The Damn Fool

by George Eliot

reference. The ending, she thought, is better than in my short story, but has it

  ended? Certainly it has for Dwight, but what about me? Am I once again a whole

  woman? Am I now capable of love?

  Lance, showered and shaved, bounced into the study whistling. To prove that he

  brushed his teeth, he kissed Toni lightly.

  She wanted to share her email experience with him, but he quickly sat at his

  computer and began working on the letter. She decided to save her news for a

  more appropriate occasion.

  Maybe my novel will have a happier ending than I anticipated, she thought as she

  started writing a new chapter. An hour later she realized Lance was standing

  beside her, holding a floppy disk. Her creative juices were flowing. She hated

  the interruption, but the letter was her idea.

  Toni loaded his file and smiled as she scanned its content. How can a man who

  expresses himself verbally so well, write so poorly? she wondered. She chuckled

  aloud.

  "Don't make fun of me," he said.

  "I was just wondering," she giggled, "if you disabled the spellchecker on your

  computer. I've never seen so many misspelled words."

  It took two hours of rewriting and editing, but they were both pleased with the

  final result. Lance loaded the edited version on his computer and began the

  process of converting to a mass mailing.

  Toni was running late. She grabbed the moneybox and headed for the lake. The pit

  Buddy dug in which to bury the carp was almost full and the lake was noticeably

  clearer. She knew there were at least two hundred contestants today and was

  pleased to find Buddy already weighing in the catches. She was also grateful

  that the contest ended July the fourth.

  It was nearly seven thirty when Toni returned to the house. She took a quick

  shower and put on a fresh, clinging golf shirt and shorts, intentionally leaving

  off her brassiere. She rushed to the kitchen and was surprised to see Lance

  tossing a salad.

  "What do you think you are doing?" she asked.

  "What does it look like I'm doing. Do you think men can't cook?"

  "I just thought� "

  "Potatoes are baking and this salad will be as good as Skinny's. Why don't you

  finish up while I toss a couple of steaks on the grill?"

  "Lance, this is a wonderful surprise, but the grill is still in a box. I haven't

  put it together yet."

  "I did while you were at the lake. I put the deck furniture together, too, and

  wound up with only a dozen extra parts," he joked. "We'll have to use the dining

  room tomorrow, though. We'll have too many guests for the small deck table."

  Lance picked up the plate containing two defrosted T-bone steaks.

  "I did you a favor earlier today. Will you do one for me?" Toni asked.

  "Sure."

  "Kiss me."

  He grinned and pecked her on the cheek. "My pleasure."

  She took the plate from him and returned it to the counter. "I mean really kiss

  me," she said as she propped her arms on his shoulder.

  His expression changed as he pulled her close.

  "Toni, you drive me crazy. One day you tell me to keep my hands off you and the

  next you ask for a kiss. You can't have it both ways."

  "Do you want to kiss me or not?"

  "Promise you won't hate me in the morning?" he asked.

  She closed her eyes as his lips gently touched hers. She shivered as his hands

  explored her back. Her knees buckled as she sagged against him. The kiss became

  more passionate and he moved his hands to her face.

  "There," he joked as he stepped back, letting his hands slid lightly over her

  breasts, "that should hold you for a few minutes."

  She took a deep breath and tried to smile. "I'll be back in a minute."

  He looked at her quizzically as he picked up the plate.

  "I need to change my panties," she explained.

  A cool breeze stirred paper napkins as they enjoyed their first meal on the deck

  of the cabin. Lance seemed lost in thought, but at least he was smiling.

  "The steak's good," Toni commented. "Well done, just as I like it."

  Lance nodded agreement. "It has just a hint of metallic taste," he said. "I

  suppose you have to expect that when you use a grill for the first time."

  "It's so good to see you relaxed, Lance."

  "Feels good too and I have you to thank for it. I know it's a long shot, but I'm

  convinced my clients are jumping ship too fast. My warning should at least slow

  down the defections."

  A sudden gust of wind blew strands of hair in Lance's eyes. He brushed them away

  and said, "I really do need a haircut. Were you serious about giving it a try?"

  "I'll try anything once," she said, her eyes twinkling. "A crewcut shouldn't be

  hard to manage."

  "Then let's get on with it," he said as he stood.

  They cleared the table and washed the dishes together. While Toni went for his

  comb in the bathroom and the scissors she kept in her room, Lance carried a

  kitchen chair to the ballroom and positioned it where they could both watch

  television while work was in progress.

  "What's on?" she asked when she entered the room.

  "A sitcom, I think," he replied as he sat in the chair.

  Toni fastened a bath towel around his neck and fastened it with a large safety

  pin. "Want to watch the massacre?" she asked, poking a handheld mirror in front

  of him.

  He took the mirror but rested it facedown in his lap. "I don't think I'm brave

  enough," he joked.

  She raked the comb through his hair and pictured her mother, cutting her dad's

  hair in their kitchen when she was a child. Her hands trembled as she made the

  first cut.

  "You know," Lance said, "it would be easier if you had clippers. I've seen them

  at Wal-Mart. They come with various guards you slip over the head, allowing just

  the depth of cut desired."

  "Now you tell me," she said as she continued snipping with growing confidence.

  Suddenly he roared with laughter.

  "You keep your head still, Lance Sayer, or I'll cut your ear off."

  "Sorry, I thought it was funny."

  "I wasn't paying attention."

  "The guy asked the huge chested gal if her boobs are really hers. She said they

  are and she has the plastic surgeon's bill to prove it."

  "Oh."

  "It looses something in the telling."

  "Lance, do you think my boobs are too small?"

  "I've never seen them."

  "Yes, you have."

  "Oh, yeah. Toni, this is going to sound like a line, but I think you're the most

  beautiful woman I've ever known, both inside and out."

  The compliment bathed Toni in a curious warmth and she impulsively kissed his

  cheek. "If it's a line, keep feeding them to me. I love it."

  "I'm serious, Toni. Most of the women I have known are so � so artificial, like

  the gal on TV with implants."

  "And I'm not?"

  "You're the crowning glory of Mother Nature's creativity and are smart enough to

  avoid any attempt to improve on perfection."

  Toni knew her face was glowing and was glad Lance couldn't see it. She raked the

  comb over the top of his head and felt him shudder.

  "That feels good," he said.

  "Everybody likes
to have his head scratched," she laughed as she bent and

  sighted the top of his hairline. A few more snips and the blond hair stood

  straight up about an inch from his scalp and was as even as she could get it.

  She removed the safety pin and pulled the towel from his chest, trying to keep

  as much of the fallen strands in it as possible. She picked up the mirror,

  straddled his legs, sat on his thighs and held the mirror in front of his eyes.

  "What do you think?"

  "I think," he said, running his right hand through his hair, "I've found a new

  barber."

  Kiss me, she pleaded internally. She ran her fingers through the left side of

  his head. "Looks good to me, if I do say so myself."

  "I saw a watermelon in the refrigerator," he said.

  She nodded. "There are a dozen more under the deck."

  "From your garden?"

  "From farmer Toni's garden," she confirmed.

  "This show stinks and we didn't have desert. Let's cut the melon."

  "It's late, Lance," she said as she stood up. "You'll wet the bed."

  He laughed and put his hands on her hips as he also stood. "I'll risk it if you

  will."

  She brushed stray strands of hair from his face and looked into his eyes. Kiss

  me, she pleaded silently. "You take the watermelon to the deck while I clean up

  this mess," she said.

  He carried the kitchen chair with him and she swept his hair from the floor into

  a dustpan. She emptied it into a wastebasket, hesitated and retrieved a golden

  lock. There was no pocket on her shirt and she was wearing no bra. She glanced

  around guiltily, making sure Lance was not watching, and slipped the treasure

  inside her panties. It tickled.

  Before going to bed, she securely bound one end of the lock of hair with a

  thread and placed it under her pillow.

  Chapter Eight

 

  For the first time in weeks Lance was in good spirits as he entertained his

  guests, keeping the burgers sizzling on the grill and plenty of beer flowing.

  Toni seemed to be in constant motion as she scurried from the kitchen to the

  deck to the dining room, making sure there were plenty of buns and fixing's

  available for the motley crew of men, their wives and girlfriends. She worried

  about possible staining of the new dining room table and the glass doors in the

  magnificent new hutch being broken by the rowdy guests.

  The only sore spot for Lance was Toni's choice of clothing. Her tee shirt is far

  too tight and revealing, he thought. At least she could have worn a bra. He

  could not help but stare at the tight khaki short shorts she wore. Having seen

  her nude under the waterfall, he knew the skintight apparel left little to the

  imagination. He noticed the other guys were also enjoying the view.

  Since it was the last day of the fishing contest and a holiday as well, cars

  crowded the clearing and lined the dirt road all the way to the highway. As soon

  as they were well fed, the guests migrated to the lake to try their luck.

  "Do you think everyone enjoyed themselves?" he asked as he and Toni began the

  massive cleanup project.

  "If they didn't, they sure fooled me," she laughed.

  "We couldn't have asked for better weather. The temperature is mild and there's

  not a cloud in the sky."

  Toni nodded as she put a twist-tie on a large garbage bag. "The humidity is low

  also. To me, that's more important than the temperature."

  He agreed as he tossed more beer bottles into the recycling bin.

  "I don't think any of your furniture was damaged, but I caught Hi-pockets

  sitting in your chair smoking a cigarette. I made him take his filthy habit

  outside."

  "You worry too much," Lance laughed.

  "Have you received any responses to your mass mailing?"

  "It was late yesterday afternoon when we sent it out and I am sure they are all

  taking July the fourth off. I just hope it slows the tide of defections until I

  can come up with a solution."

  "Want to hear another silly idea?"

  "So far your ideas have been far from silly, you beautiful creature."

  "Well, I've seen ads for personal computers recently. Every few weeks they seem

  to come out with faster processor chips and hard disks that are not only fast

  but store gigabytes of data."

  "I'm impressed," he said, "and you are correct."

  "These things cost very little in comparison to mainframes. Couldn't you somehow

  put your registration program on a PC and let the students access it by modem?

  Then in the wee hours of the morning you could automatically check for tampering

  and download to the mainframe. Even if a hacker does get into the PC, the

  mainframe files will remain secure."

  Lance was now manning a broom and she knelt before him with a dustpan. "Certain

  PC's can certainly be used as servers. The problem is in modem accessibility. No

  more than eight or ten students could be online at any given time, and getting

  connected would be happenstance at best. We would wind up with a ton of very

  unhappy students."

  "It was just an idea."

  "A very good one, too," he said. "It just isn't practical."

  Toni sealed another garbage bag and glanced at her watch. "Uh oh," she said.

  "The contest ends at five and it's four thirty now. We need to hurry."

  Lance laughed. "I know Buddy offered to haul our trash to the dump for us, but

  there is no way it will all fit into the bed of his pickup."

  She nodded. "I would hate for him to have to make two trips. Let's load the

  recyclables first and then throw the garbage bags on top. I think Buddy has a

  tarp we can use to keep the heaped up bags from falling off."

  They worked smoothly together and admired their efforts after they successfully

  tied the tarpaulin into place. Lance began to laugh as he looked at Toni,

  standing beside the truck in the brilliant afternoon sun.

  She smiled and he thought his heart would melt, not from the heat of the sun,

  but from the radiance of her countenance. "Let me in on the joke," she said.

  "It finally happened."

  "What?"

  "You worked up a sweat that has completely saturated your shirt." He chuckled.

  "For all practical purposes, you may as well not have a shirt on at all."

  She glanced down, verifying the accuracy of his observation.

  "Darn," she said. "Now I'll have to change before awarding the fishing prizes."

  She headed for the cabin and called over her shoulder, "Come with me if you want

  to kiss the perspiration off my boobs."

  Lance quickly caught up with her and fell in step. "There are some invitations

  that are simply too good to pass up."

  "Lance," she said. "I was joking."

  He placed his hand firmly on her arm and stopped her. "I was afraid of that.

  Toni, I am trying my best to accept things as they are, but you know I'm nuts

  about you. Please help me to treat you the way you want to be treated. Quit

  teasing me." He looked longingly at her breasts and pulled her close.

  Toni shivered in his embrace. Her nipples, pressed against his hard chest,

  seemed on fire. She felt his lips gently nibbling her earlobe and intentionally

  pressed her body against his bulging groin. "Lance, we
need to talk. Something

  has happened. Something wonderful."

  "Tell me," he urged.

  "Later," she whispered as she moved her chest against his, sending tiny bolts of

  lightning throughout her body, "after out guests have departed."

  He released her and she kissed him briefly on the lips as she smiled into his

  questioning eyes.

  The final ceremony for the fishing contest took an hour. Molly Springfield,

  secretary for the telephone company and Buddy Mabe's date for the day, won the

  first prize for the largest carp, caught several days earlier and weighing in at

  forty-three pounds and seven ounces.

  "Me and the boys will come back tomorrow and clean up the trash around the lake,

  Buddy promised after the contestants began the steep climb through the woods.

  "Looks to me as if everyone was, for the most part, thoughtful enough to stow

  their trash in the barrels you provided, Buddy," Lance observed.

  "Them portable johns Toni rented got a real workout," Buddy laughed.

  "And they stink to high heaven," Toni agreed.

  "When you gotta go, you gotta go," Molly joked.

  Buddy wrapped his massive arm around the heavyset woman. Me and Molly's gonna

  down a few at the pool hall. Why don't you two join us?" Buddy asked. "You any

  good at eight ball, Lance?"

  Before Lance could reply, Toni said, "Some other time, Buddy."

  "Shoot yourself," Buddy joked. "Lance, ol' friend, I want you to know I

  'preciate this here shindig. Everybody had a good time, even those that didn't

  get in on the free burgers and beer."

  Lance watched as Buddy and his date started up the trail and, when he felt Toni

  tugging on his belt, turned. She jumped into his embrace, her arms tightly

  wrapped around his neck and her legs clamping his waist. Her tongue searched the

  deep recesses of his surprised mouth. She never felt more alive. She broke the

  kiss, gazed into his astonished eyes and said, "Is this signal plain enough for

  you?"

  "God, Toni. I want you so badly." He sucked on her neck, knowing he was leaving

  an impression of his passion that would be visible for days.

  Slowly she released her legs and slid down his body until her feet touched the

  ground. She shuddered when his hands found her buttocks and sucked greedily on

  his tongue as it probed the depths of her mouth. She pulled her head back a few

  inches. "I don't want leaves and pine needles on my bottom," she said. "I want

  our first time to be in your bed."

  He hugged her tightly. "I still haven't bought any condoms," he apologized.

  "I don't need them now. Remember?"

  He slid his right hand between them and pressed against her khaki covered labia.

  She moaned and ground her breasts into his chest.

  "Can you hold off another thirty minutes?" she asked softly.

  His hands traveled to her breasts and closed sensuously over them. It felt as if

  her hard nipples were impaling his palms. He felt her trembling against him. "I

  don't want to wait another second," he groaned and he rubbed his pelvis against

  her provocatively.

  "Please," she gasped. "For me? I want to tell you my good news."

  He stepped away reluctantly. "Would it make a more romantic setting if we circle

  the lake in a rowboat?"

  Toni's entire face seemed to burst into a smile. "Perfect!"

  Toni placed the paddles in the oarlocks, shoved off from the dock, and giggled

  as Lance learned to row a boat. Soon the rowboat was drifting along the

  shoreline and she related the story of contacting Dwight and the relief from a

  lifetime of guilt that resulted.

  She beamed while looking Lance directly in the eye. "I suppose I shouldn't tell

  you this, but I tested my theory on you. I am now sexually responsive. There is

  no question about it!"

  He grinned. "That's what you meant yesterday when you said you needed to change

  your panties?"

  She nodded as she continued to smile.

  "Do you � uh � do you need to change your panties now?"

  She smiled seductively. "I want you to take them off."

  He dipped the oars deep into the water and, using all his strength, turned the

  tiny craft into a speedboat as he headed for the dock.

  Dragging Toni, who held tightly to his belt, he raced up the incline and

  clutched her to him when they reached the clearing. As she held his face in her