A Lunatic Fear

by B. A. Chepaitis

  She nodded.

  “He’s in trouble,” he said matter of factly.

  She nodded again. “But the one thing he can’t hide from is standing naked in front of you right now.” She lifted her arms wide. “Me.”

  Pasquale knit his thick brow, unknit it. He grabbed a robe from the chair on the side of the bed and put it on, then went to stand facing her. He touched her hair with the tips of his fingers, a gesture of intimacy and admiration. She closed her eyes.

  He walked a circle around her, stopping to breathe deeply at the back of her neck, stopping again to press a hand against her thigh, at the place where Alex’s hand had pressed so recently. He stood still, breathing in and out, deeply.

  “Nice,” he murmured softly. “Very nice.”

  She opened her eyes. “Will it do?” she asked.

  “It’ll do just fine,” he said. “Lemme get dressed, and I’ll meet you downstairs.”

  * * * *

  He waited until he could no longer hear her steps going down the hall, and then pulled out his cellcom and made a call.

  “You ready for action?” He asked when he heard Larry Barone on the other end.

  “What?” Larry asked.

  “Today’s the day,” Pasquale said.

  There was a pause, then Larry spoke. “Today? But we haven’t – “

  “Today. Tell Miriam Dzarny and Addams are clued in and it has to be today. Get her and bring her along.”

  There was a longer pause, then Larry’s voice came back. “Are you sure?” he asked.

  “Now,” Pasquale said, “ Or never. You pick.”

  Larry’s voice again. “Where?”

  “Rainforest site. The far side, where it goes into the wetlands, in a clearing between the two. You’ll see them.”

  “Okay,” Larry said. “Okay.”

  “And bring my money,” Pasquale said. “All of it.”

  When he hung up, Pasquale smiled at his cellcom. He’d delay here for a while longer, and Jaguar would be suspicious, but she’d made a choice to take the risk, so that didn’t matter. He looked at his watch. Half an hour. He’d time it so they left in half an hour. By then Alex would be almost there, and Larry would have Miriam. He’d delay a little more on the ride there, and the timing should end up just right.

  Everything was going just the way he liked it to go. Exactly designed to match his needs.

  * * * *

  When Alex arrived at the ecosite, Brendan was still sleeping peacefully, face angelic and serene. He liked to sleep, he told Alex. It reminded him of death. In his presence, Alex immediately felt heavier, as if he’d swallowed lead. He wondered if Brendan had more stones on him, or if it was just him. Just his despairing presence.

  Alex nudged at him with his foot, and he opened his eyes, blinking in the light.

  He grinned broadly at Alex. “I was having a dream.”

  “Good one?” Alex asked.

  “Very good. There was a man in it. He – he seemed to be my father. I was very young, and he took my hand, said we could go for a walk.”

  Alex waited for more, but it didn’t come.

  “It was very pleasant,” Brendan said. He sat up and stretched, rubbed at his eyes, then reached in his pocket for his glasses. When he pulled them out, a stone fell with them.

  Alex took a step back.

  Brendan picked it up, and held it up to the light. Through a world that was beginning to pulse like a drum, Alex saw Brendan’s face grinning.

  “Why did you leave?” he asked. “To take care of her?”

  “Yes,” Alex answered truthfully. “She’s taken care of.”

  Brendan nodded. “Then we can go on. Will you be my father?” he asked.

  Alex stopped midstride, turned to him.

  “Will you?”

  Yes, Alex wanted to say. Of course I will. He understood that Brendan needed that more than anything else. A father. Not a mother. Male energy, good and strong. But he didn’t feel very strong right now, or at least not strong enough to shift Brendan’s energy around. He saw Brendan looking at him, his eyes glittering and grey like the stone he held.

  If I can block his energy, Alex thought, I can do this for him. He slowly raised a hand, watched it lift as if a crane was pulling it up. He lifted it, then let it fall on Brendan’s shoulder. Time seemed delayed, but that didn’t matter. It was still moving.

  “Yes,” he said, “Of course I will.”

  For a moment, Alex saw a shift in Brendan’s eyes, as if a veil of grey was lifted to reveal a clearer blue beneath. He was aware that Brendan caught at his lower lip with his teeth, and shook himself as if he was seeing something clearly for the first time. Good, Alex thought. Good.

  But now was a delicate moment. Prisoners, when they first cleared, were at their most vulnerable. They had to be held in a careful stillness while they adjusted to what they learned about themselves because otherwise they might back into a grief so deep at what they’d done, who they were, that they’d get suicidal, go mad, choose to go back to what they were. It was when they were clear that they understood the waste of their own lives, and their grief could be bottomless.

  Alex stood for what might have been minutes, or hours, without moving, waiting to see what Brendan would do next. He was about to go subvocal and see what he could see, offer what comfort and reassurance he could, but he never got the chance.

  Brendan gasped, and scrambled away from Alex, standing quickly and turning away. He walked a few feet away, then stopped with his back to Alex and pressed a hand to his temple. With his other hand he clutched at his stone.

  Alex felt the return of normal space and cursed under his breath. Close. He’d been damn close. Well, that was a good sign, he thought, and at least he felt clear right now. Maybe he was learning to deal with this stuff. He looked at the sky and saw that the sun had crept a little higher, but not too much. It was still early morning. He hoped it was the same day he remembered waking up to.

  “Brendan?” he asked tentatively. “You okay?”

  “We have company,” Brendan said, not turning around.

  “Company?”

  “Mother’s coming,” he said.

  “She is?” Alex asked. “When?”

  Brendan turned around to face Alex. “Now,” he said, looking over Alex’s shoulder.

  Alex twisted around and saw Miriam Whitehall and a man whose face he knew from televised interviews – Larry Barone. She was holding his arm with one hand, and in her other hand was a laser-fire gun.

  “Hello, Alex,” she said. “Nice day for a major tragedy, isn’t it?”

  Alex thought of the night he’d just spent. No regrets there, at least.

  “A good day to die,” he agreed.

  Chapter 19

  They took Marie’s car out of town, Pasquale driving. Jaguar, an uncomfortable passenger at the best of times, alternated between tapping her foot nervously and twirling the music program for something to listen to.

  “Relax,” Pasquale said. “I’ll get you there in one piece.”

  She did not ask him and then what. She continued to play with the music program, tap her foot.

  Pasquale pulled the car to a stop at the border of the rainforest eco-site, nearest the swamps. He got out, and invited her to do the same.

  “We walk from here,” he said.

  “How far?”

  “Half a mile.”

  She followed to where the trees just began to crowd, and then he stopped her with a hand held up. He walked ahead until she just couldn’t see him, then came back and whispered to her.

  “In that clearing. I’ll go with you. No trouble, right? Do as I say.”

  She looked at him, said nothing.

  They walked through a final row of trees and emerged in a clearing where the grass was soft and full, and tree stumps told the story of recent cutting. As they entered, Jaguar felt cold metal at the base of her neck. She stopped walking.

  “Don’t try the knife,” Pasquale said. “I�
��ll get my shots in first.”

  “A helluva game, Pasquale,” she said.

  He grinned. “Ain’t it, though.”

  Jaguar surveyed the people in front of her. Miriam and Larry, Brendan and Alex. She let her gaze stop at Alex.

  “Hello, Alex,” she said. “Thought you’d get away from me that easy?”

  Miriam didn’t turn her attention from Alex, who stood with his hands up at the end of her weapon while Barone patted him down.

  “No, Jaguar,” he said. “I hoped for once you’d be smart enough to stay away.”

  She narrowed her eyes at him and made subvocal contact. Then you’ve forgotten everything you know about me.

  A ping of laser fire landed near Jaguar’s left foot and she narrowly avoided jumping in response. When she looked away from Alex, she saw Miriam glaring at her.

  “None of that,” she hissed. “Do you understand?” Then, to Brendan, “I thought you said he did it.”

  Brendan ogled her and said nothing.

  “We did,” Alex said, looking to Jaguar for confirmation.

  Jaguar smiled at Miriam. “We would have done it two or three times, but Alex had to get here. I just dropped by to let him know the evidence was safe and en route.”

  Lawrence Barone stepped forward, his face hard and grim. “What evidence?”

  She flashed a smile. “An Artemis stone.”

  “Miriam,” Larry started to say, but she cut him off with a wave of her hand.

  “The only other person who’ll have them is him,” she pointed to Alex. “And once the toxin’s in the water, everyone will be far too busy counting bodies to care.”

  She held her hand out to Brendan, who handed her a small bottle. She held it up to the light. “At least, until the home planet intervenes and the place is cleaned up. Then, of course, decisions will have to be made about what happens next to Planetoid Three.”

  “We’ll track it to you, Miriam,” Alex said. “Neurotoxins carry chemical tags.“

  “But nobody ever tagged this kind,” Miriam cut in. “In fact, it doesn’t even exist as far as the chemists are concerned. It’ll read like water with a little extra potassium in it.” She grinned and lowered the bottle, put it in her own jacket pocket. “It’s an Artemis compound. Designed to bring out the real you. For most people, that’s not a good thing.”

  Jaguar understood. Some people would die instantly, but many more would just go mad and start killing – themselves or others. Those who didn’t go mad or die might be killed by those who did. In any event, the Planetoid would be discredited as a prison system. Officials would say it made people mad. Then Larry Barone would simply buy it, and build a little mansion for him and Miriam. Or more likely, just for himself. Miriam had already outlived her usefulness.

  “Cute,” Jaguar said. “And what about us? You shoot us?”

  “No,” Miriam said. “Something much more beautiful than that.” She turned glittering eyes to Brendan, who jerked his head up and glued his beatific gaze to her face.

  Jaguar watched, fascinated in spite of herself as Brendan held out his hand. Miriam placed a stone in his palm. Silence passed between them, but it was a silence rich with energy. He nodded, walked to Alex, and held up the stone.

  “You see,” Miriam said, “Larry’s insurance company doesn’t have to pay full claim if Planetoid workers are involved.”

  “Jesus,” Jaguar muttered. “We’re an insurance break?”

  Miriam gestured sharply at Brendan, who grabbed Alex’s hand.

  “No,” Alex said, making a fist, but Larry knocked it down and Brendan grabbed it, pressed the stone into it. Alex made a fist with his other hand and brought it up, then stopped.

  Jaguar heard him groan in pain, in despair.

  “Don’t,” she said. “Don’t. Alex - ” She took a step forward and a large hand fell on her shoulder, jerking her back.

  Pasquale put his weapon to her temple and his mouth to her ear. “Stay put,” he whispered.

  She turned her head to the left, and the barrel of his weapon pushed into her. She ran through her options. She could not establish contact, but she could open herself to it, and she did so, feeling the thick fog of despair that moved from Brendan to Alex, feeling how it closed in on him, shut him down, a smothering Thanatos.

  “Jaguar,” Alex gasped, “They want me to - I can’t -don’t let me.”

  Kill her. You have to. Kill her and you won’t be tormented by your desire. She is too attached to life and if you kill her it will be gone. No more desire. No more pain.

  Jaguar felt pain, very deep. From Alex or Brendan? She couldn’t tell because what was Brendan’s seeped into Alex and stayed there, seeking a place to attach itself, a place where it might become part of Alex for good. Pasquale’s hand on her arm tightened and she heard Brendan, soft and seductive as death.

  Whose hands do you want to kill her mine or yours because she will die like all humans she’ll die soon and I could take her or you could because she’s beautiful, too beautiful.

  “Alex,” Jaguar cried aloud, “Don’t listen. Don’t.”

  But he couldn’t not listen. His face was beaded with sweat and his arms were shaking. Words were torn out of him, pushing past what was happening inside him.

  Jaguar. Kill me first. You said you would.

  “No,” she said. “No.”

  Miriam laughed triumphantly. Jaguar twisted to her, and Pasquale pulled her back, but she’d seen enough in one swift look. This was just another part of her plan. If Alex tried to kill her, she would kill him first, and that worked just as well for her as Alex doing the killing. There was no way out. No way to win.

  “He’s gonna go for your throat,” Pasquale told her. “You know what’s next.”

  Alex lunged toward her, eyes not seeing. Jaguar thought of the knife at her wrist. How much time would she have to use it? And who would she use it on? Every muscle in her body tensed.

  Pasquale leaned down, whispered in her ear. “Stay put,” he said. “You forget what he said?”

  What Alex said? To kill him? He said that.

  But he also said something else. Something more important.

  Jaguar, Eros beats Thanatos.

  She relaxed. Stopped everything in herself of fear, or tension, or preparation for death.

  They wanted her grief, her despair. The stone would amplify it, send it to Alex, and they’d be killed by their own fear for each other’s safety. The minute she bought their program, it became real.

  Reality be damned, she thought, and focused on what she knew to be true.

  Alex reached her, and put his hands to her neck. She felt Pasquale’s gun pressed at her head. She smiled.

  She looked at Alex and saw him as he was last night in the dark, his eyes open and searching her face as if it was the most precious thing he’d ever seen. She thought of him caressing her in the dark, his mouth on her skin and her hair.

  Alex, she whispered into him, and desire, that animal with wings, spread itself through her and into him. Desire, that alive and joyful presence. Eros, spreading soft wings over Thanatos, and leaving it obscure.

  It didn’t matter that she had a gun to her head. It didn’t matter that despair filled the air, or that the people in their immediate vicinity wished death on them. They were here. Alive. His hand moved against her throat, but it did not clutch or squeeze. Instead, he smoothed her skin like fine silk.

  “Beautiful,” he murmured. “So beautiful.” He leaned forward, and put his lips to the crescent at the base of her neck, worshipping there.

  “What the hell?” Miriam said, and took a step forward.

  Pasquale released Jaguar, stepped back. “Can’t beat that with a stick,” he commented.

  “Do your job, Pasquale,” Larry barked.

  Miriam whirled to look at him. Pasquale raised his weapon and fired at her once. Her eyes grew wide with terror. She pressed her hands to her stomach, looked down at it, and then she dropped.

  Brendan�
�s scream would have been piercing, but Pasquale turned his weapon at him and cut it off with another shot. The sound jolted Alex back to himself, and he dropped the stone, stepped back from Jaguar, a hand still on her arm.

  “How’s that?” Pasquale asked Larry.

  “Good,” he said looking down at the bodies. “ Very good. Now those two. Make it look like one’s a suicide.”

  Alex jerked Jaguar back, threw her behind him and prepared to whirl on Pasquale, but Jaguar had other ideas.

  She stepped out in front of him and faced Pasquale squarely. “Let’s you and me finish the game,” she said.

  He turned his weapon toward her and surveyed her, considering. “You sure about that?” he asked.

  “Of course,” she said.

  Alex moved to her, but she made a small gesture with her hand. Wait. Be still. He stopped where he was. “Don’t do it,” he said, not sure if he spoke to Jaguar or Pasquale.

  Pasquale answered. He swiveled his boulder head to Alex, “Yeah? Gimme one good reason why not.”

  “Stop fucking around,” Larry said. “Do it.”

  “I’ll do it my way,” Pasquale shot back. Then, to Alex, “So, go ahead. Talk me out of it.”

  Alex put a hand on Jaguar’s shoulder, felt how completely relaxed and sure of herself she was. He began to catch on.

  “You need a reason?” he said, “Jesus. Just look at her. Then, look at him,” He indicated Larry. “Isn’t that enough?”

  Pasquale considered. “Y’know, I think you got something there.” He turned to Larry. “I think he’s right, don’t you?”

  “This is ridiculous,” Larry said nervously. “ Stop it. I paid you to do a job here.”

  “Yeah. You got the money, but I got the gun. Go ahead and tell me why he’s wrong.”

  “I – what?”

  “Can’t do it, can you? I’m not surprised. Apples don’t fall far from the tree, and your father was a slimy son of a bitch who stole money he didn’t deserve from dead women. I think he taught you to prefer your women dead. And I think your money is rightfully mine no matter what I do. You got a clue what I’m talking about?”