Missing From Me (Sixth Street Bands Book 3)

by Jayne Frost

  Willow reached up, tiny hands fisting Sean’s hair. She gave the long strands a tug, thoroughly pleased with herself. Far from put out, Sean relaxed and made a face, like he intrinsically knew how to communicate with our daughter, to break the barrier created by her hearing loss.

  My heart swelled, only to deflate when his phone rang. Logan’s ringtone, “Come As You Are,” the Nirvana anthem, echoed off the high ceilings. All these years and Sean hadn’t changed it.

  “Let me have her.” Sean reflexively pulled Willow closer when I held out my arms. I smiled. “Your phone. Lo’s calling.”

  The room went silent as the music stopped.

  “I’ll call him back.” Sean gazed down at his daughter and then up at me. “What’s next?”

  His eyes wandered to my breasts before snapping back to my face.

  I hadn’t seen Sean blush since the first time he saw me naked when we were sixteen, but his cheeks were certainly red now. I guess staring at my boobs while holding our child was a little too confusing for him. Though, if things would’ve worked out the way they were supposed to, the way he’d promised, Sean would’ve known the two weren’t connected in the least.

  “Jammies,” I said. “Then bed.”

  Bed.

  Sleep.

  My limbs were jelly, and all I wanted was crisp sheets and a soft pillow. That is until my arm brushed Sean’s on the way out of the room. Every nerve in my body came to life at the contact, and cursing my erect nipples poking the hell out of my thin cotton T-shirt, I hauled ass before Sean noticed.

  “Should we, I mean you, dry her hair?” Sean asked from his perch on the edge of the bed. His eyes found mine, and again, I was floored by all the questions swimming in the blue depths. An ocean of concerns. “I don’t want her to get sick.”

  “That’s an old wives’ tale. People get sick from bacteria.” Or in Willow’s case—dust, pollen, smoke, and about a hundred other things. But I didn’t want to freak Sean out. I held up a small hairbrush. “But I do have to get the knots out.”

  I lifted her from Sean’s hold, and neither of them seemed happy about it. After slipping the T-shirt over Willow’s head, I settled her on my lap and began to brush her wavy locks.

  Sean hissed a breath when she whimpered. Willow noticed it too, not the sound but the painful grimace as his lips pulled back. She whimpered louder and got the same result.

  “She’s only doing that because you keep making those faces,” I advised Sean in a tone too low for the little manipulator to hear. “I’m not hurting her.”

  “It doesn’t sound like she’s having a good time,” Sean countered, folding his arms over his chest.

  Resisting the urge to shoot him a look, which would only give Willow more reason to squirm, I said, “I need to settle her down. We’ll talk in the morning.”

  Dead silence hung between us, and when I chanced a peek, Sean was staring at me. “You’re not going to . . .” He frowned, then amended, “You’re sleeping in here?”

  Despite my aching nipples and the tightening in my belly, I nodded. “Yeah.”

  When I stood with Willow in my arms, Sean pulled the sheet back. He molded his palm to my hip as I tucked Willow between the covers, and I could feel the questions in his touch, the sexual tension that was always there. His hand fell away as I followed Willow under the blanket.

  I met his confused gaze, which quickly morphed into something else. Resignation?

  Brushing his lips against my forehead, he murmured. “Night, Anna-baby.”

  He touched Willow’s hair but stopped short of a kiss.

  And then he was gone, and the room was dark, and for the first time, falling asleep with my daughter in my arms wasn’t enough.

  An hour later, I slid out of bed to take a shower. That was the routine, get Willow to sleep and then tend to my own needs. I hadn’t explained that to Sean. But after I dried off and applied some baby lotion, I tiptoed to his room. He’d stowed my suitcase in there, and at the time I didn’t object, but now I needed my toothbrush.

  At the door, I heard music playing softly. Chris Cornell’s “Can’t Change Me” spilled into the dark hallway. My heart broke as I listened, the lyrics forming on my lips. Sean lived through music. And that song told me everything he couldn’t. Sean wasn’t changing.

  I considered going back to bed, but then his voice rose over the music. “I don’t care what you think.” And then a pause. “I am taking care of Anna, believe that.”

  Hearing my name, I turned the doorknob and stumbled into the room.

  Phone pressed to his ear, Sean’s gaze crawled over me from tip to toe. Our eyes met, and a tempting smile curved his lips.

  And that’s how I found myself in his bathroom brushing my teeth. I didn’t want to eavesdrop, or rather, I wouldn’t allow myself to listen. But for some reason, I couldn’t find the will to grab my bag and leave.

  I flipped the switch on my way out, and to my confusion the bedroom was dark.

  Muted light from a small, frosted bulb mounted on Sean’s massive headboard outlined his body.

  “Come here, Anna-baby,” he said, voice rumbling above the music that still played.

  I made my way to the side of the bed, and I could see him clearly now, my eyes adjusted to the dark. He was on his side, sheet low on his waist, all that luscious ink shading his sculpted chest.

  His hand curled around my leg, just above my knee. “Is she asleep?”

  “Yeah. Out like a light.”

  His palm skimmed over my thigh, under my baby doll nightgown, and came to rest on my ass. “I don’t know where the line is, Anna.” He gave me a gentle squeeze. “Help me out?”

  I should be concerned about helping myself out. Out of this room, where the scent of him surrounded me, and the feel of his skin made me think stupid thoughts. But no, that would require more will power than I currently possessed.

  Dropping a knee onto the mattress, I said, “You haven’t crossed it yet.”

  In a heartbeat, I was on my back, Sean’s hands in my hair and his lips on my throat. “You still use the same shampoo. I fucking love that shampoo.”

  I giggled, and he pulled away, his long hair tickling my heated skin. “What’s funny?”

  “Nothing.”

  Everything.

  I didn’t have time to ponder the meaning of life or how I got here, because Sean’s lips were on me again, blazing a trail to the square of lace covering my breasts.

  I groaned, arching into him as his mouth closed around my nipple, still trapped beneath the fabric. The extra friction sent a shock straight to my core.

  He swept away the strap on the opposite shoulder, and when my sensitive skin met the rush of air from the ceiling fan, my nipple pebbled immediately. I felt him smile as he twisted the stiff peak, just enough.

  “Fuck,” I hissed.

  A throaty laugh. “Yeah, that’s what I had in mind too.” His fingers dipped into my panties, and parting my folds, he grazed my needy bud. “But I want to taste you first.”

  Who was I to object? It’s not like anyone had spent an inordinate amount of time between my thighs in the last four years. And that was my fault too.

  Before I got lost in my head, in the guilt that contoured all the empty spaces where only Sean had ever dwelled, his breath was on my belly.

  Sean yanked my panties down with a jerk, and the dainty seams ripped. He looked up, smiling. “Sorry.”

  He wasn’t sorry. Not a bit.

  “It’s okay. I can buy some . . . oh God . . .”

  I gripped his hair as his tongue explored. He was inside and outside and everywhere all at once. Two fingers slipped inside my channel, filling me.

  “Eyes, Anna.” The command held no weight until he pulled away. And then my lids flew open, and I met his gaze. “Good girl.”

  Sean’s eyes never left mine as his mouth closed over my clit. I could drift in those blue oceans forever. But we didn’t have forever. We had now. Something about that notion pushed m
e to the edge, and I shattered, a silent surrender, gritting my teeth to keep from calling his name.

  When he continued to work me, I shook my head. “I can’t . . . I can’t . . .”

  And then Sean found that spot that assured he’d get his wish. This time, I couldn’t hold it in. His name escaped in a rush as I came. And came.

  Sean kissed my quivering belly and both breasts on his way up, and I shuddered involuntarily.

  Fumbling around under the pillow, he waggled his brows when he showed me the condom.

  I laughed, but it came out a snort because I hadn’t caught my breath.

  After Sean slid the latex in place, his fingers dove into my hair, and sealing his mouth over mine, he rolled onto his back with me on top.

  With wobbly arms, I pushed myself up, straddling him. I knew what he wanted. I always knew.

  “Ride me, baby,” he roughed out. “Slow.”

  I dropped my gaze to his cock, moving a fraction until his tip nudged my entrance.

  Sinking onto him with a groan, I squeezed my eyes shut, reveling in the feel of him, hard inside me.

  Sean gripped my waist, his fingers digging into my flesh with just enough pressure to cause a little pain.

  “Look at me, Anna.”

  My heart cracked at the request. Sean had never been so insistent on seeing my eyes in the past.

  “Why?” I gritted out, wondering whose gaze he sought. “What are you looking for?”

  He traced a finger over my jaw. “You. Always you.”

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Sean

  Our little family fell into a simple routine over the next few days. In the mornings Anna worked from the couch with Willow at her feet, playing with her toys or coloring, while I sat on the loveseat drinking coffee and watching. Always watching.

  How could you miss something you never knew existed?

  But I did. I was jealous as fuck of anyone who’d shared the last four years of Anna and Willow’s lives.

  The only time I left the house was to go to band practice.

  And like today, I was pissy about it.

  In forty-eight hours, I’d be on a plane headed for Los Angeles. Away from Anna and Willow.

  The band had just finished running through our set list when I climbed down from my kit. “I’m out.”

  Pausing with the water bottle halfway to his lips, Logan narrowed his eyes. “What do you mean ‘you’re out’? This is our last practice before Benny’s party.”

  Shoving my sticks into my back pocket, I faced my best friend, and though I could feel the icy wind blowing between us, zero fucks were given. “I’ve got a lunch date.”

  “Any girls included in your plans?” Logan asked.

  Christian and Cameron dropped onto the couch to watch the fireworks. Wound tighter than usual, Logan was itching for a fight. But I didn’t have time to give him one.

  “Two,” I replied, and with a laugh, I slung my backpack over my shoulder and headed for the door.

  “Since your house is occupied,” Logan called after me, “where are you planning on hosting this threesome?”

  Anger flared as Logan’s blade sunk deep into my back. After our conversation in the tranquility garden, I’d made my intentions clear to the guys. I told them I’d do anything to make things right with Anna. And this is how Logan wanted to play it?

  Obliging, I spun around, and moving with purpose, I closed the gap between us in four quick strides. “What the fuck did you say?”

  I wasn’t waiting for an answer, my fists balled tight and ready to fly.

  Just before I lunged, Christian and Cameron dove between us.

  “Whoa, dude,” Cameron said in that easy-going tone of his. “Calm down.”

  “Fuck that,” I growled.

  Christian was busy mumbling something to Logan along the lines of “not cool,” and “what the fuck are you doing?” but my best friend wasn’t paying attention.

  I’d get him to pay attention.

  “Sorry,” by Buckcherry, echoed through the tension filled space.

  I let Anna’s call go straight to voicemail and said to Logan through gritted teeth, “Take it back.”

  It wasn’t a request, but a demand, and after a few strained moments, Logan shook off Christian’s hand and said, “Just making conversation.” He grinned, his eyes cold and detached. “No need to get all worked up.”

  My gaze shifted to the clock on the wall. I had just enough time to pick up lunch and meet Anna and Willow. Or I could roll around on the floor with Logan and make him eat his fucking words.

  “We’re not done with this conversation,” I said before turning on my heel.

  Logan’s laughter followed me as I stomped to the door. “We’ll have plenty of time to talk on the plane, Hudson.”

  It sounded more like a threat than a promise.

  Anna tossed me a smile when I jumped out of my car. “Hey.” Refocusing her attention on the mountain bike sitting in the middle of my garage, she asked, “Did you bring lunch?”

  My gaze darted to Willow, looking adorable in a pink helmet. And then I shifted my focus to the little plastic carrier on the back of Anna’s bike.

  Did she seriously take Willow on the road in that thing? It was made of plastic, for fuck’s sake.

  “Um . . . yeah, I brought McDonald’s.” I cleared my throat and took a couple of cautious steps. “What’s all this?”

  Anna’s tongue darted out as she tried to turn the knob on the seat. “My dad brought over my bike.” The proud smile gracing her lips slid away when our eyes met. “I hope you don’t mind. I thought I’d take Willow for a ride later.”

  I shook the image of them lying in a heap on the side of the road out of my head.

  “I don’t mind at all.” I walked over to examine the carrier. Gauging the weight of the straps, I asked, “Do you ride a lot?”

  “Every day when the weather’s nice.”

  Despite the irrational fear taking root in my chest, I smiled. “We could go now. There’s a park about a half mile from here.”

  Inside the gates. Where it’s safe.

  Anna beamed right back at me. “That’d be great.”

  I set the food on the hood of my car before retrieving my bike from a hook on the wall. I’d never ridden the damn thing. It was just another way of connecting to my old life, to the times when Anna and I used to ride the trails at Volente Beach.

  “That’s pretty fancy,” Anna said, her eyes roaming lovingly over the composite frame. “Is it heavy?”

  I shook my head, a little embarrassed. “No. It’s an ultra-light.” An idea wove its way through my brain. “Why don’t we trade?”

  Anna shook her head, disappointed. “I can’t. Willow’s seat is already attached to this one.”

  Which was exactly the reason I’d offered. I didn’t want Anna maneuvering her bulky bike down the driveway, let alone onto the street. Add Willow to the equation, and it took all my self-control not to insist.

  “She can ride with me,” I suggested.

  The look Anna gave me was like an arrow to the chest. It was somewhere between “no” and “fuck no.”

  But then to my surprise, Anna knelt in front of Willow. “Sean wants to give you a ride to the park.” Willow’s eyes locked on mine over Anna’s shoulder. “If you don’t want to, you can ride with Mommy.”

  Tucking her thumb between her lips, Willow pondered for what seemed like an eternity. When she jerked a nod, my heart swelled to twice its size.

  The trepidation in Anna’s gaze sent me crashing back to earth. “You can’t go fast. I mean it.”

  Was she serious right now? The mere thought of navigating the little hill at the end of my street with Willow on board had my palms sweating.

  “Of course not.”

  With a sigh, Anna pushed to her feet, and I thought she’d waffle. Instead, she scooped Willow into her arms, regarding me over the top of the baby’s soft ringlets.

  “I guess we should get her
strapped in.”

  Anna raced past me as soon as we exited the gate.

  “Where’s the fire!” I called as she crested the hill and slid out of sight. Glancing over my shoulder at Willow, I cemented on a smile. “Your mother’s killing me.”

  Willow smiled right back like she could read my mind.

  Gripping the handlebars on the downhill slope, I swallowed hard when I spotted Anna gliding along with her arms raised at her sides. She’d done it a million times, but seeing her now, all I could picture was a deer running into the road. Or a car making a turn from one of the driveways.

  Mentally, I punched the little douchebag in my head whispering doomsday scenarios. But he just talked louder.

  By the time we got to the park, my heart was pounding so hard I’m surprised I hadn’t cracked a rib. I jumped off the bike and then met Willow’s expectant gaze. She started squirming, kicking her legs.

  Anna jogged over. “Take this.” She held out the lightweight pack containing our lunch. “And go find us a table.” Her brow hitched up. “It’s going to take me a minute to get her out of this deathtrap.”

  My hand flew to the back of my neck. “I guess it’s sturdier than it looks, huh?”

  Anna suppressed a smile as she went to work on the straps. “Better be. It set my parents back two hundred bucks. You can ask my dad about the safety features since he has them memorized.”

  Anna looked up when I brushed a kiss to the top of her head. “What was that for?”

  For keeping our daughter safe. For letting me share your lunch. For the awesome sex you gave me before you snuck out of my bed this morning.

  But I said none of those things. Instead, I discreetly squeezed her ass. “For wearing these shorts.”

  Since that was true too, I gave her a wink and then hightailed it to the picnic area with a clear conscience. As I spread our meal on the table, a couple of women planted on a nearby bench looked my way. I gave them a curt smile, hoping they wouldn’t disturb us.

  No worries there.

  After glancing over my tattoos, long hair, scruffy beard, and the red Happy Meal box in my hand, they promptly got up and left. And that’s when I realized I had a kid’s meal, but no kid.