“Stopped by?” Damn! She wasn’t falling for it.
“Yeah. You know. I don’t really want to talk about it.” The whole subject irked me.
“OK.” She said as she looked to the side, possibly annoyed that I didn’t want to go into it. The short silence felt awkward for the both of us. I decided to break the quiet.
“OK.” I guessed I’d better talk about it. “So he stopped by one day after work.” Trish perked up and smiled not because she heard he stopped by, but because I was opening up. “He’s just. I don’t know. He wanted me to forgive him.” I shrugged.
“Well?” she asked, urging me to go on.
“Well what? I don’t forgive him. And who’s to say that he wants my forgiveness because he truly wants me, or just because he wants to clear his conscience.” Trish raised an eyebrow as if to say “good point.”
“So then, who’s the next contender?” she asked, playfully moving the conversation along.
“Contender? I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I acted put out by her question, but really it was fun to think there might be contenders.
“Yes, Emily. I know you, and I’ll bet your summer hasn’t been spent alone. There’s someone or many someones who have potential, aren’t there? So, come on. Tell me about it.”
I reflected on my summer for a moment while I thought hard about what she said. She knew I wasn’t alone. That could very well be my problem. I hardly let the dust settle with Christian before getting involved with Graham. But she didn’t know about Christian. She wanted new details. I decided to go ahead and spill.
“I met a guy when I went home who was nice, but you know how those things go. I live down here now. We kept it light.”
“And?” She urged me to go on.
“I don’t know. There’s this guy who lives in my apartment complex. He’s nice too. But, we’ve only had a couple of conversations; nothing earth-shattering.”
“Uh-huh? And…well, where were you last night?”
“Oh, nothing there. I went to a beach party with Ethan and Allison.” I thought back to the evening. “Actually, I did have an unexpected conversation with Joel, my brother’s friend. He’s really sweet.” I smiled to myself and Trish caught me.
“I know there’s more. What are you not telling me?” Then our food came, and I thought I could sidestep the question, but I was not that lucky. “So, continue.” Trish popped a French fry into her mouth, and chewed quietly waiting for me to go on.
I hesitated to say anything, but she wasn’t letting it go. “There’s not much more to tell.” She raised an eyebrow in disbelief, so I decided to tell her about Colin. “You know my internship?” She nodded. “I work with Colin Ryan.” She gave me a blank look. “You know, Mr. Ryan.”
Trish’s eyes bugged out. “You and Mr. Ryan? I knew it!” she stated, a little too loudly.
I looked around to make sure no one heard us. I don’t know why I cared, but I did. “Trish…come on! Try not to alert the whole restaurant. It’s not like we’re dating or anything. We just ate our lunches together once.” She looked like she didn’t believe me. “OK, then there was the benefit.”
“Benefit? What happened there?” The corners of her mouth turned up.
“We danced. It was nice.” I sat back in my seat.
“That was it? What was it like afterwards? You know, working with him.”
“I don’t know. He wasn’t in the office today. Actually I heard he’s going to be out of town for a while.”
“Huh. So you DO have a few contenders, then.”
“I don’t know about that.” I laughed wondering if anything was really in the cards for me.
ELEVEN
Sometimes I’m So Off-Base
The weeks that followed went by fast. Each day brought new challenges at my internship and each night brought a soft pillow — solo. I hardly had time to get nervous about starting classes again. In the back of my mind I knew I would run into Graham, but I hoped the campus was big enough that I could avoid him. I needed to move on, and I needed to let him go entirely. Now I had all the tools to do it. But my heart still felt heavy at the thought of him. What made it worse was his obvious remorse and persistence. He continued to leave messages and insist that he wasn’t with Nicole. I didn’t know what to believe. I was trying to move on.
Work was busy, and during the last weeks I completed the project left by Colin while he was in the Bay Area office. Secretly I wanted him to return to see if there was anything between us, but as the days passed, I continued to forge ahead alone, waiting for school to start again. Alone was never something I relished, and it took some getting used to after being with Graham.
As a farewell to summer, my brother was having a BBQ and swim party at his place. Allison insisted I come even though part of me was reluctant to be the third wheel again. I hoped I would know a few people, not just the two of them. The thought of another gathering without a date wasn’t appealing.
When I walked into the gated pool area I scanned the crowd and recognized no one. I knew I would at least see Allison and Ethan at some point, so I tried not to fret. Before I could even reach a chaise to lounge in, I spotted Ethan. He waved for me to join him in the BBQ area.
“So, have you talked to Mom?” Ethan asked, annoyed, as if he already knew the answer. I wondered why that was the first thing he said.
“No, she left a message but…” I saw the look on his face and didn’t feel the need to go on.
“You really should be better about calling people back.” I rolled my eyes at his ability to stick me with guilt at every opportunity. “Mom’s moving.”
“What? Where? How did that happen?” I was shocked. True, I hadn’t talked with her lately, but I thought there would’ve been some clues.
“She got a job in the Bay Area.”
“What about Hunter? She’s just going to uproot him?”
“Please, you know our little brother. He’s always looking for the next adventure. Moving won’t bother him.” I nodded in agreement. He was probably right about Hunter, but that still didn’t explain her sudden move.
“So why is she moving? It can’t just be for a job,” I said, still perplexed.
“It’s a good job. And you know Grandma and Grandpa aren’t getting any younger. Mom wants to be near them. Maybe you should call her to get all the details.” We both heard someone call his name and turned. Ethan nodded to make his point then walked toward the voice.
A strange feeling came over me. It was almost as if I was the one moving and being uprooted. I knew that wasn’t true, but I still felt off-balance. Not having a reason to visit my home town would be weird. Actually, more than weird. Disconnected. I would lose my relationship with Two Rivers and…many other things. I knew what I was thinking and it wasn’t things that I’d be losing, it was my friends and someone in particular. That last ditch effort to have a piece of Christian would diminish if I didn’t visit my home town again. I felt my shoulders droop. It must have been obvious, because before I knew it Allison was beside me, looking worried.
“You didn’t know your mom was moving did you?” True, but there was more to it than that.
I shrugged. “No, I didn’t. But, from what Ethan says, she’s happy about it. I’ll have to call her later and get the details.” I forced a smile and wondered why it wasn’t easier. After all, this wasn’t about me.
“Come on.” She grabbed my hand leading me toward the Jacuzzi. “Let’s have a daiquiri and chat. I never talk to my friend Emily anymore,” she said it jokingly, as if I wasn’t right there. I think she thought it was cute. I stepped into the Jacuzzi with one foot, waiting for the shock of the heat to wear off. Allison lifted her bathing suit cover-up over her head and dropped it on a nearby chaise before hopping in. She handed me a daiquiri in a tall red cup and set hers down as she slipped in further. I sat on the edge with only my feet in the water, sipping my drink and waiting for whatever Allison was going to tell me. I knew her, and she had somet
hing on her mind but was hesitating to share. I thought it best not to pressure her, instead, just wait for it.
“Did you get all your classes this semester or do you have to add?” she asked as she inched her fingers across the top of the water. I knew she was stalling, but I played along.
“Yeah, mostly. I have to add one design class but I’m hopeful. You?”
“I have to add one class, too. I think I’ll get in.” She still looked down at her fingers. That was enough of that.
“OK, Allison, What is it that you’ve been dying to tell me since you handed me this daiquiri?” She looked up stunned that I was onto her. “Come on, it’s me.” I couldn’t think of what would make her hesitate like this.
“Well, Ethan wanted to tell you but I thought I should.” I felt my forehead wrinkle in confusion. I wondered what she was talking about, but didn’t want to stall her with my questions. “We’re moving in together,” She said it with such excitement — but still a little guarded. I relaxed.
“That’s great, Allison. Why the trepidation?”
“Well, he’s your brother, and it hasn’t really been that long.” She waited for my response.
“I think you two are perfect for each other. That’s great news.” Allison looked over my shoulder at what I knew was Ethan. I leaned over my knees and hugged her as the hem of my sundress touch the water. “Thanks for telling me. I appreciate it. Now I just have to tease Ethan a little. You don’t mind, do you?” She smiled and took a drink of her daiquiri. I was plenty used to the heat of the water now and pulled my sundress over my head, adjusted my bikini, and slid into the Jacuzzi beside her.
“Hey Allison?” I turned too, even though he wasn’t calling me. She looked up, and we both watched Joel approach. “Ethan’s needin’ your help.” He addressed Allison then turned to me. “Hi Em’ly.”
“Hi Joel.” He stood in front of us shirtless and wet. It was the first time I had seen him like that and I was speechless, staring, and kind of stunned. Allison cleared her throat and I closed my mouth. I felt the heat rise into my cheeks and I hoped their probable pinkness could be blamed on the hot water.
“Thanks,” she said to Joel then looked back at me. “I’ll be back soon, Emily.” Allison stepped out and wrapped herself in a towel, heading quickly to Ethan and the BBQ.
“Let me know if I can do anything.” I called after her. Joel stepped into the Jacuzzi and sat on the top step. His light brown hair looked like he’d only shaken it when he got out of the pool. He was tan all the way down to where his stomach met the drawstring waist of his swim trunks.
“Havin’ fun?” he asked keeping his eyes on mine. Hmm, I thought. I was in my bikini but he didn’t notice.
“Yeah. Although I don’t know too many people here.” I sat back against one of the jets and let the bubbles run up my back and around my neck. They tickled ever-so-slightly.
“They’re mostly a bunch of boring Econ majors.” He smiled and leaned back on his elbows.
“You’re an Econ major, aren’t you?” I asked, already knowing the answer, of course.
He let out a half-laugh. “See, I told ya.” He kicked under the water just missing me. “I think the burgers are almost done. Want to?” He reached for my hand and we stepped out of the Jacuzzi together. I dried off quickly and slipped my sundress on again while Joel dripped dry. Before we got to the BBQ area he paused by a chair, grabbed his tee shirt and pulled it on. It would make it easier to have a conversation with him over dinner if he was dressed. I did however sigh at the disappearing vision of his bare chest.
Again, conversation came with ease while we ate, and I wondered why I had overlooked this seemingly perfect guy. The balance of the evening was mostly daiquiri drinking and the fun little game of let’s-throw-the-drunk-girl-in-the-pool. Luckily for me I knew this game, stayed away from the edge, and remained sober. Even if I wanted to, I knew my brother would give me a fierce sideways glare if I drank too much; who needed that added aggravation? But honestly, I was having ‘way too much fun with Joel. Just sitting beside him watching the night’s shenanigans was fun. When he rested his hand on the back of my chair, I wondered if it was time to see where this might go. I decided I’d ask him to walk me to my car when the party died. I figured if anything was going to happen, that’s when it would.
We helped Ethan and Allison clean up, and when I started to wheel the BBQ back to the utility closet Joel came over to help me.
“I’m going to take off. Would you mind walking me to my car?” I asked, feeling a little forward, but following my instincts anyway.
“Sure. I gotta get going too.”
We said our goodbyes, and I slipped into my flip-flops as Allison came over. “You’re sure you’re cool with all of this?”
I forgot for a second what she was talking about. “Oh, of course I’m cool. You’re over at his place all the time anyway. Please!” She smiled and put her arm around me, turning back toward Ethan and Joel.
“Night.” I looked at Ethan and he looked back, narrowing his eyes. Whatever, I thought.
As we walked, Joel seemed relaxed. I truly liked being with him and I wondered how he felt. When we reached my car, I turned to face him leaning back against the driver’s side door. “That was a fun party. Thanks for hanging out with me.”
“Oh sure. I figured you didn’t know too many people.” He rested his hand where the car window met the roof. I watched him rub his hand along the roof.
“You got some piece of machinery here,” he said, admiring my car.
“Yeah, I guess so. You don’t think it’s too old?” I asked.
“No way.”
“Yeah, me too. But you’d be surprised what other people think,” I said remembering numerous times Graham had suggested I replace it with something new. I liked him even more now that he appreciated the car like I did.
With the subject of my car covered, there was an awkward moment of silence between us. The look on his face was somewhere between nervous and contemplative. I couldn’t figure it out. For a second I wondered if he might kiss me.
The moment continued and the silence seemed huge. I watched his face and saw him swallow. I could see the muscles above his jawbone contract. I felt my lips part. Then I knew it. I wanted it. I wanted him. I couldn’t help myself. I touched his upper arm and left my hand there. If this wasn’t an invitation, I didn’t know what was. I waited, leaning against my car with the most relaxed look I could manage. Then I just went for it. All the signs were there, weren’t they? I reached up behind his neck and pulled myself into him.
Our lips almost touched but he pulled away from me. He kept me at arm’s length and stayed completely still. I let go, sliding my hand from his neck to his arm. I was shocked. And kind of weirded out. I thought he liked me. I looked at him for a response. He looked down, staring at my hand still on his arm. I lifted it and moved my gaze to my feet, feeling strange and confused.
“Em’ly, you know I think you’re, um, great. But…” He paused looking as confused as I felt. “I just, um.” He looked up and let out a sigh. “It’s just that my girlfriend from back home and I have been talking lately and, well, it’s a long story, but before I left for college we decided to break up.” He turned and leaned against the car, looking uncomfortable but apparently ready to tell me more. “And now we think it was a mistake,” he said quietly.
“A mistake?” I asked wanting to know more but feeling a little numb and beyond embarrassed.
“Yeah, to break up. Haven’t you made a decision you thought was the best at the time but then…” He didn’t have to finish that sentence. I already knew what he meant.
“Yeah, I know,” I said. And I really did. I thought of Christian, and for more than the few seconds I allowed myself before. Way to bring it on home for me, Joel.
We both leaned against the car in silence for a minute longer. Remembering how I had tried to kiss him a moment before, I looked up at him and my face again filled with heat. “You know, I’ve
gotta go.” I turned around and slid into the front seat pretty quickly, considering the lingering posture I just abandoned.
“Em’ly?” He stood with a hand on the car door.
“I’ll see you soon.” I knew I should have stayed and talked this whole thing through with him. It was great that he and his girlfriend realized how important they were to each other. I knew all of that, but somehow couldn’t get out of there fast enough. Rejection hung with me ragged and thick.
TWELVE
Semester Begins with a Bang
Ironically, when I got home my answering machine was blinking. I say ironically, because sure enough, it was my mom. I wondered if she and Ethan had some sort of telepathic connection I didn’t know about. I looked at the clock and decided it was questionable, but probably not too late to call. After a short conversation, I had all the details and was coming to terms with the fact that she was moving. I tried to readjust my perspective by taking out the trash, but I still couldn’t shake my evening. It’s not that I was infatuated with Joel. He was just so warm and I was really tired of being alone. I knew when I strung those thoughts together that my inner argument was a little weak, but my heart ached, and I was lonely. I didn’t want to do it anymore, to be the third wheel or the girl who walks into a party alone. Obviously Joel wasn’t for me, but who was?
I listened to the crickets along with the rhythmic flopping of my sandals against the sidewalk. I stared at the ground as I walked back to the apartment. As I turned the corner I stopped, startled at the dark form standing outside my door. I paused, craning my neck to see who it was. My heartbeat rocketed.
“Graham?” I walked cautiously toward him.
“I know you don’t want to see me, but I…” He came into the light and I saw his face. He looked pale and tired; not like himself. I realized I wasn’t as mad as I had been before. I don’t know if it was the time that passed, or seeing him so upset. But either way, the rage had diminished. Even so I wasn’t sure I should invite him in. I tried to get a hold on my feelings for a second, sighed and opened the door for him. I kicked off my flip-flops and pulled my hair out of its ponytail. I was sure my hair was a mess of curls and who knows what my face looked like. Even though this all occurred to me, I wasn’t as self-conscious as usual. Why? I had no idea but decided to go with it. I sat down on the couch tucking one leg under me as I normally did. Graham sat next to me running his hand through his hair. I watched as the sleeve of his tee shirt stretched across his arm revealing his tight muscles. I was still so attracted to him. I had to look away.
Emily Calls It (The Emily Series) Page 7