Broken: Book One of the M Series

by Ryanne Anthony

  “A month after it happened, I called Marcus and told him the whole thing. I had an issue I couldn't deal with on my own.”

  “Why did you go to Marcus?”

  “Matthew wasn't home and I couldn't talk to Mother. Dad was in England. Plus, she wouldn't leave me alone.”

  Mental note: Find out that issue.

  “Is Marcus the only one you've ever told?”

  Joshua nods.

  I nod. “What happened, that first time?”

  Joshua stares at his ring, still twirling it. “Um, I was at, um...” I stand and move my chair in front of Joshua.

  “There's only you and me in the room, Joshua. No one will make a sound. Concentrate on my face. Talk as quietly as you'd like. I can hear you.”

  His eyes bore into mine. Finally, resolve flashes in them and he nods. “Okay.”

  “Okay, whenever you're ready.”

  He takes a deep breath. After several long minutes, he quietly begins.

  “I was at the home of my friend, Jamie. His father was a producer and they had this huge pool that no one ever used, except Jamie and his friends. This woman was there for the weekend and she was swimming around with us, just her and four male twelve and thirteen-year-olds. She said she was supervising for Jamie's mother.”

  Joshua's gaze briefly moves to the floor then back to me.

  “She told us to follow her to the guest house, that she had a surprise. We did, and she shut the door and locked it. She went to another room and came back with a bag of marijuana.”

  Joshua looks at the floor again and I turn to his mother, who has paled and is shaking. Marcus goes over to her and squats in front of her, whispering. I turn back to Joshua.

  “Jamie's face lit up and he said 'I knew you'd score!'as he snatched the bag from her. She gave him some wrappers and he rolled up several joints. I watched as the others lit up and became... stupid. Jamie teased me, saying 'I knew Cannon wouldn't do it! God, you're a fucking bore!' I was about to leave when she grabbed the joint from Jamie's hand and stood in front of me, blocking my path. 'Let's round off those corners some, shall we, Square?'she said as she smiled at me. She took a long drag and then passed it to me. I shook my head. The others laughed so hard, they were crying. I was about to bolt again when she grabbed my arms and told me not to move.”

  His head went down and he rubbed the back of his neck. I look over at Katherine, who is sobbing quietly in Marcus' arms as a grim-faced Stephen rubbed her back. Everyone else is sitting silent, brooding. Matthew looks ready to blow.

  ‘Are you all right?’ I mouth to Matthew.

  He nods curtly and looks away.

  I look at Madison and nod toward Matthew, wanting her to calm him down.

  “Don't moveshe said, glaring in my eyes. I froze. She took the joint and turned it around in her mouth, and leaned up. She blew and smoke hit my face. Someone pinched my nose and I took a deep breath and coughed, pushing the hand away. They laughed and told her to do it again while they held my arms. She did, and my nose was pinched again and I took another deep breath. I felt a tightening in my chest and dropped to my knees. When I looked up, everything was fuzzy and I felt like my brain was being squeezed. I just sat there on my knees trying to clear my head, shaking it back and forth. Next thing I remember, I was in a bathroom, trying to call Matthew and beg him to come and get me, but I couldn't see the numbers. I kept dialing the wrong number.”

  Joshua’s head came up then and he looked at me with trepidation. “I gave up and went to lie down in Jamie's bed and fell asleep. I don't know how long I laid there before she came in, but I woke when I felt her at my trunks, tugging and saying 'I heard about you. I wanna see.' I grabbed at my trunks, trying to keep them up and she slapped me, hard. 'Do as I say or I will scream.'”

  I dropped my head and shook it. Matthew got up and paced the floor, with Madison right behind him. After a moment, he grabbed her and put his arms around her, softly weeping in her neck.

  Katherine was still sobbing, hanging on to Marcus while the others watched them back and forth. Ethan had his head in his fingers, bouncing his leg up and down. Tom sat stoic, glaring at the floor.

  “She smacked me again and told me to lock my fingers behind my head. She called me a spoiled bastard and I needed to be taught a lesson. 'Let me see or I will scream.'she said as she clenched her jaw. I froze, just staring at her. She smacked me again, saying that's better and made nasty comments about my mother. I pushed her away and ran into the next bedroom and smacked into an armoire. I fell on the floor, near the bed.”

  Joshua's fingers went to his forehead and he rubbed it, brutally. Even now he's filled with guilt and wants to harm himself. I grab his wrist. Matthew takes his seat, grasping Joshua's shoulder again.

  “Don't,” I say softly, moving his hand away. “You're not twelve anymore. What happened was not your fault.”

  “I didn't say –”

  I hold up my hand and release his wrist. His hand goes up to his forehead again, abusively rubbing.

  “Joshua.”

  He looks at me.

  “Look at what you're doing. You're subconsciously harming yourself. You blame yourself for what happened. I'm telling you, it was not your fault.”

  Joshua looks around the room, realization creeping in. He rests his head in his hands.

  “Did she know how young you were?” I ask him quietly.

  He shrugs, still looking down.

  “Does that matter?”

  “No, Thomas, it doesn't. I'm attempting to paint a picture of what her frame of mind was when she raped Joshua.”

  Joshua's head snaps up. “I wasn't raped, Vicky. Don't say that! God!” he shouts jumping out of his seat. “You sound just like Cramp!”

  “Did you consent to the sex?” I ask Joshua.

  Silence.

  “Even if you had, it is still rape. You were twelve, Joshua. She was twenty-five. Twenty-five!”

  “I was not raped,” Joshua says through clenched teeth.

  I blow out a breath and slowly rise to my feet.

  “All right, Joshua. Would the word 'abused' cover it?”

  “You just don't fucking get it. What a fucking quack! Is this the best you could do, Mandy?” Joshua shouts, staring at me. “Of all of the 'therapists' in the area,this is the one you chose? You are all stupid if you think I'm going to sit here for one more minute of her bullshit!”

  “JOSHUA!”

  We all turn in the direction that shout... no, that roar ...came from.

  “Sit. Down,” Marcus snarls.

  Joshua glares at him. Marcus' jaw clenches, his head tilting to the left, his eyes narrowing. He holds Joshua’s gaze as Matthew squirms in his seat. Joshua relaxes his face, stills, then plops in his seat.

  “Talk,” Marcus commands through his tightened jaw.

  “What was the question?” Joshua asks me almost immediately.

  Huh. Matthew and Joshua are afraid of Marcus. Mental note: address this later.

  “Did she know how young you were?”

  He nods. “She used to babysit Matthew and me.”

  “Daria,” Matthew shouts. “Daria Hull? Jamie's aunt?”

  Joshua nods.

  “Son of a bitch,” Matthew shouts then looks at Marcus. “Why am I just now finding out about this?”

  “He asked me to handle the situation and not tell anyone. That's exactly what I did,” Marcus answers.

  “You should have at least told me, Marcus. I am his mother.”

  Marcus looks at the floor. “I couldn't. I promised. I handled it, Mother.”

  “Handled it how? You were only nineteen, you couldn't have done much!”

  “What did you do, Son?” Stephen asks, holding his wife's hand.

  Marcus looks at his wife. First she frowns, but as his eyes bore into hers, realization sets in. He told her what he did.

  “Marcus?” Katherine prompts. “What did you tell Mariah?”

  Marcus continues to gaze at his wife, then do
wn to her belly. He shakes his head. “I wish to assert my Fifth Amendment privilege.”

  “This isn't a court, Marcus,” Ethan says.

  “Yes, it is,” Marcus counters. “And I have the right not to incriminate myself. Finish, Joshua.”

  Mental note: discuss Marcus' actions with this Daria Hull.

  Joshua turns to me.

  “What happened, Joshua, after you passed out on the bedroom floor?”

  I hear Matthew whispering and I look at him. My receptionist should have told him to turn off his phone. I am about to say something when Madison calls my name.

  “You need to let Matthew make this call. Please,” she says quietly. “Continue with Joshua.”

  I look around at the family. They are giving me pleading looks, so I sigh and continue. “She came looking for you, didn't she?”

  He nods.

  “And she found you in that room, still on the floor?”

  He nods again.

  “After she found you, what did she say?”

  Silence.

  I stand up and walk to the back of Joshua's chair, staring at the back of his head while I pace. Everyone stares at me, intrigued, as I pause behind him. I take a deep breath and lower my head.

  “I thought I'd find you here,” I whisper.

  Joshua inhales sharply and sits straight up. His fingers lock behind his head as he stares at the ceiling. Everyone gasps as he sits still and scared.

  “Joshua?” I call. He flinches. I shake my head.

  I tap my forehead. I look over at Matthew, who is staring at Joshua with a burned look on his face. I slide over to him and whisper above him. “Matthew, call your brother. Use his nickname.”

  He scowls at me.

  “You have to. You saw the reaction when he heard my voice. It would be the same if any woman said it. Call his nickname.”

  Matthew lowers his head and shakes it. “Twerp,” he finally says.

  Joshua doesn't move. I glare at Matthew. He shakes his head. I look at Marcus, who's seething at Matthew. I nod to Marcus.

  “TWERP,” he shouts.

  “What,” Joshua says, nervously, putting his hands in his lap.

  “Where were you?” I ask.

  “Huh,” he asks, puzzled. “I never moved.”

  Just as I thought; he blocks everything out when hears that phrase.

  “You knew it wasn't Mandy from the beginning.”

  He stares at me for a minute then nods.

  I study him. “You reverted back to that frightened twelve-year-old and submitted.”

  Joshua sits quietly and does not move.

  “It was repetitive, wasn't it?”

  He frowns. “What was?”

  “Your sex with her; it wasn't a one-time thing, right?”

  He puts his head down. “No, it wasn't; twice.”

  “Joshua?” I call softly. He slowly raises his head. “You do not have to be ashamed.”

  “I'm not –”

  “Joshua. You do not have to be ashamed.”

  “I'm not, Vicky.”

  “You are. She got you aroused and you enjoyed it. She taught you to submit to her. You enjoyed it at the time, during the act, and you hated yourself after, even now. Look at your body language.”

  Joshua's fingers are tightly entwined, his shoulders bunched forward. His knuckles are whitened as the heel of his foot taps the floor rapidly.

  “I'm not ashamed.”

  “You are.”

  He shuts his eyes tightly and counts. “I love my wife.”

  “I know you do. So does everyone in the room.”

  “She'll never understand.”

  I look over at a weeping Mandy. “She already does. Look at her.”

  “No.”

  “Joshua?”

  His eyes spring open and he stares at me sadly. “I miss her; Mandy. I miss her.”

  “She's right here, Joshua.”

  “I can't... touch her. I can't even look at her. I feel...”

  I tilt my head. “Dirty?”

  He nods softly.

  “Do you want a divorce?” I ask quietly. Mandy inhales sharply.

  “No!” he replies quickly.

  “Mandy? Do you want a divorce?”

  She pauses for a beat, “No.”

  “You cannot live your life this way, Joshua. You were... victimized...” I pause to see if he'll agree to that term. I raise a questioning eyebrow.

  He nods.

  “Twice; when you were twelve and four months ago. These events were not your fault.”

  “I, uh... rose to the occasions. I am as much to blame.”

  “You. Are. Not. You are a normal, red-blooded male. They knew what to do to get you to respond to them.”

  He holds my gaze. “Mandy. I still want her,” he whispers.

  I smile. “Of course you do. But I think she needs to hear the rest of what happened with that first woman. She needs the closure. So do you.”

  He drops his gaze from mine. “Why?”

  “Mandy says her favorite position is her on top and you've never let her do that with you. She should know why.”

  He looks around the room. His gaze stops on Rachel then his mother.

  “My mothers are in the room. They shouldn't hear that.”

  “They should, Joshua. Your mothers, along with everyone else, love and care for you. They need to know how to help you.”

  He looks back at me skeptically.

  “Besides,” I sigh. “I don't think a bulldozer will get either of them out of the room.”

  A chuckle sounds around the room and Joshua actually smiles.

  “Mandy?” I call.

  “Yes?”

  “Do you miss your husband?”

  “Yes,” she says immediately.

  “In what way?”

  “Every way.”

  I stand. “Take my seat, Mandy.”

  Joshua says nothing as he puts his head down. Mandy slowly lowers into my chair. I move to her chair and sit.

  “When you're ready, Joshua, lift your head and talk to your wife. We are not here. Look in her eyes and tell her everything.”

  We wait several minutes in silence but Joshua doesn't lift his head.

  “Mandy, how was your sex life before Joshua?”

  Mandy turns and glares at me.

  “Answer, Mandy.”

  She crosses her arms and glares at the ceiling. “Repetitive,” she says finally.

  “In what way?”

  “Vicky!”

  “What?”

  “We've discussed this!”

  “Yes, we have but you haven't with your husband. In what way?”

  She frowns as she sighs. “No variety. The one before Joshua was a dickless shit. It was always me on top and then him and then a mild orgasm, usually by me finishing myself off.”

  Madison giggles. “Been there, done that.”

  “At least, you got a mild one. I'm not going to tell you what I had to do to get my first one,” Mariah murmurs.

  I study Mariah, then with a playful expression, I say, “You slept with a woman, didn't you?”

  She reddens and looks at her fingers. Holy shit, I was right!

  “Huh?” Matthew perks up. “Cookie did what? Did you say a woman?”

  “Mandy, how was sex different with Joshua?” I say, ignoring Matthew's obvious delight in the topic change.

  “He was different. He wasn't like the other guys I dated... you know, in a hurry to bed me. When he did, after waiting for so long, he didn't rush the act. He was controlled, patient. He took care of my needs, um... several times... before he, uh... released?” Mandy asks wrinkling her nose.

  I nod.

  “And the complaint?”

  “He was rather, um, larger than what I'd been used to. I mean, the guy before him was decent but Joshua was --”

  She abruptly cuts off and looks over at her mother-in-law and clamps shut. “I'm sorry, Katherine,” she says softly.

  “For what, de
ar?”

  “My rudeness; it's tacky for me to be so blunt about your son in front of you, and you too, Rachel. I'm sorry.”

  “You've known me how long, Mandy,” Rachel smiles.

  “Still…”

  “Mandy, I changed all my sons’ diapers. I know what they have in that area. They are this one's sons after all.” Katherine smiles, pointing to her husband.

  Groans sound around the room. I laugh and shake my head.

  “Okay,” Mandy chuckles.

  “Continue, Mandy.”

  She pauses, sighs then continues. “He wanted to do a lot, but he never wanted me on top of him. I mean, he was open to anything but that. I tried explaining how intense my orgasms could be in that position, but he wouldn't hear it. I miss it, but I really can't complain because he takes care of my needs. Well, he used to.”

  I nod.

  “That's why I confronted him. Three months with no sex? No way. He never lets us go more than three days. Oh!” Mandy shouts, staring at her husband's lowered head. “That's why!”

  “Why what, Mandy?”

  “Why he doesn't like for me to initiate,” Mandy says softly, her hand over her mouth.

  Joshua screws his fists in his eyes then rests his forearms on his knees and, staring at Mandy's rings, he begins talking in the same quiet, reserved tone as before.

  “She found me in that second room. ‘I thought I'd find you in here, you little bastard,' she whispered as she straddled me. Then she smacked me again, her ring cutting my cheek. She moved to lower my trunks, and I slapped her hands away. She glared at me, gripping my neck. I started to choke and gripped her wrists. She released me and that's when she got my trunks down. She stared at me for the longest time and muttered 'It's true. Damn.' She grabbed me and started stroking. I tried to turn to my side and ball up, but she grabbed my throat again and said ‘don't move. I can still scream, you know. You are so much bigger than I am, boy. Put your fucking hands behind your head, or I will really hurt you!' she... growled in my face.”

  “What did she mean? How tall were you then, Joshua?”

  “I don't know, five-nine, maybe.”

  “At twelve?” I look at Katherine.

  “Yes,” Katherine nods. “They all shot up fast and early.”

  “How tall was she, Joshua?”

  “Five-four or five.”

  “Okay,” I nod. “Go on.”