Devil's Dance

by Daniel Depp

  ‘Let me see if I’ve got this straight,’ Spandau said. ‘You’ve concocted this whole Rube Goldberg affair in order to deliberately sabotage your own career?’

  ‘I suppose if you want to look at it that way,’ said Jerry, ‘well yeah. You can understand why I wasn’t real keen on giving you a lot of encouragement.’

  ‘Michael was in on it?’

  ‘Nah. He didn’t have any idea what was going on until you started nosing around, then he thought he was protecting me.’

  ‘There are simpler ways of fucking yourself up,’ said Spandau.

  ‘In this case name two,’ Jerry said. ‘I was looking to fuck up this movie and this was all I had.’

  ‘Bullshit, Jerry. You don’t have to be fucking Krafft-Ebing to see this.’

  ‘So it cost me a little,’ Jerry said. ‘You don’t think I deserve it? You see that kid? You know how it happened.’

  ‘That’s not the point.’

  ‘Then what is the point?’

  Spandau’s mind raced. He didn’t actually know.

  ‘I’ve met some truly whacked-out individuals in my life,’ said Spandau, ‘but you are the king of all head cases. I’ve got to hand it to you.’

  ‘Think about it. This is Hollywood. You do anything on the up and up and nobody believes you. It makes sense.’

  ‘No it doesn’t,’ said Spandau helplessly. ‘I’m not exactly sure why, but it doesn’t.’

  ‘The question is, now that you know, what are you going to do with it? You going to take it to Jurado?’

  ‘You’re goddamned right I am. Somebody’s got to put an end to this madness. This is epically insane, Jerry. There’s something almost biblical about it, which is what’s making me so uncomfortable. It’s hard to tell just how nuts you really are, but you’re up there with the great ones. You can’t go around winding people up like they were your personal clockwork toys.’

  ‘Sure you can,’ said Jerry, ‘me and practically everybody I know has made a career out of it. Look, you tell Jurado and he’s going to cut me up into ribbons. He’s going to ruin me.’

  ‘Listen to yourself. Listen to what you just said. Dear mother of god, have you no idea how bonkers that is? You want to be punished but you want to be the only one who does it. What’s so amazing is that you’ve managed to get half this town to take part in a masochistic fantasy the size of a Cecil B. DeMille movie.’

  ‘Don’t do it,’ said Jerry. ‘I’ll stop the leaks. That’s all Jurado is concerned about. You’ll have done what you were hired to do.’

  ‘Kiss my ass, you crazy bastard. You’re not calling the shots anymore. How does it feel now?’

  ‘You’re going to force me to do something drastic. I’ll do what your boss did. I’ll fucking kill myself, I swear to God I will.’

  ‘No you won’t,’ said Spandau. ‘This is all just a fucking movie to you. You kill yourself before it’s done and you don’t get final cut.’

  ‘That,’ said Jerry, ‘is a shitty thing to say.’

  FIFTY-THREE

  ‘What?’ said Jurado. ‘I want you to explain this all again, very slowly.’

  Spandau did. It made no sense the second time either. It would make no sense no matter how many times he told it.

  ‘That sick twisted bastard,’ Jurado said when Spandau finished again. He was smiling and there was more than a little appreciation in his voice, of one professional for another. For some reason Spandau had expected something darker.

  ‘Next thing is for Jerry to contact this guy and plug the leak.’

  ‘No,’ said Jurado. ‘I don’t want him to do that.’

  Spandau was quiet. After a while he said very patiently,

  ‘That isn’t what you want.’

  ‘Of course it isn’t,’ said Jurado. ‘I never said it was. I just said I wanted to know who was doing it. I never said anything about stopping it.’

  ‘I’m going to sit down,’ said Spandau. ‘It’s been a long day.’

  ‘I admit I thought about it at first,’ Jurado said, ‘but then I found out how much publicity this was generating. It’s all over the place. People hate his guts. It’s fucking brilliant.’

  ‘And this is wonderful how?’ asked Jurado’s assistant, who was too fascinated to keep her mouth shut.

  ‘Because,’ said Spandau, ‘by the time the movie is in actual release they’ll have forgotten they hate him and all anybody will remember is Jerry’s name and the name of the movie.’

  ‘Exactly,’ said Jurado. ‘Nobody remembers why anybody is famous. They just remember that they are. No no no. I don’t want to stop the leaks, I just want to be able to control them.’

  ‘And you’ve got Jerry by the balls.’

  ‘Well, I had him by the balls anyway,’ said Jurado. ‘This just gives me a much better grip.’ Spandau had never seen him this happy. He was glowing.

  He had not told Jurado everything. He had not, for instance, told him about Rebecca and the child, or the scars on Jerry’s arms, or Father Michael’s concern over the state of Jerry’s soul.

  Spandau rubbed his eyes.

  ‘I’m sure this won’t be the last time I say this,’ he said, ‘but you fucking people deserve each other. You really do.’

  He sighed, stood up.

  ‘You’ll have a report and an accounts statement by the end of the day tomorrow. If you will forgive me I’m about to be sick on behalf of the entire civilized world.’

  ‘If you wouldn’t mind,’ Jurado said to Spandau. To his assistant he said, ‘Mandy, will you give Mr Spandau and me a moment? And as you’re leaving would you ask Fred and Arturo to come in?’

  She left, giving a nod to two large and familiar bruisers to step inside and close the door.

  ‘Not again,’ said Spandau. ‘Hello, boys.’ They nodded to him. To Jurado he said, ‘They look thinner. Are you not feeding them? The price of horse chow gone up?’

  ‘In regard to your bill,’ said Jurado, ‘certainly I’ll cover any justifiable expenses and your time. That’s fair. But whatever additional payments or bonuses you may have worked out with your former employer, those have nothing to do with me. I’m being generous here since I’m not entirely happy with the way this turned out. There seems to have been a lot of unnecessary travel involved.’

  ‘What if I just sue you.’

  ‘Ah well,’ said Jurado merrily. ‘Your dear and presently dead employer might have been able to do that. But as you are nothing but hired help and the proprietor of your company is, as I say, dead, there is ergo no longer a company or a leg for you to stand on. It appears you are out of a job as well. Imagine that.’

  Spandau smiled, looked at the carpet, shook his head ruefully.

  ‘Well, I’ve got to hand it to you,’ said Spandau. ‘Between you and Jerry, you’ve made me look like a complete asshole.’

  ‘I think you’re underestimating yourself,’ said Jurado. ‘You don’t just look like an asshole, I believe you’re showing some real dedication to the role.’

  ‘I know when I’m whipped. As they say, discretion is the better part of valor.’

  ‘Spoken like a true loser,’ said Jurado. ‘You fucking hit me, you pathetic fucking nothing. I can’t imagine you ever thought I’d let you get away with that. Good luck finding a job, by the way. I’m going to smear you like shit on a sidewalk. You’ll spend the rest of your days chasing skate rats at a mall somewhere in Utah.’

  Spandau reached into his jacket pocket for his cell phone.

  ‘Will you excuse me for a moment? I have to make this call.’

  He dialed Anna’s number.

  ‘David, where have you been? I’ve been worried sick.’

  ‘We’ll talk about all this later, sweetheart. I just wanted to call and tell you I’ve decided to go for it, that thing we talked about.’

  ‘You’re going to do it. You’re sure?’

  ‘I confess I wasn’t until just a few moments ago,’ he said, ‘but I’ve just had this sort of revelation. I
just wanted you to be the first.’

  ‘I love you,’ she said.

  ‘I love you too.’

  ‘Kiss?’

  ‘Kiss,’ he said, and hung up.

  ‘Well, that was delightfully stomach curdling,’ said Jurado. ‘Will she love you castrated and weeping in your cowboy boots? Give her my regards by the way. Tell her I know where she can find a real man.’

  ‘I’m sure you do,’ said Spandau. ‘Probably the same bovine paradise where you found these two specimens.’

  Spandau starts to leave.

  ‘That’s it?’ said Jurado. ‘No John Ford histrionics? No punches flying, giving me the opportunity to have my associates here beat the crap out of you again?’

  ‘Sorry, not this time.’

  ‘That’s too bad,’ said Jurado. ‘But it is wonderfully satisfying to piss down on the vanquished from a great height. Ciao, baby,’ he said as he slammed the door. Spandau could hear self-satisfied chuckling from the other side.

  In the parking lot Spandau took out his cell phone again.

  ‘Bernie, hi, this is David. As my first official act as the new head of Coren Security and Investigations, I’d like for you to phone Frank Jurado first thing in the morning and tell him we’re suing the shit out of him for breach of contract. On the other hand, why don’t I drop by in the morning and we’ll make the call together on your speakerphone. I want to hear the sound of water being suddenly cut off from somewhere above me. I’ll explain everything when I see you.’

  FIFTY-FOUR

  Araz pushed the van up Highway 5 toward San Jose. Tavit was making him crazy. They had to stop for Tavit to pee every five minutes. Tavit himself wondered aloud why he had to pee so often, but every time they stopped he came back to the van with a fucking bladder-buster of a soda and a candy bar or something. There was no point talking to someone like this and Araz had his mind on other things. It was about lunchtime when they hit Salinas and Tavit had an imperative need for Mexican food. They stopped at a taco franchise on Highway 101 and he watched Tavit eat like a sumo wrestler with a tapeworm. He ate like a pig, he did everything but rub it on his body.

  ‘You’re not eating?’ he said to Araz, who sat there sipping at a Diet Coke.

  ‘You’re going to get sick,’ Araz said to him.

  ‘I’m nervous,’ said Tavit. ‘I always eat like this when I’m nervous. Aren’t you nervous?’

  ‘No,’ lied Araz.

  ‘Anyway,’ said Tavit, ‘I got a stomach like cast iron. I can eat anything,’ and downed an entire jalapeño to make his point.

  FIFTY-FIVE

  It was an Indian casino near Milpitas. They pulled into the parking lot and Tavit said,

  ‘What is the plan?’

  ‘The plan?’ said Araz. ‘The plan is we go in there and find the bastard and get our money. That is the plan.’

  ‘Should I bring the gun?’

  ‘No,’ said Araz, ‘please do not bring the fucking gun. Where is it?’

  ‘In the glove compartment.’

  Araz thought for a moment, then put the gun in his jacket.

  ‘What if he runs? Don’t you think he might run?’

  ‘Of course he’ll fucking run. Wouldn’t you run if you owed eighty-five grand plus interest and someone was about to fuck you up for the rest of your life?’

  ‘So if he runs?’

  ‘You fucking chase him,’ said Araz.

  Tavit appeared to agree with the logic of this.

  They went inside.

  ‘You remember what he looks like?’ Araz said.

  ‘Yeah,’ said Tavit. ‘Should we fan out?’

  ‘Fan out,’ repeated Araz. ‘There are two of us, Tavit, how much of a fucking fan out is that going to be? Just stay with me. I don’t want to be looking for two assholes at once,’ though Araz didn’t actually say this last part aloud. At least he didn’t think he did.

  It wasn’t a big place and it didn’t take long to spot him. When they did, Charlie was standing at a blackjack table talking to a young man and a girl. Anyway they were talking to him and he was picking up his chips and shaking his head no, over and over again. The girl was pleading with him about something and Charlie happened to look up and see Araz and Tavit walking toward him. It took a second for it to register. Charlie scooped up what he could of the chips, dropping about half of them, and ran for the exit. He was nervously struggling to unlock his car when they reached him. He started to run again but they caught him between the cars and started pounding on him.

  ‘Leave him alone!’ It was the guy Charlie had been talking to. The girl was with him.

  ‘This is none of your business,’ said Araz, while Tavit continued to hammer the shit out of Charlie.

  ‘We mean it,’ said the girl. ‘Back away.’

  They were fucking do-gooders, nothing to worry about.

  ‘Get rid of them, will you,’ Araz said to Tavit.

  Tavit stopped beating Charlie, Araz picked up where Tavit left off. Charlie looked pretty bad and he leaned against a car to keep from falling. This set off the car’s alarm, which was unfortunate. Araz was going to drag Charlie back to the van when he heard Tavit let out something like a pained squeak. Araz turned to see Tavit maybe ten feet away from the guy and girl doing some kind of dance. Then Tavit fell down and Araz saw the thin wires running from Tavit’s chest to a small box in the girl’s hand. Tavit lay on his back with his eyes wide open, shaking. They all stood there looking down at Tavit for a bit, and this reverie was broken only by Tavit emitting a loud and seemingly endless fart.

  ‘What the fuck,’ said Araz, realizing that whatever order there might have been in the universe just gave way. He pulled out the gun and pointed it at the girl. ‘Drop that thing or I am going to shoot you dead.’

  The girl dropped the Taser. Araz went over and kicked it skidding across the asphalt and the wires came loose from Tavit. This however did not stop him from shaking.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ said Pookie. ‘It’s really not supposed to do that. Maybe I had it turned up too high. Is he an epileptic or anything?’

  Araz went over and kicked Tavit.

  ‘Get the fuck up.’

  Tavit tried to speak, couldn’t, just kept shaking.

  Araz looked up at the heavens. He more or less believed in a God but was decidedly pissed off at him for all this.

  ‘Pick him up,’ he said to the girl and the guy. They stepped forward to pick Tavit up.

  Araz turned to Charlie and Charlie was gone.

  Life is but a sport and a pastime, says the Koran.

  FIFTY-SIX

  Pookie and Leo were in the back of the van. Araz had the presence of mind to take their cell phones away and threatened again to kill them dead. Tavit was in the passenger seat unsteadily holding the gun at them but nevertheless holding it. The tip of the pistol bobbed and weaved like a conductor’s baton.

  ‘You sure he ought to have that gun?’ said Leo.

  ‘No,’ said Araz, ‘but if he shoots you it’s her fucking fault, not mine.’

  Araz threw the cell phones off into the brush as he drove.

  ‘That phone,’ said Pookie, ‘was hand-dyed pink Moroccan goatskin encrusted with diamonds. It took weeks to have it ordered through Neiman Marcus.’

  ‘Shut the fuck up,’ said Araz. To Tavit he said, ‘How are you doing?’

  ‘Harghh,’ said Tavit. He farted again and the atmosphere was directly redolent of not quite internally processed burrito.

  ‘Jesus,’ said Leo and Pookie, gagging simultaneously.

  There were indications of other gastric problems as well but Tavit himself seemed unaware of them. The entire van smelled like the Guadalajara sewer system.

  ‘Where are we going?’ asked Pookie.

  ‘Somewhere we can talk,’ said Araz. ‘You let him get away and now you get to help me get him back.’

  ‘We have no idea where he is,’ she said.

  ‘We are going to find out pretty soon,’ said Araz.

/>   He looked at Tavit, who wasn’t shaking as hard now.

  ‘You doing better?’

  ‘Yah-hargh,’ nodded Tavit.

  Bip.

  ‘How about a rest stop,’ said Leo, ‘for god’s sake.’

  Araz laughed. This was meant to display disdain when actually he felt only like crying.

  FIFTY-SEVEN

  Araz drove up into the Santa Cruz mountains. He pulled off the road and while Tavit wobbled the gun at them Araz taped their hands behind them.

  ‘Which one of you,’ said Araz, ‘is going to tell me where he is?’

  ‘I’ve been telling you,’ said Pookie, ‘that we don’t know.’

  ‘Your IDs say you’re from LA. You were looking for him and you found him. Why?’

  Nothing.

  Araz sighed.

  He studied them both and then he hit Leo.

  ‘Leave him alone,’ said the girl.

  He hit Leo again.

  ‘Stop it,’ said the girl.

  He hit Leo again but this time the girl said nothing, just bit her lip and glared at Araz with hatred.

  ‘Who is the boss here?’ asked Araz. To Pookie he said, ‘I think you are the one in charge.’

  He put a piece of tape over Pookie’s mouth and watched the boy’s eyes grow wide with fear.

  ‘Ah,’ said Araz. ‘I see.’

  Araz stood behind Pookie, grabbing her by the hair, turning her to face Leo. He reached round and cupped his hand on Pookie’s breast and gave it a squeeze.

  ‘Not much here,’ he said, ‘but she’s not bad looking. Have you fucked her yet? I don’t think so. I think she’s the sort who’ll only fuck you when she’s ready.’

  ‘Leave her alone,’ said Leo, ‘please.’

  ‘I’ll bet she hasn’t even let you see them,’ said Araz. ‘Well, now is your chance. You can thank me later.’

  He began to unbutton Pookie’s blouse.

  ‘No,’ said Leo. ‘No.’