Blinding Echo

by Tina Saxon

I grind my hips causing him to growl between thrusts. He picks up the pace, my thighs slapping against his pelvis and the punishing pace pulls us over together. Our bodies tense and convulse as he falls over onto me. He buries his face in my neck, kissing and sucking. I whimper when he pulses inside me, the nerves still sensitive. “Keep making that noise and round two is coming.” He bites my jaw and pushes up on his elbows. I shift underneath him, lifting my hips and biting my lip knowing it drives him crazy.

  A lazy grin spreads across his face. “I’d stay inside you forever if I could.” He pulls out and I wince at the emptiness, surprised I already miss the feel of him inside me. Our union was perfect. A small part of me was hoping it wouldn’t be, it would be my way out. But it wasn’t. It was everything.

  The bed dips as he lays down next to me on his side. He grabs part of the sheet and drapes it below his navel. The deep V, like a sign pointing to an erotic destination, is displayed perfectly. His whole body is a work of art. Chiseled with perfection. My eyes drag up his torso when he clears his throat. Our eyes meet and his wicked grin tells me he enjoyed my perusal. I glance up to the ceiling and blush. He’s acutely aware of my body language and it’s such a contrast to most guys whose main goal is how fast they can insert body part A into B. Not Kase. He memorized my body like a map, returning to my favorite places before traveling to his favorite place.

  “Why are you embarrassed?” He cups my jaw with his hand, pulling me to face him.

  My eyes widen. “I’m not. I’m just not used to being with a guy like you. You’re so intense.”

  His brows crease. “Is that good or bad?”

  I roll to face him and smile. “Good. It’s refreshing.”

  “Like a breath of spring air,” he mocks.

  “Not like that. I mean this”— I wave my hand between us— “it was different. It’s hard for me to explain because I’ve never felt like this before.” I moan, laying back, covering my eyes with my arm. “God, I hope I didn’t just sound like a clingy, psycho girl, especially if you’re ready to bail.”

  He moves my arm and I loll my head to look at him again. “I’m not ready to bail. I want you to be open about your feelings, to trust me.” How is this man a trained killer? They’re not supposed to have feelings or like talking about them. At least that’s what I’d assume being able to take a life without a blink of an eye. Kase is an enigma—a killer with a conscience. “And I hope someday you'll trust me enough to tell me what happened.” His hand moves to my sheet covered stomach. I swallow back the panic rising. “Not now,” he murmurs as if he’s in my head, hearing everything.

  I swat at him, hiding my worry behind a smile. “Stop reading my mind. I thought it was a good thing being with a guy who’s perceptive, but now I’m not so sure.”

  He rolls on top of me and says, “I think I need to remind you why it’s so good.” Moving the sheet out from between us, I immediately feel how hard he is.

  Yes, I definitely need a reminder.

  And a distraction from the conversation I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready to have.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Kase

  “Things still good?” Cody tips his beer toward Ellie before taking a gulp.

  I glance over as she takes orders from a group of college guys. I’ve found coming here isn’t as fun as it used to be when I was pursuing her. Now, I have to sit back and watch her flirt for tips. It’s infuriating. Once school is over, I’ll make certain working here is in her past. I keep my jealousy in check. Most of the time. One touch, I grit my teeth; if she doesn’t stop it, there’s a shit storm raining down on someone. It’s only happened once. The guy totally deserved the broken nose.

  “Better than good.”

  “It’s been, what, a couple of months now?” I nod, bringing the brim of the bottle to my mouth. “It’s time to tell her.”

  The bottle clinks on the table as I stare at him, taking in a heavy breath. He shrugs unapologetically, knowing he speaks the truth. Ellie and I have a solid relationship but I’m scared to mess it up. It weighs on my conscience every day, but the fear of losing her wins the internal battle.

  “I’m hoping she’ll tell me first. It’s her story to tell.”

  “It’s both your stories. Her accident changed your life too.”

  “It’s not the same.”

  “Whatever, dude. I’m surprised you both have been able to keep it secret from each other this long.”

  “You and me both. But it’s weird now. I know she’s Everly, but Ellie is a different person. When I’m with her, she’s no longer Everly. Know what I mean?”

  He shakes his head. “It’s a jacked-up situation. I'm not sure if anyone would understand.” He waves down Ellie for another beer.

  Minutes later she’s placing two new beers down in front of us. She bumps me with her hip and it takes a lot of self-control not to pull her into my lap and kiss her like I own her so everyone sees.

  Instead, she gets a wink and with that she walks away. “You’re getting better at that,” Cody smirks. I flip him off. He’s as good at reading people as I am.

  “Stone found something on Casper.” His voice lowers, and he leans forward on his elbows. His name isn’t Casper, but it’s the nickname we use because finding anything on him has been challenging. We’ve been able to pin point his whole sex-ring organization, but without taking him out, he’ll just move on to a new city and start over. Not this time. We’re almost certain he’s the one who has the judge’s daughter. Hopefully we’re one step closer to finding her.

  I tense when a hand grips my shoulder, hard. “I heard you’ve been fucking with my girl,” the deep voice behind me grits out. Before I have a chance to glance up, Cody’s chair scrapes across the floor as he stands tall.

  “I suggest you take your hand—” I turn as I’m talking and stop as soon as I catch a glimpse of who’s behind me. A sly grin creeps up on his face morphing to a full out smile. I relax my shoulders and stand. “Parks, you want me to hit you, all you have to do is ask,” I joke, gripping his hand and pulling him into a hug.

  “It’s great to see you, Nix,” he says, pulling back and looking at me.

  “You too, brother. It's been too long. Landry Parks this is Cody, the other guy who was about to teach you a lesson in manners.” They both laugh and shake hands. “What the hell you doing here?” I grab a chair from a neighboring table and we all sit. The round bar top was okay for just me and Cody, but you add another large guy, our knees are touching.

  “I’m on leave. Was driving through, headed up north to Mom’s house so I thought I’d swing by and look at what the hell you’ve been up to first.”

  Seeing Parks makes me miss being with my SEAL team. We were in BUD/S together and we’ve been friends ever since. “How’d you find me here?”

  He stares at me with a lift of his brow. “Seriously? I asked one person if they knew who you were. They told me to come here.” He slaps me on the shoulder. “You can’t hide, you’re like a celebrity.” My smile fades and I let out a heavy sigh, crossing my arms over my chest. His expression turns serious, and he shakes his head. “You’re still blaming yourself, aren’t you?” I glance over at Cody and he tilts his head in confusion. Ellie is the only one that knows how I feel about what happened. And the nightmares. “Goddamnit, Nixon. It wasn’t your fault. You did nothing wrong. We executed the plan to a fucking T.” He pokes his finger against the table as he grinds out the words.

  “I don’t want to talk about it.”

  He reaches for my shoulder again, this time his squeeze is light. “We all mourn the loss of our brother and we all carry the guilt he died. But, let that shit go, Kase.”

  I take a sharp inhale and let it out slowly. I hear him, but I can't figure out how to drop the weight of guilt though. The load has lightened since I’ve been here, but it’s there. I nod at him and down my beer.

  “Enough talk about the past, what’s been going on with the guys?”

  He updates me o
n our team and what they’ve been doing. The more he talks the more I miss it. When Cody gets up to go to the bathroom, he tells me about a mission they completed. I sit back, pissed I wasn’t part of it. We’ve been trying to catch that guy for a year. The dives they’ve done and the jumps. My blood pressure increases just hearing about them. I’ll need to jump out of a plane soon to relieve the pent-up adrenaline I’m getting just from talking about it.

  “Can I get y’all anything?”

  I peer up at Ellie and smile. I’m about to introduce her to Parks when he cuts me off and says, “You look familiar. Have we met?” Her eyes widen and she stands tall, panic floods her blue dilated eyes. Fuck!

  “Um… I… uh, don’t think so.”

  “No. I’m sure we’ve met. I never forget a face.” I kick his leg as hard as I can without bringing attention to anyone. He gets the hint and stops talking.

  I snap my fingers. “I know where you’ve seen her. Ellie this is Parks. One of my best friends from the Navy. Remember dude, I told you about her and sent a picture of us.”

  He nods slowly and points at me. “That’s right. Now I remember.” He looks over at her. “Nice to meet you, Ellie.” The way he says her name, I know he’s figured out where he knows her from. And he also knows her name isn’t Ellie.

  She shakes his hand and manages a smile, but she’s rattled. Before turning to walk away, she glances at me so fast, I don’t have a chance to do or say anything.

  Once she’s out of earshot, Parks looks at me. “What the hell is going on? That’s Everly.”

  The problem with being perceptive, we don’t forget. Anything. Two years after I joined the military, Parks and I got trashed one night, happy we passed an important test. I spilled my guts about Everly. We formed a plan in our drunken state where Parks would find her when we were on leave to see if she still didn’t have her memory. The next morning, my skull felt like it had split in half and I remembered nothing from the night before. But Parks did.

  I had saved his ass once, and he felt he needed to repay me, so he went on his own to track her down, unbeknownst to me. When he reported back that she never regained her memories, the hope she’d find me was crushed. It’s the day I laid to rest we’d ever be together again.

  I lean forward on the table and he does too. “It is. But she still doesn’t have her memories.” I glance around the room before continuing. Cody nods, confirming I’m in the clear to continue. “It’s not until I moved here that I ran into her.” I give him the Cliff Notes before Ellie comes back. He eyes me, sitting back in his chair, internally debating what to say. There’s not judgement, but there’s uncertainty in his expression.

  “Brother, you have to tell her.”

  Cody settles back with a satisfied grin.

  “I know I do. But you both just witnessed how she reacted when she thought you recognized her. She wants nothing to do with her past.”

  “Why?” Parks asks flatly.

  “Fuck if I know. She doesn’t talk about it.”

  “Have you ever wondered why?” Hell yeah. It weighs on me as much as the secret I’m keeping. Why doesn’t she trust me enough to tell me?

  All three of us stop talking when Cody clears his throat and Tori walks up and places the bottles on the table. “Hey guys.”

  “Well, hello there, beautiful,” Parks smiles.

  She leans on Cody’s chair, smiling back at Parks. “Well, hello back,” she beams. “I didn’t know we had someone new in the group.”

  “Tori, this is Parks. He’s just passing through town.”

  “I'm sure there's someone who could convince me to stay a few days.” He winks at her.

  “Tempting,” she replies looking him up and down. “But, I’m taken.”

  Cody gasps loudly and she swats him on the shoulder. “It’s a cold day in hell, baby.”

  “Oh, you hush. Anyway, it was nice to meet you Parks.”

  I look up at her, my brows furrowed. “Where’s Ellie?”

  She blows out a sigh. “She wasn’t feeling good, so I told her to go home. It’s probably stress from school.”

  She was fine fifteen minutes ago. What the hell Ellie?

  “What’s Tori’s deal?” Parks asks as soon as Tori walks away. Cody tells him about her and Ben. She’s scared to settle down, and this is the first time we’ve ever heard her admit she’s with someone. I’ll have to let Ben know he’s breaking her down. My mind goes back to Ellie as the guys keep talking. What spooked her bad enough that she had to leave?

  The rest of the afternoon we spend catching up. I’m talking, but my mind is somewhere else and Parks can tell. “Nix, go talk to your woman. I should get going, I have a long drive home.” He stands and I follow suit. We embrace in a hug. “Now would be a great time to tell her everything,” he says, pulling back.

  “Yeah, yeah. Next time, stay longer.”

  We all walk out and part ways, heading in different directions. Mine is straight to Ellie.

  My knuckles rap against her door. When I hear nothing, I knock again a little louder knowing she’s here. I saw her car. She finally answers. She’s changed out of her work clothes into a… bathing suit? I scratch my head.

  “Going swimming?” My words come out slow. I don’t wait for her to invite me, rather just walk in and sit on the couch. The scent of coconut oil is intense as I pass her. She mumbles something to herself and shuts the door. An open bottle of Deep Eddy lemonade vodka sits on her counter next to an empty glass. Has she finished or just began?

  “What’s going on Ellie? I thought you weren’t feeling well?”

  She thrusts her hands out. “Carpe deem, or however you say it.” I bite my lip from laughing. Definitely has already started. “I mean, I have only one life, right? Why spend it worrying about my past?” The struggle to stop her or let her keep going, knots in my stomach. I don’t want her to regret her words, regret telling me like this, but maybe this is the way it has to happen.

  “Why are you worried?” I ask, sitting forward, resting on my knees.

  “Because life sucks sometimes,” she slurs. No argument from me there. “I was a different person. I’m not that person anymore. You wouldn’t have liked that person.” No, I loved that person too. She points at me, wobbling a little. I jump off the couch to catch her, but she balances herself and giggles. “Oops.”

  “Maybe you should sit down.”

  “Nope. I’m fine. I’m going swimming. You should come since you loooove the water.” She gestures like she’s swimming through the air.

  “I don’t think it’d be a good time to go swimming right now.” She pshh's me and rolls her eyes. “Come sit with me and tell me why you’re drunk.” I pick her up in my arms and walk her back to the couch. I’m an asshole for pushing this.

  “Heyyy big guy, I can walk.” I can’t help but grin at the always in control woman, slurring and over animated words. “I only had a glass.”

  “Mmm-hmm. Not likely.”

  She pokes my chest and straddles my legs. “Listen here, hot stuff. I’m the bartender. I know how much I’ve drunk. I mean drank.” She puckers her lips when I laugh. “This is not a laughing matter. In fact, it’s cereal.”

  “Serious,” I correct her.

  She waves me off and continues. “Your friend was very nice. He’s a big guy like you.” She closes her eyes for a beat and when she opens them, she flashes a sly smile. “But he’s not as hot as you.” She tries to waggle her eyebrows, but it ends up looking like she’s trying to hypnotize me with her bulging eyes. I’m surprised when I feel the tips of her fingers on my waist. Maybe she was trying to hypnotize me. I angle my head as she pulls up my shirt. “You’re like hot, hot,” she giggles at herself.

  As much as I’d love to flip her on her back right now and have a drink of her, I can’t. She pouts as I wrap my hands around hers to stop her from taking my shirt all the way off. “Talk to me, Ellie. Tell me what’s wrong.”

  “Fine,” she huffs, letting my shirt free a
nd dropping her hands to her side. “I’m running from my past. Always running. I was a different person. I don’t know that person and I don’t want it to catch up to me. I left it in the past for a reason, Kase. So there… that’s what's wrong. I thought my past had caught up with me and it scared the ever-loving hell out of me. I didn’t know how to handle it.” Her words fall out of her mouth in one breath.

  Tell her. I’m your past.

  I’m her future.

  I fight with my subconscious. How can I tell her I’m her past with what she admitted? What’s important is what we have now and I'll be damned if I ruin that. She’s not ready to hear what I’m hiding. She doesn’t need to know it’s me she’s running from.

  I pull her into a hug. “We’re all running from something, Ellie. Running’s usually easier with a partner. I'm just sayin' I'm here if you need me.”

  She sniffs, her head rests on my shoulder. “Thank you, Cowboy.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  Ellie

  “Hey dad,” I say into the phone.

  I remember a time when that felt foreign to say. It wasn’t forced, just not natural. Now, it would be weird calling him by his name.

  “Hi sweetie, how’s it going?” I love hearing his gruff voice. I don’t hear it enough. We talk for a few minutes about school and work. I can always sense the relief in his voice as I chat about my life.

  “I met a guy,” I say, hesitantly and bite the inside of my cheek waiting for his reaction. I didn’t mention Kase last month because we had only been on one date. But it’s different now. I like him. A lot. The line stays silent and I wonder if I lost connection. “Dad?”

  “I’m here. What’s his name?” he asks, his voice curt.

  I release an awkward chuckle. “No. I’m not giving you his name. You’ll find something on him, even though it’s nothing, and make a big deal about it. He’s a great guy.” Being retired from law enforcement doesn’t prevent him from poking and prodding.