The Damn Fool

by George Eliot

with all my fat, I float like a bar of Ivory soap. I turned on my back,

  placed my hands under my head and, like a piece of driftwood, floated

  aimlessly.

  In a little while she joined me, swimming gracefully. Somehow, she managed

  to crawl on top of me and lock her legs around my huge belly as if she were

  riding a horse. I resolved to go on a diet, but then realized it would do no

  good as far as attracting ladies was concerned. She playfully splashed salty

  water in my face, and used her hands as if they were the paddles of a

  rowboat. She steered us back towards the shore and when we were in shallow

  water, she slipped off me.

  "I've had enough," she said and she waded towards dry land. As we folded up

  her blanket, she shocked me. "Dan, you're the only man I've ever known I

  would be willing to have sex with."

  I was stunned. It was certainly an unexpected compliment, but I didn't know

  what to say, so I remained silent.

  When we returned to the house, I led her to the shower in the bathroom that

  adjoins the master bedroom. I returned with fresh towels, and she said, "I

  don't want a shower. I'd rather soak in your WhirlPool."

  "Not a problem," I said and I pushed the button that started the water. "The

  temperature is automatically set at eighty degrees. If you want to adjust

  it, just turn this handle. When the tub is full, the water will shut off and

  the pump will turn on."

  She smiled at me as I left the room. I closed the door behind me and sat my

  wet bottom down on the bed. Although the water was filling the WhirlPool, I

  could hear her urinating. I wanted to watch and felt guilty about it.

  The door opened just a little and she stuck her head out. "Are you sure

  about your, uh, problem?"

  "I'm sure," I replied, somewhat offended that she asked.

  She opened the door wide and stood there, naked as the day she was born and

  far more beautiful. "Then join me in the WhirlPool," she said. "I want to

  feel your magic fingers on my back."

  She didn't have to ask twice. I got in first and she sat facing me. We

  bathed each other without saying a word. She let me soap her breasts and

  other private parts. Her fingers on my testicles nearly drove me wild.

  She changed position and sat between my legs, her back to me. I began the

  massage she wanted. My hands were trembling.

  "Dan," she said at last. "You've done so much for me already, I hate to ask

  for anything else."

  "Ask," I urged as I slipped my hands under her arms and fondled her breasts.

  I expected her to slap me or at least pull away, but she did neither.

  "I don't want to live in that apartment anymore � too many memories."

  "I understand," I replied.

  "I want to move in with you."

  "Stay as long as you like," I agreed.

  "I could keep house for you and maybe be your bookkeeper."

  "Sounds wonderful," I said.

  I, of course, by this time realized what her plan was. Her lover married for

  money. Marie was going to get her hooks into my money. She didn't even need

  to bribe me with sex.

  "There's just one thing," I said. "I wish I could make love to you."

  She leaned back against me, groped for, found my head, and pulled my cheek

  to hers. "What do you think you are doing now?" she asked. I knew she was

  serious. "You've been making love to me since that first day in the

  cafeteria, and in a way no man � or woman � could ever duplicate. You may

  not realize it, Dan, but you do love me and, God help me, I love you too."

  I squeezed her breasts a little harder. "You know what I mean," I said.

  "There are other ways," she said. She placed her hand on my right hand and

  moved it from her breast to the tangled curls nestled between wide stretched

  legs. She moved my hand up and down over her vaginal lips and then forced my

  middle finger between her labia. She held my hand there and began to move

  her hips, masturbating while using my finger as a dildo.

  She announced her orgasm with a loud cry and a violent shudder. "See what I

  mean?" she gasped.

  She changed position again, splashing water over the side of the tub. She

  rested her small, gorgeous rear end on my thighs and looked at me tenderly.

  "Is there anything I can do for you?" she asked.

  I lied by shaking my head negatively. I knew she could bring my flaccid

  penis to orgasm with her hand or mouth, but I didn't want to subject her to

  this humiliation.

  "Dan," she said, her steel gray eyes searching my eyes. "Have you ever

  consulted a doctor?"

  "Once," I replied. "He was as embarrassed as I was. He said there was

  nothing physically wrong with me and suggested I see a psychiatrist."

  "And?"

  "And nothing. I didn't need to see a psychiatrist to discover the source of

  my problem. I am being punished by God for being such a coward back when I

  was in high school."

  "I don't believe that," she said. Her steel gray eyes softened.

  "It's true," I told her. "It involved a very nice, very pretty young lady

  who looked very much like you. You both even have the same last name and I

  swear your voices are similar. Her name was Rosie and we were only fifteen."

  She leaned over, pressing her breasts into my chest and planting her head

  next to mine. My belly forced her bottom ridiculously into the air. I was so

  ashamed, but I placed my hands on her back and began to rub gently.

  "I told you my story, now you tell me yours," she said softly.

  After that day in the witness chair, I never told the story to anyone, but

  the words tumbled out of my mouth, unstoppable until I came to the end.

  She sat up. She was crying.

  I was crying too. "My cowardice and lust caused Rosie so much pain," I said.

  "The looks she gave me while the men used her and while her lips were on my

  pulsating penis still haunt me and will to my dying day. If she could

  forgive me, maybe I could forgive myself. But that will never happen."

  "You pray for her every day?"

  "Sounds silly, doesn't it?"

  "Not at all," she said. "Dan, Rosie forgave you a long time ago. I'm certain

  of it. Sure, she was angry at first. She was just a kid. Later, when she was

  older, she realized that you did exactly the right thing. If you had

  resisted, the men would have blown your head off. And since she would have

  been a witness to murder, they would have killed her too. I'm sure she later

  realized you couldn't help having an erection."

  "God, I wish I could believe you," I said.

  Tears dropped from her cheeks. Her fingers found and stoked my scrotum. "You

  can believe me, Dan. I recognized you the moment I saw you in the cafeteria.

  Perhaps my graying hair threw you off. The reason I remind you of Rosie is

  that my full name is Rose Marie Jefferson."

&n
bsp; My mouth dropped open. Her tears stopped instantly. "What's this that has

  filled my hand?" she squealed. She mounted me. I felt my penis slip into her

  vaginal canal. It was over in a second. I screamed and slammed my head into

  the tile. I regretted my orgasm arrived so quickly, but I knew a lifetime of

  orgasms lay ahead for both of us.

  Is Marie really Rosie, or is Marie just a conniving lesbian who should be an

  actress? Who knows? Who cares?

 

  Lance wiped the moisture from his eyes, returned the legal pad to Toni's desk

  and found her sitting, fully clothed, in her dry bathtub. Her head rested on her

  knees, tightly drawn to her chest, and her arms clasped her legs while tears

  still stained her cheeks.

  He lowered the lid and sat on the commode. "We have to find you a publisher," he

  said softly.

  "You like it?"

  "Yes. No. I mean � Toni, it's a whale of a story, but I'm so very, very sorry."

  "I tried, but I couldn't write it exactly the way it happened. Most of it comes

  from my imagination anyway."

  "You gave Dan my background."

  "I can change it."

  "I'm flattered you paid so much attention while I was chattering away about

  myself. Do you really think I'm a fat nerd?"

  "Dwight was fat, but he was a nice guy. He didn't know it, but I liked him very

  much. What do they call it � puppy love?"

  "In reality Dan is actually Dwight?"

  "She nodded."

  "And he's the one who moved away?"

  She nodded. "His dad was a lawyer. He couldn't bear the shame."

  "You never heard from him again?"

  She shook her head. "I hope he landed on his feet, like in my story."

  "You never forgave his cowardice, did you?"

  The tears burst from her eyes. "I was the one they forced to stand naked under

  the falls. It was Dwight who was raped. I am the coward. I am the one who can

  never enjoy sex again."

  He wedged himself behind Toni and forced his arms around her waist. "Oh, Baby,"

  he said as his own tears fell unashamedly. "You need professional help."

  "I can't afford it."

  "I can."

  Chapter Five

 

  On Monday morning, Toni acted as if nothing unusual happened the previous day.

  She absolutely refused Lance's attempt to make an appointment for her with a

  psychiatrist. During the week he mentioned it two more times and gave up. She

  seemed okay. In fact, to Lance's great pleasure, she seemed more affectionate

  than before and welcomed his frequent embrace.

  On the second Sunday of freedom, Lance waited for Toni's knock on the RV door

  with increasing impatience. Her daily arrival was so routine he feared something

  was wrong. He passed the morning washing his Taurus. At noon, he dialed her

  number. There was no answer.

  He fixed two baloney sandwiches for lunch and downed a beer. Again he called and

  again there was no answer. His imagination went wild and by the time he arrived

  at her house, he was certain he would find her dead of self-inflicted gunshot

  wounds.

  Instead, she was working in her vegetable garden behind the shack she called

  home. He rushed to her and, with body quaking, held her close.

  "What's wrong with you, Lance?"

  "I � I was worried about you," he replied sheepishly.

  "Why?"

  "I don't know. I just was. It's all that business about Dwight."

  "I'm sorry I shared that with you, Lance. It's not your problem." She snuggled

  up to him and rested her head on his shoulder. "I confess," she continued, "it

  is nice to have someone who cares."

  It felt so right to have her in his arms. "I want to see Window Falls," he said

  softly.

  "I haven't been back since that terrible afternoon," she replied. "Besides, it's

  prettier at night by lantern light. The light reflecting off the falls and

  boulders is breathtaking."

  "I want to see it now."

  "I can tell you how to get there."

  "I want you to go with me."

  She pushed away but was smiling. "Don't play amateur shrink with me, Lance."

  "What do you mean?"

  "You think if I have a pleasant experience at the falls, I'll get over my

  hang-up."

  "Isn't it worth a try?"

  Her countenance became serious. "I've thought about it many times � like getting

  back on a horse after falling off."

  "Something like that."

  "Lance, I'm afraid."

  "I'll be with you."

  "I'll need to shower first."

  "No. I've told you before. The aroma of your perspiration is intoxicating to me.

  I like it. Let's go. Let's go right now."

  Hand in hand they walked from the parking lot to the picnic area and took the

  clearly marked trail to Window Falls.

  "It's changed so much since I was last here that I hardly recognize it," she

  said as she led him down the long incline.

  "I hear the smaller falls off to the right," he announced, "just as you

  described in your story."

  "It's not much further," she said as she slackened her pace and then stopped.

  "Lance, I'm sorry. I can't do it."

  "Yes you can."

  "No," she said resolutely and she turned to retrace her steps.

  He swept her up in his arms.

  "Put me down," she demanded, but her laughter betrayed her tone of voice.

  He tossed her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and continued to follow

  the trail.

  "Put me down, Lance," she said, trying to make her voice authoritative as she

  gently pounded her fists into his back. "You'll hurt yourself."

  "Carrying you won't hurt me, but those fists of yours might," he laughed and he

  playfully spanked her bottom. "Behave yourself."

  "Seriously, Lance. Put me down. I can't breathe."

  "You promise to behave?"

  "Yes, sir."

  He leaned forward until her feet touched the ground. Side by side and with arms

  around each other's waists, they continued down the path until the

  boulder-framed window was in view. She dug her heels into the ground.

  He held her loosely and kissed her forehead. She was trembling. He smiled and

  murmured, "You smell so good."

  She lifted her arm. "You can stick your nose in my armpit if you like, but

  please don't make me go any farther."

  "You're serious, aren't you?"

  She nodded as tears welled in her eyes.

  "For me?"

  "Please, Lance."

  He released her, kissed her tenderly and climbed into the window.

  "Wow," he said as he turned back to her. "It's even more beautiful than you

  said." He sat on the ledge and his mind replayed her short story.

  He heard her approaching, but did not turn around. Folding her legs under her,

  Toni sat on the ledge beside him, placed her arms around his neck and drew his

  head to hers. He tightened his hold on her trembling body and eagerly accepted

  her probing tongue between his lips.

  For a long while they sat silently, side by side, watching the cascading water,

  listening to its sound, enjoying the overhanging trees and the wildflowers that

  lined the basin of the falls.

  He reached for he
r hand, but she suddenly jumped down on the falls side of the

  window. "Don't stop me, Lance. Don't say anything and don't stop me."

  He watched in disbelief as she moved towards the pounding water, removing her

  clothing as she walked. At last, she stood naked under the falls, just as she

  had when only fifteen years old. Because of the roar of the falling torrent, he

  could not see her face clearly, nor could he hear any sounds she might be

  making. He was certain she was sobbing. Lance felt as if his heart was breaking.

  He did not know what to do, but he must do something.

  He slid off the ledge and slowly approached. Carefully he made his way over the

  slippery rocks as the water soaked his clothes. He held her tenderly in his

  arms.

  "Now is the time," she said into his ear, "that you make love to me, I have an

  orgasm, and my hang-up miraculously disappears."

  "I can't," he said simply.

  She slid her hand to his crotch. "My God," she exclaimed. "You really can't.

  Does my naked body not arouse you?"

  "Not when my heart is breaking. Toni, I love you so much."

  "I can fix this little problem," she said as she unzipped his pants.

  "I'm sure you can," he agreed as he grabbed her wrist, "but Baby, I don't have a

  condom with me."

  She pulled her head back and looked into his eyes, her hands on his face. "You

  brought me down here to get laid and you forgot to bring a condom?"

  "I forgot nothing. I came to the falls to enjoy a beautiful sight with a

  beautiful lady. Nothing more � nothing less."

  She locked her arms around him and moaned. "Stroke me," she pleaded.

  He started at the small of her back and slowly inched his hands upwards. Her

  whole body was trembling. "Baby," he said, "you're freezing in this mountain

  stream. Let's get back into the sun."

  "No!" Her voice was strange to his ears.

  He held her tighter.

  She screamed and at the same time began to laugh. She clung to him as if every

  ounce of strength were gone. Her breath came in short gasps and the almost

  idiotic laughter continued for a full minute.

  He held her close and, because of the falling water, neither knew the other was

  crying.

  "You did it, Lance. You made love to me just as I described it in my short

  story. God, what an orgasm." She was still trembling.

  He kissed her full on the lips as her hand again traveled to the apex of his

  legs. "Now it's your turn," she said as she sunk to her knees.

  "No," he said as he pulled her erect. "Not that way." He bowed his head and

  kissed her left nipple, gently sucking it into his mouth and tickling it with

  his tongue.

  She ran her fingers through his hair and moved his head to the other breast. "Do

  you have condoms in the RV?"

  "No," he said. "I didn't expect this."

  "Then we are going to make a stop at the pharmacy on the way home."

  It didn't happen, of course. The moment was gone. She felt ashamed that Lance

  had seen her in such a vulnerable emotional state. He felt awkward and

  self-conscious. She said she needed to finish the work in her vegetable garden.

  He said he needed to catch up on his reading.

  Renovations were nearing completion. Lance and Toni spent three days shopping

  for furniture while Buddy and his crew spread large, brightly colored braided

  rugs in the bedrooms, cleared brush from the lake bank, thinned trees in the

  wooded area between the cabin and lake and rebuilt the boat dock.

  On Thursday morning, Lance and Toni worked together as truckload after truckload

  of furniture arrived. Buddy and his men finished their work at the lake and

  began hauling off piles of debris.

  During the afternoon, Buddy, using his pickup, helped move Lance's computer

  equipment to the study and Lance and Toni worked long into the afternoon setting

  everything up.

  "Why did you buy another computer desk?" Toni asked as Lance plugged in the last

  mouse.

  Lance beamed. "It's for you. I have an extra computer. I intend to teach you how

  to use it in your writing career."

  "I know how to use a computer," she replied. "I use the one at the public

  library to do research for my stories on the Internet."

  "I'm impressed."

  She moved to the bay window and looked down the slope at the muddy, but

  beautiful, lake. "If the desk and computer are for me, shouldn't they be at my