ROCKED BY THE WAVES

by Alisa Grey

  I hugged her again.

  «You got married!»

  «After you gave birth».

  «Please, come live here! We’ve got everything you may need... there’s room for everyone!»

  «We live next to river. Can we?»

  When they left, I looked at Sam.

  «I shouldn’t have asked them to stay. I should have talked to you about that before asking them...»

  He stopped me. «I like the way you are. You are passionate and loving. You’re kind, brave... and you’re a great mother. So I had already planned on asking Moon to come live here».

  I smiled at him.

  I fed Eddy and we laughed for a while.

  Sam had fallen for the baby. I was happy about that, because I had feared he would look like Alexander.

  Few days later, Sam told me he needed to check on the estate, to see if everything was fine. He was the Laird, after all, and needed to be responsible.

  He gave me the baby and I hugged him. He was asleep.

  «Are you sure you don’t mind it, if I leave you for a while?»

  «I’ll go see Moon».

  «Can you do that? Are you feeling fine? Do you want Rhona to come with you?»

  He was worried.

  «It’s just around the corner, Sam. We’ll be at her place. I’ll rest, I promise».

  «Ok, but I’ll come look for you in two hours».

  I walked to Moon’s house. Sam looked at me from the window. I had to cross a small forest to get to Moon’s and I felt peaceful and relaxed. Spring was lovely, in Nova Scotia. The birds, the flowers, the smells: it all seemed so pure. The river was the only company I had.

  I suddenly heard a footstep, or so it seemed to me. I turned backwards, but didn’t see anyone. I might have imagined that, I thought. But then I heard a second one. I turned once again and Keir was standing in front of me.

  He was staring at me. He was skinny and taller. He looked like he had been hiding for a while, because he had leaves in hir hair.

  «Keir! What are you doing here? Does your mother know that you’re here?»

  His green eyes looked into mine.

  «Are you okay, Keir?»

  He came to me and caressed my cheek.

  «Keir, stop it».

  «I can’t», he whispered.

  I tried to walk away, but he held me still.

  «You’re hurting me, Keir».

  I hoped Eddy wouldn’t wake up.

  «I love you», he said.

  I turned red. It couldn’t be happening.

  «This is not love, Keir».

  «It is. I love you».

  «Well, I don’t love you back».

  «You’re in love with him, but I don’t care about that».

  «What do you mean you don’t care? You should care! You should pick some other woman».

  «I don’t want some other woman. I want you. I’ve been waiting for you to be alone. He is always with you... Why?»

  «Keir, now you have to let go of my arm. I love Sam and you must let me go now!», I screamed.

  A strong male voice shouted something. It was Moon’s husband. He was standing next to me. Keir let go of me and I walked away. Moon’s husband followed me and we got to their house. I hugged my friend and we got in. The fire was on and she made tea.

  «Will you drink hot tea?», she asked.

  I told her what had just happened.

  «Loves you, right...»

  I told her about the letters.

  She shook her head.

  «Letters written someone older», she said caressing Eddy.

  Her husband was sitting on the floor. He was making arrows.

  «Will you go hunt?»

  «When colder. Now eat fish», she paused. «Sam knows Eddy not his?»

  I turned red.

  «I believe woman important. Because life is a miracle. No matter how many husbands».

  I laughed.

  «You’re a good person, Moon».

  And we hugged and laughed.

  «Is this your first husband?», I asked.

  She smiled. «Second, but I love him».

  We chattered for a while and then spoke about Eddy. When Sam came in, he was looking angry.

  «Hello, Moon. Claire... two hours, remember? Eddy needs to eat».

  Eddy was sleeping. I looked at Moon and we both laughed.

  «Nice to know you’re having fun, but we should go».

  Moon whispered. «Go».

  We left and got back home. During the brief walk, Sam told me I needed to be a good mother and wife and so on. When we got to the place where I had met Keir, I felt awkward.

  «Claire, are you listening to me?»

  «What? Sure».

  «You’re not. We’ll talk about this some other time».

  «How was your afternoon?», I asked.

  He told me about it, then he said: «Keir has run away from home. He does that often, you know. He might be in love».

  I turned pink.

  «He might», I whispered.

  «He might», he said.

  Eddy got fed, then we had dinner. I was exhausted, so I was glad I could go to bed.

  Eddy was laughing in his sleep, so Sam came to him to see how he was doing. I approached him and hugged him. I liked being with him much.

  He turned to me and was about to kiss me, but he stopped. He was looking at my arm. Keir’s hand had left a few scars on my skin.

  «I was slipping on the mud, you know. So Keir helped me», I said.

  He looked at me.

  «Keir? What’s this all about?» He was angry.

  «Nothing. Nothing happened».

  «His parents have been looking for him everywhere! And he was... with you».

  «So, tell me», he said, «were you slipping... at his feet?»

  «Sam, stop it! Nothing happened. I didn’t even know he was in the forest. Trust me!»

  «I trust you... and I know you wouldn’t like to put anybody in danger».

  «Danger?»

  «Should he do anything to you, I’ll kill him».

  I was shocked.

  «I’m yours and always will be, Claire. I could kill him».

  I was speechless.

  «You can breath, Claire», he said.

  The thought of Sam into someone else’s arms stuck me. I hugged him.

  Sam was incredibly stubborn, jealous and egocentric. He was always overreacting. But I loved him. He was strong and romantic. He just needed me to love him as much as he loved me. He was sweet and loyal. He was perfect to me.

  CHAPTER 15

  FALL FLAVOURS

  It was the end of May. One morning, Rhona run to me. She was breathless and enthusiastic.

  «In a few days the games will begin. You will be there, right?», she cried.

  Sam looked at her. Rhona was a quiet and peaceful woman. It was so unlike her, being that emotional.

  «What games?», Sam asked.

  «Fall Flavours! Just like the games from the Highlands! Scottish people reunite and fight, just like the old clans used to do».

  She was thrilled.

  Scottish people were amazing and incredibly brave, but they seemed to have a passion for fighting.

  «Sounds like fun», I said, looking at Sam.

  «If you like to, we may go. But Eddy…»

  «Oh, come on. He’ll come with us!»

  Sam sighed. He had no choice but to surrender.

  «Ok, then».

  The following week, on Saturday afternoon, we got there.

  Many Scottish liked to pretend they were in the Highlands, even if they had been living in Nova Scotia for many years. They kind of missed their home country, I guessed, so they organized games and parties throughout the whole summer.

  The games had an ancient history. The Celts used them to test the warriors and see if they were brave enough to defend their country in case of an attack.

  There was no need to fight anymore, but the games had remained.
They were meant to be a party and to let people meet. I liked the atmosphere and the amazing sight of a typical Scottish night. They tossed cabers, they challenged each other with the arch and they practiced the tug of war.

  We went to see the Camag, a game which was played with the aid of sticks and a ball.

  The field was small. There were two teams and they were fighting. They really were. The screamed and shouted at each other. I was holding Eddy. Sam was next to me and he was hugging me. I liked being that close to me. He used to kiss my hair every so often.

  «Have you seen that?»

  I had. People were really digging in.

  «I think you might be good at this, Sam».

  «Me? It’s too violent. Plus, I’m too busy».

  «Doing what? Spying on me?»

  «Among others».

  «What others?»

  He looked at me.

  «Are you trying to provoke me?»

  «Maybe I am».

  We both laughed.

  «I love you so much, Claire».

  And I loved him back. We were looking at the two teams. When I turned my head to see what was happening nearby, I saw Keir. He was staring at me. He was angry, I could tell that. He was sort of spying on his prey, I believed. He was spying on me. His hair was longer and curly. He looked like a lion. His shoulders had become larger and he was taller. His green eyes were controlling me.

  Many girls were looking at him, trying to catch his attention. He was a good looking young man.

  He suddenly stopped a girl. He pulled her hair and asked her something. She shook her head. I could see she was petrified. Then they disappeared into the woods, Keir pushing her. I was stuck. What was happening? Was he trying to annoy me? Was he trying to make me jealous? He was going to have sex with that poor girl, fine. So what? I took a deep breath.

  «Sam, I need to talk to you».

  «What? Now?»

  «It’s Keir».

  He looked at me.

  «He is in trouble, I believe. He just got into the woods with a young girl».

  «They might be in love, right?»

  «No, Sam. She didn’t seem to be happy about that».

  «So what shall I do?»

  «Nothing. But let me go get him».

  «You?»

  «I’ll talk to him».

  «Is there anything I should know?»

  «Here. Take Eddy».

  I got into the woods.

  «Now, Sam. You stay here. Listen to our conversation and if things get complicated, please come to me».

  «What…?»

  We heard a voice. It was the girl. She was crying.

  We walked in that direction. The girl was standing against a tree and Keir was holding her still while kissing her.

  «Stay here, Sam».

  «Keir! Let her go!», I said.

  He didn’t turn to look at me and carried on.

  «Keir!», I shouted.

  He didn’t turn to me, but he stopped.

  «What? Now you care for me? You said you didn’t».

  The thought of Sam stuck me.

  «Keir, I’m not in love with you but I don’t want you to make such a big mistake».

  «And I love you! I love you, right?», he screamed.

  I shut my eyes and took a deep breath.

  «Talk to me, Keir. Let go of her».

  He turned to me. He was furious. The girl run away.

  «So, will you be quitting your beloved husband and son to be with me?»

  Then he kneeled and cried.

  I turned to Sam, but he wasn’t willing to do anything. I approached Keri.

  «Keir, I care about you. Just not like that. You need a proper girlfriend».

  «Why can’t you be?»

  «You’re infatuated. I know that. I’ve felt like that too».

  «You’ll never quit him, right?»

  «Never».

  «Never?»

  «Never. But you will have chances, Keir. You will be able to choose how to shape your life».

  He cried.

  «I’ll write to you, when I decide what to do».

  «Please, do. Now go to your family».

  He stood up.

  «Can I kiss you?»

  He couldn’t, but he kissed me anyway. It was a passionate kiss. Then he run away.

  «So... nice kiss, right?», said Sam.

  I turned to him. I was embarrassed.

  «At least he didn’t do anything to the girl».

  «If it hadn’t been for Eddy...»

  «There’s nothing to worry about...»

  «Don’t kiss him twice».

  «I didn’t mean to let him kiss me».

  «Right. Now, may we go?»

  I laughed and kissed him.

  «I love you to the moon and back».

  He hugged me.

  «I love you, love you, love you, love you...»

  «And I love you, love you, love you... now, let’s go».

  He paused and said: «So, will you be writing him?»

  «I don’t know».

  «I’ll read those letters».

  «Right, boss».

  «You’re silly».

  «And you’re jealous».

  «I am».

  We laughed.

  It was July and I had lost weigh. I was back to my silhouette. Moon and I had been playing with the kids the whole afternoon. Sam had been watching us.

  His days were always tiring and intense. He was always taking care of many things. He was still building the stable and we had bought a pony for Eddy.

  He was always kind to me and caressed me whenever he could.

  I was feeling much better.

  After dinner, I talked to Sam.

  «I want to cut my hair. I’m tired of tiding it up».

  I had long dark hair. It was nice and soft, but I felt like I needed to cut it.

  «Your hair is lovely», he replied.

  «I don’t want to have it tied up the whole day everyday».

  «Very well, then. Sounds fair enough to me».

  I stared at him. His hair had grown up. He hadn’t tied it, so I caressed it and whispered to him: «Don’t you feel tired?»

  «Quite a lot».

  I took him to the bed.

  «You still like children, right? I think you’d better work on that, if you know what I mean...»

  «You sure?»

  «I am».

  He undressed me in a second and laid on top of me. Then he stopped.

  «What’s wrong?»

  «I don’t want to hurt you».

  «You won’t».

  I could see he was scared. What was he thinking about? Then I understood. He had seen me as I gave birth. It had been painful and tiring.

  «Sam, that’s fine. I’m okay now».

  «But... should you fall pregnant once again, you’d need to give birth and I...»

  He needed to be pushed.

  «I want another child. And guess what? Keir would be very happy to help me...»

  We made love passionately.

  At the end of July, I was pregnant. And I was willing to go swimming.

  Moon had cut my hair and now it got to my shoulders. It had become curly and shiny.

  When Sam had looked at me, he had been speechless for a while. Then he had said: «Wow!»

  He had been pleased, and so had I. I didn’t meet Keir, thank God. I was looking much younger than my nineteen years old.

  «Come on, Sam! Just two days!», I cried.

  I was standing right in front of him and I was looking him in the eyes. I was trying to be as charming as I could.

  «Oh, please! Moon told me it’s magic. She said it’s a fairytale place, with a beach, rocks and woods. And the water is not cold at all! Oh, please. I want to go swimming!»

  I hugged him and tried to let him understand that two days on our own would be a pretty nice vacation. I kissed him.

  «Oh, Claire... how can you...»

&
nbsp; I kissed him again. Passionately.

  «Will you take me, my dear? I have something to talk to you about. Or maybe I can show you...»

  He was standing still. With much efforts, though.

  We were in the garden and Rhona was next to us, trying not to look at us.

  «Right. I’ll take you. You’ve persuasive enough».

  I kissed him again and saw Rhona turning red and leaving.

  «You won’t repent!»

  I was truly happy and my breasts were growing bigger thanks to the pregnancy.

  «You’d better not make me», he whispered low.

  I knew we would make love again and again during those two days.

  CHAPTER 16

  ROCKED BY THE WAVES

  By the end of the week, we left. Four horses, a small luggage and many covers, that’s what we brought with us. We wanted to sleep on the beach, so we would need them. We had brought food and liniments Moon had made for us. I was holding Eddy.

  The journey wasn’t long, but it was very pleasant. I liked the sight.

  We got there. The water was incredibly blue and the sand was white. We were surrounded by rivers and flowers. The colours were intense and smooth. Nature had a wide range of shades. Many birds were playing in the sea.

  It was paradise on Earth. I wanted so bad to go swimming.

  I wanted to do it naked. I knew it was awkward and it would be considered inappropriate for such an upper-class lady, but I wanted to do it and that was it. I put Eddy on a pile of covers and undressed.

  «What are you?»

  «I’ll go swimming», I said enthusiastically.

  «Have you ever swum in the sea?», I asked after a while.

  «In France».

  I felt jealous.

  «Like... naked?»

  «But I was alone».

  He undressed, took Eddy and then we headed to the sea.

  «It won’t be warm, so just prepare yourself for a chill experience».

  We entered the water. It was ice cold! I began shaking. I saw Sam entering the waves and taking Eddy with him. Eddy was shouting and crying. He didn’t really seem to appreciate the bath.

  «Come on, Edward... Mom and dad are bathing too».

  But Edward was crying, so Sam went back to the beach.

  «But Sam... he must get to know that it’s you, the one who takes the decisions».

  «He just doesn’t like it... Can’t force him into it, right?»

  He was always surrendering to his son’s desires. He was a strong and smart man, but he just couldn’t say no to Eddy. What would be happening, when our second son would be born? I could picture the scene and I didn’t like it.