Blinding Echo

by Tina Saxon

  “So, everything, I read about you is true?”

  That depends on who you ask. The damn internet. Full of lies and truths, often a mixture of both, a constant brew of mishmash bullshit that people always take at face value. “I wouldn’t say everything. I never wrestled a leopard in Afghanistan.”

  Her laugh is everything. I don’t like talking about things I did. It was a job, one I don't regret, but to someone who wasn’t in that situation, they might not see things the way I did.

  I’m a trained killer.

  The man who attacked her a few weeks ago, I could’ve snapped his neck in two seconds flat. I wouldn’t have been able to get close to her having to deal with the aftermath of killing a man. After losing control with my dad, I swore to myself it’d never happen again.

  “Does it scare you?” Do I scare you? “What you’ve read about me?”

  She hums, picking at a piece of rice on her plate before finding my eyes. “No, actually the opposite, you make me feel safe.”

  Music to my ears.

  “Scars are a reminder of our journey, of who we are today; a reminder of the days we were our strongest.”

  She puffs out a scoff. “I’m not so sure about that.” I hate she has insecurities. She has to see how strong she is. I stop myself from reaching out to her as she picks up my empty plate and goes into the kitchen. Her fingers wrap around the counter ledge as she leans against it, staring at me. Tell me everything, I silently plead with her.

  “When I look at my scars, all I see is pain. My life changed forever after… my accident.” It changed mine too. I want her to keep talking so I keep quiet. “I don’t know why I’m telling you this…” She lets out a small awkward noise, shaking her hands out. “Especially since we’ve only been on one date. But, I need to put it out there so if you’re not okay with it, you can move on.”

  I want to laugh at the absurdity. I’m not going anywhere.

  “I can’t get pregnant,” she blurts out. Not what I was expecting. She blinks back her tears, fanning herself. “Sorry, I’m a mess. I didn’t mean to throw that in your lap all at once. You probably want to run far, far away.”

  She’s reading my silence all wrong. I want to tell her it’s okay because I don’t want kids, but I’m almost certain that is not the thing to say. I push off my chair and stand in front of her.

  Realization dawns on me I have no idea what affects the accident had on her, other than the obvious scars and memory loss. “Don’t apologize, Ellie.” I smile down at her and she looks away. She gasps when I pick her up at the waist and set her on the counter so she’s eye level with me. “Thank you for telling me. But I… let’s say it’s not a determining factor for me.”

  “Don’t you want kids?”

  This is a no-win question. Will she judge me if I say no? “Hmm. I’ve seen the worst this world offers our future. I have a hard time wanting to bring a child into it. But that’s not to say, I wouldn’t love one if I had one,” I quickly add.

  She surprises me when she reaches out for my hand, slipping my fingers through hers. Is this what has been holding her back? I hope so. That was an easy fix.

  “Thank you.” The worry etched on her face, relaxes with her smile. “I didn’t want to waste your time, if… you know…” She shrugs.

  I run my fingers up her silky legs, forcing myself to stop when they hit the edge of her shorts. “Definitely not wasting my time.”

  I kiss her quick and hard, erasing every doubt she has of me in her head. I want to be here. Her fingers grip my hair, her ample tits rub against my chest and a small groan slips from the back of my throat out of frustration knowing I have to stop before it’s too late. I pull back as quickly as I started, leaving her wanting more. Consequently, leaving me aching. The risk doesn’t outweigh the reward. I want her forever, not for a quick score and I’m still not sure she’s ready for the former.

  “You need to finish studying and I have a meeting early in the morning.”

  “You’re right,” she says, breathlessly, hopping down. She walks me to the door, leaning against it, watching me walk out. “Thanks for tonight. I needed it.”

  “Anytime.” I smile wide and tip my proverbial hat.

  Her eyes shine with mischief. “Cowboy, I am a little disappointed about the leopard story.”

  I laugh out loud. “Is that right? I’ll make it real before date number three.”

  “Three? I wouldn’t call this a date. Maybe a point five.”

  “Point five?” I snicker as I reach for her and surprise her when I slam my mouth to hers in a heated kiss. My fingers wrap around her ponytail and I pull her into me. I kiss her until I feel her body melt into mine, her knees weaken, her moans telling me she wants more of this. I break the kiss, her heavy breaths and half hooded eyes are exactly what I want.

  “Okay, you win. It’s two.”

  That’s what I thought. I’m not wasting time with halves.

  I found my forever. I just need her to catch up.

  “Make next Saturday night number three?”

  “That depends if Tori lets me off work.”

  “She will. She wouldn’t let her best buddy down.” She shakes her head watching me walk backward toward the stairs. “What can I say, everyone loves me.”

  And you’re on your way.

  I can see it in her eyes.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Kase

  “Hey, Max,” I say, knocking on the office door. He glances up and motions for me to come in.

  “Have a seat.” It seems like yesterday I was sitting here interviewing with him, yet it’s been almost two months. So much has transpired since then. “How are you adjusting? I heard something about you and Ell.” Max likes to get straight to the point. Stone let me decide who I would tell about Everly, but I'm obligated to tell Max since I used his resources.

  “It's different, but the transition is going as well. Although, being part of the team has certainly helped. Now, about Ellie… remember when you asked about skeletons in my closet?” His brow lifts and he nods slowly. I tell him everything up to that point.

  “Why did she change her name?”

  I shake my head and sigh. “I'm not sure. She doesn’t have her old memories. It's possible, she wanted a clean slate.”

  “Sounds like someone else,” he grumbles. He runs his hands through his hair in frustration.

  “Does this have to do with the woman you traveled to California for?”

  “She’s not up for discussion.” The way he shuts down the conversation is telling. I nod, deciding it’s probably best I drop the subject.

  “It’s not a problem that I’m with Ellie, right?” I do worry that my work ethic will be called into question if he thinks I’m spending all my time thinking about Ellie. As much as my mind is occupied with her, I know how to turn it off.

  “She’s a friend of the group, but she’s not our business, so as long as you can keep your head out of your ass and do your job, I’m good with it.”

  I give him an accusatory stare knowing his case in California is crossing that line. “Well if that isn’t the pot calling the kettle.”

  He chuckles. “I’m seeing why you’ve got a target on your back with Stone.”

  “I live with a target on my back,” I retort. It comes with the territory of being a sniper. I’m a wanted man in countries I’ve never been in. “Max, I shoot straight, and you respect that. I have an idea why you went to California. One look at you when someone mentions her name, it's obvious how you feel about her.” He tents his fingers, staring at me, hating that I'm able to read him. I shrug a shoulder. “It’s what they trained me to do. I notice everything. It’s why you hired me. I’m the best.”

  "I certainly didn’t hire you for your humbleness," he belts out a laugh while standing up, reaches into his desk and pulls out a set of keys. I guess he’s done talking. He glances at me, fisting the keys. “Feel like jumping out of a plane?”

  I shoot up out of my seat. “Fuc
k yeah!”

  Time to get ready for my date with Ellie. I’m still wired with adrenaline from my jump this afternoon, I should’ve hit the gym to release some of it, but I fell short of time stopping by the store on my way home. Grabbing the bag off my counter, I strut into the bathroom. She might not remember me, but maybe she’ll remember my smell. I pull out the distinct green bottle of Ralph Lauren Polo. I stopped wearing this stuff when I left for the Navy, but it drove her crazy when I did. In a good way. One sniff and her eyes turned as bright as the bottle. Green with desire.

  I slide into Cody’s Corvette, turning over the engine so it roars to life. I’m not a car kind of guy. Give me a truck and I’m set, but this car fucking rocks.

  When Ellie’s door opens, my heart hammers against my chest. It’s still hard to believe I found her. The best decision I made was telling her we were taking Cody’s car because she’s wearing a dress that shows off every luscious curve she has. Last time it was disappointing when she changed. My fingers tingle thinking about running them up her silky tan thighs. I need to take my time with her, but it’s hard when every part of my body itches to touch her.

  “I’m almost done.” She wanders away, leaving the door open. “You can come in,” she says over her shoulder.

  Music drifts out from her bedroom and the scent of vanilla fills the air. I glance around her apartment noticing the flicker of a candle in her kitchen. A camera and a photo book lay on her coffee table. She’s disappeared, so I sit on the couch and open the album, expecting to catch a glimpse into her life outside the bar. I’m surprised I'm not looking at pictures of her at all. Pulling the book into my lap, I flip from page to page, but not before studying each picture. There are two on each page.

  “Ah, my project.” I startle at her voice, stunned that I was so pulled in I didn’t notice her watching me. She leans in her bedroom doorway, flashing a shy smile.

  "I hope you don't mind. These are… heartbreaking, yet amazing." I see what she meant by I’d have to see it. I continue to flip the pages but stop at one. "This is Pepper.” I look up at her confused and she nods. “Are these all women that Max–"

  “Not all,” she interrupts. “There’s a woman’s shelter, close to Max’s place.” I nod, knowing where the place is. Stone took me there and introduced me to the lady that runs the place. But I’m confused about Ellie’s part. “I took those pictures two years ago for a class about narratives and documentary. After I completed the class, I couldn’t stop. I was helping these women, and it was so much more than I ever imagined, deep down, I knew it was my calling. So, I continued. That's the final project.”

  “So, you take pictures when they first come in? And then…”

  She blows out a heavy breath and looks away for a beat. “I volunteer at the shelter. When they first arrive, I talk with them, gain their trust as a friend. I explain what I’m doing, and we go from there. Some say no and that's okay, I'm still there to help them. Most of these women have been so beaten down mentally and physically by a man that they don’t think they’re worth anything. I take a picture of them, but then a few months later, when they have gone through counseling and we work with them to get back on their feet, I take another one to prove how beautiful and strong they really are. It’s not about their clothes or their makeup. It’s not superficial, it’s real. The life in their eyes, the happiness in their smile, the strength in their posture. I want them to see what courage looks like. I want them to see they are the light in a world of darkness and nobody can take that away.”

  I’m speechless. So many things run through my head. The dependent girl I fell in love with has grown into a woman I’m in awe of. I have firsthand knowledge of the courage needed for these women, my mom didn’t have it. What these women have gone through, I lived it.

  “Stop looking at me like that.” She blushes, glancing down.

  “Like what? Like I think you’re amazing, beautiful inside and out? Like the more I get to know, the more I want to know? Like I really like you?” I push off the couch and stride toward her, drawing her to me when I get close enough. “I’ll never stop looking at you like that.”

  I lower my head so I can kiss her. When she scrunches her nose and pulls back, I pause. “What’s wrong?”

  She coughs once and clears her throat. “Nothing,” she says, holding her breath. My brows furrow and I straighten, knowing there’s something.

  “Do you not want to kiss me?” I’ve never had that reaction trying to kiss someone. Not going to lie, it stings.

  “Oh, no! I’m sorry,” she says, taking a couple of steps away from me. “I want you to kiss me. Especially after everything you said.” Her voice softens and her hand goes over her heart. “But, it’s hard…” She pauses. It’s clear she’s trying to find the right words. “Geez, I ruined the moment.”

  “What stopped you?” I’m so confused.

  “Cowboy… your cologne is kinda strong,” she drawls, wincing.

  I snatch my shirt, pulling it up to my nose and take a large whiff. “You don’t like it?” Not the response I was shooting for.

  “I don’t not like it. I think I like your normal cologne better.”

  “I don’t usually wear cologne.”

  “Oh.” She bites her lip, looking damn sexy.

  “Is it terrible?” I continue smelling different parts of my shirt.

  “Uh… yes.”

  I sigh, dropping my shirt. “Do you mind if we stop off at my apartment so I can take a quick shower?”

  “Not at all.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  Kase

  After stepping into my apartment and the lingering cloud of cologne hitting me smack in the face, all I want is fresh air. I take a sharp inhale when we step out of my building. I could blame it on the adrenaline from the jump that made me swim in the cologne rather than me being a dumbass, but it’s probably a little of both. I tossed the stuff in the trash.

  I slip my fingers through hers, determined to make tonight better than it started. “Where are we going?” she asks, squeezing my hand. Stone told me about a place but told me I wouldn’t get in without a reservation. Son-of-a-bitch. I snap my wrist to glance at my watch, dropping my head in disappointment.

  “Something wrong?”

  Yes. I’m screwing this entire night up. “Well, I had something lined up, but we won’t make our reservations.”

  “There’s an Italian food restaurant a few blocks away. Since it’s a gorgeous night, we can walk.” She tugs my arm and gives me an encouraging smile. I’m trying too hard to impress her. Fancy dinners, cologne I wore in high school… could I be any more pussy whipped. Without even getting pussy? It’s time to up my game without forgetting who I am. I’m not the same boy I used to be and she sure in the hell isn’t the same girl I left behind.

  I pull her into my chest, our linked hands knot behind her back. She bites her lip again and I watch as her teeth scrape along it. When it pops free, I lean down and suck on it. She opens, and I take full control.

  This is who I am.

  “So, I guess you’re good with that,” she says when we break apart, her voice breathier than it was a few seconds ago.

  “Whatever makes you happy.”

  She pulls in a quick breath and her eyes widen, and I glance at her wondering what happened. “What’s today’s date?” Her excitement builds when I tell her. “I know what we’re doing.”

  “Care to share?”

  “Nope. You’ll have to trust me.”

  “That’s asking a lot from someone I don’t know very well,” I tease her. If she only knew, I’m handing her my heart again, full tilt, no holding back. Trust is not an issue.

  “Too late. You already told me you liked me.” She sticks her tongue out.

  I lean down so I’m close to her ear. “I do. Now I need to get you to like me back.” Despite the lack of response with words, her flushed cheeks give it away. She likes me too.

  She pulls on my arm to walk. “What’d you do to
day?” The abrupt change of subject makes me smile.

  “Jumped out of a plane.”

  She lets out an audible gasp and looks up to the sky. “That was you? I watched you from the shelter,” she says, excited. “Who else went? I saw two people jump.”

  “Max. You should go with me sometime. You can jump tandem with me.”

  “Really?” She turns, her voice jumps an octave. “That’d be awesome. Wait, I’d be entrusting you with my life. Are you sure you’re good enough to jump tandem?”

  I think of all the crazy jumps I’ve done. “Ellie, I’m positive my gear weighed more than you when I used to jump. And most of those jumps were in the middle of the night, high altitude where I had to land in an unmarked drop zone, or I’d be dead.”

  “When you put it that way, I trust you.”

  My chest tightens from her words, a reminder I'm lying to her. I keep telling myself, it’s not bad I’m keeping our past a secret. It’s not like we hated each other and she’s in bed with the enemy. We loved each other. I need to get her to love me again before I come clean.

  “Do you miss it?”

  “A little. For ten years, I craved adrenaline rushes, so adjusting to civilian daily life has been a little challenging.” After dropping out of the plane that craving came back.

  “Would you ever go back?”

  And miss out on my chance to be with you?

  "No. That craving can be unhealthy. Feeling invincible to the point of having superhuman powers, is a hard reality to live with day in and day out." Especially when one of your brothers, who have the same powers, dies in your arms.

  “I can’t imagine the things you saw.”

  Sighing, I respond, “I’d suggest not even trying.”

  We stroll in silence for the next block. This is why I hate bringing up the military. The glory of the job comes from deep within a person, the pride of fighting for our country. The details are top secret for a reason, they don’t paint a pretty picture.