Carter

by Joan Johnston

  “All right,” Carter said. “I can accept that you don’t like being kissed openmouthed.”

  Desiree sagged with relief in his arms.

  That is, until he continued, “But I do like it. So, if I can’t kiss you like that, you’ll have to kiss me.”

  “Like that?” Desiree asked. “You mean putting my tongue in your mouth?”

  He laugh ruefully. “Not all at once. A little bit at a time.”

  Desiree cocked her head skeptically. “Are you sure you’ll like it?”

  His husky laugh was infectious. “I’m sure.”

  “What if I do it wrong?”

  “There isn’t any right or wrong. Just what feels good to you.”

  “If I just concentrate on my own feelings, how will I know you’re enjoying yourself?” she asked with asperity.

  “Don’t worry,” he assured her. “I’m sure I’ll manage fine.”

  Desiree knew there was a catch somewhere in his reasoning, but she was so intrigued by the idea of being the one in control of the kiss that she was willing to go along with his plan. Her hand crept up to circle his neck and angle his head down for her kiss. He bent to her, and she pressed her lips against his. To her surprise, he kept his lips sealed.

  She settled back on her heels and looked at him in consternation. “I thought you wanted me to kiss you.”

  “I do.”

  “Then why didn’t you open your mouth?”

  “You didn’t open yours.”

  “How do you know that?”

  “Well, did you?”

  She grimaced. “All right. Let’s try this again.” Desiree put her hands flat against Carter’s chest and rose on her toes to reach his mouth, careful to keep her lips parted. When they touched, she let her tongue slip into his mouth. A shiver shot down her spine. She retreated and looked up at him through lowered lashes. His lips were damp where they had kissed.

  “Again?” she asked.

  He nodded.

  This time, she leaned her body into his so her breasts brushed against his chest. She threaded both hands into his hair and used her hold to tug his head down so she could reach his mouth. His lips were sealed again. She ran her tongue along the seam of his lips, as he had done with her. His lips parted. Tentatively she slipped her tongue into his mouth.

  He groaned, a purely male sound of satisfaction.

  She waited for him to take control of the kiss from her, to thrust his tongue in her mouth. But he held himself still. He left the seduction to her.

  Heady with a sense of feminine power, she used her tongue to taste him, to feel his teeth and the roof of his mouth and his rough tongue. She heard his ragged breathing and knew he was aroused by what she was doing to him. What amazed her was the fact that she was equally aroused by the intimate kisses.

  She withdrew her tongue and nibbled on his lower lip. His hands clutched her more tightly, but he didn’t make a move toward her breasts or bottom. He exercised a rigid control on himself that gave her the confidence to continue her experiment.

  “Desiree.”

  “What, Carter?”

  “You’re killing me.”

  “You want me to stop?”

  “Hell, no! But let me kiss you back. Please.”

  Desiree thought about it a moment. “No. Not yet.”

  She watched his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed hard.

  “All right,” he said. “I’m putty in your hands.”

  Desiree grinned. The rock hard muscles in his shoulders were anything but malleable. But his mouth, as she touched it with her own, was as soft as she could wish.

  As she practiced kissing him, using her tongue to tease and taste him, she was able to think less about what she was doing and more about what she was feeling. Soon her breathing was as ragged as his, her body hot and achy with need. She had kept herself separated from Carter from the waist down, not wishing to incite him to anything more than the kisses she had promised. But the instinctive need to arch her body into his became too hard to resist.

  She knew the instant her belly brushed against the ridge in his jeans that she had made a mistake. The harsh, ragged sound he made was as wild as anything she had ever heard. She knew she should withdraw, but the teasing heat of him drew her back, and she rubbed herself against him, liking the feeling that streaked from her belly to her breasts to her brain.

  It took her a moment to realize that his tongue was in her mouth. And that she craved having it there. He withdrew and penetrated again, mimicking the sexual act with his mouth and tongue.

  Desiree had never felt anything so erotic in her entire life. She heard a guttural sound and realized it had come from her own throat. It was a sound of primitive animal need. It scared the hell out of her.

  She tore herself from Carter’s arms and stumbled back a step or two. She stared at him wide-eyed, panting to catch her breath, her body shuddering with unfulfilled need, her breasts swollen and aching to be touched.

  “Desiree?”

  Just that one word, said in a voice that demanded her attention like pebbles thrown at a windowpane. It was a plea. It was a prayer. It was an invitation she found hard to resist.

  She knew, deep in her soul, that with Carter things were going to be different. After all, she had never felt anything with Burley like she had just experienced with Carter. But what if, when he bedded her, she stiffened and froze? What if she was dry inside as she had been with Burley? What if sex with Carter hurt her and disappointed him?

  The risks were too great, and the rewards too uncertain. She had offered a kiss, and he had accepted. It wasn’t her fault things had gotten out of hand. Well, not all her fault.

  “I think that’s enough for now.” She waited with her weight balanced on the balls of her feet, her hands clenched into fists, ready to flee—or fight—if he sought more from her.

  “All right, Desiree. I guess I’ll be heading off to bed. It’s bound to be an early morning if Nicole is anything like…”

  “Like your daughter?”

  He swallowed hard and nodded.

  “Good night, Carter.”

  He didn’t say anything more, just whirled on his boot heels and left the kitchen. She heard his heavy tread on the stairs and his muffled steps as he headed down the carpeted hall to his bedroom.

  Desiree heaved a sigh of relief, followed by a groan of dissatisfaction. If only she had been able to follow through on what she had started, she might be lying in Carter’s arms right now. She was certain the experience would be nothing like it had been with Burley. The little bit of kissing she had done with Carter had been a mistake, because now she would want more. And so would he.

  She didn’t want to admit it, but anything that tied her more closely to Carter was important because of the confrontation she knew was coming. That might mean swallowing her fear and submitting to Carter’s desire—although even that thought did not seem so horrid as it once had.

  It took Desiree a long time to fall asleep that night. Her dreams were all of a chestnut-haired man with broad shoulders and narrow hips who held her close and made tempestuous, passionate—but always gentle—love to her.

  Desiree was still half-aroused when she awoke to the sound of her daughter’s laughter drifting up the stairs. It was followed by a masculine rumble. She hurried to throw on her robe and stuff her feet into her slippers. She practically ran down the stairs and moments later entered the parlor, where she found Carter and Nicole sitting cross-legged beside the Christmas tree.

  A fire crackled in the fireplace, and snowflakes drifted lazily down outside the picture window. The decorative lights on the tree sparkled, and there were dozens of presents under the tree—many more than had been there when she had gone to bed last night.

  “Mommy! Santa Claus came!” Nicole scrambled up and headed toward her on the run.

  Desiree caught her daughter and swung her up into her arms. She carried Nicole back to where Carter still sat beside the tree. “Where did all these prese
nts come from?”

  “Santa Claus!” Nicole said. “He came! He came!”

  Desiree tried to get Carter to meet her gaze, but he was already reaching for a present. Nicole struggled to be put down, and Desiree slid her down until her feet hit the floor. Nicole reached Carter in three hops and bounced down into his lap.

  Desiree saw him stiffen only slightly before he accepted Nicole’s closeness.

  “Can we open presents now, Mommy?”

  “I guess so.”

  Desiree started to sit on the couch, but Carter patted the braided rug beside him and said, “You don’t want to be way over there. Come sit beside us.”

  “Yeah, Mommy. Come sit beside us.”

  Desiree raised a brow at the “us” but couldn’t resist the invitation. “Sure.” She settled cross-legged beside them and waited with as much excitement as Nicole while her daughter picked up one of the presents that had miraculously appeared under the tree overnight and shook it.

  “Legos, Mommy! Legos!”

  “How do you know?” Desiree asked with a grin.

  By then Nicole had torn the paper off, revealing the Legos she had identified by sound.

  While Nicole oohed and aahed over her present, Carter handed Desiree a box with a big red bow. “Here’s one for you.”

  “Look at all these presents! Carter, you shouldn’t have!”

  “What shouldn’t Carter have done, Mommy?” Nicole asked.

  Desiree had maintained the illusion of Santa Claus for her daughter because she believed it was a harmless fiction. So she hesitated before chastising Carter for buying so many gifts that as far as her daughter knew had all come from Santa Claus. Carter must have spent a fortune! Desiree was certain it was money he didn’t have, which made his gesture all the more touching.

  “Uh…Carter shouldn’t have given me a present to open before you finished opening yours,” Desiree said, improvising.

  “I’m done now, Mommy. Open yours!”

  From the look on his face, Carter was enjoying himself. After the things he had told her about his daughter, Desiree was glad he was able to bring himself to share this Christmas morning with them. It would be churlish for her to diminish what he had done by making an issue of the money he must have spent. She gave Carter a timid smile and began ripping the paper off her gift.

  Her mouth split wide in a grin of delight. “How did you know I wanted this?” She held up the bulky knit sweater against herself and ran her hands over the sections of the bodice where different textures—leather and fur and feathers—had been woven into the sandy beige garment to give it an earthy look.

  “I have to confess I asked my grandmother.”

  “How did Maddy know? I’m sure I never said anything to her about this sweater.”

  “I believe she heard about it from one of the ladies at church.”

  “Thank you,” Desiree said with a shy smile.

  Nicole had already helped herself to another present. “Look, Mommy!” It was a furry stuffed animal, a black cat with white paws that looked remarkably like Boots. “My very own kitten.”

  Nicole hugged the cat. “You open one, Daddy.”

  The color bleached from Carter’s face. His smile disappeared, and a muscle jerked in his cheek as he clenched his teeth.

  “Daddy?”

  Desiree quickly scooped Nicole out of Carter’s lap and into hers. She wasn’t sure what to say. Apparently Nicole’s innocent slip had reminded him of his child. She recognized his distress but was helpless to ease it.

  “Carter?”

  An instant later he was on his feet. “I need a cup of coffee. You two go on without me.” He was gone from the room before Desiree had a chance to ask him to stay.

  “What’s the matter with Daddy?” Nicole asked.

  Trust the child to know that all wasn’t as it should be. Desiree was left with the unpleasant task of providing an answer that would appease her daughter. “I guess he just needs a cup of coffee.”

  “But we’re opening presents!” Nicole protested. “He should be here.” She rose with the evident intent of following Carter into the kitchen. Before she got very far they heard the back door open and close. Nicole ran into the kitchen. Desiree followed her.

  “Where is Daddy going?” Nicole asked.

  “I don’t know, darling.”

  “When is he coming back?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “I want to open my presents,” Nicole said. “Do we have to wait for Daddy to come back?”

  Desiree felt a surge of anger that Carter should have left so abruptly without a word of explanation, and on Christmas morning! Running away wouldn’t ease his pain, only postpone it. She and Nicole would still be here when he came back. If he came back. Desiree shoved a hand through her hair in frustration. She had been as much caught off guard as Carter was by Nicole’s ready acceptance of him as her father. They should have realized what Nicole’s reaction was likely to be. Nicole knew nothing about Burley, so there was no male figure to whom she had previously given her affection.

  And after all, Nicole had asked for a daddy for Christmas, and Carter had conveniently appeared.

  Nicole tugged at her sleeve. “Mommy?”

  “I don’t think Carter will mind if we go ahead without him. We can show him all our gifts when he comes back. How does that sound?”

  “Okay!” Nicole said. She raced back to the parlor.

  Desiree stared out the kitchen window and saw the tread marks left in the snow by Carter’s pickup. “He will come back,” she murmured to herself.

  Meanwhile, Carter had driven hell-for-leather several miles from the ranch before he calmed down enough to realize how badly he had acted. He pulled to the side of the road and stopped the truck. His head fell forward to the steering wheel, and he groaned.

  “What have I done? What am I doing here?”

  He had only been fooling himself to think he would be able to ignore having a five-year-old child in the house. From the very first day, Nicole had made it plain she expected him to be a father to her.

  What amazed and appalled him was how quickly she had slipped past the walls he had set up to keep himself from caring—to keep himself from being hurt again. When Nicole had called him “Daddy,” it had set off all those painful memories of Christmases with his daughter, along with a feeling of bitter regret that his child was dead. Far worse, it had brought a lump of feeling to his throat to find himself adopted by the fatherless little girl in his arms.

  He had glanced at Desiree and seen the pity—and sympathy—in her eyes. And felt ashamed that he wasn’t able to handle the situation better. After all, she was willing to try marriage—and intimacy—again even though it was clear she had suffered at her husband’s hands. She was dealing with her demons. Could he do less?

  His feelings were complicated by the fact he had always wanted children, and Nicole was an adorable child. Nevertheless, it wouldn’t be easy to play the role of father. He grimaced. It was no more difficult for him to be a father, than for Desiree to play the role of wife.

  Carter didn’t choose to examine his feelings for Desiree too closely. For now it was enough that he desired her, that he admired her courage and that she was the mother of the child who wanted him to be her father. Putting down roots meant having a family. He had the start of that family with Desiree and Nicole. He would be a fool not to embrace them both.

  He twisted the key and turned the truck around.

  They were still opening presents twenty minutes later when Carter reappeared. He stood in the parlor doorway with what could only be described as a sheepish look on his face.

  “Did I miss anything?”

  Desiree was too astonished that he had returned so quickly to speak. Nicole more than made up for her silence.

  “Daddy! Daddy! Look what I got!”

  Desiree thought for a moment he was going to run again. Though his face blanched and his jaw tightened, he stood his ground as Nicole came barr
eling toward him. He scooped her up and balanced her in the crook of his arm as she babbled on about the Raggedy Ann doll and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle puzzle and the game of Chutes and Ladders she had gotten from Santa Claus.

  “You’ll never guess what Santa Claus brought Mommy!” she exclaimed.

  “What?” Carter asked.

  “A teeny tiny nightgown! And you can see right through it!”

  Carter grinned. “You don’t say!”

  Desiree felt herself flush to the roots of her hair. She hadn’t realized how revealing the negligee was until she held it up to look at it. She had quickly stuffed it back into the box, but not before Nicole had gotten a look at it.

  “Are you going to open your presents now, Daddy?”

  Desiree saw the mixed feelings that flashed across his face.

  “There are presents for me?”

  “Uh-huh.” Nicole held up three fingers, then put one down. “Two of them.”

  “Guess I’d better open them and see what I got.”

  He carried Nicole back over to the tree. He held on to her when he sat down cross-legged, so she was once more sitting in his lap. Desiree couldn’t help but wonder what had caused Carter’s acceptance of a situation she knew was painful for him.

  She watched with bated breath as Carter opened the present she had bought for him. She breathed a sigh of relief when she saw the pleasure on his face as he caught sight of the Western leather boots.

  “These are beautiful,” he said as he reverently ran his fingers across the tooled brown leather. “You shouldn’t have. I can imagine these set you back a pretty penny.”

  “I wanted to get them for you,” Desiree said to keep him from focusing on the cost of the boots. They were expensive, but she had seen how the heels and toes, not to mention the soles, were worn on his boots. If he could have afforded to replace them, she knew he would have. She didn’t want him focusing on the difference in their financial situations. She knew he hadn’t married her for her money. Her land, yes. But not her money.

  “Open the other one,” Nicole urged as she handed it to him. “This one’s from me,” she confided. “For my new daddy.”