. I couldn’t sleep, though, because I had so much stuff going through my mind.