Adam laughed. “If you get too excited from listening, you can always join us.”
I turned and smacked him on the chest, but Eric just laughed.
“I think I’ll pass, but thanks for the offer,” Eric said.
He dropped down on the couch and turned on the TV. I noticed when he turned up the volume—a lot. That brought a smile to my face.
Adam chuckled as he led me back to the bedroom. As soon as he closed the door behind us, he pulled me to him and kissed me. I moaned as I pressed my body up against his. Already, I felt the hard length of him pressing into me. The boy didn’t waste any time. I pulled away far enough to reach between us and cup him through his jeans. He groaned against my lips.
“I’ve had a hard-on since you kissed me in the clearing. Then, you kept wiggling your ass against me in the bar. I thought I was going to lose my mind.”
I grinned as I pulled away from him. “Let me see if I can help you then.”
He watched as I undid the buttons on his shirt and pushed it down his arms. My fingers found the warm skin of his chest. I trailed my fingers over his tattoos before exploring lower. Adam closed his eyes as I became reacquainted with his body. I traced every bump, every crease of his tight abs before moving lower again. My hands found the button on his jeans, and I quickly popped it open. I smiled as I tugged on the zipper and then pulled his jeans and boxers over his hips. He stepped out of them as I dropped myself to my knees in front of him. After being apart for so long, I wanted to do everything I could to please him.
I grabbed his hard cock and squeezed it tight. He sucked in a sharp breath as his fingers found my hair and tangled through the curls. I leaned forward and took just the tip of him into my mouth. I sucked gently as my tongue swirled around his tip.
He groaned, his hips thrusting forward. I took him deeper and pulled back, careful not to hurt him with my teeth. He started panting as I sucked him deeper, my hand constantly squeezing and pulling.
“Fuckin’ hell, woman. That mouth of yours…” He moaned as he roughly yanked on my hair.
I winced but didn’t slow my pace. His hips thrust forward over and over as he fucked my mouth. I felt his body tighten before he finally released. He roared as hot cum shot into my mouth. I swallowed every drop, desperate for more.
When his body finally relaxed, I released him and stood. His chest was rising and falling quickly while he had a look of pure need in his eyes. Without a word, he reached out and tugged my dress over my head. I stood in front of him in only a thin white thong. My nipples tightened as his eyes trailed down my body. He reached out and grabbed my thong, yanking it down my legs.
Once it was gone, he grabbed my hips and pulled me to the bed. As soon as I dropped down onto it, his head was between my legs. I cried out as he sucked my clit into his mouth. His tongue attacked it, flicking over it faster and faster. My hips came up off the bed as he shoved two fingers inside me. He continued to flick his tongue as he finger-fucked me. Already turned-on, I came quickly. I wrapped my legs around his shoulders and let out a cry that I had no doubt Eric heard, even with the TV blaring. My body shook as a wave of sensation took over.
Before I could recover, Adam was on top of me. He pushed into me, groaning as I tightened around him. My breath caught as he filled me completely. No man could fill me the way he could. He wasn’t gentle as he pulled back and slammed into me again. He ground his hips, causing me to suck in a sharp breath. He kept his pace hard and fast, never once slowing. He wrapped his lips around my nipple and sucked. I chanted his name over and over as I felt my next orgasm approaching faster than I would’ve thought possible.
“I can’t…oh God, Adam. I love you,” I cried out as wave after wave of pleasure coursed through me.
His body locked up as he released inside me. His forehead dropped onto mine, his body shaking. All at once, he pulled away from me and stood. I opened my eyes, awed by the sight of him. He stood several feet away from the bed, his chest rising and falling quickly. His skin was slick with sweat. I watched as a drop traveled down his stomach. He was more than beautiful to me. He was…perfect.
“Why are you over there?” I asked finally, my eyes traveling back up his body to his face.
My heart stopped when I saw his expression. A look of pure terror crossed his face, and he took a step back. Instantly, I realized what was wrong. “Oh shit, we didn’t use anything,” I said, my head dropping back onto the pillow. “I know you’re OCD about wearing one, but I swear, I’m on the pill. You don’t have to freak out.”
He shook his head. “You…”
I raised an eyebrow. “What?”
“You said you loved me.” His voice came out hoarse.
My entire body froze. “What? No, I didn’t.”
“Yes, you did.” He took another step back.
“No, I didn’t,” I repeated.
“Jesus fucking mother holy son of a bitch!” he shouted.
I didn’t even bother to tell him that didn’t make sense.
“Yeah, you did. When you came, you told me you loved me.”
“I didn’t…” I trailed off as the blood drained from my face. Oh my God, I did. “I…holy shit. I didn’t mean it, Adam,” I said, trying to keep my voice calm when I was anything but. Realizing my feelings and telling him were two very different things. I couldn’t believe that I’d actually told him I loved him.
“It just slipped out in the heat of the moment. I say stupid shit when I have sex,” I blabbered on.
“You’ve never done that before,” Adam said. He looked like a caged animal, desperate to escape. “Never.”
“I don’t know why it slipped out. I’m sorry.”
He closed his eyes for a moment. When they opened, the terror was gone, and in its place was…determination?
He stepped closer, his entire body rigid. When he reached the bed, he sat down next to me. “Do you?” he asked quietly.
“I…no, of course not,” I said. Even I heard the shakiness of my voice.
“Don’t lie to me,” he said. “Do you?”
I stared up at him. If I told him the truth, he would never look at me the same again. After all this time, I wasn’t sure if I cared any more. I couldn’t keep playing this game with him. “Would it make a difference?”
He stilled. “No.”
“Then, why are you asking me?”
“Because I need to know.”
I stared at him, shocked when I realized he was blurry. Tears filled my eyes and slid down my cheeks. He didn’t reach out to brush them away. He didn’t do anything.
“Yes. I think I fell in love with you the moment I saw you.”
He jerked as if I’d hit him. He stood and started pacing the room. “This wasn’t supposed to happen! Goddamn it, Amber!”
“I’m sorry, you asshole. If I had a choice in the matter, I wouldn’t. God knows I’ve tried to stay away from you. I’ve done everything I could possibly think of to make myself forget you. It didn’t work. Every man I slept with, every kiss, every little thing always reminded me of you. None of them were enough to make me forget about you for long.”
His nostrils flared. “How many men have you slept with?”
Wait, what? “Excuse me?”
“How many have you slept with since I’ve been gone?”
“Why the fuck does that matter?” I couldn’t help but remember the last time we’d fought over this. He’d thought I was a whore. Back then, I hadn’t been. Now, I wasn’t sure.
“It just does,” he said, his voice tinged with so much anger that I wanted to hide from him.
“I don’t know how many,” I finally said. “I’ve lost count. I lost count a long time ago.”
Rage flashed in his eyes, but I didn’t look away from him.
“Don’t sit there and pretend you haven’t been with other women.”
His eyes narrowed. “I have.”
“And that’s okay, but it’s not okay for me to have sex? Talk about a fucking hypocrite
.”
“You’re different. No one can touch you.”
I snorted. “That’s bullshit, and you know it.”
“The thought of someone else touching you and moving inside you makes me want to rip that fucker’s head off. You’re mine.”
“I’m not yours,” I spit out. “You made sure that I understood that. Repeatedly. The thought of me loving you sends you running across the room, yet you don’t want me to be with anyone else. What the hell do you expect from me?”
“I…I don’t know.” He looked so broken in that moment.
I had no idea what had happened to him to cause him so much pain.
“What am I to you?” I asked finally. My voice was soft as if I was afraid my question would make him run away.
He stared at me.
A minute ticked by and then another.
“You’re everything to me,” he said.
Those four words stole my breath away. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t move.
“But it doesn’t matter. It never has, and it never will.”
I felt like a weight had crushed me. “What happened to you?” I blurted out. “What could have possibly happened to make you so cold that you won’t even acknowledge your own feelings?” I demanded.
I was so tired of going back and forth like this. Adam had hurt me more times than I could count, and I was tired of it. I wanted answers.
His eyes locked with mine. They were so dark that they looked almost black. “I loved someone once, and she destroyed me.”
“What?” I whispered, shock filling my voice. Adam loved someone? Was it before or after me? Who was she? What could she have done to utterly destroy him this way, to make him want nothing to do with me or any other woman?
“I loved Hilary the moment I saw her,” he said. His gaze stayed on me, but he looked like he was a million miles away. “She was everything to me.”
“When was this?” I asked.
He grinned, but it held no amusement. “The first time I saw her was my junior year of high school. She was a new student. For a year, I watched her, talked to her, but I never let on how I felt. Finally, I grew a pair our senior year and told her everything. Instead of running away, she threw her arms around me and kissed me senseless. After that, we spent every day together. We did everything together.”
The emotion in his voice was almost more than I could bear. I hated Hilary. He spoke of her in a way that I knew he’d never speak of me. She’d ruined him before I even had a chance to be with him.
“I wanted to marry her. I was seventeen, and I knew I wanted to be with her forever.” He swallowed roughly. “Then, she got pregnant.”
The world fell out from underneath me. Pregnant? That means…oh God, Adam is a father. He has a child.
“Her parents freaked, as did mine. They demanded that we get rid of it.” His features turned hard. “We refused. They kicked us both out. My uncle helped us though. He gave me a job at the store and found us a place to live. It was cheap and dirty, but it was all I could afford. I worked my ass off, trying to save money before the baby came. Even though things were bad, it was probably the happiest seven months of my life.”
Whoa, wait a minute. “Seven months?” Last time I checked, pregnancy took nine months.
Pure hatred flashed in his eyes. “Hilary broke down and told me the truth two months before our baby girl was due. She didn’t think the baby was mine.”
“What?” I gasped.
“She’d been sleeping with a guy we went to school with—Brandon. Apparently, she’d been sleeping with him a hell of a lot more than she had been with me. She was almost positive that it was his. She’d gone to him before she told me, but he hadn’t wanted anything to do with the baby or her. He’d told her to stay away from him, so she came to me. She knew I would take care of her.”
“Jesus,” I muttered.
“I don’t think she would have ever told me, except Brandon’s skin tone is a bit darker than mine, so there would be no way for her to hide if it wasn’t mine.”
My eyes widened. “Oh.”
“Yeah. I was so angry with her, but I couldn’t leave her. I knew she didn’t love me, but there was a chance that the child was mine, so I stayed until she had the baby.” He paused, obviously lost in a thousand memories. “When Hilary went into labor, I prayed that the baby would be mine. I didn’t care if Hilary wanted me or not. If that baby were mine, I wanted to keep her. I’d give her everything in the world.” A tear slid down his cheek. “Abigail was the most beautiful little baby I had ever seen, but she was definitely her father’s child. She had the darkest skin I’d ever seen on an infant. It was as if God wanted me to know in that very first moment that she wasn’t mine.”
I clamped my hand over my mouth to keep from crying.
Adam’s tears ran freely down his cheeks. “I took one look at her and saw everything that could have been. Then, I walked away. I had no future with Hilary or her baby. Even if I wanted to stay, Hilary never would have let me.” He glanced at me. “Maybe it was for the best. I saw Hilary two years ago. She was out with Brandon and their little girl. Looks like me leaving had finally made him man up. They found their happily ever after.”
“I don’t even know what to say, Adam. I’m so sorry that she hurt you like that.”
I reached out and took his hand in mine. He pulled it away as if touching me was the most revolting thing he could think of.
“It was a long time ago. It doesn’t matter anymore. I learned my lesson early.”
“It does matter. It still bothers you, Adam. That’s why you won’t let yourself feel anything for me.” I took a deep breath. “I’m not her. You can’t punish yourself and me for something neither of us had control over.”
He glared at me. “I had control the whole time. I was the dumbass who chased her. I fell in love with her. If I hadn’t, she never would’ve been able to hurt me the way she did. So, yeah, I had control.”
I shook my head. “No, you didn’t.”
“I did.” He shrugged as if this was a normal conversation that didn’t bother him at all. “Now you know my life story. Feel honored. You’re one of the few. But knowing changes nothing. No matter how much you might want me, you’ll never have me. No one will.”
“Adam—” I started, but he cut me off.
“You don’t get it, do you? I don’t care if you love me. I don’t want you!” The cruelty in his voice cut through me like a knife.
“You told me I was everything to you. You wouldn’t have said that if you didn’t want me.”
He laughed. “You are everything to me in a way. Everything I care about, you provide. You fuck me whenever I ask for it. You get down on your knees and suck me off like a good little girl. You never tell me no.”
I glared at him. “You’re lying. I know you are, so stop it. Just be honest with me for one damn minute.”
“You want honesty? Fine. Here’s what I think of you. I thought you were my friend. I thought we could fuck with no attachment. But I was wrong. You think you’re in love with me, but you’re not. You just want to use me like everyone else. You’re a whore, Amber. You might not have been one once, but you sure as hell are now.”
“Shut up!” I shouted at him.
“You wanted honesty, so there it is. I think you’re a whore. But at least you’re good at your job. Why do you think I keep coming back? That cunt of yours can fuck my dick like no other. I’m sure all those other guys would agree with me.”
“Shut up,” I whispered as I wiped tears away. “You’re only trying to push me away. It won’t work.”
He laughed as he stood up. “Think what you want. I don’t give a fuck. But I do want to be clear about one thing. This…this thing between us? It’s over. I’ll never stick my dick in you again. God knows what I’d catch.”
I stared at him in horror. He gave me one last cruel smile before disappearing out the door. I just sat there, willing myself to calm down. It was useless. Tears continu
ed to stream down my face, and my body shook with sobs. How could he be so cruel? He was only trying to push me away. I knew that, but it still stung like a bitch. There were so many layers to Adam, so much more than he showed the world. I’d seen parts of him that I doubted anyone else had seen.
I stood abruptly and grabbed my dress off the floor. This wasn’t over. I wasn’t going to just let him run away, not this time. I threw on my dress and ran from the room.
Eric looked up in surprise when I came barreling into the room.
“Where’s Adam?” I demanded.
“Uh…he went out. He mentioned Gold’s. He left a while ago though.”
How long was I sitting in that room, crying? I wondered.
I didn’t say anything else to Eric. Instead, I ran out the front door and around the block to Gold’s. It was late, but the parking lot was still full. I couldn’t believe it’d only been a couple of hours since I left this place. My whole world had changed.
The bouncer recognized me and grinned. “Back already?”
I nodded. “Have you seen Adam?”
“He came in a little bit ago. I haven’t seen him leave.”
“Thanks,” I said before shoving through the crowd.
I searched every table, every face, but I didn’t see Adam anywhere. I sat down on a barstool and scanned the room again. Nothing. If he were here, I would’ve noticed him. I was drawn to him like a moth to a flame. I always knew where he was. Plus, he was taller than most of the guys here. He would stick out like a sore thumb.
I sighed before standing and doing a final sweep of the tables just to make sure I hadn’t missed him. Obviously, he’d slipped out without the bouncer noticing. I had no idea where Adam would be now. I’d have to go back to Drake’s house and hope Adam showed up sometime soon.
I stopped by the restroom to pee before I left. As I closed the stall door, I heard a girl moan a few stalls down. Despite my crummy evening, I grinned to myself as I peed. At least someone was having a good night.
“Faster,” the girl’s voice begged.
I raised an eyebrow as I heard her and the dude banging against the wall. The stalls were literally shaking.
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