Broken: Book One of the M Series

by Ryanne Anthony

  “Very much.”

  “And you don’t have a problem talking about it?”

  “Nope,” she grinned. “Ask me something.”

  I felt the red happening again and shook my head.

  “Go on, ask me something. Anything.”

  I looked at my fingers as I twisted them. There is something I’ve wanted to ask the girls but I could never get up the nerve, no matter what they say about their husbands and what they do with, or to, them.

  I look up, thinking, maybe I could ask her.

  “Um, do you… I mean… is it wrong,” I sighed then asked my question fast while my eyes screw shut. I looked up when she doesn’t respond and see a frown on her face.

  “I’m sorry, but it came out so fast and it sounded like one word. Did you ask, ‘does your husband let you get on top?’”

  “Yes,” I whispered. “That was my question.”

  “Then yes. Daily, if he could.”

  “Joshua has never let me,” I confessed.

  “And before Joshua?”

  “Before him, I had sex with three men and they were all adventurous and loved when I got on top. Joshua’s adventurous but he will not allow that. He never has and no matter what I say, do or plead, he just won’t let me do that to him.”

  I noted the frown on her face and she appeared to be heavy in thought. I sighed as I waited for her to ask me something else.

  “Sorry, I just had a thought. So, um, you on top is your favorite position?”

  “Yes, if I do it right, I can orgasm hard and fast. Intensely.”

  She nodded. “But you can’t with Joshua?”

  “I’m sorry?”

  “Nothing he does, in any other position, makes you have an intense, hard and fast orgasm?”

  “Everything he does makes that happen but I feel lazy because he does most of the work. I think… now that I think about it, I think that’s why he cheated. He wasn’t enjoying me anymore. I bored him.”

  “You think he’s been faking orgasms or his pleasure when the two of you come together?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “You have three kids, Mandy, right?”

  “Right, but I think it’s later times. I mean, obviously, he enjoyed being with me those times we conceived the boys but lately he hasn’t even been able to look at me. I’m disgusting to him and I tried, Vicky! I tried so hard to fix myself but it didn’t work!”

  “Okay,” Vicky soothed, holding me again. “What didn’t work? What did you do?”

  I wiped my nose and sighed, “I cut my hair and colored it red. Last time I did that, I couldn’t walk for a week. This time, he just dropped his head and left the room as soon as he could. I even bought a new outfit in a color I’m not too fond of but he loves to see on me and still nothing. Just that bowed head.”

  Vicky silently allowed my cry as she rocked me. When I calmed, she tells me that’s enough for today. I was surprised to see I’d been with her for six hours. I got an appointment for three days later.

  Again, I arrived early and the hour flew by since she managed to figure out how to get me to talk until I’m out of breath. After my fourth appointment, Vicky drops her bombshell.

  “I want to meet Joshua now, Mandy.”

  “Why,” I gasped.

  “Because he’s your husband and the reason why you’re in therapy. He needs to know how you feel about all of this; about how deeply he hurt you.”

  I nodded and stared at her wall.

  “And you need to know why.”

  “I don’t want to know, anymore, Vicky.”

  “You don’t?”

  “No, I know enough. He had a pre-disposition because he’s like his father and he tired of me and did something about it.”

  “Mandy,” Vicky called with a sigh.

  “Yes?”

  “I don’t think you’re right about either one of those situations.”

  My head snapped to her. “You don’t?”

  “I don’t.”

  I played with the tassel on my purse and whispered, “What do you think is the truth?”

  “Honestly, I don’t know but I want to help get the correct answers as to why.”

  I nodded. “How?”

  “Joint session.”

  “But I haven’t seen him in a month. I have no idea where he’s staying.”

  “You have children together and you don’t communicate?”

  “He speaks to the nanny and she tells me what he asks, and vice versa. He wants to see them, she gets them to him and brings them back.”

  “That has to be modified, Mandy. You and he share three sons and that will never change. Eventually,you won’t need the nanny, then what willyou do?Are you going to have a go-between for their graduations and weddings, as well?”

  “Sounds good to me,” I muttered. “Hopefully, it will be my second, faithful husband.”

  “Mandy,” Vicky scolded.

  “All right, Vicky,” I sighed. “When?”

  “Let’s ask him,” Vicky smiled. “Call and ask when he can be free to meet you here.”

  “Oh, no. You call him.”

  “I’ll compromise: I’ll stay in this spot while you talk to him and will speak to him if he has any questions.”

  I thought that over, wondering if I should try at all. Vicky didn’t know it but, despite what she suggested about holding off with attorneys, I consulted a lawyer. I wanted a quick and non-contested divorce. I was going to nag the lawyer to have the papers ready for whenever the session with Joshua was scheduled so he could sign them and get that going. I no longer wanted to be Mrs. Joshua Cannon. He could give that title to his… whatever she was to him.

  I pulled out my cell and slowly unlocked it. Sighing, I found Joshua’s name and hit ‘send’ and wait.

  He answered on the third ring, surprise in his voice.

  “Mandy?”

  “Yes, Joshua. I hate to interrupt your day--”

  “You’re not interrupting. What’s wrong?”

  I heard a door close. He was lying. He was in a room with someone and left it to talk to me. I closed my eyes and sighed. I bet he was with her and couldn’t talk to me. She probably had him on a lockdown where I’m concerned. She didn’t need to, she can have the cheating bastard and maybe she’ll think twice when he does this shit to her.

  “I’ve… well, I’ve decided to… I mean… I’ve been in therapy, Joshua.”

  “Therapy? For what?”

  “Are you kidding,” I whispered, surprised at the confusion in his tone. “You have no idea?”

  “Honestly, I have no idea.”

  “You don’t? Why not?”

  “Because there is nothing wrong with you.”

  “I disagree. Something is wrong somewhere, Joshua. Otherwise, you cheat for the hell of it. I have to make sure whatever turned you off to me doesn’t happen with the next man I trust to be my husband.”

  I heard a sharp inhale then a worried, “Mandy--”

  I interrupted him. “My therapist has decided she’d like to talk with you, now. She wants me to have closure with us and I reluctantly agree. I thought we were happy with one another; that we were one another’s happy. I just don’t know why you did this.”

  “I don’t… want to lose you, Mandy.”

  “You already have. Nothing you say can take back your actions, from the cheating to the ignoring to the making of me feel like anyone else would be better for you. You gave me a complex and I needed help to understand why you did this to me. Dr. Fields has helped me see that I am just as fabulous as I’ve always been and now you need to let me know what happened with you and why you chose to betray me.”

  Joshua breathed into the phone then quietly said, “I disagree. You’re not just fabulous; you’re… everything great and always have been.”

  I gasped then wept. “Then why did you do this to us?”

  “I don’t know,” he whispered back.

  Still with the ‘I don’t know.’ I cried harde
r and covered my face, my cell dropping to the floor. Vicky embraced me with one arm then her voice was the next thing I heard.

  “Mr. Cannon, Dr. Vicky Fields… All right, Joshua, I’m Vicky… Yes, she is. Would you mind telling me what you said to her… I see… Is that the truth… Okay, fine… Yes, I did. I think she needs this and you owe her that, at the very least… I’m glad you agree. When are you free… Mm-hmm… Really… No, I’m not averse to that suggestion, Joshua, but I think Mandy should decide if that’s the course she wants to take… I can, sure… All right give me a moment. Can you hold or shall we call you back… Fine.”

  “What’s wrong,” I sniffed.

  Vicky passed me tissues then said softly, “Mandy, Joshua is willing to do the session but he wants something else.”

  “What could he possibly want from me?”

  “He wants the entire family there. He says everyone should know what’s going on between the two of you and he doesn’t think he will be able to repeat anything.”

  “Tackle all the birds with one stone?”

  “Exactly,” Vicky nodded.

  “Are you okay with this?”

  “Absolutely. You have issues and concerns about other family members, as well, so we may as well deal with it all and try to get you a resolution in one way or another, with everything.”

  I think on it and shake my head. “I’ll be so humiliated, Vicky.”

  “You will not. Joshua is exposing himself and his actions for all of your family to nit-pick and/or rip apart. I think it is him who will be the one that’s humiliated.”

  “I may actually enjoy that,” I smile softly. “Okay, everyone but not my parents or sister. Daddy would kill him and so will Mom. Elka is having problems with her pregnancy and I don’t want her stressed so I think it’s best to just leave this with Cannons and Harveys, for now. I’ll explain to the others later.”

  Vicky put the phone to her ear. “Joshua, did you hear Mandy… Good. Do you agree… Great. Let me consult my calendar… Um, how about Saturday, May sixteenth… I’d say nine and four hours… Sure and please let me know how many will attend… Yes, it’sVWFields@HRC.com… All right,Joshua, I’ll see you then.”

  Vicky passed my phone as I asked, “So the sixteenth, huh?”

  “Yes, and I’ll give your family a four-hour session to try to resolve your issues. Joshua will email everyone with the request. He says he will as soon as he gets to his computer and will email you and me a copy. How many should I expect?”

  “All of them. We were pretty close and I’m sure if we tell them to come, they’ll be here with no questions asked. This fallout Joshua and I are causing is getting bigger. I’m sure they all recognize something is going on and want to fix it. I doubt any of them think what cause this is the actual problem.”

  “Okay. We’ll work it out. What do you mean by ‘all’?”

  “All of us: Joshua, me, Stephen, Katherine, Thomas, Rachel, Marcus, Mariah, Matthew, Madison, Russell, Evelyn, Tom, Monica, Ethan, Alissa, Nathan, and Lisa. Can you accommodate all of us?”

  “Nineteen, including me… I believe I will be able to once I ask maintenance to bring extra chairs and remove a couch. If not, we could meet in the conference room on the third floor. I’ll work it out.”

  “Okay,” I nodded and look at her. “And you’re sure about this? About the family session?”

  “Beyond sure. Trust me, Mandy. You miss them and I’m sure they miss the closeness.”

  “I do, Vicky. I miss everything. I hate he did this to us… to all of us.”

  “I know you do, Mandy. Now go home and prepare yourself. I’ll see you a week from Saturday.”

  Surprised, I asked, “I don’t have to come back before then?”

  “Not unless you need to, Mandy. I’ll see you whenever you need me. Just call and Marta will fit you in, okay?”

  “Okay,” I whispered as I stood. “I’ll see you on the sixteenth.”

  “Good,” She smiled as she walked me to the door. “In the meantime, write down everything you feel.”

  “Everything?”

  “Yes, all the events that got you here and how you were feeling about them and how we talked, attempting to resolve it. Pour out your emotions as you tell of how this all started. Think you can do that?”

  “I think so, but why?”

  “Closure; an aid to it. Hopefully, when the session is over, you’ll have the answers you seek and can add to it. You can read it to Joshua or have him to read it on his own. Or you can choose to make it for your eyes only. Just write it all down and say goodbye to it. It’s weighing you down,hinderingyour progress and you don’t need it pressing on you anymore, especially after the session. Sound good?”

  “Yes,” I nod. “I’ll start on it when I get home.”

  * * *

  I’m still using Joshua’s Bugatti and I do every time I go out unless I have to take my sons somewhere.

  As soon as I get inside it, my notification pings and I read Joshua’s email. He used the family ‘password’ in the subject line; a word, that when it’s heard, makes us all jump into action. Soon, everyone replies that they will rearrange their schedules and attend.

  I sigh as I stare out the car’s window. They are going to kill him and I will feel conflicted because no matter what, despite still hurting like hell, I still love him.

  Chapter One

  The Main Issue

  I check the time then turn on the cameras. Looking into the one on my desk, I say, “Please begin recording.”

  “Recording,” my supervisor murmurs.

  “This is Dr. Vicky Fields, 16 May 2022, 08:57.”

  “Confirmed. Good luck, Dr. Fields.”

  I nod then mute her as I sigh. Finally, the Cannon/Harvey families... this should be interesting. Looks like eighteen of them are coming... Marcus and Mariah... Matthew and Madison... Joshua and Mandy... Russell and Evelyn... Stephen and Katherine... Thomas and Rachel... Tom and Monica... Nathan and Lisa... Ethan and Alissa.

  I wonder how many will actually show up this morning. Mandy says they are pretty close knit and she expects them all to be here.

  Let's hope I can help fix this family, I think as I click the intercom.

  “Marta, are all the Cannons and the Harveys here?”

  “I believe they are, ma'am. I count sixteen and all have signed the consent.”

  “No, there are supposed to be eighteen. Can you ask who's missing?”

  “Sure. Mrs. Cannon? Dr. Fields would like to know who is missing.”

  “Marcus and Matthew; I believe they've been called.”

  “They have. I told them to hurry,” a man's voice murmurs.

  “I heard, Marta. Send the others in and usher in the last two when they arrive, please.”

  “Yes, Dr. Fields.”

  A moment later, the family files into the room.

  This is going to be quite a session. I've blocked four hours with them today. It will be interesting to see how many of them stick around the entire four hours.

  I watch and take note on who sits where and observe body language.

  “Good morning, family. I'm Amy Victoria Walmsley-Fields. Are we all aware this is a four-hour session?”

  I hear affirmations.

  “Good. Well, I'm Mandy's regular therapist. I will only discuss what she has approved. Would anyone mind my addressing you by your first names? If it makes you more comfortable, I prefer being addressed as Vicky. How about we go around and you can tell me how you want to be addressed. Let's start with you,” I smile as I look at a beautiful woman sitting to my left.

  “Mariah Cannon. I have several names I will answer to.”

  “What makes you more comfortable?” I note her posture. She's tight and clipped. She knows what this is about.

  “Cookie,” she bites out.

  I smile and nod. “That's fine, Cookie.”

  I look at the next seat. “It's not necessary to introduce yourself, Mandy.”

  I get a tight s
mile and she looks down at her shoes. I smile to the next woman on Mandy's left.

  “Madison Cannon. Madison is fine.”

  “Is there something else you're called?”

  “My family calls me 'Sugar', and my husband calls me 'Smooch'.”

  “But here, you want to be addressed as 'Madison'?”

  “I really don't care. ‘Sugar’ is fine. No one but Matthew can call me 'Smooch'.”

  “Matthew is your husband?”

  “Yes, Vicky.”

  I nod. Her body is tight, too. And the scowl on her face is deep and telling. She definitely knows why she's here. I look to the next seat.

  “Thomas Harvey, II, ‘Thomas’ is fine.”

  I nod.

  “Rachel Harvey, ‘Rachel’.”

  “Nathan James, ‘Nathan’.”

  “Lisa James, ‘Lisa’.”

  Mariah snorts.

  “Is there something wrong, Cookie?”

  “Everyone calls her 'Twinkie'. I think she should stick to that.”

  “I don't care, Cookie! Whatever!” Lisa shouts.

  “Let's try to remain calm and hold all outlying issues until I find out who everyone is and everyone has arrived, all right?”

  I look to the next seat.

  “Stephen Cannon, ‘Stephen’.”

  “Katherine Cannon, ‘Katherine’.”

  “Thomas Harvey, III, ‘Tom’.”

  “Monica Harvey, ‘Monica’.”

  Interesting; no nickname.

  “Evelyn Turner-Collins, ‘Evie’.”

  “Russell Collins, ‘Russ’.”

  “Ethan Harvey, ‘Ethan’.”

  “Alissa Juarez-Harvey, ‘Lissa’.”

  “Joshua Cannon, ‘Joshua’.”

  Ah, so this is Mandy's husband.

  “Asshole is better.”

  “Mariah!” Rachel gasps. “Why are you calling your brother-in-law an asshole? Is that joke? It's not funny at all.”

  “Look at my face, Mom,” Mariah snorts. “Do I appear to be in a joking mood?”

  I clear my throat. “I think I have it, a pleasure to meet you all.”

  They murmur back and pay attention to my face. Good.

  “Okay, so this session is for Mandy, who is in a great deal of pain. This is a step to helping her heal. Most of the distress she's feeling is from the 'fallout', as she calls it, of her family; namely, you all. I will discuss any and everything you want in these four hours, but Mandy's issue is first and foremost.”